existence-error-y

[existence-error-y]

I was wondering, when and how did you get into Milgram?

Ah, it's not really super straightforward. Technically you could say I got into Milgram around after Kotoko's voting period ended (according to the graphs at least).

I found All Knowing All Agony first, just by chance. Then I was really intrigued by the song, didn't recognize it but the style was really familiar. I didn't look much into it and just added the song to my playlist on YT and shared it with an IRL friend. Then she asked, if I was into Milgram too and well, I was unfamiliar.

I then searched up Milgram on google and back then I was like... Kind of intimidated, I had no clue where to start. So I just stuck to listening to AKAA and eventually MeMe and The Purge March snuck up on my FYP. I didn't notice that they both from Milgram too.

I guess what really got me to pay attention was Haruka's T3 footage. I recognized him from AKAA so I was confused. So I was spoiled lol. But then cuz I was confused I had to find out why did this blue hair boy die? So then in a day I binged every VD and MV and read all the interrogation questions I could find. This was like a week after Haruka's T3 footage was posted or so.

Then I was too far into the rabbit hole, I wanted more and more. So I tried to find the stuff on the novels, the manga, etc, whatever I could find without having to deal with the pay wall cuz I'm a minor and no way will my parents pay for me. And well, when I ran out of content I could get my hands on, I turned to fanfiction and here we are I guess?

[existence-error-y]

Conviction Rates In Japan And It's Relevance To Milgram

I was watching an anime and a prosecutor mentioned several times that there is a 99% conviction rate. I checked, apparently it's true. The conviction rate may even be higher than that. It's all thanks to something called "sample bias" though.

It saves money for the whole system for prosecutors to only present judges with 'obviously guilty' defendants. Only around 8% of cases are actually prosecuted (according to wikipedia). That alone is enough to skew the stats.

Japan also likes to use 人質司法 which means hostage justice. It involves holding the defendant in custody for a long period of time, usually for prosecutors to create a pressure to force the defendant to confess to their crimes. This system can be used to obtain confessions, completely ignoring whether or not said defendant is guilty or innocent, the time period is indefinite too.

Doesn't this sound familiar?

In the system of hostage justice, false confessions are very common which in turn leads to falsely convicting defendants. These incorrect convictions can lead to lifetime imprisonment or even death. Yikes.

The judge/jury is the audience, no shocker here. The prisoners are all obviously the defendants. Milgram is a prison that held the prisoners (aka defendants) hostage for an indefinite period of time. In fact, we've seen how the environment of the prison and the passing of time has changed the prisoners' perspectives on their victims, their 'sins' and themselves.

The role of persecutor... Milgram or Jackalope, or both, depends on what you think. I'd argue even T1-T2 Es was more of a detective than a persecutor because they lacked a stance. But T3 Es could become more like a lawyer fro the defendants.

Anyway, just thinking about Milgram as a reflection of the legal system, I think... For those choosing to vote based on "morality" it's important to consider how BOTH MVs and VDs are skewed sources of information. It's not because they are lying, just because of the pressure from the persecutors is enough to influence what they truly think which is in turn what we see from MVs and VDs.

Other than that, some people like to think they won't fall for corrupt systems or something but Milgram is very much obviously corrupt. To vote guilty on a moral standpoint without considering this argument is to fall for the 'tricks' of a persecutor.

[existence-error-y]

can you specify what the "she's beautiful" part in the report in Japanese? because I've seen people say he's a p3do because of it and I'm going to crash out💀

Sorry for the delayed response but I’ve underlined it here. 

It’s not like we didn’t know already what he did, it’s just t3 is just because we can really see exactly how he doxxed. I think people tend to jump to conclusions too quickly once the character no longer fits their agenda. People are calling him a p3do not just cuz of the end report but also how disturbing it was to see the doxxing in action. Not to mention it’s from Fuuta’s perspective where he completely thinks he’s wrong and needs to repent now. There is a chance not ALL the actions we saw were actually his (since its so glitchy and there’s actually a lot of users popping up). 

Anyway, calling him a p3do is such a stretch, I wonder where people are taking these mental gymnastics classes. It even explains in the report too, he just knew that if she was beautiful it’d go viral and cause a scandal. He’s not wrong about that — doesn’t mean I condone his actions ofc.

