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They're from the Carpathian mountain region, apparently.

You know what else is from there?

I'm not saying vampires are the reason this civilization did what they did. But I'm also not saying it WASN'T vampires. Especially since we've yet to find some semblance of a cemetery/burial practice (since when do vampires stay buried?)

And vampire lore is so ancient, we don't actually have a definitive origin of the species.

Cities That Were At One Time The  Largest In The World

click here for the enlarged version!

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There is a place where the people have never seen land.

And like, while this is a legit super cool fact about a group of Polynesians in the South Pacific who literally have never seen land (they live in intricate hut systems suspended over the ocean), it's also something I chant to myself when the stress runs high.

Because here's the thing....

The world, at least this world I am forced to live in, worships green paper so much that basic human rights are ignored unless the price is right. There's never enough money for anything, or anyone. Never enough time for families, or for sleep. We are always grasping for stronger ropes to swing from before we hurtle into pits of debt and depression, before our relationships dissolve, before we find ourselves on death beds wondering when time passed without us.

But that's just the world we, on our own, constructed. It's not how the planet works. Nothing we fight each other for is necessary, or worth the loss of lives.

Because there are people who have never seen land, and they are happy. The sun rises over a blue horizon, and sets on the other side of that same sapphire line. The huts sway in the water, gently rocking children and babies to sleep. It's quiet, it's peaceful, it's happy. And not because "they don't know better", or any sort of ethnocentric claim so often thrown around aimlessly.

The value system is different. Everything they want and need is right there. They are content.

There are people who know how to raise giant eagles to hunt foxes in the wintery deserts of Asia. There are villages of people whose work week is only 15 hours long, and who, on camera, asked if the First World nations were suffering from mental illness when they were informed of the socially expected 40 hour work week. There are people who gaze up at the clear, unmuddied Milky Way as they drift to sleep, who wonder if we in America will ever find our freedom to live again.

It's important to remember these things because it reminds us that we live in a world of our own creation, and it doesn't have to remain this way. We do not have to be ruled by mortgages, or credit scores, or minimum wage, or healthcare, or racism, sexism, any sort of ism.

There is a place where the people have never seen land.

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I just want everyone to look at the map. Look at it. Now locate Scotland. And then hone in on the bottom half of Scotland.

Rome lost their entire Legion right there.

There. In that small, peaceful little stretch of land. Thousands of professionally trained soldiers, hardened by campaigns and stained with blood....gone.

Texas was founded by descendants of the tribes Rome underestimated. Did you know that?

Never fear the land, lads. Fear those who live within its secrets.

NO OKAY SERIOUSLY WHAT IS UP WITH AMERICA

you can be in seattle where is 9am aND IN MIAMI ITS FUCKING 12PM?? it would literally take you 48 HOURS, (THATS TWO FULL DAYS) to travel the 2,735 miles between those two states. an d youRe in the sSAME fUCking coUNtrY what tEh fCUk

BUT LIKE WHAT EVEN ARE STATES?? WHO MADE THEM UP?? 

TEXAS IS LITERALLY BIGGER THAN GREAT BRITAIN AND A HALF

but they’re not even coUntrY tIme zoNEs??? m8 u can be in omaha ne and in columbus ne its fucking 1 hour ahead of you THEY’RE BOTH IN THE SAME STATE???WH AT?/? 

AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HAWAII

‘we were unable to calculate the route and time by road’ you know fucking why? bECAUsE tHERE ISNTT A FUCKING ROAD. HAWAII IS LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN WHAT TH E FU CK AMERICA WHAT THE FUKC

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My dumbass literally read "Guh-guh-guh Ah-ah-ah Yuh-yuh-yuh".....and then I saw the typed bits and I just.....

our psychological state allows us to see only what we want/need/feel to see at a certain time……. what words do u see??

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^^Furthering my suspicion that while he may have hated Rick, he not-so-secretly harbored a solid admiration and begrudging respect for Evelyn.

Imhotep is canonically extra

Looks off to the fucking side, says “Ankh-su-namun,” smiles like a creeper, and then kisses Rachel Weiz

RUNS ONTO THE FUCKING SCENE JUST TO GET ON ONE KNEE AND YELL “NOOOOOOO!”

may or may not have smeared that body paint on purpose to force the issue one way or the other

definitely broke into a tomb and stole a corpse to try to bring it back to life

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So over spring break, my friends and I went to Chicago to totally nerd-out at the University of Chicago’s Oriental Institute (I am an anthropologist/archaeologist, one of my besties specializes in art preservation and is honing in on ancient relics, and the other friend studies museum sciences).

