failureisadream

[failureisadream]

damn. I apparently needed to cry

[failureisadream]

I had a dream. Where i was on a boat that sunk. I shoved my friend out the way to save her before the boat hit her while it flipped over. But i drowned because of it. Ot was a weird thing where she still thought that i was right next to her and I was screaming in her face that i wasn't, that i was drowning. She didn't go look for me. I had to save myself. I had to swim to the bottom of the ocean and drag me up.

Apparently even my dreams know that I save people until I drown. And when i do. No one listens. And I have no one to save me but myself.

[failureisadream]

maybe dreams are right maybe I'm supposed to save myself

[failureisadream]

im sorry Jude. You're better off without me

[failureisadream]

i have no one.

I shouldn't have anyone.

But it hurts.

[failureisadream]

jus wanndafa to love me

[failureisadream]

having a shit load of urges

I should not be left alone

[failureisadream]

Why do I always feel so numb. There's just nothing just murmurs of ehat an emotion feels like. Im scared? Im think im scared that im going to never feel again. What if i can never feel love again. What if i can never feel truly happy. What if i can't be sad. What if I cant love people and they all leave. I still think i love the people in my life but its foggy. And the fog goes both ways. Everytime i say i love you because i know in my head its true im scared im lying in my heart. Everytime someone says i love you back it just feels like an every day statement. I can't tell who i am anymore. I don't think i am anymore. People don't ave a void of existence. My memories aren't the same when you don't know what joy feels like again. And our existence, our whole form of connection to the world os built on experiences and memories. But i feel nothing. I have nothing. in deleting this soon because no one needs to deal with my emotions or lack thereof

[failureisadream]

I have no one

[failureisadream]

i don't have anyone left.

[failureisadream]

I MADE MY GIRLFRIEND 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Hehehefegsfzixigixgdhodp

(she kinda freaked out about it but I genuinely don't mind)

[failureisadream]

what if I'm not actually a system

What if it's all been a lie

[failureisadream]

I’d be more lovable dead

[failureisadream]

scared scared scared scared scared scared

[failureisadream]

forgive me

[failureisadream]

there has to be psychology behind all of this

[failureisadream]

apparengly I always cry on May 7