fallontheangel - Tumblr blog

[fallontheangel]

It’s been too constant. What are you trying to say

[fallontheangel]

I haven’t been here in a while.

None of the people around me really care enough to ask about me. I’m including everyone yet feeling so apart from them all. Someone ask me what’s going on? Even if I don’t know.

[fallontheangel]

1319

[fallontheangel]

The show u told me to watch is all about old love

Love with friends...

What are you trying to do?

I never thought I was in love with you

[fallontheangel]

Idk I’m in this weird place rn w ______ where there’s all this pressure when other ppl are around when we talk but if it’s just me and him it’s chill and rlly fun

....

Hence the reason we couldn’t make it work

...

Bc people couldn’t mind their dam business

Am I really letting this go thru my head rn?

[fallontheangel]

bye bye .., what could’ve been sweet ended so sour

[fallontheangel]

Cooling down

[fallontheangel]

Oh I’m so %*#$&! pissed

Dearest diary,

Fear me, today.

You think you are so sly

plotting that my heart would vie

the love that once was there

Had been gone since I cut my hair

It’s so aggravating you think I would be yours again that easily

You think I would just say okay and f*ck u feverishly

So naive and repulsive for u to assume

I can’t believe u think I’m gonna pop like a balloon

I mean god Jesus get a f*cking clue!!

U saw me aching for months not knowing what to do

The worst part is everyone partakes

Even though they were front row to see my heart break

.

I can’t wait to tell you off

[fallontheangel]

U fucking wish

[fallontheangel]

Things when we’re alone

How simple it feels to be unbothered

Then the energy is disturbed and eventually slaughtered

How come you act so poorly I wonder to myself

It’s like you’ve taken our relationship and put it on your shelf

That shelf isn’t even on display it’s the one in your closet

You close the closet doors and walk away, basically forgot it

I just want to know when you’re going to rediscover that love

Maybe never maybe it’s said and done when push comes to shove.

[fallontheangel]

Creative energy

[fallontheangel]

I just read my tarot cards (actually Carlie read)

It’s the first time I’ve let someone close to my thoughts tell me my reading and it felt so much more calming. The presence of me having to stare, and explain to myself is half of my problem. According to my cards my biggest problem is trying to control my life and not letting half the responses I receive be directed from partial fate/partial fault.

[fallontheangel]

Happy New Year

New year same you

I couldn’t be more underwhelmed

My mind and feelings seem the same too

But.

I’m not going to let that happen again

You controlled most of my 2019

Abused and distraught i won’t let you in.

I will be strong, know my worth, and be seen.

Thank you? No. I’ll thank myself when i feel the change.

[fallontheangel]

MySpace vibes or sumn

[fallontheangel]

The falling action

Yet I’m rising up from the ashes

July 26 - 54th entry

August 6 - 55th-56th entry

This. This is how I feel. No I don’t feel mad and I don’t feel hate. I just am at peace and continuing to be great. Am I past a stage yes. I will be my best. I’m not done learning to love myself. But I’m done ignoring my health. This path has curved around but my feet have been planted to the ground. I hope nothing but good is to come. I’m taking new steps to the beat of my drum

//

Isn’t it funny I could have figured this out so long ago. Not mad just a tip for next time

Cheers to a libra+rising capricorn+pisces moon && an Aries+rising leo+Gemini moon

September 16th - 56th-57th entry (last)

It’s been so long of a while. I’ve been feeling. So good. So so so good. Thanks to myself and no men at all. Sometimes a lil boost here n there but rlly. Thank u to my mental capacity and the ability to let things pass and go.

//

I have so much control it’s reflecting in my personality. I can’t tell whether to be proud or afraid, and I think people might begin to feel the same. Take a chance on me

reflection:

Thank you for bearing with me. The rest of this blog (besides the related posts) will be about my current growth. I needed this. I needed to move the boxes of these feelings into my new home, unpack them, and remind myself of where I used to be. Something I maybe didn’t know I needed. Thanks again.

[fallontheangel]

July 7 - a turning point

Periodt.