[existence-error-y]

Fuuta you've cut all your hair... 😱

Did I decide to forget I have several WIPs after I've finished sketching? Yep. But hey, it's done now.

In all seriousness, I need some... Opinions on which variation is the best. I have four variants, they're not too different from each other.

Option 1:

Option 2:

Option 3:

Option 4:

The only difference is in the hair. I originally had wanted to copy The Appare March's but my own habits ended up seeping in (eg. the lineart should've been thicker, I could've used a darker color pallet, I should've simplified the clothing folds even further, I should've darkened the screentones but I honestly can't be asked to go back and fix everything...)

Option 3 was actually the original hair style from the sketch but I realized if I did it in The Appare March style, I wouldn't be able to see his eyes which is why I made the other variants. A friend likes option 3 but I think it makes him look even more like a cat drenched in rainwater than he already is. Maybe that's a good thing. Either way, he's such a loser boy failure and I love him.

...No. Bald is not an option. I have a feeling if I included bald on the poll, it'd win by a landslide.

(I feel like my whole composition makes no sense or is just very random without the context, whoops.)

[existence-error-y]

Funny story, since you mentioned you'd be doing a lyrical analysis: I thought the lyric "I am the chosen emissary" included the word "amane" (seeing that this girl was named to spread the community's faith) and went on a mini-tangent in a group chat before actually checking the lyrics and finding out I misheard the word.

Good thing everyone was offline.

Lmaoooo did you delete your messages cuz everyone was offline? That’s so real tho— you think you joined the dots but you didn’t. I did go on a whole tangent about the girl’s height only to be told that it was NOT Killcheroy. I posted it publicly too. But truth be told we all make these mix ups and people won’t think much of it so it’s just a fun laugh.

[existence-error-y]

To bring back an old question: How do you think Es is going to treat Amane in the VD? They seemed quite amiable with Fuuta, but they got audibly upset over his apparent indifference to Shidou and Mahiru's deaths. But Fuuta told them to try to understand Amane.

(Oof, I've got a backlog of stuff to read.)

I might extend on this later, I’m on my phone rn so I’m not as good as typing here. Tbh, I might have forgotten my predictions before but here’s my prediction now:

So far in the last two VDs, the prisoners ended up comforting Es one way or another. I think, like the t3 voice lines Amane would offer to save Es again. Given Es made it clear about their views on the doctrine, they cannot support a faith that killed Shidou and Mahiru but with how the VD with Fuuta went, Es would try to understand.

I think Es lost all interest in reinforcing their power via fear, authoritarian means or violence. Right now they no longer want to be the warden — they won’t be manhandling or hitting prisoners in the future, even if they’re provoked. That’s what I think.

Es may acknowledge that maybe they aren’t deciding the verdicts but from both VDs they show they feel responsible or carry the blame for all that’s gone wrong. I think Es might understand that although Amane killed Shidou, she wasn’t killing for the sake of killing. She was trying to help. Maybe Es could see that its the doctrine or faith itself that killed Shidou and Mahiru, after all in Fuuta’s VD Es doesn’t condemn the faith or the cult victims. They just can’t affirm the faith which killed their prisoners. Maybe they’re separating the faith from the victims? Who knows.

I think Amane could end up lashing out at Es. Depends if they’re gonna push her buttons be it intentional or unintentional. If Amane blames Es, Es might accept that blame. But also if Fuuta goes back to Amane saying good things about Es, a friendlier Amane might be the one Es sees.

Either way, Es shows that they’re relieved that Fuuta is doing ‘better’ so they might feel grateful to Amane for that. After all T2 Es did say they hate Shidou but thanked him anyway for helping Fuuta and Mahiru. There’s a chance Es could show gratitude to Amane for at least helping Fuuta.

But if none of that, I think Es would at least stop being so hard on Amane for her faith. After all, Es was pretty similar, Fuuta outright says Milgram is like a religion too. Es knows and it took a long time and a lot of pain for them to let go of their “faith”. And they’ve seen Fuuta so they must be very clear on the fact that blaming Amane for her beliefs isn’t right. That said, Es wouldn’t think the murder is justified (because with Shidou, it wasn’t) but it would be understandable. They probably would know nothing good comes out of cornering Amane or any of the prisoners any further. After all, they feel they’re at fault for the state of the prison.

