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fandomqueen696 · 1 year ago

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Complete Haikyuu smaus

(If you have any I should add just DM me or comment)

Main master list

Atsumu Miya x reader

Match point (Summary: Seven years ago you moved to the Hyōgo prefecture, met two demon twins, and regretted every decision you made since. Osamu and Atsumu aren’t going away no matter how much you beg. Maybe, giving in and being their manager will finally shut them up….)

so... what do you say(After finding your fiancé you have been with many years cheating on your best friend. You tried to confront them but they never showed up…So what do you do? You drink at the bar trying to figure out what to do. And who else there to help you if not the good looking stranger you met at the bar?)

Don't Miss Me (you, not big on relationships? who would’ve thought, besides everyone who’s ever met you. for years, your friends have always seen how commitment-phobic you are, and it’s bled into every relationship you’ve had. and once you meet college volleyball player, atsumu miya, it becomes very hard to stick to these morals. especially when all the two of you do is sarcastically flirt. however, just maybe, he’ll get through to you and become your shooting sta)

How to fall in love (summary : maybe trying to get your crush, Miya Osamu, who you’ve been crushing on ever since first year to fall in love with you wasn’t exactly the smartest plan… especially if Miya Atsumu was behind it all.)

all i want for christmas (Rumi Miya has only ever wanted one thing for as long as she could remember. A Mother. Being the child of Atsumu Miya has made her dream nearly impossible with all the fake women trying to snatch her papa up)

osamu miya x reader

plug walk (in honor of your friends birthday your friends and you all decided to get high. buying the drugs from no other than osamu miya. the most attractive dealer you’ve ever laid eyes on.)

were good(are we)(Osamu is getting married, and he’s fine with it, until he isn’t, and the first thing he does when leaving the venue is hiding and getting drunk. Naturally, nothing good can come out of this.)

Ukai X reader

Coincidence? Let’s Hope It Is (The way it all started was by stealing a bunch of tomatoes, everything down spiraled from there.)

Suna Rintarō x reader

when world colide Synopsis: In which, Sakusa Kiyoomi’s sister, Y/n accidentally hits her childhood friend’s teammate with a softball when their batter missed her pitch. Will this miss lead to something more? or will just end with goodbyes?

Interact (Suna Rintarou, number #10 middle blocker on Inarizaki’s volleyball team, finds a semi-popular tiktok account, and is immediately attracted to the girl. But what he isn’t aware of, is how that girl goes to his school and he could’ve passed her atleast once in the halls.)

You’re everything (Suna was the best boyfriend you could ask for, after fighting with your inner demons that screamed you were ugly, worthless, and annoying. You finally decided to go the next step with your boyfriend, only to find out it was all a game)

Still(an awkward dinner brings y/n and her high school ex, suna rintarou, back together as friends. just friends, right?)

meet me in the hallway summary: oikawa tooru was a member of one of the most known boy-bands in all japan, ‘seijoh club’. but then, he wasn’t part of it anymore. why? no one knew one thing is for sure though, when suna rintaro and (l/n) (y/n) were looking for a lead singer for their band, they never thought the oikawa tooru would be interested in joining them.

club stupid SYNOPSIS - Club Stupid, an anonymous podcast meant for the dumb and dumbest to send in unspoken and nonsensical thoughts about issues they face in their day to day lives and for Y/n to speak out and give her opinions and feelings. Normal feelings though, nothing romantic like how she thinks this lazy guy with questionable hair in the volleyball club is actually pretty cute.

swipe left summary: where suna and y/n both coincidentally at the same time makes a bet. both of which relates to them having a date, where’s a better place to find that someone than a dating app online?

instant boyfriend summary: Y/N has always been known for being shameless, single, and eccentric. when her friend, oikawa, discovers an app for finding a boyfriend, it seemed as if all her problems vanished—but here's the gist; her boyfriend is a robot? yet human at the same time? kinda?

INDIRECTS summary : in which you & suna rintarō are table partners, now turned best friends, who are desperate for something more between each other & are cluelessly making indirect posts about each other without even knowing.

harts cut (when Karasuno and Inarizaki hospitals are forced to merge, Karasuno’s fifth year residents are the least happy for it to happen. If it was only the merger though, you thought)

match maker (Y/N L/N an overworked chief secretary who has no time for relationships or anything of the sort nowadays. But, when she’s met with her best friend downloading an app for just the thing she doesn't have time for. She grieves, matchmaking was already a scam, what’s the point of finding love anyways?)

love is not for everyone (after years of not talking to each other, your childhood best friend decided to reach out again, how will everything go?)

reconecting (you meet tons of people during your lifetime, most will come and go, but one person seemed to make an impact—only to leave your life out of the blue. but you believed that if they aren’t dead yet, you’ll always meet them again. no matter the circumstances.)

