My roommate is a single male in his mid 30s. He seems to not grasp basic consideration but I don't think I can do better so I settle. It's like an unfulfilling marriage except there was never sex and we don't love each other.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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Fun Fact
Total funding amounts to $125.3M.
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Standardized Employment
People say that we’re the entitled generation. We expect promotions, respect and salaries, we haven’t earned all because we’re the generation that grew up with instant gratification at our fingertips due to the internet and we grew up in an era where babying children was more common than beating them.
Fine, I agree that some of us our entitled but at the same time, I feel like the method of judging students and employees is antiquated and inefficient. We reduce people to a number when we standardize test them. We make creative individuals work basement jobs answering phones and organizing when that might not be conducive to their skill set.
I know a friend who is a screenwriter, he’s actually the son of a well known one. He interned briefly at an agency answering phones and doing script coverage and he bombed. He was never met to work his way up but had he wanted to...he never would have been able. He’s incredibly intelligent and fairly motivated but he’s not adept at being an office monkey....yet even in these creative professions when it’s usually about schmoozing and sweet talking crazy clients, we force our potential future talent agents, studio heads and creative execs to be mindless pencil pushing drones working at optimal efficiency.
What’s even worse is that the agents working at most of these agents, wouldn’t survive as assistants, what does that say about the system in place?
#hollywood#hollywoodassistants#hollywoodassistant#hollywoodass#thehollywoodassistant#talentagent#talentagency#talentagencyassistant#hollywouldnt
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Nothing is more melodious...
Than the sound of my roommate clipping his toenails outside my bedroom door. It's a trap. He's setting me up. He's found this blog and now he's littering the hallway outside my door with nail clippings so when I step outside in bare feet, I will have his toenails imbedded into my feet as revenge.
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Middle Aged Men In Newsboys Hats
are in my living room. Grow up. You're not cool. And STOP drinking out of my coffee mug. Can't you slime one of SWM's cups?!
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Dudes Are Coming to Work...
Great, thanks for the heads up. Apparently, my apartment is your office so your sweaty middle aged friends can come and muck up my house. I understand no one wants to host but I want to be able to walk around my house in my shorts without your friend Jabba the Hut sitting at my dining room table snuffling through whatever take out you guys have ordered.
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SWM seeks Woman
Preferable a waifish brunette with brown eyes. They should sparkle with excitement and spontaneity but they shouldn't be too alluring because if other men are competing for her attention, SWM won't. If he can't wash a dish, he probably won't hold a candle to your other suitors.
SWM wants you to want him but not too much. Just the right amount. He wants a woman who is ready for a relationship but doesn't say she's ready for a relationship. It's important that this woman know what she wants but not voice her needs or involve him in the discussion because that's just too messy. He already lives in a mess of his own making, he doesn't need to have another one.
She should be in shape but want to date a SWM, who isn't. But he'll assure you he could be and I will verify as I have seen photographic proof. He can get into good shape but what's the motivation? There is much eating to be done and Netflix binging to be had.
Holding the remote to click "Still Watching," when Netflix condescendingly and non so subtle implies that you're a couch potato, is a work out...right?
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When You...
Pick me up for a hug and then let me slide down the front of you. It creeps me out. Thankfully, you've fond someone skinny and not too bright to entertain you while I plot your eviction.
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Just accept it.
-SWM as he gives me a hug on the couch.
This is the phrase invoked by rapists. I don't like touching.
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Are you wearing make up? (...)I've just never seen you with make up during the day (...) Maybe, I'm just slowly falling in love and I'm beginning to notice all the small things.
-SWM
Uhm, yeah I'm wearing make up. And good talk but it won't make me forget that you can't pick up after yourself and let your ass hang out of your shorts when you bend over. Sorry, correction. BIG ASS.
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Sometimes I just want to skullfuck you.
-SWM
Uhm, cute? Generally unoffensive but since I live with you it's weird. What does that mean? Is my mouth large? Does it look like a cozy place to put your dick? I eat a lot of spicy food so I wouldn't recommend it.
Or do you want to skullfuck me because I talk too much and this just seems like a good way to shut me up?
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Please put me back in the fridge otherwise I get too hot.
-Mrs. Brita
This note worked for the first couple months. He read it. Absorbed it. Stuck the note to my back and put Mrs. Brita in the fridge. Now he's fallen off the bandwagon. Life is riddled with these difficulties...like putting the pitcher of water right back in the fridge when you're done.
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I Know When You Cook...
It's difficult to remember to put the Olive Oil (that isn't yours) back in the pantry but if you could try to remember that my kitchen is not your playground that would be great.
Not only are you not a painter but you're not a goddamn iron chef. Clean up after yourself.
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A thirty-four-year-old guy with no money and no place to live, because he’s single, he’s a catch.
-SATC-Miranda Ok, so he has a place to live but it's his 25 year old female roommate's place. But hey, he's a catch. Ladies, flock over here and take this one off my hands.
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Thanks for...
Leaving my cookie sheet in the oven. I like having to wash the meat grease that you left on it after.... it didn't get washed, was left in the oven and then baked on when I preheated the oven. I forgot you don't function like an adult.
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Up until yesterday, it was sitting in the sink in pink water with what looked like pieces of curdled milk floating around in it for over two weeks. Then, he cleaned SOME of his dishes and a medley of others, including my glassware (mind you, he's already using my other one in the fridge, so I have none at this point).
No apology because he's not wrong. It's soaking. I wonder what three weeks of soaking gets. I stuck my finger in there and it comes right off...Seems like it needs a scrubbing not a soaking.
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He Likes To...
try and guilt me into taking his dog out at midnight because...he thought he'd be back but sorry, he's getting laid. So....I'm supposed to haul my ass out of bed so YOUR dog doesn't pee in MY apartment because...you're getting sex. How does that work in my favor?
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For A Week and a Half
He had someone over late or spending the night for 10 of the past 12 days.
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Now I Hide...
My pans. I also hide my baking supplies. He seems to forget that I don't buy his groceries.
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