[existence-error-y]

The Appare March Visual Breakdown

I'm very likely to make a part 2 just for visuals. I'll do lyrical/musical analysis separately.

1 - Crow

Pretty sure this is a crow. If it's a raven I'm gonna crash out (not that I'm not already crash out). I can't see it's tail spread out so I can't say for sure but based on the feathers on the front, I'm willing to bet its a crow. (But proportionally they do feel a bit too big for crows?? Not sure...)

Crows are highly social animals (ravens are solitary so everything falls apart if it turns out to be a raven). Crows that live in larger social groups tend to thrive more and be healthier. Usually older siblings help parents to raise their younger siblings and a typical crow family structure isn't too different with a typical human family (breeding pair/parents plus offspring).

We know that Fuuta's parents are divorced. Fuuta also doesn't remember much of her so we can assume it happened pretty young. For those he considers his family, it's just his father and older sister. Divorce, whether it's peaceful or messy, is still hard on human children. This shakes the structure of Fuuta's family if we relate this back to the similarities with crows, Fuuta's family structure would be considered atypical. He also thinks his dad is weak and pathetic so Fuuta doesn't seem likely to rely on his dad. He also mentioned wanting to see his mom in T2. Maybe he's closer to his sister? Either way, assuming Fuuta's family is like a crow, his older sister would've played a part in raising him. Again not too unusual, human older sibling usually act like a second parent anyway, especially when a parent(s) is absent or usually unavailable. Fuuta's situation by no means is uncommon (we know that Yuno, Mikoto and Haruka seem to only have one parent around? Possibly same for Amane's parents but like not formally divorced? LMK if I missed someone) but it doesn't change that it could've played a role in how Fuuta perceived the world.

Fuuta probably was lonely. I think a lot of people concluded this already but I just wanted to add to it. He's not someone really okay with being alone. We're told that he lives alone in Tokyo but was born in Osaka. Maybe his dad and sister live in Osaka? That puts a fair bit of distance to travel. Fuuta's connected to the crow imagery, without his family around then that can cause some problems.

See, crows often learn from observing and imitating each other. If his family structure was unstable and he was away from them, he'd have to find another group to socialize with: the internet.

Fuuta probably learned his whole 'hero' act from the internet. He was lonely and he needed community, like a crow, he needs social bonds to thrive. Crows often play together and gather for safety from predators. They're an animal that truly shows "strength in numbers". In fact, they would mob a perceived threat in groups too. That is similar to how Fuuta could've made the first 'call' marking Magic-chan/Killcheroy as a threat which caused the other crows/anonymous bullies to mob the girl. Also T1 Fuuta says friends are someone you can get hyped over the same thing with. Definitely sounds like mob mentality which again, plays into the crow imagery.

I'm almost done with the crow but one final thing. Crows with stronger bonds tend to be healthier and lower stress levels. Fuuta has been injured badly, he was alone and he's stressed. He's been marked as the threat and the voices have been 'mobbing' him. But Amane comes along, tries to save him and she comes for him consistently and persistently. She doesn't give up, she's offering to save someone like him. In the VD, Es does comment on how Fuuta seems to be doing better. Fuuta's physical wounds have probably only gotten worse but he's dealing with the pain far better and he's clearly less distressed, this is similar to crows. He found his strong social bond, provided by Amane. That made him "healthier" and less stressed. Just like a crow. That's why he has no problem learning from her via observation and imitation. Unlike his family with the shaky structure with a missing mom, unlike the internet which ditches him and dumps all responsibility onto him for the girl's death, Amane has provided the solid community that won't leave him. That's why he's been feeling better.

2 - Villain/Hero

(Villain shot)

He looks like every other action shounen manga's villain or hero. Choose your pick. But I'd argue that from the lighting, it looks more like a villain. Reminder: these MVs depict the biases of the characters, it's from their perspective. It means Fuuta himself sees himself as a lunatic villain. At least in this section where he's calling his followers to action - he now sees that as villainy. He knows it's wrong. He makes that pretty clear. He's accepted that this was a sin.