Lovers rock(When a guy asks for your number, you sternly insist on a condition that leads to unexpected love.)

I wanna be yours(Y/N is a small business owner, offering her services not only as a designer but an at-home makeup artist and cosmetic producer as well. She's perfectly content with her small life when she's approached by the manager of the INARIZAKI band, asking for her to fill the position of backstage artist on short notice. Needing the money, and wanting the experience, Y/N agrees. Little does she know of the fatal attraction she will share with the band's lead, Suna Rintarou.)

Affairs in Managing (Inarizaki is in need of a manager and luckily, someone rose up to the challenge. It is said that they are unpredictable, but there’s something unexpected that happens.)

AS IF (what you want is what you get. thats how its always been for you growing up. but the one time you let time and destiny do it’s thing, surprise, surprise! it’s not how you want it to be. maybe you‘re just clueless on how things should play out without having it your way)

Kenma x reader

Love is hard for a gamer(When a rumor spreads saying that Kozume Kenma rejected a girl, all of his friends start marking fun of him; implying that he will never have a girlfriend if he keeps playing games. To prove his friends wrong, Kozume and y/n —the manager of the volleyball team—, start pretending that they are dating. But when one of them catches feelings… What will happen to their friendship?)

Chose unlimited (kenma kozume is a successful streamer and youtuber who honestly prefers his alone time but when you crash into his life, literally, will he end up falling for you?)

Mute(𝕤𝕪𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕤𝕚𝕤: enroute to being a neurosurgeon, y/n l/n doesn’t have time for fun, let alone dating. after her friends set her up on a blind date gone wrong, she comes face 2 face with none other than her date’s best friend. her world flips on axis, and suddenly she has no idea how her brain works, or love-at-first-sight)

whats a ibff (Y/N is a shy youtube gamer from Fukuoka who becomes friends with a group of youtubers from Tokyo that she met online. Kenma is a youtube gamer and twitch streamer from Tokyo who happens to be friends with one of Y/N’s internet friends. The two meet online through their mutual friend.)

Mincraft bed(truthfully despite playing minecraft everyday all day, you had never played bedwars. not because it wasn’t interesting but because you were terrible at competitive games, of course shoyo didn’t know that upon asking you to play. but i mean can you really be mad at shoyo when it lead you to him?)

「 sᴡᴇᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇ ᴘɪᴇ 」 (❝ Yn owner of a rising bakery cafe. One day a pudding head boy enter with his close friend looking for an apple pie. What will their future bring them when they keep meeting? ❞)

network love (this ones sad)(for Y/N, working for Bouncing Ball Corp. has been amazing. the salary is high, her co-workers are all genuinely kind and fun to hangout with, and lastly, her boss is hot as fuck. everything’s been good until she accidentally sends the wrong file—a file filled with her impromptu lingerie shoot.)

digging straight down (AFTER BREAKING the number one minecraft rule who knew you’d be pining after the one guy who made fun of you for it)

online friend(Y/N L/N is an anonymous gamer by the name of Sage that resides outside of Japan. While playing one day, they become friends with Kenma which leads to being dragged into his rambunctious friend group. With interactions becoming more frequent, Y/N is faced with decision of trusting their new friends and the conflicts of living miles away.)

fix it(You’re a second year at Nekoma with a burning passion to fix whatever is broken and finding out why it’s broken. One day, Kenma accidentally breaks his switch and needs help fixing it. One broken item that needs fixing is what you do best, so you help Kenma out. What else needs fixing?)

three step plane (With Kodzuken’s fans speculating about his relationship status, his friends start shipping him with Y/n. Falling in love is a three step plan, right?)

blind date ( as a youtuber, you see it as your job to be kind to everyone like you on the platform. however, one by the name of kodzuken continously pushes your buttons and has now been labeled your archenemy. but, what happens when the person your friends set you up on a date with, turns out to be the man who’s impartial attitude makes you want to rip your hair out?)

