family-counselling - Tumblr blog

[family-counselling]

𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆

I received a wedding invitation from the neighborhood. On opening the invitation letter, I was doubly happy. After days and months of waiting, the differently abled young man was at last getting married. Preparations for the grand marriage were afoot with all gaiety. Those who attended the marriage were all praise for the large-hearted bride. Days passed by. The differently abled bridegroom, who was initially happy for having got a young and beautiful girl as his wife, was soon crestfallen.

He could stumble upon the fact that the apparently large-hearted young girl did not have a sense of sacrifice in marrying him. When parents hunt for life partners for their differently abled boy or girl, when things get delayed, they begin to think that one from a poor family or from their own family would be a good match and they would take good care of them.

They do not take into account the plight of the bride or bridegroom involved. Those who arrange the marriage go away like the black clouds that clear without coming down in rain. Those who had given their consent for marriage because of poverty suffer in pain without being able to tell the truth. However hard they try to keep their pain suppressed, what they hide for long erupts one day causing great pain to the differently abled people.

When they begin to compare their life with that of their friends, their inability to live normally, they are overcome by feelings of depression.

The parents of differently abled people are full of love for their children. They expect the same love from the bride or the bridegroom. Soon problems arise between /daughter in law/son-in-law/and parents of differently abled people. When the excessive love they expect does not show up, they are sorely disappointed. Problems soon crop up and the daughter-in-law/the son-in law are intent on discarding the parents of differently abled people.

Those who show kindness and care towards the challenged people are really God’s own people. Sharing one’s own life with such people is akin to serving God. Jesus Christ says one will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven unless one becomes like little children. The children here are none other than differently abled people. In marrying a challenged person selfless love and a sense of sacrifice should be the motives behind such a union and not monetary benefits.

To get this Happy Family Tips on your mobile, type ENG and WhatsApp to +91 93 42 80 71 51. And contact us if you need personal counselling.

Author: Rev. V. Stephen Muller Published by: Counselling Centre - CSI Tirunelveli Diocese

Kindly support Our Charity Project

www.AnbinIllam.Org

[A rehabilitation centre for mentally ill and desperate Men and Women]

Food for 100 Nos [50 men + 50 women] mentally ill Inmates

Break Fast : Rs.5,000 | Lunch: Rs.8,000 | Dinner: Rs.5000

Our Bank Account Details

Ac Name : Bishop Sargent Anbin Ilam

Ac No : 0067 0100 00 39275

IFSC No : IOBA 000 00 67

SWIFT Code : IOBA INBB 100

Bank : Indian Overseas Bank

Branch : Palayamkottai, Tirunelveli

Our Address

Bishop Sargent Anbin Illam, Opp. to Cathedral(Tower) Church, No.20, Guru Street,Murugankurichi Palayamkottai, Tirunelveli Tamilnadu,South India Pincode: 627 002

Contact No : +91 93 42 80 71 51

Website : www.AnbinIllam.Org

[family-counselling]

𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓭𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾?

East Germany and West Germany had a long-standing conflict between each other especially during 1961 – 1989. East Germany was intent on expressing their anger and hate. This they did by throwing out garbage into the side of West Germany. Seeing this provocation, the people of West Germany took a momentous decision. Collecting as many fruits as possible, they put them in a bundle along with a note and threw the collection of fruits into East German territory. In the note it was written: “Thanks for giving us what you have given. We have been able to give you only whatever we have.” Seeing this, the East German people were filled with tearful remorse. They never did the same thing again.

For those who are getting ready to enter married life and for those living a married life, what are the questions we have to raise? The TV programs we watch, the events that unfold in others’ houses, the way our parents deal with us and all gathered through network get stored up in our treasure house called heart. These things come out in the form of love and affection or irritation. As the Holy Bible says one who is good at heart is all likely to give his wife good things from the treasure of his heart. The one who is wicked is sure to give her anger, irritation, suspicion, violence and noisy brawl.

A quarrelsome husband may tell that he did this because of his wife’s actions. We should keep calm even when others attack us with suspicion, irritation and suppression. Instead of losing our cool, we should be kind and friendly with those who provoke us. We should also be soft spoken and humble. When we go on providing with the life partner all good things in life, she is sure to regret her actions and feel ashamed for her past actions.

Once, a man went on driving his car following all the traffic rules. But a speeding car from the opposite side came rushing flouting all traffic rules. Moreover, he started abusing the one who was driving carefully. His friend who was with him asked him why he was keeping silent in spite of driving safely. He replied that his heart was laden with garbage and he was intent on dumping it down elsewhere. So, it is better not to give him an opportunity. If we provoke him, he will do the same thing. If we remain silent, he will carry his own garbage.