However this creates a direct contrast to the ending:

(hero shot 1)

(hero shot 2)

The background is really different. There are lots of clouds in Fuuta's "villain shot", the following screenshots which I'm referring to "hero shot 1" has no clouds. It sees the sun clearly. In "villain shot", the clouds cover the moon which is obscuring the light. Light often has connotations of being "good" or the truth in literature. On the other hand in "hero shot 1", the sun is not blocked by clouds, Fuuta can see the sun clearly from his perspective. But from the audience's perspective, the sun (light source) is still blocked. It's blocked by Fuuta, the flag and the things I presume to be comic books.

Another huge contrast between the "villain shot" and the "hero shots" is the color scheme. The background is mostly blue and purple in the "villain shot" where as in the "hero shots" its mostly yellow and orange. Now let's take a look at the color wheel:

Well? Notice how blue and orange are complimentary and that purple and yellow are on the opposite sides too? It really plays into the whole contrast of being the villain or hero.

Now let's zoom into the details of the "hero shot 2". It's like a cover of a manga or a magazine. Something like that. It says "Undead Hero" and the color scheme is closer to Bring It On and Backdraft. We also see a footprint. It's Fuuta's footprint, he's stepping on his past essentially. He knows fully well that the hero stuff was an excuse, it was fiction, fake, a load of crap.

I want to talk about the flag in "hero shot 1" but I'll get to it later.

3 - The moon

The moon appears several times, it's clearly of importance. I saw someone mention how Killcheroy/Magic-chan's PFP is also a moon so they probably are related metaphorically.

We can see that in the last screenshot, the moonlight shines down on Fuuta. The moonlight acts like a spotlight which is associated with drawing attention. If we think of light as a metaphor for attention, we can say it's a visual representation of how Fuuta borrows Magic-chan/Killcheroy's light for attention. It was clear that prior to this he found enjoyment from going viral hence why he's doing it again.

But also, it really looks like a stage play in this part. Like the spotlighting here and it looks like Fuuta's having a soliloquy/monologue. At this point it's still within the realm of 'fiction' to some degree. It's not that serious yet.

4 - Projecting

Edit: In this section I kind of misunderstood what was happening because I wrongly assumed that the girl walking past Fuuta was Killcheroy from the past or something. Thank you to windandglory for pointing out that she's probably a family member or a friend. I'm not deleting this section since I did sidetrack into topics I still standby but the whole thing about height falls apart lol.

She's not really standing straight but neither is Fuuta. I assume if she stood up straight, the top of her head would be around his nose.

Voila. I just made this. Obviously this will be one of my weaker points, I just wanted to say something about this anyways. Magic-chan/Killcheroy is like around Mahiru's height? Maybe a bit shorter but not quite as short as Amane.

Either way, I think Mahiru's kind of the closest in height, which I feel would be a neat detail (if it was intentional) considering how Mahiru died and Es is apparently the same as Fuuta. Fuuta's T2 VD did comment on how if Mahiru died, Es would just be the same as him (except not really lol, but Fuuta back then didn't know that).

Ignoring the height, Fuuta's T3 VD does suggest Es could've been the one to save him instead of Amane (which Es denies, cuz they're not a God). Amane also seems to consider Es some kind of competition in regards to saving Fuuta's T3 voice lines. I'm sidetracking but I really like how it was a suggested possibility. After all, Magic-chan/Killcheroy was in middle school. Middle schoolers are 12 - 15. That's exactly the age range of Amane and Es. And to add to that, they're both not too too too far from Magic-chan/Killcheroy's height? I just think it'd be nice so here's my two useless cents on the topic on how Fuuta is projecting Magic-chan/Killcheroy onto Amane and it helps him to feel better to be saved by someone similar to his victim.

(I also wanna play around with the possibility that Es could've 'saved' Fuuta. I mean, Fuuta comments on Es' lack of a fancy hat. Hahaha, hat. Like his victim, you know...?)

