fabi-ulous

[fabi-ulous]

“don’t always think people are meant to be in your life for romantic reasons”

Since my sophomore year of high school I’ve been dealing with the consequences of loving someone whole heartedly and only receiving half of theirs back. It’s torturous. I can’t explain the deep pain it caused- a pain so deep that it touched nearly every element of my life.

Cutting off that relationship left me numb, looking for love where it didn’t exist, and wanting to create love out of nothing. Once you have love, you’ll go to the world’s end to find it.

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I now understand that you’ve always loved me too- but I also understand that maintaining my personal happiness should be a priority and not a second thought to helping you be happy.

I know I shouldn’t be apologizing, but I’m sorry you feel the pain that you do right now. At one point I’d be doing anything to fix it.

Regardless of the reason why our relationship ended/had to end: You can’t erase a love so deeply rooted, and created at such a pure, young stage in our lives.

I love you, always.

- fabra.

_______________________________________________________________________ The numb feeling that overcame my being made me emotionally unavailable for years and created those “almost relationships” I’m about to apologize for.

To each of you: I’m sorry I never caught up to your affections and feelings. I was so broken that the walls I built and carefully broke down for you simply didn’t break down fast enough.

I’m sorry if I ever made you feel how i once was made feel. _______________________________________________________________________

1. i sabotaged the fuck out of myself, I still adore you to this day. The “shoulda coulda woulda’s” still catch up to me now and then. You’ll find someone though, and that’s the only promise I can keep. _______________________________________________________________________ 2. You’re a POS, but the sweetest piece of shit I know. Thanks for helping me come out of my shell In which my personality hibernated in for so long. I found myself, embraced my culture more than ever when i met you. i found a love for spreadsheets and budgets because of you- you unintentionally pushed me to make the smart money moves I’m making now.

honestly thanks for everything, “love”.  (i still love getting called that, Jo calls me that all the time and i can’t help but think of you)

Despite having a little bit of hatred towards you, I appreciate you. Hope you’re following all your dreams you said you’d chase. I’m out here chasing mine-if you’re wondering. _______________________________________________________________________ 3. Thank you for treating me like royalty. From our first date to our last you taught me how a man SHOULD treat a woman but also to never expect it- not everyone has the well mannered, “kiss all your tias and tios on the cheek” upbringing that you and I do.

continued: tbh I went through the motions of being with someone, well you, because everything sounded right in my head. you’re great on paper. Handsome, kind, has his shit together- unlike every other 21 year old I know.

But despite all of that, we were never meant to be, we were like oil and water…to me you were a filler. God forgive me. I’m so sorry for even admitting that. I’m so eternally sorry for wasting your time.

But I saw you found someone new. i pray your relationship lasts, I pray she treats you well and her intentions are genuine. You deserve it. _______________________________________________________________________

if you read this far and know you’re not one of the three individuals, I hope you all can find someone you can brag about during the day and pray for his/her prosperity at night.

And don’t always think people are meant to be in your life for romantic reasons, we could all use a beam of light in our lives.

- x, fab.

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