In family life, we have to be wary of the quarrelsome ones. We should not try to justify our stand as that will not help us much. Our patience and silence will not give them an opportunity to prove their stand and flare up in anger. It is God’s duty to give them proper reply. We should not answer back. We are all God’s children and so let us have godlike qualities in us. This will help us live a happy married life.

To get this Happy Family Tips on your mobile, type ENG and WhatsApp to +91 93 42 80 71 51. And contact us if you need personal counselling.

Author: Rev.V.Stephen Muller Published by: Counselling Centre - CSI Tirunelveli Diocese

Kindly support Our Charity Project

www.AnbinIllam.Org

[A rehabilitation centre for mentally ill and desperate Men and Women]

Food for 100 Nos [50 men + 50 women] mentally ill Inmates

Break Fast : Rs.5,000 | Lunch: Rs.8,000 | Dinner: Rs.5000

Our Bank Account Details

Ac Name : Bishop Sargent Anbin Ilam

Ac No : 0067 0100 00 39275

IFSC No : IOBA 000 00 67

SWIFT Code : IOBA INBB 100

Bank : Indian Overseas Bank

Branch : Palayamkottai, Tirunelveli

Our Address

Bishop Sargent Anbin Illam, Opp. to Cathedral(Tower) Church, No.20, Guru Street,Murugankurichi Palayamkottai, Tirunelveli Tamilnadu,South India Pincode: 627 002

Contact No : +91 93 42 80 71 51

Website : www.AnbinIllam.Org

[family-counselling]

𝕋𝕨𝕠 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕟𝕖…

The Holy Bible says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! How true it is in every respect!

I read about a tragic incident that had happened near Katpadi. There was a firecrackers shop that got involved with a serious fire accident. The owner of the shop died instantly and so did his two grandchildren. The mother who had lost her children was affected by inconsolable grief. She jumped in front of a train and ended her life. The mother had been in a state of depression. The husband was not nearby to comfort her. After the birth of the two children, they had got separated and lived alone. She went to work alone thinking that she could manage her life alone. But that was not to be. When this unforeseen tragedy struck, there was no one around to comfort her and so the fateful decision to commit suicide.

The Holy Bible says: “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up”. Many are familiar with this experience. When one is young and energetic, the gut feeling is that there is no need for a life partner and children with all the money flowing in. They believe that their parents, brothers and sisters and friends and relatives will come in handy when the need arises.

But they are sure to realise soon how foolhardy it is to rely on them. They have their own families, commitments and the problems as well. They will have no time to spare when we need them most. This will lead to great disappointment.

One may think that with money and power in one’s possession it would be possible to discard one’s life partner. But fortune may not favour us – we may not be able to earn as much as we wish to. Our power and position may not materialise as we desire. Our so-called close friends would soon realise that we no longer have money and power and so leave us in the lurch. When we have nobody to lean on, we will understand the value of our abandoned life partner.

It is indeed no use praying to the Sun after losing one’s eyesight. It is no use thinking about the importance of one’s wife or husband when it is too late. When we grow old losing our agility and physical prowess and in need of help and support from our friends we might have lost them in life’s long race.

Keeping these things in mind, King Solomon has reiterated the importance of living together. Discarding God-given wife, if one wants to live with his parents as in days of old, he is sure to get disappointed. His own parents will not be with him forever. He will be left alone. He will soon understand the colossal blunder he has committed. Even some parents themselves are responsible for egging on their children to take wrong decisions and to get separated from their life partners. This they do thinking that they are doing good to their children whereas this separation leads to lifelong misery. “What therefore God has joined together let not man separate”.

To get this Happy Family Tips on your mobile, type ENG and WhatsApp to +91 93 42 80 71 51. And contact us if you need personal counselling.

Author: Rev.V.Stephen Muller Published by: Counselling Centre - CSI Tirunelveli Diocese

Kindly support Our Charity Project

www.AnbinIllam.Org

[A rehabilitation centre for mentally ill and desperate Men and Women]

Food for 100 Nos [50 men + 50 women] mentally ill Inmates

Break Fast : INR 5,000 | Lunch: INR 8,000 | Dinner: INR 5000

Our Bank Account Details

Ac Name : Bishop Sargent Anbin Ilam

Ac No: 0067 0100 00 39275

IFSC No : IOBA 000 00 67

SWIFT Code : IOBA INBB 100

Bank Name : Indian Overseas Bank

Branch : Palayamkottai, Tirunelveli

Our Address

Bishop Sargent Anbin Illam, Opp. to Cathedral(Tower) Church, No.20, Guru Street,Murugankurichi Palayamkottai, Tirunelveli Tamilnadu,South India Pincode: 627 002

Contact No:

+91 875 491 3437, 0462 456 2373, 0462 2500 773

Website : www.AnbinIllam.Org

[family-counselling]

In families in which many live together, the words the family members make use of in their daily dealings assume great importance. When they speak, maybe the husband speaking to his wife or the wife talking to her mother-in-law or the parents interacting with their children, caution should be exercised in the choice of words. It is also important how the words spoken are interpreted. There are people who make no fuss about loaded words. At the same time there are some who wilfully misinterpret simple words to make it look like loaded words. It all depends on how one understands the words spoken.