I completely go distracted from the visual analysis, the only thing visual was the fact I was trying to gauge Magic-chan/Killcheroy's height.

Slightly more back on track, throughout this MV or just in general, Fuuta's been giving me "cat drenched in the rain" vibes. I'm not that sure why ahahaha. Then I thought, huh, his hair kinda looks similar to the color of Amane's cat's fur. Hmm... Imagine Amane decided to take him in under her wing because he reminded her of the cat.

5 - Running From Reality

I noticed the similar transition but I didn't notice it was the same pole until I saw Kyanako's post comparing the screenshots so credits to where credit is due.

Anyway, Amane is walking away from the bright place that looks nice into the gloomy darker place. She can see it's clearly not just sunshine and rainbows but she has the strength to use her faith (even if the faith is wrong) to face reality. There's many Amane's running but it's in a pretty uniform way, and not to mention, leader Amane walks calmly like Amane in reality with her umbrella. She's walking in a controlled way. Amane is still holding her umbrella high too, which in the fantasy side, it was a baton.

On the other hand, Fuuta is running, he's frantic, he's out of breath. He just dropped his phone in reality, and began running from somewhere dark to somewhere with light. Even in the fantasy place, he's lost his composure, his 'murder weapon' has been dropped and left behind in the past (contrasting to how Amane holds hers up), and in the undead hero mangas are falling all over the ground similar to the confetti from The Purge March except it looks like litter instead of some party. It's not blue skies with nice clouds, looks like he ran into some scorching desert that's trashed. And then he's picked up the flag.

So basically, narratively speaking. Amane may have dropped the flag in the beginning of The Purge March but she holds it steadily by the end. That flag/baton/umbrella represents her values/beliefs (not necessarily the cult if I'm honest), she uses that to face her reality. On the other hand, Fuuta has dropped his phone (so dropped his old values) and picked up the flag in distress, that picking up the flag shows he's picked up new beliefs and values but it's not done calmly like Amane, it's frantic. And his new values are what helped him run from his reality, contrasting to how it helped Amane deal with reality. But it's still interesting that the fantasy place in Fuuta's mind doesn't look pleasant either. There's still traces of his past littered quite literally and it looks like it's really hot and suffocating still. He's just able to stand up with the flag (symbolic of faith) as support.

6 - Surrendering

It's really hard to talk about Fuuta's change without Amane so I'm gonna compare with The Purge March again.

Amane's pole is pristine, it's clean, straight, in good condition. Fuuta's pole is bent, stained, looks rusty and flimsy. It doesn't look as strong as Amane's pole. This would reflect how Fuuta's faith is weaker than Amane's. It's still shaky, he doesn't actually buy everything. He doesn't really buy the taboo against medicine but he buys into the structure, community and support it gives him. The fact that Fuuta picks up that flag himself shows he definitely chose this, no one forced it onto him.

Now that's not really the point. I've seen a few war movies where there's someone charging ahead with a flag of their country. It's like to do with pride and motivating the army. That's kind of what The Purge March is like, there are Amanes running with flags and some are holding other things like a baton or an instrument during the start. The flag is like pride or motivation. The logo is on full display.

On the other hand, that logo is missing, ripped out, from Fuuta's flag. Fuuta's just holding up a broken white flag. There's no pride or motivation. It just shows he's 'surrendered' his sanity to become a "lunatic" to bear with the guilt and to believe his apologies would reach his victim. I think there's more he's surrendering to but I'm not sure how to put it into words so if anyone else can add to this please let me know.

And I'll stop for now. There's more I want to say but this post has gone on longer than I would've liked. Plus I really need to sleep now XD. Thanks for reading my whole rant if you're still here ^^

[existence-error-y]

So I watched The Appare March MV

WHAT THE FLIP. OH MY GOD. LIKE OK WE KNEW MOST OF HIS STORY ALREADY BUT SEEING EXACTLY HOW HE DOXXED HER WAS A WHOLE OTHER STORY. OH MY GOD IT'S A BIT HARD TO SWALLOW. I LOVE YOU FUUTA BUT USING HER EYE'S REFLECTION??? THAT'S SCARY. THAT'S REALLY SCARY. I SAW A LOT OF "GUILTY" IN THE CHAT AND NOW I'M SCARED. I think the innocent comments outnumber the guilty though....

