excusemylatestobsession - Tumblr blog

[excusemylatestobsession]

iliad tumblr simulator

🦉 ithacasfavguy Follow

boss is asleep. currently on a quest to steal some wine

🦉 ithacasfavguy Follow

stop reblogging this i'm gonna get caught you fuckers

#/srs

(729 notes)

🌻 achilles Follow

hahaha it would be so funny if i got so deathly drunk my hot doctor boyfriend had to escort me to the infirmary and pin me down so i dont end up stabbing someone and holding me by the hair to force my chin up and make me drink medicine hahahahaha

#please #pleaseee #i am so gay rn

(2,486 notes)

🚬 menelaghh Follow

i miss my wife

(215 notes)

🦢 helen Follow

currently having the time of my life. everything is great. except my new husband. i hope he dies

#captive princess life

(8,632 notes)

🐌 patrokloss Follow

never thought id have to say this but please do not try to make homemade wine with random shit you find on the woods ?? a guy just died

#psa #medicine

(371 notes)

👤 hektoroftroy Follow

guys im gonna be honest the worst thing to ever happen in my life was my brother coming back

🐭 parisbutitsnotfrance Follow

:((

👤 hektoroftroy Follow

you are literally on my DNI. this is your fifth account. please go away

(420 notes)

💪 jaxajax Follow

why are all the animals coughing to death?

#is this normal #vets of tumblr answer me

(13 notes)

🦦 die-a-medes Follow

these trojans ain't shit 😂😂😂 we'll be winning this easy fr

🦦 die-a-medes Follow

girl help it's been ten years

(824 notes)

👁 cassssandra Follow

being haunted by visions can be very fun actually

#therapist told me to be positive #trying

(5 notes)

🐭 parisbutitsnotfrance Follow

hello

🐭 parisbutitsnotfrance Follow

stop telling me to kill myself???

(8,753 notes)

🌻 achilles Follow

i hope you nerds name men on men attraction after me when i die

#if this doesnt happen then what is the point

(10,942 notes)

[excusemylatestobsession]

Dude when my social battery runs out there’s like no warning. I don’t get the 20% warnings it’s just I’ll be enjoying my time and then all of a sudden if one more word is spoken I’m going to kill myself and everyone around me.

[excusemylatestobsession]

I need to kill time, so i went on amazon and searched for dxm just to see the reviews. I came across this awful and funny one that has inspired me to start a series of blogs where I read funny/odd/stupid amazon comments.

Amazon Review #1: The DXM Evangelist's Bible Fanfiction

Something else that tickles me is if you ignore the title, it sounds like the writer is commanding you to take a spiritual journey by overdosing on dxm for the ultimate goal of Evangelizing.

[excusemylatestobsession]

I was TODAY years old when I learned (from my mother[who is a nurse]) dilauded is a REAL DRUG and not made up for the Criminal Minds universe

[excusemylatestobsession]

[excusemylatestobsession]

I'm the witch trapped as a cat on her shoulder!

Robotgirl who's actually being piloted by a slimegirl

[excusemylatestobsession]

MYHIdeas:

#2-Mourning Competition

I have this stupid senerio in my head I must share. So in biblical times mourning could get crazy elaborate and lead to extreme actions. I'm just imagining two ladies have nothing better to do fighting over who can be the weirdest and most abnoxious in their mourning dead husbands.

But spoiler alert

They don't have anyone to mourn. They are doing it for shits and giggles and to make the men around them uncomfortable enough to leave them alone.

H:"Martha I know you wanted to tear your robes this week but I already did it just now."

M:"But this week it was my turn to make a scene in public!"

[excusemylatestobsession]

MYHIdeas:

#1-Jesus and Zeus skit

H: "Dear Jesus,"

(Zeus shows up and scares the man)

Z: "Hello human! I wish.."

(Jesus also pops in a second later)

J: "Hello chil..? What are you doing here?"

Z: "He summoned me, He called out 'Hey, Zeus!'"

J: "Nah, this one is mine buddy."

Z: *Sad Zeus noices*

H: *Confused human noises*

[excusemylatestobsession]

"Are you worried?" / "About what?" / "About me being in the field. That I might freak out, overreact?" / "Why would you even-"

SPENCER REID & EMILY PRENTISS CRIMINAL MINDS | 13.02 "To a Better Place"

[excusemylatestobsession]

Aaron Hotchner in 2.04 ♦ 4.18

[excusemylatestobsession]

reid and gideon were fighting for their lives

[excusemylatestobsession]

bonus :

aaron hotchner and his ability to see past himself in order to save others - part one

frankly this man does not get enough credit

2 × 15 : revelations

[excusemylatestobsession]

"This combination yields 32 possible encodings..."

