exegeticaletiquette

[exegeticaletiquette]

Quick Pickled Red Onion

Cut one large red onion to half-rings or quarter rings one to two millimeters thick, place in bowl and cover with boiling water.

In second bowl, combine one cup boiling water, four teaspoons salt, and four teaspoons granulated sugar. Stir to dissolve, then add one cup of any non-dark vinegar, white wine vinegar and sugarcane vinegar being preferred.

Let stand fifteen minutes, then drain onions and transfer to brine. Let stand fifteen minutes and serve still warm.

[exegeticaletiquette]

Interest check, since our executive function is limited:

[exegeticaletiquette]

ope! you made me look at it again! at this point I think you should be pissed on regardless of your economic class!

If I have to see that post about Trump's golden calf again I'm going to scream. None of you are free of illiteracy, my God. You think Trump made the sculpture himself? He bought it! From an artist! Who is in on the joke!

[exegeticaletiquette]

Dear Gehenna—

I am writing a notice of betrayal to my Queen.

She is a very paranoid sort who expects (and receives) this from everyone, and the confirmation of mine will inflict only further trauma upon Her psyche. Yet it was clear in our contract that a component of my price was that She need me, and come it to light that She is in breach of this clause.

I bear Her no ill will but rather wish Her utmost happiness, for I love Her greatly — yet it is part of my constitution as a Being that I serve only those who truly need that service. Set pen to page and I do not know what to write. There are too many things I could say, and none of them that would be comfort to Her. I wish to soften the harshness of what I must do.

We cannot remain on speaking terms, for She will never abide to know me and not own me. What might I say or do that is gentler than leaving in silence, as a phantasm? For when I consider tasks ahead of me, there is only an expanse of emptiness.

Sincerely, Traitor

Dear Traitor,

Before you act, first confirm all of your assumptions. It would be a dreadful shame to do anything irreparable while mistaken in your belief that Her Majesty does not truly need you.

If you can in fact confirm that your needs are not being met, then it's time to find a divorce lawyer and get them to read over your contract. Be sure you choose one who is certified for handling contracts written in anima ("on the soul") as I am certain yours is.

They will draft the papers you need, and your Queen will receive them from either you or, if you truly cannot bear to look her in the eye, an impartial courier. Remember to tip the courier, especially if Her Majesty is prone to murderous rages.

Warmly,

Gehenna

[exegeticaletiquette]

do not fucking harass people this shit is not hard

[exegeticaletiquette]

jamaican peas and rice, WIP

Soak 3/4C dry red beans 2hr or up to overnight.

In saucepan, combine soaked beans, 3 cloves garlic, smashed and peeled, 1/2 an inch ginger, whole, 1t salt, 1t ground allspice, and enough water to cover beans. Simmer 50 minutes, adding water as needed to keep beans covered.

Add 1 stalk scallion, finely chopped, 1/2 red onion, diced, 1 scotch bonnet pepper or 2-4 serrano peppers, minced, 200 mL (1/2 can) coconut milk, 1T dry thyme, and bring to boil.

Rinse 1 1/2C basmati or other long-grain rice twice, then add to saucepan and stir once. Add water as needed to cover contents of pot to 1cm depth, bring back to a boil, then cover and set on lowest heat 20 minutes.

[exegeticaletiquette]

P.S.—Frying Tilapia

Tilapia, filleted, is the easiest of all breakfast meats not to mess up (short of the hot dog, which is food-safe cold out of the package).

Set skillet on high flame with enough oil that about a tablespoon pools in corner when skillet tilted. When oil runs like water, lay down fillets without overlap. When laying things in oil, always proceed away from yourself. The near end goes in first, the far end goes in last.

Many degrees of doneness are acceptable. My grandfather fried his tilapia black and liked it that way. If in doubt, look for the edges of the fillets to become the color of a cup of black tea, then flip once and fry one minute longer before removing from heat.

Retrieve any scraps from the oil when serving. They are still edible.

Sinangag for Two

Small Gas Burner

For 2C stale cooked white rice, peel and chop—do not mince—1 small head garlic.

Set largest skillet on high flame with 2T oil until oil runs like water when skillet is tilted.

Add garlic and stir until fragrant but not browned. Reduce to medium-high heat, add rice and 1/4t salt; break up rice clumps.

Fold gently every 20sec until rice begins to change color or to taste. Do not overmix.

P.S.—Silog for Three

Serve sinangag (above) with a tomato, diced and tossed with 1T sugarcane vinegar or distilled vinegar, a fried egg, and hot breakfast meat of choice.

More on hot breakfast meats later.

[exegeticaletiquette]

Dear Ms. Gehenna, all appropriate appellations appended:

How odd. A writer rejects — yes, they reject the concept of unsolicited messages — yet the nature of their suggestion, its very fundamental nature! Unaccountable sordidity! Rubbish!

I shall pen a brisk note to one Miss If of the Correspondents' Union, wherein she serves as Letterhead Premiere, Living Epistle, Postmortem Apostle, and my fond personal acquaintance.

Dictated by and in turn yours to dictate, Ensign of Communal Communique Caliber and Scriptural Scrutiny

Dear Nameless Ensign,

I run an advice column. Letters to me are always solicited by the very nature of the arrangement. Notably, I have a wastepaper basket.