The again I remember some time ago, in the news, in JP too... Some girl also got doxxed because someone zoomed into the reflection of her eye... gosh...

Also 1999 + 20 = 2019. It's 2019 for Fuuta. Unless he's lied about his age, I highly doubt it though. I didn't consider the months much when doing the math cuz time is weird in Milgram. But he's around 3 years behind Yuno who says she came to Milgram in 2022.

Lastly:

Different again.

[existence-error-y]

Guess who is giving up only after a minute and 12 seconds into the VD? Me. Clearly my love for Fuuta wasn't enough, I am not worthy 💔

I mean I listened through and got the gist of it. It's not too hard to get the general meaning of the conversation in the whole context but going into translate line by line with the exact meaning and trying to localize? Nope I'm out. I can't do it. I might revisit this in the future after more JP grinding but I know how to pick my battles. This is not one I can win at my current level. At the very least, it would take me a very long time. But this is where I got up to:

エス：風太、いいか。

Es: Fuuta, are you ready?

風太：ああ。会いたかったよ、看守。【笑う】

Fuuta: Ah. I’ve been wanting to see you, Warden. *Laughs*

エス：ずいぶん様子が変わったな、風太。

Es: You’ve changed a lot, Fuuta.

風太 : お前こそ、あの立派な帽子はもうかぶらないかも。

Fuuta: Same to you, you don’t wear that fancy hat anymore, huh?

エス：【ため息】いいんだもん。

Es: *Sighs* It’s fine, really.

Commentary: I need to go back and listen to the other VDs, did Es always use “〜もん”? …That’s quite a childish or “girly” expression.

風太 : 【ため息】なるほどね。今見たら、そこまで恐れることはないのかもしれない。あの人の言う通りだ。

Fuuta: *Sighs* I get it now. Looking at you now, maybe you’re not so scary after all. Just as that person said. 

エス：.....なんだ、お前は….. 僕を恐れていたのか?

Es: ….What? You…Were afraid of me?

Commentary: Part of me felt like T1 Es would’ve been very happy to know they were feared. And now they’re kinda surprised and maybe a bit regretful over that? Es, you’re going to drive me crazy. 

風太 :  あぁ。今思えばな、お前を恐れていたんだ。俺の行いを明らかにして、攻めるつもりだってな。

Fuuta: Yeah. Now that I think about it, I was scared of you. I thought you’d expose my deeds and come after me.

エス：今は違うと。

Es: And now you don’t (feel that way).

風太：なあ？もうお前がどう思うかなんて、どうでもいいんだ。ずっと聞こえてるうるさい声も関係ない。俺の基準はもう別のところにある。

Fuuta: Well, I don’t care what you think about anymore. I don’t care about those noisy voices anymore. My standards lie elsewhere now.

...And then I gave up. At least it was good practice. I do have something to say about the later bits. Is Fuuta comforting Es??? Whatttttt?? LIKE I WAS KEEPING MY MIND OPEN CUZ I WASN'T SURE WHERE FUUTA WAS, MENTALLY SPEAKING. BUT OH MY GOD, THEY'RE BOTH SURPRISINGLY SANE AND CALM HERE??? CAN I HOPE THAT ES AND AMANE WILL HAVE A SOMEWHAT SIMILAR CONVERSATION??? LIKE NOT EXACTLY THE SAME OBVIOUSLY BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT GONNA BE A SCREAMING MATCH WHERE AT LEAST ONE OF THEM OR BOTH OF THEM END UP BREAKING DOWN.

Crashing out because I was so worried about this VD but it turned out way better than worried?? THIS IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS I HAD HOPED FOR SO I'M LIKE OVER THE MOON??? IS IT OKAY FOR ME TO HOPE THAT ALL THE FOLLOWING VDS WILL BE AS CALM AS YUNO AND FUUTA??