Lo and behold, the Institute has installed a new exhibit: The Book of the Dead!!!  I was STOKED!!!  I was all but shrieking like a little girl, jumping up and down, and immediately bent over the glass to re-

“NO!!!!”

Four hands grabbed me and yanked me away from the glass case, and at least one hand grabbed me by the shirt while another wagged a finger in my face.

“There is an entire movie series about how that is a BAD IDEA!!!”

“There are actual mummies in this museum!  Are you TRYING to start something???”

My friends never let me have any fun.

It’s just a book. No harm ever came from reading a book.

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OK, so I have to talk about this theory I have about what makes The Mummy/The Mummy Returns so great, even beyond the epic perfection that is Rick O’Connell and Evie Carnahan:

Right away, we’re introduced to the main antagonist, the villain, the soon-to-be-mummy, High Priest Imhotep.  He wants a woman he can’t have, he helps her murder the king, and attempts necromancy to bring her back from the dead....terrible crimes for which he is eternally punished.

Except I could never understand....why make immortality and supernatural, undefeatable (mostly) powers a punishment?  Oh, yeah, he’s mummified alive and buried with flesh-eating beetles, but like...the rest is cake.  He never dies, he has abilities that rival the gods...HOW IS THIS PUNISHMENT???

And then it occurred to me: this is based, loosely, on the real-life Imhotep, who was not only a priest but a physician, an architect, a royal advisor, etc etc.  He was, in life, a great man who strove to do great and wonderful things to better society, to help people, to heal people, to overall do good in this world.

In this story of The Mummy, the hero of the ancient world falls in love with a slave and wants to free her.  She is gilded with gifts from Pharoah but make no mistake, she is 100% unwilling to be there.  She even says so before committing suicide, “My body will no longer be his temple!”  In this slave society, it wasn’t considered rape, but in actuality, Anksunamun was continuously raped by the most powerful man in the known world.  Imhotep saw her for her, a woman of her own independent mind and heart (this is in the book, btw) and understood that she may choose to run if he freed her, but he wants to do it anyways.  He wants her to want him, on her own terms.  Of her own free will.  He wants to give her what Pharoah will not.  And his desperation to bring her back from the dead is not only so she can be with him, but if you pay attention to the scene of her suicide, he’s legitimately heartbroken at how she reverts to her “I am only property” broken mindset and kills herself out of fear of Pharoah even after he’s been sliced to bits.  What makes me think that?  She very clearly told Imhotep to resurrect her, before the guards came in, and he agreed.  He knew she was going to die and that he’d bring her back.  So why else would he scream in horror at her suicide, unless it was horror at her brokenness?

So when the Humdai (sp?) is performed on Imhotep as punishment, it’s not just the mummified-alive bit or the man-eating beetles bit that acts as punishment.  He is forced to spend eternity as the exact opposite of who he is.  He is forced to kill when he once healed.  He is forced to bring destruction to the same architecture he once labored over for the glory of his homeland.  He makes slaves of innocents when his love for Anksunamun sought freedom for her, maybe others (idk about that but it’s nice to ponder).  He must tear a woman from the arms of the man who loves her, just as his own love was torn from his arms centuries ago.  To have even an ounce of the peace and tranquility he dreamed of having with Anksunamun, he is forced to be a living nightmare to everyone around him.

An angel of life, forced to become a demon of death.

It’s why I cried for him in The Mummy Returns.  All this hell, all this pain, all this struggle, and when he needed her to save him just one time, to help him like he spent centuries trying to help her....she didn’t even try.  She ran from him in her own cowardice, abandoned him to certain doom without a word.  And when he looked over at Evie trying to pull her husband out of the Underworld, even as Rick kept screaming for her to leave him.....Imhotep smiled at them.  

For one moment, Imhotep witnessed true love, something he sacrificed everything for and will never obtain.  And yet, despite this, he looked genuinely happy for them.

The Mummy, dir. Stephen Sommers (1999)

requested by anon

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How I feel when a new client sits down, tells me they’ve been box-dying their long hair with L’Oreal Feria Black for 12 years, and now they wanna be platinum blonde like Game of Thrones.

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I was all like “Hmmmmm such a thought-provoking commentary on - wait, what???” 