[excusemylatestobsession]

[excusemylatestobsession]

Small Town Girl Meets Big City Boy

A/N: A request from my AO3 where Spencer is dating the reader, a famous singer, without the team’s knowledge. Before they started dating, the reader had a scandal of sorts. (she was hacked by a douchey ex and her naked pics were released.) When the team finds out, they are more than a little surprised, but of course supportive. @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch @jamiemelyn @unstoppableangel8 @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @hogwarts-konoha

                                                              —-

How did they manage this? 

Every single weekend, Spencer disguised himself as a friend of Y/N’s and spent the weekend there, going undercover once again when it came time to leave and go back to work. With a home base in DC, it was thankfully easy for the two of them to meet every weekend.

If someone had asked Spencer if he would’ve been dating a famous singer even a year ago he would’ve mocked whoever said it, but here he was, staring out the window with his sunglasses on checking to see how many paparazzi had camped outside her place this weekend.

Y/N Y/L/N was one of the world’s most famous singers - America’s sweetheart, insanely talented with a heart of gold and voice to match. How did they manage this was one question. Another was how the fuck had Dr. Spencer Reid of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit find himself dating the most sought after singer in the country - arguably the world.

Happenstance. 

One night, three months earlier, he’d had a bad case and she’d been desperate for time away from “her people,” so they’d ended up at the same bar. Without knowing who she was, he’d approached her, said she looked sad and offered to buy her a drink. They went for an entire two hours talking about anything from their childhoods to their favorite movies before she’d said who she was and he’d recognized the name. The rest had been history. Small town girl meets big city boy.

As he looked out the window once again, noticing nearly 25 paparazzi, he turned to her and let the blinds float closed. “How do you deal with this?” He asked incredulously.

“I tell myself every morning that I get to sing music that I wrote and people enjoy it, and I try to forget about the fact that I have people outside my house who are basically waiting for me to do something stupid or scandalous so they can catch it on camera.” She huffed and puffed as she walked to the kitchen and took a sip of her coffee. Her sunglasses rested comfortable on top of her head. The flowing black skirt and graphic tee loosely hugging her frame. While he was off to the BAU, she was off to the studio as she was in the midst of recording a new album. 

Neither one of them were in a hurry to expose their relationship. Though they were comfortable enough to let friends and family know, the likelihood of their relationship going public at that point was something neither of them wanted. For her, she didn’t want the paparazzi hounding him at every turn. The moment they were outed as a couple, he would be questioned left and right about what it was like to date “Y/N” - the superstar. For him, she had a scandal in her past that work might not approve of. After the combustion of a bad relationship, an ex had hacked her phone and dumped all of her naked pictures out onto the Internet. She’d been so nervous telling him about what happened, but all he cared about was tracking the leak back to her ex and putting him away for what he’d put her through - she’d been a victim; there was nothing wrong with naked pictures. Either way, the Bureau as a whole might have an issue with it, and Spencer didn’t want to deal with that just yet.

“I’m sorry,” he said, crossing the kitchen and taking a sip of his coffee. It was early in the morning and they had a few minutes before chaos would ensue. “Your voice has staying power. I know I’m biased, but I’m not the only one who says it, so one of these days, you’ll have the fame of your voice only without all this bullshit. They’ll move onto someone new soon.” He gave her a soft smile as he pulled her into his shoulder, luxuriating in the weight of her leaning against him. 

A beaming smile flashed across her face. It was the kind that adorned the magazines she frequented. They only difference was that this smile was all for him. “I hope it’s sooner rather than later,” she laughed, pulling his mouth to hers for a lazy kiss before they had to leave. “You need to go.” She gave him another peck on the lips, and then another, before repeating that they both needed to leave. “I’m going out the front. They’ll come after me. That way you can sneak out the back, okay?”

Spencer nodded and walked toward the door, disguise ready to go just in case. “See you this weekend?”

“Absolutely,” she laughed. She was already exhausted with the paparazzi this week and it had barely begun. “Bye, babe.”

The second they left the house, he could here the calls of her name and the clicks of the camera from the front. He felt bad that she had to go through it alone, but as she’d said herself, it had been the life she’d chosen - some bad and awful came with the good and the great. 