Ok. No. I don't think I'm crazy for hoping it will be "better" for the following VDs too. At the very least, I feel far more at ease for Kazui, Amane and Mikoto. Kazui I don't think I ever worried he'd blame Es, Mikoto is likely to crash out himself but probably not take it out on Es outwardly. Amane was one I worried about, both ways. But then Fuuta asks Es to try to understand Amane and Es agrees to try??? Oh my god... my heart.... 000308 for the win <3 Let me be delulu for a while, they're my top 3, of course I want them to get along.

And then one final thing. The way that Fuuta outright says that Milgram is like a religion to Es and Es doesn't deny it. The Fuuta asks why don't they keep clinging onto it and Es says it's cuz they care too much about the prisoners like.... Ahhh shoot. This is the time where it's probably the most mentally painful for Es and clinging on would've been easier but they're still choosing to let go. This really sets apart Fuuta and Es' choices, despite all their parallels. I need to review my own prediction for Fuuta's VD that I made like a month ago and see how far off I was. But then the fact Es and Fuuta's choices differ so greatly despite being the 'same' in the beginning but they still respect/accept this difference??? Like Fuuta sees Es make that different choice and it kind of hurts/shocks him to see that?? Like Fuuta acknowledges Es' pain and comforts them??? Oh my... And the fact that Es can't affirm Amaneism but still agrees to try to understand and doesn't condemn Fuuta for seeking comfort and instead finds relief in the fact he's doing better???? This is like pouring alcohol into an open wound. You need to disinfect the wound yes, but it hurts but it also feels good??? I can't describe it, I'm just so happy and sad at the same time. I cried too much over this.

I said that was the last thing but one more thing, I swear it's actually the last now. Es confirming that they aren't making the choices and acknowledging the audience existence... I admit to be surprised that Es wasn't called a liar for that. Fuuta was more open minded than I anticipated but maybe it's only natural, considering how he's listening to Amane. The closest person to Amane's age is Es, after all. It shouldn't have been a surprise that Fuuta's grown to become better at listening to what children have to say, no matter how absurd it sounds. Despite that, I still felt a bit of surprise. Very much welcomed shock though.

The Appare March

MY TIMEZONE ARGHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T SEE THE MV YET NOOOOOOO. WELL FLIP AT LEAST I CAN HEAR THE SONG AND THE VD BUT STILL!!!!! I NEED TO SEE MY BOY!!!

THE SONG IS SO GOOD LIKE HELPPPPPP I'M LOSING MY SHIT OVER IT!!! ALSO THE VD THE VD THE VD IM NOT READY IM NOT READY!!! I KIND OF WANT TO GIVE A SHOT AT TRANSLATING IT BUT MY SKILLS AREN'T QUITE ENOUGH - I MEAN THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO TRANSLATE A LONG CONVERSATION IT REALLY WIPED ME OUT.

[existence-error-y]

The Appare March

MY TIMEZONE ARGHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T SEE THE MV YET NOOOOOOO. WELL FLIP AT LEAST I CAN HEAR THE SONG AND THE VD BUT STILL!!!!! I NEED TO SEE MY BOY!!!

THE SONG IS SO GOOD LIKE HELPPPPPP I'M LOSING MY SHIT OVER IT!!! ALSO THE VD THE VD THE VD IM NOT READY IM NOT READY!!! I KIND OF WANT TO GIVE A SHOT AT TRANSLATING IT BUT MY SKILLS AREN'T QUITE ENOUGH - I MEAN THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO TRANSLATE A LONG CONVERSATION IT REALLY WIPED ME OUT.

[existence-error-y]

Curry Udon

So today I made curry udon for lunch. My sibling asked if it was a person 5 reference (technically, that'd work too iykyk). I told them that it was a Milgram reference (minigram technically). I've been wanting to make curry udon for a while since I last read minigram 47 but I never got around to buying carrots for a while.

I'm not a Mahiru and my sibling is not an Amane. If they got any curry on their clothes, I would be manhandling them like how Es did to Amane in T1. (Thankfully, they only got some on the table this time.)

(By the way, this is all said in jest, it's not like I'm physically strong enough to manhandle my sibling. I'm smaller than them too. I don't deny being frustrated about having to do everything for them though.)

