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Seeing a comic based on my microfiction trending again and being unable to reblog it even though I genuinely appreciate the artist's time and effort because I strongly disagree with one specific interpretive choice they made may well be the least relatable problem I've ever had, but here we are.

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I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”

the crowd murmurs uncertainly.

“If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”

Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.

“People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”

“I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.

“You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.

“Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid

This is a metaphor

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I love action figures whose entire reason for existing is clearly "we ordered too much of a particular colour of plastic". When I was a kid I had a metallic gold Batman.

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Finally figured out how to permanently disable google assistant on phone

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I sometimes wonder now many people would go in for a Paris Catacombs type burial situation if that was an option in their home town. No marked grave, no memorial, just having all the flesh chemically stripped from their skeleton, which is then disassembled and incorporated into an anonymous wall of bones in some kind of fucked up underground labyrinth where people can walk through and look at the bones. I have to imagine there's a non-trivial market for that.

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Apparently my stepdad and I are fucking psychically linked because ?? every single time he makes chili for dinner I get a migraine. Without fail. And it became like a ha ha running joke because it happened so many times but now I’m living 3 hours away from my parents and I just texted my mom and

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

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They’ll never do a Hitman level set in a Furry Convention because gamers would absolutely ruin it but imagine. like the target isn’t a furry he just owns a hotel that happens to have one every year but you can disguise yourself in a fursuit and some guy will ask you “what species is your sona” and 47 would be like “a wolf. i always felt a connection with…hunters.” and then diana would be like “let’s see if you can sniff out some information, furrty-seven” and then he comes to my house and kills me for writing this

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Snak.

take my mermaid quiz boy

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A crossover of Spy x Family and Batman I made by photoshopping different panels together. I hope you enjoy

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A popular artist suddenly made a trans man comic, and the viewers are not getting it

Being against a trans man's transition because you think it's too boring is transphobic, actually.

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Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.

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All my haters become aligators when I activate my gatorinator.

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