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HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? THE ANSWER: WEAK. NEVER PIT A THERAPIST AGAINST ANOTHER ONE FOR THE SAKE OF BOTH. NEITHER OF THEM ARE OKAY AND NEITHER OF THEM WILL ADMIT IT. DIAGNOSIS: SELF-AWARE BUT ALSO SELF-IGNORANT. ALSO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SHUT UP.

STAGE ONE : STATISTICS.

full name: anchalee srisuwan nicknames: ana , cat , swan ( by ex, don't call her that she will start having a breakdown ) … age: thirty2 date of birth: january ninth. gender: cis woman. pronouns: she + her sexuality: bisexual, kinsey four place of birth: bangkok, thailand current residency: a cozy two-bedroom studio apartment in wicklow, vermont. one bedroom, the one furthest down the hall, has its door firmly shut and is covered in a layer of dust. it hasn’t been touched since five years ago and cat doesn’t like anybody trying to pry into the details of exactly who used to live there. rest assured, there are no dead bodies in there. she’s not exactly the murdering type. gives out the most candy on halloween night in her neighborhood. occupation: kindridge counseling center licensed therapist at wicklow ridge family clinic. formerly a surgeon at some huge hospital in a big city. nobody’s quite sure how she got her license but she does her job well enough.

education: has a degree in medicine and was a former surgeon. spent two years in community college due to financial issues. languages spoken: speaks fluent english and thai. skills: analyzing people unprompted , being off-putting , true master of work / at home persona , has eyesight like a hawk, being a nonchalant perfectionist because it never works out when she puts effort into things. religion: still attends church once every few sundays - converted to catholicism at twenty-one when she moved to america at the request of another. there’s a dusty bible laying on her dining table but it hasn’t been touched in years and a wooden cross hanging on the wall - but they weren’t put up for her. mainly still practices out of something resembling grief.

tw for mentions of death, car accidents (kinda) & drunk driving.

mother: deceased, died a few months after ana was born - grandmother said it was from heartbreak. bullshit, but she hasn’t managed to gather up the courage to ask the truth. father: bastard, left home one day and never came back. didn’t even bother to pack up his backs. grandmother said she never liked him, that mother was a fool to fall in love with him. nobody in the family cares if he’s dead or not. siblings: oldest brother ; ( wanted connection ) lost contact with him after anchalee and malai both moved to america - only five years later did he receive a phone call from a tired, tired voice telling him that hansawee was dead. an accident. cat isn’t quite sure when exactly he moved to wicklow and has never bothered to ask, because she doesn’t talk to him anymore. at most, a prolonged glance at the supermarket when passing by. makes sure to always walk a bit faster when she sees him. twin sister ; deceased - anchalee’s closest friend. it was her, malai’s idea to move to america, her idea to start going to church every sunday and her idea to move into the apartment that ana vaguely haunts nowadays. got hit by a drunk driver five years after they both moved to wicklow and died from her injuries. children: none.

STAGE TWO: BIOGRAPHY.

tw warning for mentions of death, car accidents (kinda) , drunk driving, mentions of being on medication (antidepressants).

SHE STARTS GENTLE. soft spoken girl, hands always folded neatly in lap and legs both firmly planted on ground. the type that one doesn't look at a second time. not belonging but not eye-catchingly sticking out. the subway station's announcement blares that they are at their stop. the twins leave. nothing changes. nobody looks up from their phone. nobody cares. that night, she announces to malai that she got a job at the general hospital. they're both happy. everything's fine.

they are no longer in new york city, but in a small city called wicklow in vermont. VERMONT IS BORING. she gets a job at the local family clinic. days and nights melt together until it all slows down with a halting screech. a late night phone call, and the man on the line tells her that her sister is in the hospital. she got hit by a drunk driver. she's in critical condition. the moment the man stops speaking she presses the hang up button and rushes for the door. gets her shoes on and doesn't even bother to get into the car, just runs out of the door and into the cool night air.

the receptionist looks at her like she's a dead person walking. she doesn't care. words come spilling out, my twin was hit by a drunk driver and i need to find her before she dies. her name is malai srisuwan. m-a-l-a-i s-r-i-s-u-w-a-n. they point her to a room. she starts sprinting. the receptionist yells no running and anachalee resists the urge to give her the middle finger. hands grip the doorknob and twist, hard. and there is malai - cat's closest friend, confidant, the person she's trusted and grew up beside for her entire life.

malai dies shortly after. the funeral is small. a few friends of malai's, anchalee can recognize. somebody send her flowers. they rot in the living room. one sent her a card that sat on the dining table for at least a month before getting touched. neighbor knocks on her door and offers brownies. she accepts, bowing and eats a piece before throwing the rest in the fridge. sobs in the living room sometimes, shuts the room to malai's door and never opens it again. sobs in the hallway. doesn't show up at work for two months but isn't fired because she's the most competent therapist they have probably. after six months the physiatrist gives her antidepressants and anchalee accepts them.

it's been years. everything is fine now. anchalee smiles more now. everything is fine.

tba probably i wrote this in twenty minutes so im sorry.

STAGE THREE: WANTED CONNECTIONS.

EX-GIRLFRIEND, antagonistic / weirdly romantic, thirty to thirty-five. creator of the nickname swan, on-and-off enemies with benefits (both say this and yet they both have feelings that linger). ended horribly after anchalee was in a spiral a few years back. that's all. pls give me her.

um. i'll add more later.