faeriegodpwn - Tumblr blog

[faeriegodpwn]

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

[faeriegodpwn]

My friend sometimes brings her six-year-old to our DnD sessions and my husband (the DM) lets her roll for all enemy attacks and sometimes he will show her a few figures and let her secretly pick what creature we meet next. Who needs encounter tables when you have a first-grader around

[faeriegodpwn]

Credit to owner

[faeriegodpwn]

Artificer: “I have a question. Given that this thief just stole a holy symbol off a paladin, does that impose disadvantage on the saving throw (vs. the paladin’s spectral vines)?”

GM: “It does now.”

[faeriegodpwn]

ive found that partially treated mental illness can sometimes look to uninvolved onlookers like faked mental illness.

[faeriegodpwn]

E.R. Comics, Ryan Pequin

[faeriegodpwn]

[faeriegodpwn]

It's so funny that Misa is famous. Imagine that you're a normal ass cop and you get put on a special task force to catch a mass murderer. And you meet with the expert detective in charge. And he tells you your top 2 suspects are a random teenager and like. Ariana grande

[faeriegodpwn]

prison

let... me .... out ...........

[faeriegodpwn]

“Dogs don’t know what they look like. Dogs don’t even know what size they are. No doubt it’s our fault, for breeding them into such weird shapes and sizes. My brother’s dachshund, standing tall at eight inches, would attack a Great Dane in the full conviction that she could tear it apart. When a little dog is assaulting its ankles the big dog often stands there looking confused — “Should I eat it? Will it eat me? I am bigger than it, aren’t I?” But then the Great Dane will come and try to sit in your lap and mash you flat, under the impression that it is a Peke-a-poo… Cats know exactly where they begin and end. When they walk slowly out the door that you are holding open for them, and pause, leaving their tail just an inch or two inside the door, they know it. They know you have to keep holding the door open. That is why their tail is there. It is a cat’s way of maintaining a relationship. Housecats know that they are small, and that it matters. When a cat meets a threatening dog and can’t make either a horizontal or a vertical escape, it’ll suddenly triple its size, inflating itself into a sort of weird fur blowfish, and it may work, because the dog gets confused again — “I thought that was a cat. Aren’t I bigger than cats? Will it eat me?” … A lot of us humans are like dogs: we really don’t know what size we are, how we’re shaped, what we look like. The most extreme example of this ignorance must be the people who design the seats on airplanes. At the other extreme, the people who have the most accurate, vivid sense of their own appearance may be dancers. What dancers look like is, after all, what they do.”

— Ursula Le Guin, in The Wave in the Mind (via fortooate)

[faeriegodpwn]

ⓘ A sewing machine is a device that provides a several-fold increase of the speed at which you can make mistakes

[faeriegodpwn]

went to a discussion led by elliot page earlier today and there were many good things said but at one point the other presenter asked him "what's a cool thing about yourself that has nothing to do with being trans?" and he said "uhh this is all I've got going for me" and then paused before adding "if anyone has three oranges, I can juggle"

[faeriegodpwn]

I’m like 99% sure the Gotham Elite’s social customs are fucked up because Autism-in-Human-Form Bruce Wayne was just so fucking tired of high society’s weird and incomprehensible (and frankly ableist) social etiquette that he went full Virgin Mary About-to-Invent-a-Major-World-Religion, said “oh haven’t you heard?” and just started making his own random social rules. Like who’s going to stop him? The other elites? The dinosaur CEO’s? He’s richer. He hosts the better parties. He could tank your business in a weekend. So when he says “Weird passive aggressive fork language is out. Having a different utensil for every different food texture is in,” you use a different utensil for every food texture. Now when foreign elites visit Gotham, they have to learn a completely new set of social customs to fit in. It’s like a cult, but the cult is run by the most influential man in the world and Gotham’s personal Jesus. The followers are more likely than not mafia bosses named after a bird. You will be judged. There’s a test. Yes, you do get brownie points for being nice to the servers. For the love of god, stop making so much eye contact. The cloth napkins are folded into little ducks. Welcome to Gotham.

[faeriegodpwn]

guy who does a cost benefit analysis that concludes killing the ceo is the most profitable opinion

[faeriegodpwn]

The Corinthian walks into a bar..

Bartender: How would you like your drink, Sir?

The Corinthian: Just 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭 it.

[faeriegodpwn]

[faeriegodpwn]

The one to rule them all: Fandom content creators.

The Four Sacred Artistic Motives:

-what if this bad thing was good instead

-how about Make-Believe Land can have whatever I want

-would that be fucked up or what

-I think that shit's hot