MY FAVORITE delete me from your contacts (Being a girl gamer has never been easy especially on a male dominated platform like twitch. Deemed as a mere e-thot by the masses, you never let the petty hate get to you. That was until the famous streamer, kodzuken, decided to call you another lazy, gamer wannabe. )

mr hotshot ceo (y/n is an outgoing and bubbly girl who just landed a job as a secretary for bouncing ball corp. kenma kozume, ceo of bouncing ball corp, works secretly as a gaming youtuber and streamer under the name kodzuken. after a miscommunication and y/n learns the truth about kenma both their worlds collide. what does fate have in store for these two?)

your voice (when kenma kozume met (y/n), he saw you as someone who was far different than him, but as he got to know you better, he was beginning to think that he actually has a chance. or maybe not?)

friends with benefits ()

thanks alot cupid (the worst part of having a secret crush on yn kuroo, in kozume kenma's case, is that she's one of his close friend's ex and his childhood friend's sister. although y/n makes it clear she harbors deep feelings for the blonde, the two reasons that restrict kozume from making any moves, don't necessarily limit her, “no tetsu, I do not have a crush on your best friend aka my ex-high school situationship aka my recent ex’s best friend… but if I said I did what would the consequences be?” summaries aren't my best suit but wtvr)

Beta tester (Y/N L/N is a popular mangaka)

Sakusa Kiyoomi x reader

i lysol you(the miya twins younger sister leaves for tokyo in order to join the junoir national gymnastics team while also studying at itachiyama institute )

heart on the ice (It’s the perfect start to your debut senior figure skating season, until it’s not. A minor run in with Sakusa Kiyoomi has you in hot water in the figure skating world, and the only solution is to pair with the Ice Prince himself and skate in pairs. Sparks will fly as you constantly butt heads with Sakusa, and you see your season melt away. Can you save your season before it’s too late? Or will Sakusa ruin any chance you have of becoming a Senior World Champion?)

Tempura (Yoomi Yum is a five star restaurant that has received nothing but positive reviews. It’s spotless clean, the service is great, the food is amazing! Owner and head chef Sakusa is proud of his restaurant, so when he received a bad rating from YN LN, a well-known food critic, he was shocked. Now he’s determined to change her mind using social media and his talent.)

It was never meant to be easy (y/n is Bokuto’s childhood friend who doesn’t take anyone’s shit. what happens when she crosses paths with someone who is very much the opposite of her? will they match or will it be easier to walk away? )

Sold out (Summary: Sakusa didn’t noticed that he ran out of masks. He immediately went to his favorite and only drug store to purchase a box, but when he asked for some, they told him that someone bought all the masks. He wanted to ask about who the culprit is so he can email them for being inconsiderate, what he didn’t know was that the said person rans a science channel with their friend)

caramel frap (in which sakusa kiyoomi tries not to fall in love with the girl who spilled her favorite drink on him; or sakusa being your breakfast buddy until you realize your feelings and eat together for every meal)

Secrets(Y/N L/N is the new manager of the MSBY Black Jackels volleyball team. With learning to deal and adapt to the many differing personalities, the team may discover that they have a secret of their own.)

why try (smau in which y/n’s sister and sakusa’s brother are set up with an arranged marriage and both y/n and sakusa being sworn enemies, desperately try to cut off this marriage, but during their attempt—both families and friends learn a little something about them)

lost bet ([y/n] has just lost a bet to one of her best friends, Kuroo. The deal was the loser had to do something chosen by the winner. What will Nekoma’s captain choose? But, why?)

figer it out (Sakusa Kiyoomi tended to avoid a number of things: germs, crowds, his teammates, and interviews. He preferred his life out of the limelight. When rumors spring up about his love life, keeping his fiancée a secret becomes a whole lot harder.)

i am the father (You and Sakusa have started dating on the second year of high school. On your 4th year of dating and second year of college, you found out you were pregnant. You were in a crisis. You were only 20 and didn’t know anything about motherhood. Worst case scenario, your boyfriend didn’t want kids.Your solution? Run away from Kiyoomi Sakusa. Raise the kid on your own. Never meet the child’s father ever again.That was your plan.You were doing great on your own, until you find out that Komori, the cousin of your ex, lives next door.)

tsukishima x reader

Doodles(Kuroo Y/n was finally moving onto University, happy to be attending the same on as her brother and that it was so close to all her other friends Universitys. What she didn’t expect was for her brother’s poor attempts to set her up with one Tsukishima Kei.)

