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I had a dream last night I got topped by some dude in a fan fiction but then the fan fiction took a different direction and I was sad :(

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"Do you want a boyfriend/girlfriend?" no i want a best friend/roommate/soulmate that I can go on silly adventures with and hang out with and have deep intellectual discussions with and we can be life partners without any of the romance stuff

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"being gay is unnatural" have you ever met a plant gay. the gays can't keep themselves away from the natural

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The Rock asked me to marry him in the middle of the Met Gala but I left him for Nicky Minaj.

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shoutout to my homies who are deeply bizarre and have something wrong with them

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Strange aeons was teaching a class about cat food. I remember most of the class remarkably well, but the one line that will not leave my mind is “ham is a type of domesticated politician that we hunt for sport”.

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Update:

Transsexual Now

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Hey, Hayden go to hell, you are a misanthropic idiot who does not deserve the platform that you have. There is no reason to even attempt to ally with reactionaries in the fight for a more sustainable future when they want both me and you dead

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I am proud to announce that I am now the assistant manager of a KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken, for you ignorant non Americans)! KFC is my second favorite three letter acronym after CBT, which stands for Cognative Behavioral Torture as well as Cock and Ball Therapy

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Drag but I turn into a giant bird and start eating people in the audience while born this way by Lady Gaga plays in the background

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If elected as President, what changes would you make to labour laws?

Mandatory annual billionaire hunger games

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Spotted at a pizza joint in Luigi Mangione’s hometown.

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Tumblr recap:

You only rambled autistically for 11,000 words this year, do better next time

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okay i'm locking these in early i know what's gonna happen i'm calling it now

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I'm a brand new frog

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I had a vision. They're sister albums to me