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I had a good day of tips waitressing for once, so I have a homeless man $20 on the walk home.

Homeless Man: There must be a mistake!

Me: No mistake. I can afford to cut back a little. Have a wonderful day.

Homeless Man: (tearing up)

Suddenly, a shrieky little voice rang out. A pasty dude wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora barreled toward me.

Dipshit: The fuck are you doing??!!!

He yanked the $20 bill from the homeless man's grip, slicing his fingers on the paper. He stuffed the bloody bill in my face.

Dipshit: No. NO. You worked for this money while he sat on his ass and jerked off. YOU KEEP IT.

He threw the money in my face.

Me: What the fuck is your problem, asshole??

Dipshit: Listen to me, you fucking useless female. I'm from New York City, where the homeless have the decency to try and work for money, whether it's shining your shoes, cleaning your windshield, or just doing a little dance on the street corner. Once I saw a man with one leg hop in a circle for hours to make $6 in change! That's what makes a different between a classy homeless person...and a BUM.

Me: Well this is my money. I earned it. I'll use it any way I like. How do you get money if you're so important?

Dipshit: I don't need a job because my mom gives me money!

A crowd had formed. Everyone was glaring at this scumbag and a few were even cheering me on.

Homeless Man: You want a dance, you little prick?

Everyone turned to see the homeless man rising to his feet. To our amazement, he began to perform a pitch-perfect Korean style dance.

Homeless Man: Oppa homeless style!

The crowd erupted. We all began to join in the dance, except for Dipshit, who turned bright purple.

Everyone: Op! Op! Op! Oppa homeless style!

I threw my $20 at the homeless man's feet. Everyone followed suit, tossing money at him. A woman in a suit gave him her gold watch. Dipshit took of running while the rest of us danced into the night.

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what no one tells you about being autistic is people just don’t like you. maybe you make friends, but they get tired of you fast. even if you’re not actively bullied, your peers just…. don’t pay attention to you. something about you is offputting and weird to mostly everyone, and you literally cannot stop it no matter how hard you try.

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Every sexuality poll on here ends with the very large majority in either bi/pan or asexual. Kinda crazy, you could call the general sexuality of this website All or Nothi-

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i thought this mean how to distribute them to trick or treaters and the last one was like a fuck you to the kids

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this is my favorite reddit relationships post ❤️

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Reblog if you didn’t write My Immortal

We’re going to find the author by process of elimination.

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With vanilla extract being a meme, I wanted to share some black history of Edmond Albius a black slave who revolutionized vanilla pollination.

He used a technique he learned of pollinating melons to polinate the orchids to create the vanilla beans. Vanilla was rare and a luxury mainly due to only being able to be pollinated by its natural pollinator in Mexico.

unfortanely, he didnt receive any money for his discovery despite being called the main man who revolutionized pollination, he died in poverty...

everyone say thank you Edmond

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When you gotta get rid of all the marble penises in your house

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Because I made the mistake of drawing this (link) I looked up reference pictures and tried to figure out how tall Jack Horner and Lord Farquaad are and now the internet algorithm as a whole think I want to know EVERYTHING about them so against my will I now know that Farquaad’s canon backstory is that he’s the son of the princess from The Princess and the Pea who fucking died from falling out of her tall ass bed and his dad is one of the dwarfs from Snow White which makes him a half-dwarf who was forced to work in his dad’s mine after his mother died but because he didn’t want to be a miner his dad left him in the woods at the age of 28 and that’s when Farquaad decided to try an reclaim his royal status from his mother and just WTF!??!!!?

Also someone commented on the drawing that the ship made a lot of sense because they could see Farquaad hiring Jack to round up fairytale creatures and honestly that’s perfect because Jack would love the job and secretly hoard magic items and would for sure be a humongous dick about it if he found out Farquaad is part fairytale creature himself and somehow I ended up in a spiral thinking too much about this horrible ship

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thought you guys might like my new tattoo

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Me irl

Neurodivergent Memes

Link to Facebook post

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because my posts make 0 interactions this is just screaming into a void

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Are you thinking what these thinkies are thinking? 

Try Woo to find out.

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railing k and watching Bojack call that “horsing around”

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someday, i hope, i will meet the holiest moly

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every day i wake up