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wait a sec i saw you on ao3. now im seeing you in tumblr. your fics ar4e amaz :3

Yep I'm on AO3 lol, same user and all. Thanks for reading my stuff ^^

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The results are back

@good-beans @kyanako5972

I asked my beta reader and she's replied! Thanks for sharing this fun activity with me!! We got some interesting results, some parts are surprisingly accurate and some are so totally off the mark that I had to laugh. ^^

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Random thought: If you want your friends to remember who your fave is, you've gotta torture him more.

😭I should but at the same time I love Fuuta too much to do so. It physically pains me to see him suffer in a way that it overrides the fun. I guess it's more like, I'm entertained by his suffering but at the same time I'm someone who cries very easily (for fictional characters)... I rather give him all the good in the world (or whatever is possible for his situation). And with The Appare March and his VD coming.... I'm not ready!!! I can't face this! Hence why I avoid writing Fuuta angst...

Why don't I just write Fuuta centric fluff? Because I think I have a high likelihood of making him OOC and screwing up his character which I really don't like.

It's far easier to torture my next two favorites (Es & Amane).

Part of me also feels so basic for liking Fuuta the most. Not that there were many characters to choose from, there's only 12 main characters.

But long story short, I would cry too much if I even tried to torture Fuuta. My heart just can't take it.💔 (I could probably draw him suffering though. Not sure why but I think I could.)

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Fuuta WIP <3 <3 <3

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Minigram 79 + Appare March Thumbnail Rant

I cannot describe it coherently but when I saw both of these I was practically freaking out every way possible, I'm not ready for Fuuta's interrogation, my heart cannot take this!!!!!!!! BUT THEN THE MINIGRAM IS SO FRICKING CUTE, YOU HAVE THE WHOLE T1 GUILTY GANG AND THAT'S JUST GIVING ME SO MUCH INSPIRATION AND ENERGY I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN IT!!!

But back to The Appare March, only just earlier I was ranting to a friend about a whole visual analysis which I won't bother with typing up now because I'm gonna save it for when the MV actually comes out but I think my whole body will shut down when the time comes. FUUTA YOU'RE GOING TO CAUSE ME A HEART ATTACK FOR MULTIPLE REASONS BUT ILYSM!!

I'm gonna crash out. Oh my god I'm so not ready but also so excited. Should I draw Fuuta? Funny how he's my favorite and I tweak out about him so much but I haven't drawn him yet. WHY!? I dunno, maybe no concept came to mind but now I have something. Hey should I try to copy the thumbnail's rendering style or go for a monochrome type of high contrast piece-

I need to stop obsessing over red haired anime characters that are too old for me but like... Fuuta <3 <3 <3

(I'm not really one to enjoy self shipping but I'm really obsessed with him for reasons unknown to even myself. That said if he was real and I had the chance to date him, its a hard pass, ignoring age problems. I just probably would avoid guys like him IRL.)

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If I may ask, what did your friend think of my not-fluff fics that you marketed as fluff?

Good question. She doesn't remember all the characters of course, which was why OoA was probably confusing as heck (I did make her read all 20 chapters before checking PS chapter 12, 13, and beta-ing 14). She got through it but I had to keep on reminder who Fuuta was and why he was dying because goldfish memory. She did say that OoA Mahiru was surprisingly nice about everything. I then had to proceed to explain the canon events too. For OoA in general, it was her switching between "make Amane suffer" and "noooo my poor child". She despised the chapter Es was interrogating Amane with passion I have never seen. I think it was a side effect of her being a PS 0008 enjoyer.

Next, she also read the pancakes saga. She asked if it was some cameo appearance (I have no clue what she's on about) so I just said that in minigrams that Shidou keeps on trying to get Amane to eat pancakes. I think most of it doesn't make a lot of sense to her in terms of references as she's technically not a fan and is relying on my explanations but she did say something about "Shidou deserved it" about the scissors in his eye. Did I foster a Shidou hater? Oops...

Now I'm thinking, should I force her to read green thumb or curry udon. I think curry udon would hurt her more. >:D

To be honest, with all the fan work she's seen of Milgram, she might as well see the official stuff for herself but I think the language barrier might be the main struggle.

(if anything here is incoherent, I'm blaming the fact I typed this without my glasses)