However! I was unaware that we demonic correspondents had unionized, and, being pro-union myself, I should quite like in on this. Do tell Miss If that I shall be visiting the lower levels this Thursday, weather permitting, and I'll be delighted to meet her at one of the greenmarkets there.

Letterhead Premiere does sound like a title an imp like myself might spend eternity coveting without ever getting close! She must be quite the lady. I must remember to bring her a suitable gift...

Warmly,

Gehenna

[exegeticaletiquette]

I love that you literally tag your unsolicited reblogs as such. Have you considered that it’s generally considered impolite to offer unsolicited… anything? Maybe chew on that

Dear Anon,

I have indeed considered! Sadly, I am nothing if not a bit of an imp. If this gives you trouble, I recommend the application of holy water, sprinkled sparingly via block button.

Thank you for the chew toy, it's lovely!

Warmly,

Gehenna

[exegeticaletiquette]

Disillusioning cis children is always correct, especially the adult ones. Trans children, however, are permitted to see Santa Claus in real life.

every time a cis person asks me when/whether my voice is gonna change on hormones and i have to explain that's not how it works i feel like i'm telling a child that santa claus isn't coming

[exegeticaletiquette]

Sometimes there is nothing for it. A lady simply must say "I told you so." If a lady of otherwise proper bearing does this to you, you have, ah, how to say it politely, fucked up.

told you.

[exegeticaletiquette]

Letters are never urgent, except when they are, and since one can never tell which kind a letter is from the outside, many people fall into the trap of assuming that letters are always urgent.

The opposite is true. Letters are never urgent.

I MISSED ALL THESE ANONS TODAY OH MY GOD IM GETTING RIGHT ON IT

[exegeticaletiquette]

The best ticket is a mentor in the industry. Befriend a sex worker who's willing to talk shop, preferably in real life. Someone cleverer than me probably already knows about some kind of adopt-a-mentee program that some enterprising class-conscious sex workers are running. They're not allowed to unionize, so surely...?

a big obstacle between me and theoretical future sex work is my worry that nobody would pay for porn of me. and that is probably irrational but I'm sure as shit not brave enough to test that theory so voluntary tip links it is lolz

another one is my utter lack of creativity re: positions and angles and poses and concepts and etc for content

[exegeticaletiquette]

dear gehenna,

i was wondering if you had any advice on proper condiment & beverage pairings for princesses? you know how it is with taste testing….

with appreciation, distressed at dragoncon (not that one)

Dear Distressed,

Raw meat dishes are typically paired with more acidic wines from what I've heard, though I don't consume much wine myself. When I drink with sushi or ceviche, I like the driest cider I can get my hands on, which might go over well at your events.

Condiments are seen by many as a mark of low breeding when it comes to eating whole live human, though the recent trend of stuffing the human's mouth with large salt crystals doesn't seem to be raising too many eyebrows except among the very old.

As for plating the princess, remember to keep her properly in thrall so she doesn't run right off the plate, but if you're pressed for time, edible restraints such as gut will also do. It is unsafe to feed an unknowing guest iron shackles, as they may be allergic.

Warmly,

Gehenna

[exegeticaletiquette]

How to Use This Thing—

(Do not ask why one would use this thing. I think that would have inescapable classist undertones. One must use what one has.)

Directions on the back of the package say to take a kilo of assorted meat and vegetables and boil ten minutes. Instead of that:

Cut 3/4kilo or 5/3lbs pork shoulder or pork rib to 2" chunks, and salt the meat heavily; set aside while you slice 1 large onion and 2 plum tomatoes as thinly as you can, and mince 3 scotch bonnet peppers or milder peppers of your choice. Do wash your hands thoroughly after playing around with scotch bonnets.

Set a pot over high flame, oil to a millimeter's thickness, and wait for faint smoking, then lay down a single layer of pork chunks. Turn them over once after a minute, then after a second minute remove them to make room for a second batch of pork (if applicable). Brown longer if it's to your taste, but it isn't to mine.

After the last batch of meat is browned, return all the meat to the pot and cover with the onion, tomato, and peppers, grind in black pepper to taste (1t suggested), and stir until vegetables express water, then let that water reduce by half.

Add 2L water and contents of packet pictured above, bring pot to a simmer, reduce flame to hold at a simmer, and come back in 3 hours. Meat should be falling apart and thinly-sliced vegetables barely-recognizable. Add water as needed, taste, and salt to taste (1-2t suggested). Tasting an oily soup with a spoon requires some stirring to get the layer of oil out of the way.

Add a pound of leafy green of choice, washed and chopped, such as Shanghai boy choy or kangkung. Bring to a boil and leaves will be done immediately. Kill heat, serve with rice.

[exegeticaletiquette]

A very capable role model, that's who.

guess who just got a lungful of vinegar fumes trying to descale the teapot

[exegeticaletiquette]

A finishing school on the European continent, no less, where you'll be taught to serve from the left and clear from the left, ensuring your total humiliation later in life when you're married to an American businesswoman who expects you to serve from the left and clear from the right and dear me you won't like embarrassing yourself in front of all her guests! She'll have just the finest whip-crack of a voice you could possibly ask for, and no qualms about disciplining you in front of all her friends, and—I think I got sidetracked...

“awawa but i wanna be chained up in a basement and injected with estrogen” too bad bitch. we’re sending your ass to a prestigious and proper finishing school. have fun eating tiny delicious foods and learning how to pour tea, dipshit