情景師アラーキー/荒木さとし SATOSHI ARAKI

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Be careful who you call “white”

Because you’ll only expose yourself as racist.  Even if you treat people of color with respect and dignity, chances are it’s only/mainly because you can see the color.  You can see the obvious traits that make them different from you...or only notice people who look like you.

Case in point: Several months ago, while settling in for lunch at the university’s food court/campus central, my bestie and I overheard two girls, sitting right behind us, complain that “there is literally no one of color in this room.  There are, like, 5 people of color.  There’s no diversity.”

I looked around the large dining area, which wasn’t as full as it usually is because it was towards the end of the lunch hours, but still had quite a few students milling about.  I saw a group of guys from Saudi Arabia joke around over sandwiches.  Another guy I recognized from frequenting the library studied a textbook, and I was pretty sure I heard him mention he’s Japanese.  A couple women I recognized from my work as a stylist (and, I am proud to say, I have a local reputation for openly accommodating privacy needs for Muslim ladies who wear head coverings) were from Pakistan, or first-generation American, I can’t remember exactly.  I kept looking around, noting all these people who were very much not European, including several who look like “standard white guy/girl” but were actually Asian via Russia and the surrounding area.  So many are Balkan, refugees from the Bosnian War of the 1990s, most of whom either still deal with post traumatic stress (if they are non-traditional students like me and old enough to remember the slaughter) or were too young/not born yet but have to help their older family members deal with the night terrors.  

My bestie looks like she’s white, but she’s actually 75% Iroquois - a fact she did not know growing up until her grandmother randomly confessed that they were all very much Native American and would she like to know more about her tribe?  I look as British Isles-borne as they come, thanks to my father’s side, but I am pretty solidly Samoan via my totally-Samoan-except-that-one-Irish-ancestor mother.    And, according to recent research in California archaeology, the Paiute Nation was actually founded by Samoan traders along the coast who set up small communities to maintain their commerce between the islands and mainland.  SO, by default, I am related to the Paiute.

I narrowed my eyes at the girls whining about “lack of diversity on campus”.  Not only was I insulted, I was disappointed.  I recognized them from the Black Student Initiative club that has been a powerful force for change to increase diversity and cultural awareness, but this moment only underlined a concern I’ve been feeling while reading email updates from the group.  When they say “multicultural”, they only ever refer to people with darker skin.  

In the dining hall that day, I counted at least 21 people of color, 5 of whom were actually darker toned in their skin.  The rest had dark hair but lighter skin, from what I could see.  These were people from all over the world, but they didn’t “count” as being diverse because of their skin color.

Maybe it’s wrong of me to expect more from people who live in a world of constant bias. Idk. What I do know is I get frikin irritated and insulted when someone calls me a “white girl” just because the golden tan my mother has skipped me and my sister and went straight to the next generation.  

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THIS is a man I want to see on American currency!!!

Tha-To-Ha-Non-Pa-Wan-Kate-I-A (High Pipe), Dakota Brulé, in Native Dress with Peace Medal, Headdress and Breastplate - Gill - 26 JAN 1909

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Me joining Tumblr was like me going to Chicago because I love meeting people and learning new things

Except I don’t go to the pretty, tourist-y things.  I don’t want yoga on the beach or futuristic penthouses or sleek stilettos in a high-end boutique.

I came for the alleys, the dive bars, the clubs where people indulge in fantasies, the tucked-away corners of society that can’t be bought or bribed.

I didn’t come here to assimilate, I came to be part of the fringe.

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Yeah, okay, I get that once again, a cultural faux pas was made by POTUS (let’s not forget that Scotland incident....lmao....)

But here’s my beef:  Until we, as a nation, eliminate Andrew Jackson from our currency and stop hailing him in history classes as a President who did great things for the expansion of the American government, ya’ll need to shut up.  

I am so done listening to “eeewwww Trump is nastyyyy” and “ugh he is so racist IMPEACH HIM” and “how did we elect such a bigot??” and “Trump is the American Hitler!”

And then paying for life necessities with green portraits of the REAL “American Hitler” because for some unknown freaking reason it doesn’t bother anyone that a man responsible, like, DIRECTLY responsible, for the massacre of millions of human beings on this continent, as well as the destruction of who-knows-how-many natural habitats all for the sake of “expansion”.

Don’t forget, the Holocaust in Europe was not actually Hitler’s idea, it was Himmler’s.  In fact, most of what Hitler is accused of doing was never his own idea, but rather him allowing Himmler and others in the Third Reich to do what they wanted (check out the documentary “Voice of Hitler”, it’s way interesting).  Don’t get me wrong, evil is evil, but comparing Hitler to Jackson makes Adolf look like a disgruntled soccer dad.

