exexpatpat-blog

[exexpatpat-blog]

Not On the Label

So I’ve never used this website before, but I just need to get something off my chest and sending it into the oblivion of the internet feels like a good idea right now. 

I spent the last five years living as an expat (ESL teacher), and recently came home to the US to help my family during a rough time.

The thing no one tells you about coming home (and I mean coming home long-term, not just for a visit) is that life went on without you while you were away. Logically, you know that, but facing the reality of it is weird.

Your friends all found spouses and got engaged or married. They bought houses and had babies. They advanced their career and got promotions and changed directions and succeeded.

And so did you. You lived abroad, you badass, but when you come home people don’t really want to hear about that. 

They’ll listen at first. Ask a few questions. But then they want to go back to talking about the cute thing their toddler did, and when you compare it to the cute thing your kindergarteners did on a field trip in Asia, eventually their eyes will start to roll.

It’s ok to talk about the last five years of their lives as much as they want, but someone how the last five years of your life are less welcome in conversation. You can just see their eyes glaze over. There she goes, talking about ~being abroad~ again. 

Why do you get to talk about your wedding and cat and baby and promotion, but I don’t get to talk about my students and relationships and favorite coffee shop? Is it just because they’re in another country? Is it because my path was different from yours? Is mine less important? 

I know this is a rant. And I’ve literally never used tumblr before. But I’ve been home for almost three months now, and I’m frustrated. I enjoyed my life abroad. I came home because I was needed here, and I’d never leave my family hanging.

But why do I feel like my life somehow doesn’t measure up? Why do I feel like the last five years of my life were somehow ~less~?

I don’t want to seem like I’m not happy for my friends. I am. I think it’s wonderful that they have such successful lives. I’m happy to have a chance to be part of them (in person) again. But after the first few weeks, I feel a distance that I can’t quite explain. I don’t quite have the words.

Are there other expats out there? Can anyone relate?

I feel lonely, which is not something I expected when I decided to come home.