Five minutes later, the subway was in view and the sound of clicking cameras was so far away. He would handle being the boyfriend of a celebrity when the time came, because even though he hadn’t told her yet, he did love her, but he couldn’t imagine dealing with all of that himself. Work would be a welcome solace. 

                                                             —-

Nearly an hour later, he was walking into work after a quiet subway ride, during which time he read a book - twice. He’d said a few words to a person or two, but otherwise the silence had pervaded his mind - and it was great. 

“Kid, really?” Morgan had his phone in his hand and a look of utter shock sprawled across his face.

Spencer looked up in confusion. “What really?” Morgan handed him the phone. A headline read, ‘Y/N dating FBI Agent - What We Know Right Now.’ Under the headline were a few sentences, identifying him, with his age and Bureau status, and a very grainy picture of him leaving her house the week prior. “Oh fuck.” He handed Morgan the phone and leaned against the wall with his head in his hands. 

Morgan wasn’t confused anymore, instead turning congratulatory. “Woah! Pretty Boy is dating a world-famous singer! How long has that been going on?” One by one the dominos fell. The entire team was a fan of Y/N, so they all saw the headline fairly quickly and came running to him, asking if it was true. 

“Yes, it’s true,” he said, when Garcia, Emily, JJ, Rossi and eventually Hotch came over and asked. “I’m seeing Y/N. Dammit, dammit, dammit.” His phone buzzed and he saw a message from her on the screen.

Baby, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how it happened.

He replied quickly.

I don’t know either. But we both knew this could happen. We’ll handle it.

She sent a happy face emoji back to him, saying how grateful she was to have someone that even if he couldn’t understand personally, he felt for her, and wouldn’t leave because of the lack of privacy. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Hotch asked.

“You as a team or the world? Because this,” he said, grabbing Morgan’s phone in exasperation, “is why!”

“Us,” Hotch said. 

Spencer sighed. “Considering you are all fans of her, I’m sure you’re aware of her slightly checkered past. I wasn’t sure how it was going to reflect on the Bureau, so I decided to wait until I was hopelessly in love with her before telling everyone. That way, I probably wouldn’t be forced to choose.” It was faulty logic. But he didn’t care. His head was spinning right now. More coffee was necessary as was an omelet from downstairs.

Hotch clasped him on the shoulder. “You should’ve told us,” he said. “But if the Bureau has an issue, I’ll talk them through it. You love her, don’t you?”

Spencer nodded and started walking to his desk. The rest of the team followed closely behind, asking all kinds of questions; he’d never felt so popular, and honestly, he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. “Three months. We met at a bar. Yes, I’ve slept with her,” he said, pointing to Garcia, Morgan and JJ respectively.  “No more questions. I need to think.”

As they walked away from his desk, he heard all of the incredulous whispers about how cool it was that Spencer was dating a celebrity. He knew what Y/N was, but he didn’t see her that way. To him, she was just the beautiful girl with a big voice from a small town outside of DC, with a loving family and two dogs she loved more than anything, even singing. 

He sat at his desk combing through every memory he had from the past three months, trying to figure out how the media had figured them out, but he couldn’t think of anything. Eventually, after questions from people he didn’t even work with, and an asshole co-worker who’d dared degrade her to his face, Spencer was finally able to get to work, only taking his phone out a couple hours later to one text message.

Spence, I know this isn’t what you signed up for, so thank you. With my past relationships, it means more than you know.

He smiled softly at the phone. This weekend, he would tell her again - in person - but for now, this felt right.

It’s not what I signed up for, true. But…I kinda love you. So it’s worth it.

A reply came back within seconds.

You kinda love me? I kinda love you too! *kissy face* You have to tell me in person this weekend.

Spencer’s fingers crossed the virtual keyboard at the speed of light.

Only 77 hours to go.

[excusemylatestobsession]

A feminine side

Summary: Penelope, Derek and Spencer choose to dress up.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!reader.

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff.

Category: Oneshot.

———————————————————————

"Come on, Spencer. You're gonna look absolutely wonderful" Penelope squeaked as she was digging through piles of clothing she had already went through, but now was scattered on the floor to have a better perspective of all the clothing. "Okay, how about this one?" Penelope held up a beautiful dress as Derek sat on the floor going through the clothing trying to see what would look good on the shy boy they had decided to hold hostage. He was already holding a bunch of blouses, skirts and whatever Penelope had thrown at him. "Can we stop going through Y/Ns things?" Spencer complained, and threw the clothing into the wide open closet. Penelope had whined and begged for the boys to do a little fashion show for her. Not only could it be fun and hilarious to see these men in womens attire, but since they didn't have much to do in the place there were in temporarily, they had to be inventive. They were in a Beach House not far from the ocean, but they had already been out and had know locked themselves inside of their friends bedroom.