Jackson straight up knew what he was doing and how to make it happen.  He didn’t just approve others’ ideas, he came up with several of his own on how to “remove” as many indigenous people as possible, going so far as to meet with tribal leaders himself to negotiate shoddy “treaties”.  The U.S. Supreme court even tried to defend the Five Civilized Nations of the South (Cherokee, Chocktaw, Seminole, Chickasaw, Creek) by establishing LAW that these were sovereign nations and therefore their lands were off limits to white Americans.  Jackson literally, LITERALLY snubbed the Supreme Court by refusing to enforce THE LAW so he could take the land by force without repercussion.  The Trail of Tears killed upwards of 20,000 people alone (hundreds of who were escaped slaves the tribes took in), not including the massive spread of deadly diseases that went wherever the Manifest Destiny families traveled.  It is currently estimated that over 90% of the Native North American total population was slaughtered by armed warfare, relocation, and biological warfare by the 20th century, with the bulk of that percentage linked to Jackson’s administration.

Sorry not sorry for the history lesson.  When Jackson’s face gets ripped off the $20 bill, which, BY THE WAY, is the MOST VALUED BILL in American currency, and is replaced by a Native American chieftain like Black Hawk or Sitting Bull or one of the many, many other respectable leaders of the Sovereign Nations of North America before white boys ruined everything, then, and only then, will I tolerate/join in the conversation about Trump’s lack of tact.  

Oh, and before ya’ll get on the “but the immigrants” reverb, just remember: Trump emphasizes deportation of illegal immigrants back to their homelands for national security, etc; Jackson authorized the killing of anyone who tried to return to their homelands for the sake of emptying territories for commercial development.  

President Donald Trump said at a Naval Academy commencement address Friday that “our ancestors tamed a continent,” adding that “we are not going to apologize for America.”

“Together there is nothing Americans can’t do, absolutely nothing,” Trump told 2018 graduates of the U.S. Naval Academy. “In recent years, and even decades, too many people have forgotten that truth. They’ve forgotten that our ancestors trounced an empire, tamed a continent, and triumphed over the worst evils in history.“

He added: "America is the greatest fighting force for peace, justice and freedom in the history of the world. We have become a lot stronger lately. We are not going to apologize for America. We are going to stand up for America.”

Before Europeans arrived in what became the United States, Native Americans occupied the land but were forced to relinquish territory as the new Americans pushed westward as part of what was termed “manifest destiny.” In 1830, President Andrew Jackson signed the Indian Removal Act, which led to the deaths of thousands of Native Americans.

Trump previously caused controversy when he held an event honoring Native Americans in the Oval Office last November with a portrait of Jackson in the background. Trump has regularly praised Jackson, although at times with a questionable grasp of history. He has also repeatedly referred to Democratic Senator Elizabeth Warren, who has claimed Native American heritage,“ as "Pocahontas.”

“A nation must have pride in its history to have confidence in its future,” Trump said Friday. The president’s comments mirrored a tweet he sent out in March celebrating National Agriculture Day.

“Our Nation was founded by farmers,” he wrote. “Our independence was won by farmers. And our continent was tamed by farmers. Our farmers always lead the way – we are PROUD of them, and we are DELIVERING for them! #NationalAgricultureDay

Trump added Friday it was a great time for the graduates to be joining the Navy. "We are witnessing the great reawakening of the American spirit and of American might,” he said. “We have rediscovered our identity, regained our stride and we’re proud again.”

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The children are our future...

There are two important things to know about my family:

1) Our women are raised to be ladies.  But we take no shit from any man.

2) In the debate of Nature vs Nurture, genetics definitely reigns supreme and my sister’s daughter is Exhibit A.  

I was out camping with extended family when Mom got a call from my sister, who had stayed home with her then-18-month-old baby girl because of work scheduling conflicts (so she says, but I still think it was New Parent Syndrome).  Apparently, they were at a park and my niece tried to make friends with a much older boy (probably 3 or so) by sharing her ball with him.  But instead of accepting her gestures, he snatched the ball away and shoved her to the ground.

My sister was PISSED, especially when she looked over at the kid’s mom who just sat there like eh, whatever.  She said she stormed off the park bench to defend her baby and give the kid a sound scolding-

And suddenly didn’t have to.  My toddling niece furrowed her brow, spiked the ball out of his hands, snatched it up, popped it in his face, caught it as it rebounded, and ran off laughing hysterically.