Dorm buddies (you’re in need of a new dorm buddy because your current roommate sucks and tsukishima kei might just be the perfect candidate.)

Salty daddy (You decided to call your relationship over to focus on your career only to realize you were pregnant. About to tell him the good news and fix broken ties, you saw Tsukishima with another girl, unexpectedly happy despite your break up Leaving him was your choice. Surely it was challenging to raise a kid on your own. And when your boss gave you a promotion, you grabbed the opportunity Things were getting better, only to realize your job is being an accountant on the museum where Tsukishima is working. In addition to this, your son won’t stop saying ‘papa’ upon seeing his father’s pictures. )

Drums+acohal≠love(y/n who works as a bartender in a small bar in tokyo met a man who has been coming in for 3 days, what will happen if their life entangle with eachother? will they be lovers or will their relationship be just a one night stand?)

5000 miles away(you moved to America when you were ten years old. every year you visit Japan for a short while and at the eighth year, you meet the son of your parents’ old college friends, Tsukishima Kei. )

Oh my god they were roommates(when tsukishima’s best friend yamaguchi moves out of his way too expensive apartment, tsukki finds himself in need of a new roomie. when he replies to your tweet, he expects a quiet girl who keeps to herself but instead he gets you. will you be able to break down tsukishima’s walls or will you be forced to stand on the outside, looking in?)

make mistakes (after your soulmate first heard your music he dreaded the day youd meet, on the other hand you dreamed of the day youd finally meet them. surely the universe doesnt make mistakes when matching up soulmates… right?)

number neigbor (IN WHICH you’re bored out of your mind one night and upon scrolling through twitter, you’ve come across hilarious interactions with people’s number neighbors. Curious on what the hype was all about, you end up texting your number neighbor. Completely expecting some random middle aged stranger, you’ve actually come across a cute guy that’s your age and lives in the same city. The only downside is that he possibly hates your guts)

bread talks (when your mother tells you to deliver some leftover bread to the young man living above your family bake shop, you never expect to make a complete fool out of yourself. but things happen, and maybe, some small accidents were actually meant to be— just not in the way you expected.)

are you worth it (don’t get tsukishima wrong–he wasn’t extremely fond of anyone that wasn’t yamaguchi, even so, yamaguchi could be a pain. so nonetheless, he has his suspicions about sugawara’s little-first-year cousin, no matter how cute she is.)

kia (At a young age your parents dropped you off at your cousin’s house and left for business. Your cousin being Tadashi Yamaguchi. You two grew closer than ever from the time you were there. At the age of 10 you were sent back home to your parents and moved schools. Then at 15, you enrolled at Karasuno High, reuniting with your childhood friend and meeting some new ones.)

hate to love you (you, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi have been friends ever since you were all seated next to each other in high school. So when some dude at your school starts to bug you by constantly asking you out and not understanding the word NO, they were the first people you told. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi help to plot a way to keep this creep away from you.)

play date (kicked out of her home with no place to go, y/n is forced to move into her family friend’s home, who coincidentally is also the family of tsukishima kei, the boy who denied her confession.)

love is time(Amidst the turbulence of new adolescence and figuring out their path in life, nude model Y/N L/N somehow gets caught up in the drama of Tsukishima Kei's life. Although they're at each other's throats, the two both know when life throws you a curveball sometimes you've just got to roll with the punches. They've got plenty to learn from each other, willingly or not. Besides, they'll fall in love in time.)

It’s nothing special (The life of a singer is not as glamorous as it seems. Sure, there is the fame and the fortune but what no one ever talks about is what happens behind the scenes or rather, behind the screens.)

kuroo x reader

serotnin (Chemistry student Tetsuro Kuroo has a huge crush on creative studies y/n who he meets thanks to his long time best friend Kenma.)

Gamer girl(summary: y/n and her four friends are known as one of the most chaotic squads in youtube gaming history. even more chaos ensues when another squad joins in and streams with them.)

operation sweetheart (y/n l/n has been dating kuroo tetsurou for a year, but will a training camp that brings the pair back together actually tear them apart?)

A MODERN LOVE STORY (in which Y/N is a college student and youtuber just trying to enjoy life with her friends, and Kuroo is a part time model and full time suffering stem major trying to get by.)

Serotonin (Chemistry student Tetsuro Kuroo has a huge crush on creative studies y/n who he meets thanks to his long time best friend Kenma.)