It is common for the current generation to take loaded words as harmless ones and the simple and clear ones as ambiguous words capable of stirring up a hornet’s nest. Making a mountain out of a mole hole is very common which leads to friction between groups of people. Words spoken without any ulterior motive often create a ruckus ending up in abrupt cessation of friendly ties. If our forefathers had done such things we would not have had the opportunity of living with them happily for generations together. This shows that this living together has been possible only because of the tolerant attitude maintained by the other members of the family. When some of the family members lose their cool and flare up in anger, others turn a deaf ear to their use of harsh words treating it as something spoken in the heat of the moment.

Sukiselvam is a public speaker noted for his humour and positive thought. He spoke about his acquaintance who constructed a spacious house on the outskirts of the town. When the house was built not many houses were around. He often went to far off places for giving speeches on social issues. His wife had to pass her nights alone. One day his wife asked him to keep a dog at home which would provide her protection and company. A little dog was bought and taken care of. One fine morning, he got up and asked for coffee. She woke up and boiled the previous day’s milk for him. The dog came wagging its tail. Pitying the dog, he gave some coffee to it. The wife noticed it and admonished him for giving the dog coffee made out of the previous day’s milk.

Citing this incident, Sukiselvam tells that our family life is made or marred depending on the way we consider the incident. To respond negatively there are umpteen reasons. Am I and the dog same? Is the dog your bodyguard in my absence? If I drink yesterday’s milk nothing will happen to me. But the dog will get ill if it drinks it. Do you mean to say that I am inferior to this dog?

If the same incident is taken positively, the husband is sure to react differently. In my absence the dog is really a protector who is capable of warding off any evil that might happen to you. How kind of you to show this much of love and affection to a dog! It is not at all bad that the dog loves you as much as I love you.

We tend to understand things differently when a lovable word is spoken by one’s own mother and one’s mother-in-law. So is the case when one’s own brother says something and the same thing is uttered by his wife.

Whatever one speaks, the meaning depends on the one who listens to it. When rain falls down from the sky, it is pure and clear. Falling into the sea, it turns into salty and brackish water. The one that flows into a gutter becomes drain water. The rain that reaches a well becomes potable water that we drink. Thus it is important how we consider the words we come across. Harsh words will do no harm to people who take things in their own stride.

Jesus was humiliated by his enemies who spit in his face and struck him with their fists. But Jesus turned this world into a world of love with his kind words and his forgiving nature. Jesus, with his words “Father, forgive them”, turned the world into one of endless love. Jesus Christ is our role model. Let us all follow his footsteps.

To get this Happy Family Tips on your mobile, type ENG and WhatsApp to 93 42 80 71 51. And contact us if you need personal counselling.

Author: Rev.V.Stephen Muller Published by: Counselling Centre - CSI Tirunelveli Diocese

Kindly support Our Charity Project

www.AnbinIllam.Org

[A rehabilitation centre for mentally ill and desperate Men and Women]

[family-counselling]

All that glitters is not gold

One morning, we were on our way to attend a meeting at a far-off place. We entered a restaurant for breakfast. When we were having our breakfast, my friend noticed that the server who was serving us was exceedingly polite. He was repeatedly asking us with kindness if we wanted anything more. My friend, who was apparently moved by the kind gestures of the server, told me that even his wife never stood by him like this while serving him food. To him the server was definitely better.

What my friend had said was right. However, taking his statement at face value, we cannot come to the conclusion that the server was much better than my friend’s wife. One has to remember that all that glitters is not gold. Moved by the server’s actions, one should not speak ill of one’s wife or husband in the office. We should not engage in gossip and while away our time in the workplace uselessly passing unwanted remarks.

One has to remember that our subordinates generally flatter us to cull favours from us. They speak to us with their honeyed tongue in order to please us. Their words do not come out from the depth of their heart. They are empty and meaningless words aimed at fooling us.

When you are extremely busy at work, your wife may call you frequently on your mobile phone asking your whereabouts reminding you that you are to take her out in the evening as planned earlier. A co-worker may also find us busy at work and may go away feeling sorry about the interruption. However, these two interferences are different. The first one is born out of love. The wife has the right to nag her husband because she has nobody else to lean on. The co-worker will find different persons occupying the chair and the work will go on. The wife and the husband have no such options.