Penelope, Derek, Spencer, Y/N, Elle and JJ were the ones who had agreed to the trip. Now, they were in Y/Ns room, while Y/N was out grocery shopping with JJ. Elle was somewhere in the house, but the boys and the girl didn't really pay attention to that in the moment. It wasn't long after they left, that Penelope came up with the idea, and dragged the boys with her. The sun was shining through the window, as it was slowly going down. The window was open, so any noises were more evident than before. Like seagulls, birds and the waves from the ocean. It was quite hot that day, but the temperature had died down as it was now evening."Spencer, Derek is gonna dress up too. Come on, it's fun" Penelope almost whined, as she threw a dress at Spencer. Spencer flinched and grabbed it as it hit his face. He sighed, and looked over at the other man in the bedroom. Derek chuckled, as he himself grabbed a dress. Penelope turned around and closed her eyes "I won't look, I promise" Penelope stated, but of course Derek came with a flirty remark. "I won't mind, babygirl" Spencer rolled his eyes, while Penelope giggled. The boys undressed, to put on the feminine clothing. As they were finally dressed, Penelope turned around and instantly smiled widely at what she had made the boys do.

Penelope went over to the CD player that came with the house, as she put on a CD. Penelope had dressed herself in some clothing you could see a superstar wearing on stage. But the most significant was the black boa-like thing she had draped around her shoulders and the purple sunglasses that were big, looking like they came from the 70s. But just because it looked like something from the 70s, doesn't mean it was ugly. Penelope looked good in her outfit even if it was silly. The boys were dressed like they came out of Bratz, with their boots, skirts and graphic t-shirts. What Penelope had done to adjust their outfit, was tightening the t-shirts and adding sunglasses aswell. Yes, they looked ridiculous. But with the confidence Penelope and Derek held, it came off as cool. However, Spencer was pulling down the skirt he was wearing, holding his hands close to his body. His hands roamed over his outfit, feeling the material and the rhinestones attached to the t-shirt. He took off the sunglasses and looked at the other two. They were putting on their own little show for no one, as the beat of music could be felt through the hardwood floor. Penelope sung along, while Derek was cheering her on. Penelope grabbed onto Spencer and made him join in.

The music, singing and laughing had been to loud for them to hear the front door open and close. It wasn't until the doorknob to the bedroom turned, as Y/N tried to get in. Her eyebrows furrowed, and grabbed onto the door with her other hand to maybe push it open. Her other hand tried opening it again, but it was locked. It simply wouldn't open. She banged on the door, and tried over and over again to open it. Penelope, Derek and Spencer all stood in shock. For a moment Spencer got scared, but then his whole mood changed. he sat down on the bed, so he could take the high boots off with out falling. He threw the sunglasses on the double bed, and immediately grabbed his own clothing. His breathing was unsteady, and his palms grew sweaty. Penelope giggled, and went over to the white door. "Don't panic!" She whisper yelled, after she had stopped the music. She unlocked the door, and right away the door flung open, as the very confused woman stood in the doorway to her temporary room. Her eyes widened at the sight infront of her, her arms falling to her sides. "Wh..What?" She let out a breathy chuckle at the crazy sight infront of her. Two men dressed up in womens clothing, and a woman aswell. But in her clothing. In her very own stuff. "Why are you dressed like this?" She questioned, gesturing to all of them. Spencer sighed, and refused to look at the shocked woman in the doorway. But when she started laughing, Spencer looked up. Her laugh was like a melody playing through out the room. His breathing became steady again, as his heart was beating faster. He tried to hide his smile, turning it into a smirk. "How rude of you. You didn't even think of involving me" She rolled her eyes, as her body pressed up against the side of the doorway. Suddenly two more women stood in the doorway, laughing at all three of them. Elle walked over to Spencer, and walked around him to analyse his outfit. Spencers cheeks and neck grew a faint red. "Wow, Spencer, you look good" She laughed along. Spencer left the room, hiding himself from all of you in his own. He wasn't upset, but he was a little embarrased about his crush seeing him in her clothes, women clothes.

