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[fami-blogs-blog]

I guess this is what it means to be a spouse. To deal with each other’s past. And worry that they should not say the wrong name. Or utter a place no one should have gone to.

I guess it is a test of time - maybe of love too That you sit second guessing the other’s intention. But you know he loves you, and you know you love him more. And you sit wondering with your elbows on the kitchen table top whether he dreams of you when he sleeps Whether you’re the only face he sees when you share a kiss.

- FH

[fami-blogs-blog]

Designs

There are these designs revolving in my mind. Some spirals and lines Some pearls and silver sheets - strewn Painted flowers on the side.

The leaves are large and overreaching and big enough to hold a picnic basket and brandy Then the designs change - a tapestry With colourful Ottoman horses and shrines

Of princesses with broken hearts. Maybe you stitched them, maybe I dreamt them. Meanwhile, we talk about the celestial life. A new moon held by strings that reach

A new sky. A new night. The designs I remember the most are the ones your fingers make on my spine Etching your own name over and over with mine

- Fatima Hasan.

[fami-blogs-blog]

And I sat colourlessly, blankly, watching a thousand fish prance gladly in front of me somewhere in the back of an old woman's mind...

[fami-blogs-blog]

Time

Time is waiting for food Take aways and deliveries both

Time is waiting to go back home From work and sometimes airports

Time - a thing inconsequential on its own Until you realise the time gained, and time lost

And a time for coffee that could have been better with a lover And a time for slumber that went to hell when work piled up.

A time for doctors, engineers and accountants Sometimes there’s time for poets or even an archeologist.

Sometimes there’s no time. Sometimes it’s just a weekend in a forlorn island.

On those starry nights when I looked up at a sky alone And he sat a while away - it didn’t matter.

Sometimes you run into an old friend Time is regained. It’s better if you stay.

Sometimes it’s a white fence that reminds you of a sweet kiss. Sometimes it’s a nightmare that makes you run back, love.

Sometimes white roses just don’t appeal to you anymore. You’d rather have a kitchen garden or orchids in your dining room.

Time is not all - but it is the king of everyone. There is a time to live and a time to die. And time to rethink.

There’s a time to hate, sometimes fall in love. Sometimes it’s only in a cafe where Time decides to dine.

It’s better if you dine as well. It’s better if you hold his hand.

Sometimes, you don’t need Time. So it goes away on the next bus somewhere.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

Interruptions

17 interruptions Then 5 more Make it stop.

Pretty soon there will be 35 in one conversation 25 in the cabin room of a train station.

Another 13 while smoking a cigarette Another 9 in the kitchenette

Silence in the bedroom Then late nights - (jokingly) apart.

You don’t listen. You don’t talk. You don’t eat. You don’t feel.

No, I couldn’t. I put on a primer to go for a walk I put on a mascara not meant for use I put on a red lipstick for absolutely no one. No wait, she told me. They told me. Sit, don’t talk back.

My voice drowns.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

In Town

The sunlit leaves bristle against my palm And the sand and the sea prance in the background Beach blankets, the scent of sunscreen and broken seashells

All complete this town called Sitges.

The gay bars, the violet neon lights The gin and tonic and octopus tentacles The classic margarita with cheap tequila

All complete this town called Sitges

The turquoise dresses, dark green kimono ZARA accessories, red lipsticks and eyeliners The taxi strikes, long conversations by the pool.

All complete this town called Sitges.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

Aloe Vera

I wrote a poem a few years ago about you And how you make my hair shine, And how your medicinal qualities are exceptional

You were the first thing I thought about during that class assignment.

Now I have nightmares about your stems stretching out like octopus tentacles Coming after me, trying to choke me.

Trying to tie me down in the gardens where you grow so freely. You’re unbeatable. I have watched you grow.

Maybe that’s why you were the first thing that I thought about During that class assignment.

There are so many of you. Your force multiplies in my nightmares. You’re evergreen, ever ready to strike.

I don’t think I can write about you anymore.

As I did during that class assignment when you were the first thing I thought about When I was told to write.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

The road was lonely, dark and free And I was constrained in your silence. There were no sounds or alleyways And so I took off my clothes Much to your dismay.

The streets were wise, far and true And I could not continue With your ways, and I strayed So, so many times. Now I may be lost, but I am close to what I wanted, to what I now know And it was not in vain.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

Smile

Your smile after a hard day’s work is like the harvest at its peak Yellow, with the hazel eyes of a girl twinkling in a lilac summer dress Your smile is like the smell of beauty products at a salon meant only to breathed by sleeping, homeless men Your Smile, in all its entirety is like the planets stretched out in front of me, and the farthest one gleams the brightest - and I hear falling stars screaming your name.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

VISA

we stand a long time in lines verifications, applications, identifications the blank faces, the questions

time stops. the visa rejections on one side, happy faces smiling “we are going on a vacation”

down cast. women who can’t read can’t write. “she is my wife. I am in charge.”

children; clueless, agitated they fall asleep on the steel benches

the laughter, the gossip shared amongst colleagues that girl is so fine, that one is unemployed, how awful!

she is dependent on her husband. look at this bank statement. I wonder what he does.

oh look, two sisters going on a vacation, what are you escaping from? a broken heart, a loveless life, electricity breakouts?

the seats begin to get more and more uncomfortable. a board reads; visa processing takes two weeks.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

My love

My nightmares hung low Over the blanket that coveted You, and our dogs lay sleeping And I climbed down a chimney To keep you safe.

My love, like cement, like snow Colourless and unbountiful Exhausted…but still there Kept still and none but you Knew of its faint and warm existence

My love; that was dying Was awakened, by your nightly breathing And as I saw you serene in your sleep I coveted you with my skin Keeping the bones to myself.

Now, my love has been awakened By the length of your eyelashes, and your brown eyes once more lit up my soul, and now I know that my love persists even when I don’t love.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

It was wrong of me to associate you with the colour green No, you’re a beautiful shade of night, a beautiful colour of yourself.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

Exist Learn Sleep Love And hold on to yourself

- FH

[fami-blogs-blog]

Your hand movements during long conversations calm me better than warm baths.

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

And then we dream dreams we dare not dream. And you make me believe anything is possible. So I continue…

- Fatima Hasan

[fami-blogs-blog]

And then there were the leaflets torn out Each one a different colour The hues of orange and greens and coral and teal And then there was you, with the lightness in your step. And then there was me, watching you, as if under a spell.

- Fatima Hasan