The example I want to cite may sound sickening. However, it is done with the good intention of driving home the point effectively. Those who are working in sex industry may treat their customers with great kindness. This they do to entice their clients. But a wife will never do this. One should not come to the conclusion that a sex worker is better. The Holy Bible says that love should be without hypocrisy. Understanding the difference between hypocrisy and genuine love will help us lead a peaceful life.

Most of the tablets are sugar coated. They are supposed to be swallowed. If one attempts to bite it and crush it in the mouth, one will have to taste the bitterness of the pill. When I am writing this, I get the daily newspaper which carries the news that a young woman had killed her second husband and had buried him at home. The root cause for such happenings is misplaced love. When one goes astray thinking of someone as a good speaker and a good friend, the consequences are disastrous. The wife and the husband are full of love even when they speak harsh words on occasions. They care for each other and their boundless love will prompt them to even lay down their lives if occasion so demands. The problem is with the failure to express their love for one another. The husband should understand that his wife’s intrusions are rooted in genuine love. This will help him lead a hassle free life.

To get this Happy Family Tips on your mobile, type ENG and WhatsApp to 93 42 80 71 51. And contact us if you need personal counselling.

Author: Rev.V.Stephen Muller Published by: Counselling Centre - CSI Tirunelveli Diocese

Kindly support Our Charity Project

www.AnbinIllam.Org

[A rehabilitation centre for mentally ill and desperate Men and Women]

[family-counselling]

Inappropriate Decisions

We all have our crosses to bear. This truism is universally applicable – in India as well as in China. In a remote part of China, a marriage ceremony was solemnised with all the pomp and ceremony of a grand wedding. The newly arrived bride called Lele soon found  that her mother-in-law was not to her liking. The initial dislike for her grew into an intense hatred. Lele thought that finishing her mother-in-law off was the only way out.

Lele went out one day seeking the service of a village doctor who could prescribe poison in the name of herbal medicine for her mother-in-law. Lele requested the village doctor to prepare a lethal poison to be administered to her mother-in-law. The doctor, after a moment of hesitation, went to the herbal garden in the backyard of his house and came out with a bagful leaves of different kinds. Lele’s joy knew no bounds.

The village doctor told Lele the dangers of giving her mother-in-law the potent poison in one go. If the mother-in-law died instantly, it would definitely arouse the suspicion of others. Lele would be in deep trouble. And so would the doctor. He advised her to add two leaves everyday while cooking. In six months time Lele’s mother-in-law would die without raising any doubt. Till that time, she should pretend to be extremely polite and excessively kind to her mother-in-law providing her with delicious food even without her asking for it.

Thinking that she could very well wait for six months Lele went home happily. She added only two medical leaves to her mother-in-law’s food. She treated her with unexpected kindness. The mother-in-law was overwhelmed with Lele’s kindness. She was no longer the mother-in-law who always spoke ill of her daughter-in-law to her neighbours. Speaking very high of her, she began to treat her as her own daughter. Lele was also taken aback by her sudden show of motherly affection. To her great surprise, she heard her neighbours lauding her for being very kind to her daughter-in-law. Lele was simply touched by her mother-in-law’s love and affection. The thought of her mother-in-law dying prematurely gave her extreme pain. Three months had already passed and her mother-in-law would breathe her last anytime. She thought that it would be better if the mother-in-law lived for some more time. With a heavy heart, she ran to the village doctor at once. She asked him if he could keep her mother-in-law alive with an antidote. This, she thought, would be good for both of them.

Smiling quizzically, he said to her, “Don’t worry. You mother-in-law will not die. The herb you have cooked with her food everyday is not poisonous. It is vitamin rich that will do no harm to her. I knew well that if you behaved well with your mother-in-law, she would also be kind to you. That is why I prescribed the harmless herb.”

When we deposit some amount of money into a bank account, we get it back with interest. Likewise, if we deposit love and affection in our association with others, we are sure to profit handsomely from it.

As the Bible says, we have to be indebted to no one except to one another in love. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

The one not loving has not known God, because God is love. Thus, the Holy Bible is replete with references to love. It is quite obvious that God is love and we have to follow him. When we adopt the good practice of loving others, even our enemies, nobody will stand up against us whether it is our mother-in-law, our father-in-law or our sister-in-law. Love will be the surest weapon to overcome them. Love is definitely the most powerful weapon in the whole world that will endure forever.

To get this Happy Family Tips on your mobile, type ENG and WhatsApp to 93 42 80 71 51. And contact us if you need personal counselling.

Author: Rev.V.Stephen Muller Published by: Counselling Centre - CSI Tirunelveli Diocese

Kindly support Our Charity Project

www.AnbinIllam.Org

[A rehabilitation centre for mentally ill and desperate Men and Women]