Mom couldn’t stop beaming with pride for a week.  “See?  I keep telling everyone I never have to worry about my girls!”

Fast forward to just a few weeks ago, visiting my sister and now-7-year-old niece and 4 year-old nephew (who is a total ladies’ man; he tried giving away his sister’s jewelry to not one, not two, but THREE “girlfriends” he romances at his preschool.  Took the entire jewelry box to his school with the names of his paramours scribbled on the lid with hearts.  My sister didn’t know how to handle it; she told me she didn’t know if she should be mad or impressed!)

My niece is wrapping up kindergarten and was so excited to tell me all about her teacher and friends and “boyfriend” she has who “is older...he’s in first grade”, and who apparently doesn’t know he’s her boyfriend yet but he will next year because she’ll be older.  Her words.  

She also wanted to know about my own romantic experiences, more specifically about my ex-fiance and why he was now my ex instead of husband.  I had NO idea how to explain he’d been verbally and mentally abusive 80% of the time, physically abusive 10%, and decent the other 10%, without traumatizing her innocence (even though I haven’t seen him in years, my sister had moved her family shortly before we broke up, and the kids were way little at the time).  I tried to explain via simple words like, “He called me names a lot....tried to hurt me sometimes, but that didn’t work because I’m stronger than him and that made him angry, so he tried other things to hurt me.”

She nodded with empathy and rolled her eyes.  “Oh, Titi, I know what you mean!  One time, a boy in my class SLAPPED me in the face!”

I was shocked.  What the hell??  But instead of asking why he did it or something an adult should probably say, like “did you get a teacher”, I blurted out, “Omg! Did you slap him back?”

“Uh, NO!” She gave me a look like “that’s rude”, and then quirked a little smile.

“I kicked him in his stuff.”

Apparently, according to her and my sister (who received a call from the school about this, obviously), my niece and the boy were promptly sent to the principal’s office for disciplinary action.  The boy got into some serious trouble.  My niece got a piece of candy, so long as she promised to look sad and chastised once she left the office.  

#givesmehope

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Dear Supernatural,

Why is it every time ya'll are in Iowa, it's all just....sooooooooooo not Iowa?

Cedar Rapids, Ankeny, and at least two other featured locations are cities. Sioux Falls (I know, it's South Dakota but it's on the border) is a MASSIVE CITY, not the 3 blocks run by a single sheriff (altho Mills could probably run the actual city just as well)!

Yours truly,

An Iowa fangirl

P.s. Please do an episode in Carroll, IA. That is a small town and LITERAL deadzone. Seriously, it's haunted like you wouldn't believe AND there's no cell phone reception.

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Shake It Off!

So I saw this post about teaching kids how to bounce back instead of teaching them failure is wrong, so here is my own story of the time I totally did that:

I never actually watch Dance Moms or whatever that show is called, but after "Chandelier" came out with that amazing music video, I was like hey, she's way good! So I checked out some vids and noticed that in one clip of the show, the girl (I forget her name) froze on stage because she forgot her moves, freaked out under the pressure, and bawled backstage after running off. Her mother didn't even hug her. All they talked about was how she messed up but it's okay, she'll do better next time.

That really. Ticked. Me. Off.

While my sister lived near me, I was paying for my niece's dance lessons and taking her to every class. At 3 years old, this kid had a natural gift for dance so much so that her version of throwing a tantrum was to pirouette and flounce away to the next room.

When her first recital came up, I hugged her, looked her in the eyes, and told her that no matter what happens, just go with the music and move how she feels. Do the steps if you can remember them, but if you forget and the stage gets scary, just dance your heart out and GO FOR IT. (Legit think I scared my sister with this pep talk lol)

There were about 4 other preschool classes that had routines for the show, but all of them froze in the spotlight, some started to cry, and no one danced. Until my niece's class. She hesitated for a moment, but I saw something just *click* on her face and

She

Rocked

That

Tutu.

Idk for sure if she even remembered the whole routine, but she led her class in what ended up being the only successful preschool presentation and I was SO PROUD!!! She "shook her tail feathers" like the song said to do, spung, jumped, kicked, juat straight up went for it and had the audience roaring in laughter and applause. Her teacher told us later that was my niece half-remembering, half-improvizing, and 100% not caring what anyone else thought.

That, people, is how you teach kids to succeed.