Derek and Penelope got dressed in their clothing aswell, and left it there. A sweet light hearted memory was it all it was now. But Spencer was still embarrased. Y/N reassured him it wasn't anything to be so embarrased about, she thought it was sweet, funny and cute.

"Why does it bother you?" She asked calmly, standing in the middle of Spencers room. "Because you saw me in girls clothes, and it was yours!" The tall dark haired man complained. "Mhm.." She stared at him with no particular expression, with crossed arms. "So would it be embarrassing for me, if I wore some of your clothing?" She suggested. Spencer scoffed and rolled his eyes. "That's not the same." He answered without daring to even look at her. "Why?" His voice got lower as he tried to explain. But Y/N couldn't hear him at all, so she turned around and opened the closet doors wide open. She started grabbing one of his cardigans and put it on. "Does it fit me?" She posed for him, before looking behind her again to dive deeper into the closet. He stood up, and softly and carefully held onto her shoulder. She looked back at him, staring into his eyes that were now so close. She could see every emotion go through those eyes, as he let go of her again. "You're silly" He chuckled feeling a warm rush of adrenaline run through him, at the sight of his crush in his cardigan. "Mhmm...not as silly as you earlier" She giggled, and took off the cardigan leaving the starstruck boy in his room. He held onto the cardigan, making the garment have a whole new meaning to it. He smiled, and shoved the cardigan back in it's place.

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[excusemylatestobsession]

Autistic Spencer Reid

Before Autism Acceptance Month ends, I wanted to share a list of my autistic Spencer Reid headcanons! (I've been meaning to do this but have continuously forgotten haha.) Most of these are semi-rooted in canon, though others just felt right to me.

Can’t handle the feeling of the metal against his skin, which is why he wears his watch over his sleeve. (Noted Reid wears his watch over his sleeve in S2E9 "The Last Word," and it is further noticed in future episodes.)

Covers his ears whenever he’s on a call; due to auditory processing issues, the background noise will feel level with the audio from the phone. Even if the room is mostly silent, he still does it, partially out of habit, partially because it just makes him feel more comfortable (rooted in canon, first noted in S2E10 "Lessons Learned," noticed in multiple episodes).

Stims in several discreet ways such as pacing, spinning in chairs, and spinning pencils/pens. They're less noticeable, a more “normalized” way for him to stim. He doesn’t quite have the confidence to do stims as obvious as hand flapping in the company of those he isn’t familiar/comfortable with (rooted in canon, noticed in multiple episodes).

Background noise can feel equally as loud as inside noise, making it harder to focus (rooted in canon, first noted in S2E17 "Distress").

Routine is a must, and he expects that everyone else must stick to a routine as well. (S3E2 "In Name and Blood" Gideon doesn’t show up to his routine chess match with Reid, and he stays overnight in his office waiting to play–eventually falling asleep, still waiting.)

He says things directly, seemingly without filter. It can cause people to think he is being rude, but his intention is not to be rude. He’s stating what he believes to be an objective truth–a fact. (S3E8 "Lucky," he implies Morgan may not really believe in God, and the entire plane stares at him & in S7E13 "Snake Eyes," he makes a comment on Rossi's age that prompts a disbelieving response.)

Bright lights and loud noises are an absolute no. He expresses that “clubs aren’t his thing” (S4E9 "52 Pickup").

Hunger is a weird feeling for him that tends to go unnoticed, and he may forget to eat if not prompted. The rest of the team does their ultimate best to remind him to eat, and Rossi takes particular notice of the textures he likes and doesn’t like, in case restaurant outings are necessary.

Eating is also difficult sometimes due to sensory discomfort around textures and smells, leading to Reid avoiding meals. He can feel like he's going to throw up–and as a germaphobe, that is out of the question.

Suffers from light sensitivity due to sensory issues, which leads to migraines and discomfort. He carries a pair of sunglasses with him at all times to try and ward off the headaches. (S6E12 "Corazon")

Despises sand with a passion. He absolutely abhors it. If you ever take him to a beach, he refuses to take his shoes off. (S8E5 "The Good Earth," Reid explains to JJ that he doesn't like the beach.)

Struggles with over-stimulation and can get distracted by the tiniest thing, making it difficult to focus. (S8E10 "The Lesson," Reid explains to Blake that he is sitting in an isolated place because he cannot focus because of the background noise.)

Horrible spatial awareness–often trips over or into things. Walks into doorframes and doors often, along with the sides and corners of tables.

Is typically touch-averse and only allows touches from those who he is close to or if he initiates it.