Runaway Hearts Running, a perfect way to clear the mind and to get a good exercise in. Kuroo loves running in the early morning. But every morning he sees you on his route. And everytime the two of you compete to see who’s faster. Hearts are pounding and now it’s time to see who reaches the finish line first.

Keiji Akaashi x Reader

Frienemims(Akaashi was polite, yes, but even he had people that he didn’t really like. You were one of them. Not like you cared since you hated him too, but all of a sudden you were paired with him for a project. Now that’s when you care.)

akaashi x fem reader smau (Akaashi was polite, yes, but even he had people that he didn’t really like. You were one of them. Not like you cared since you hated him too, but all of a sudden you were paired with him for a project. Now that’s when you care.)

Count on Me Masterlist (Practice. Study. Prepare. Gigs. The band members of 3G are slowly getting a bigger and bigger fan base. In order to stay connected to their followers, they created social media accounts for their band but soon realized that they either sound really stupid or really serious. They weren’t sure if they could promote their music. That is until one of their friends managed to get them a marketing manager from the marketing department. Now YN, the new marketing manager, and Akaashi, the bassist, must work together to make the band grow. Can they count on each other?)

song for you (celeb! au. singer akaashi keiji isn’t too keen on relationships. when up and coming artist y/n moves into the apartment below him, will she be able to change that?)

jane austen and redbull(You’re desperately trying to juggle classes, teaching, and your dumb friends as you navigate grad school. When the opportunity of a lifetime pops up - a contract professorship that could change your career in academia - you and a co-teaching assistant go head to head for the position. He’s cold and calculated and definitely doesn’t respect your intelligence, but he’s also undeniably smart and, well frankly, hot)

Toru Oikawa x reader

Hit Me Up, Buttercup!(You are just stalking your favorite volleyball player, Oikaw Tohru, in his most active social media as usual when you finally got him to notice you. No one expected him to hit you up, buttercup!)

He loves me he loves me not (You’re Karasuno’s first-year manager, someone everyone thought would end up with Tobio because childhood friends win, right? Of course Oikawa would want to wrap you around his pretty finger the moment he knows that. Are his intentions pure and genuine? Of course not. Will you end up hurt? Most likely, though not for the reason you think. )

Hit it till it Barack’s (Y/n, 3rd year manager of the Karasuno Volley Ball Team along with Kiyoko, Very good manager but needs a little hyping up from her boys sometimes. She loves to bake and cook for the team, earning her the title of team mom. She gets all hyped up for the Aoba Johsai and Karasuno match, but when the worst happens, her least favorite player Tooru Oikawa hits her in the face with one of his powerful jump serves. How will this play out?)

Nonsense (you were oikawa tooru’s #1 fan, until you became his #1 hater. you hated him so much you went viral on twitter (accidentally) and literally became known as “the oikawa tooru hater”, doesn’t help that he keeps fueling the fire by subtweeting you. everyone is all in for this new drama. what isn’t known to the public, is that this particular drama’s been on hold for three years (him being your ex and all)

Like this (it wasn’t supposed to go like this. you weren’t supposed to meet your boyfriend’s best friend, only for his best friend to end up being your ex boyfriend. it was not supposed to go like this. )

so far but connected (A phone that connects to another universe created by Sora Kato, a student from UA Class 1-H, but it was turned down because ‘it was useless’. It’s not like you’re going to end the villains with just a single call from another universe. He spent months creating it for only to be laughed at by his classmates. But when a student from Class 1-A heard about the gadget they immediately went and purchased it from Kato.)

dont hate the player (The most popular female gamer on YouTube. Debatably the most popular volleyball player alive. A bad breakup sent you packing to Argentina for new perspective. Who knew the new perspective had a witty personality and beautiful eyes? Tooru only sees a broken girl whose heart he wants to mend — his goal is to be the best neighbor possible... and maybe a little something more)

may we meet agian(when she was studying in Kitagawa Daiichi’s middle school, yn met Oikawa Tooru. She fell in love with him but things didn’t went well. Years later, as she is in the same high school than him, they meet again.)

Take Care — An Oikawa Toru SMAU (Oikawa Toru is dedicated to volleyball, above all else. Even his health. Kyotani Y/N might put up a rather aggressive front, but they can’t stand to see their friends repeatedly hurt themselves. Can a friendship last between them, will something more come from the obvious sexual tension and care, or is everything going to fall apart because Oikawa can’t listen to the two people who care most about him?)

kageyama tobio x reader

Eagal Eyes (in which you, the younger sister of ushijima wakatoshi, decide to put on a children’s volleyball camp at shiratorizawa and meet kageyama tobio, who steals your heart, despite the warnings of your older brother.)