These four months

In these four months i have learned

I’ve hurt and it seems no wins have been earned

You’ve succeeded from the start

Unfair to do this to my heart

Yes you didn’t have feelings for me

But it didn’t mean you needed to agree

As time passed by

I would still cry

You forgot about it all

I’m worried this will last til the fall

You’ve already passed me in rebound

I feel like I cant even walk the same ground

I hate you for making me like this

But I’m glad I don’t even want you to kiss

I just want to be best friends again

But I don’t even think we can ever mend

Our group has completely dissolved

It’s solely your fault bc I’m involved

The respect you lack is where you go wrong

It’s why I’m about ready to be gone

We can’t exist in the same circles even if you wanted to

It’s over between us and I’ll admit it’s thanks to you.

[fallontheangel]

I’m really doing this to remind myself what not to do

March 24 - 34th entry

I miss you so much. Why would you go out of your way to push this only to push me too far. (In reference to the first time we snapped again today & then me seeing you went to the places you used to hang around with)

April 8 - 35th-36th entry

Happy birthday I love you.

I wanna say that bc I miss u and bc I love you. I thought about you a lot today to use u as an excuse in so many ways. Just reminded me of the truth.

Almost a month and it still hurts just as bad

April 21 - 37th-38th entry

Im just mad for a lot of reasons

U didn’t like me ——— “I broke up w u”

I should be better off — ur doing better

Nobody wants me -everybody still want u

U think we’re friends - I can’t be

//

U talk so much shit and then go back like???? And you want me to see ??? Like ur a worse piece of shit for this. You can’t be my friend if u blatantly act like this and hurt me. Who raised you?

39th entry

Whats going to make me hate you to get over you. The worst part about all of this fuss today is the fact that it’s been a month and a week and this little post on vsco sent me SPIRALING. When can we be normal. When can you notice. when will YOU ever hurt?

40th entry

April 30 - 42nd entry

Precisely what I’m doing thanks to the courtesy of your best friend telling me that you are so not worthy and that I can be bigger beautiful and better. I’m here for life and I’d like to live it. This new drive includes you coming to me if you would like. But I’m establishing now I’m never coming to you. Stooping down. Lowering myself to your below average self again. Never.

May 27 - 43rd-44th entry

Im just gonna say I was feeling low and like drake said “I needa one dance” and that shit lifted my sprits and every since then it’s been a sprinkling of you with a downpour of everything else.

Yesterday I got to yelling inside my head (I wish I could do it at you out loud but we all know why we didn’t do that in the first place) fr tho do you even think I’m the best thing to happen to you? Do you even get that I cried the day after for hours? You could still see it in the beach photos that made u think I was fine. How could you be so naive to tell EVERYONE I WASN’T HURTING. HOW DARE YOU TELL PEOPLE HOW I FELT WHEN YOU COULDNT EVEN TELL ME HOW YOU FELT. HOW DARE YOU ACT THIS WAY

May 30 - 45th entry

My chest was tight because of you

I thought it was past this point

The point of no return

Until she told me about the event

And oh did it burn

I felt my body dive for the cement

But instead my heart lept out

I knew the words were coming

But I didn’t think I’d wanna pout

My cheeks burning heart drumming

I just needed to never know

I hate this world for doing this

It’s never stop always go

It seems like I’m a swing and a miss

And you’re always hitting a home run

This game is exhausting because you win

Will This game ever be fun

Im not a poor sport u just make my head spin

U never deserved me or my cheer

My attitude always bright

Ur winning is my biggest fear

Myself and your actions to fight.

May 28 - 46th entry

. I need this closure and I need it now, I need it from you

Maybe just a rebound would suffice

But that would mean mommy has to be nice

I need to go and run a muck

So I can forgot you with a quick little fuck

June 5th - 47th entry

June 20 - 51st entry

I came in open to being friendsn today and u had to FUCK UP. I’m more hurt by the fact that you have no respect for my space or feelings (but why is this even surprising) you left the party to fuck MY FRIEND who KNEW ABOUT US SO FUCK U BIG TIME

June 29 - 52nd entry

I am not going to lie I really be feelin good lately until I see someone tall n cute n then I just wanna ask if I can put my head against their chest lol fuc after typing that I Feel ewie sorry

July 6 - 53rd-55th entry

At this point I think I’m scarred for life of dating friends. I think the timing ruined everything. These friends associated with the both of us and even though IM being mature about it I just feel like the loyalty aspect is killing me and the whole squad so

Ur fault I’m not going to expect anything anymore

//

I want you to see me thrive but I think u not even being able to see or (actively not like my photos) will send you a better message so check soon xo

//

I wanna have a big family meeting and call you on your bullshit but at this point like will I gain or lose ?? I kinda feel like is it better to speak or die

///

....almost done