On repeat (in which yn just got out of a bad breakup, and the only thing helping her is this one song on repeat )

BOKUTO KOUTARO x Reader

stranger danger (Famous Pro-volleyball Player and Bachelor extraordinaire. Not by choice, but mostly by circumstance. All Bokuto wants is to find someone to do cute couples costumes with, watch scary movies with, and snuggle. He’d also like to FINALLY pull one over on Atsumu and Kuroo considering they win the couples costume contest every damn year.)

love is war(Sports Psychology major Bokuto never understood the rivalry between the Sport Psychology majors and the Biochemistry majors. There was some sort of unspoken rule between them. YN, the Biochemistry major, didn’t understand what the big deal was either. By chance, the two rivals exchanged numbers during a study group and hit it off. Little do they know that there’s obstacles in their way. Love is war.)

it started witha praty(Y/N is the manager of Nekoma, friends with all the boys, ecspecially Kenma. After a late night party on her walk home Y/N discovers a teen passed out on the side of the road she couldn’t just leave him there. Who knows what he’s going to do next.)

a matter of vollyball (y/n was the best female volleyball player of all Japan and the setter of the star school, Shiratorizawa. Despite being the pride and joy of her school and family, she had lost her passion for playing. Winning was everything to her, even if she didn’t show emotion when her team scored a point. Alongside her teammate Tsukasa Emiko, and the infamous Shiratorizawa players Ushijima Wakatoshi and Tendō Satori, she’ll go to Tokyo for Nationals, where they meet the crazy and cheerful, Bokuto Kōtarō.)

adore you(After a fair share of bad breakups, Y/n L/n had enough of relationships. Until she’s paired up with Koutarou Bokuto, for a group project, sadly, all he wants to do is adore her instead of work)

if this is it (The Tsukishima brothers are considered, by all standards, good. But their sister Y/N has always been exceptional. A second year with a budding figure skating career and a boyfriend who just so happens to be one of Japan’s top five spikers, Y/N is living the dream. What could possibly go wrong? Well, everything apparently.)

Noya x reader

Find Forever (After your mom gets a new job your forced to leave all of your friends at Nekoma High and start over at Karasuno High. The only good thing about it is your childhood best friend Hinata will be there. After being convinced by your best friend you decided to join to girls volleyball club as their libero. One day while you two are practicing receives in the gym a boy comes in and starts complimenting you and starts asking you lots of questions. Your startled and leave in a rush leaving the two boys looking at each other in confusion. Hinata explains how shy you are and later takes it upon himself to introduce you guys properly and soon after a beautiful relationship blossoms.)

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fandomqueen696 · 1 year ago

Text

IM SOBBING

𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫 [toji fushiguro]

synopsis: so she tells him not to cry over the injustice of a life cut too short for at the end of all this, she’ll only be a dream.

pairing: ex-husband!toji fushiguro x terminally ill wife!reader | song inspo: soon you’ll get better, cancer

warnings: heavy angst, terminal illness (primary bone cancer, stroke and MS), mentions of divorce/past infidelity, allegories to cheating, major character death. please read at your own risk. | a/n: this was so heavy for me to write, i started writing at 2 in the morning, and it’s 6:34 now.

word count. 3k~

“Why can’t you do anything right?”

Toji should have noticed, he laments as he takes a sip of his cognac. He should have sensed that something was wrong sooner, maybe that way, he wouldn’t be begging to borrow some more time to make things right. Your fingers were trembling that day — the first time you ever ruined his morning coffee — your hands shaking uncontrollably as you washed the mug with a sorrowful look on your face, your eyes glossy with the tears you were desperately trying to hold back.

He shouldn’t have been so harsh, he realizes that now. Breakfast had been burnt to a crisp and ruined, sure, but nothing could compare to how he constantly ruins the one beautiful thing that has ever happened to him, who haphazardly spilled her smoothie on him when they first bumped into each other in Shinjuku just after he finally cashed in enough money with Shiu to get his laundry done.

Toji, whose senses have now been honed to pick up on the slightest of your sluggish movements and your pained and suppressed hisses, hears the bedsheets rustling and he instantly gets up before you could even force yourself out of bed. “Hey, hey, easy now.” He catches you before you could fall backwards onto the mattress, your skin appears cold and clammy, your thinning muscles stiff as a board — you must be having one of your episodes again. “What do you need?” he asks, his voice heartbreakingly gentle for the first time in months.

“Water.”

Your husband nods, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed, hurriedly making his way to the dining table which was now kept in your bedroom so you aren’t forced to move around too much. The sound of water splashing into the glass fills the air and you feel another stabbing pain coarse through your joints.

Toji gingerly brings the glass of water to your lips and you sighed, an exasperated yet amused smile on your face. “I can do it, babe. Don’t worry.” Why did that sound like you were trying to convince not just Toji but yourself? You bring your bony hands to grip the glass and it takes everything out of your husband not to break into a fit of sobs when he sees your hand violently shaking with effort just to keep the glass steady.

His larger hands close around your defeated one. “I-I…I can do it, I did it yesterday. Y-you saw me.”

“Shhh, I know, it’s okay.”

You bite your lip to distract yourself from the anguish of realizing the truth behind the doctor’s words. Everything you feared was finally becoming your and Toji’s bleak reality.

“It’ll be a painful decline.”

Funny how you’re the one fighting to extend your life but Toji feels like he’s already gone ahead and passed on. Just a few minutes earlier, you were overjoyed to see him again. You didn’t think he’d see your text thinking that his new girlfriend must have asked him to block your number, and you most certainly didn’t expect him to arrive when you asked for him via a brief phone call to drive you to the hospital for your monthly checkup since he took the car with him when you separated. He made up a bullshit excuse when Yuko asked where he was going in such a hurry and he makes it to your old shared apartment to see you sitting on the driveway looking thinner and sicklier than ever — your eyes were sunken, and your cheeks were hollow.

Yet in spite of that, you gave him the brightest of smiles, waving shyly to him as he steps out of the driver’s seat. “Happy morning!” you smiled, greeting him with your signature good morning tagline which he used to happily wake up to everyday. There wasn’t a scintilla of resentfulness in your demeanor, and you genuinely looked so happy to see him for the first time since he moved out.

“How long?” Toji asked the doctor, his heart twisted into knots when he hears you happily humming in the MRI room as you put your clothes back on, oblivious to the solemn mood in the other room. You already knew what was going on, but you’ll just continue pretending that everything’s alright and that this is nothing more but a case of fatigue so as not to inconvenience Toji.

“A year, maybe even less.”

“And…you’re saying it’s best if she simply…doesn’t get the treatment?”

The doctor sighs heavily. She’s seen many cases like this before, but none as utterly hopeless as yours. Even if you did start the treatment, the lesions in your spinal cord have already entered the most severe stage, you were already exhibiting signs of autonomic nervous system distress — the tremors, the uncontrollable stuttering of your words, the growing loss of balance — and as if that wasn’t enough, the doctor also discovers that you were suffering from primary osteosarcoma.

There was no way to cure you now that it’s too late.

“I suggest we just focus on keeping her comfortable. The only thing left for us to do now is to bring her home. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re so fucking embarrassing. I can’t bring you anywhere.”

By some miracle, you and Toji went out one night around four months before the divorce proceedings. He went home that day, exhausted beyond all belief from another mission, but he was in a good mood. Yuko was out working late tonight, so, he decides to take you out to your and his favorite izakaya for some yakitori.

Some time during the night, after downing three full bottles of sake together, you excuse yourself to use the restroom. “I’ll be right back,” you told Toji, tipsily kissing him on the cheek as you hop off the bar stool in the direction of the women’s room.

You couldn’t tell if you were staggering from the copious amounts of alcohol you ingested, but your legs were beginning to feel heavy, and for some ominous reason, you were slowly losing all sensation in your left leg. You try to hold onto one of the izakaya’s shōji panel decor pieces to regain your balance, but it was a futile effort in the end. Your knees suddenly buckle, and a sickening crack tears through your tibia as you fall to the ground.

“Are you alright?!”

Toji picks up on the commotion instantly and he sees the izakaya patrons crowding around the hallway leading to the restroom. He quickly makes his way over and a look of disgust appears on his features when he sees you crumpled on the ground and the mortifying sight of you having relieved yourself on the floor, tears of embarrassment staining your cheeks at the thought of your body suddenly malfunctioning like this.

Muttering out an ignorant apology for his seemingly drunk wife, he roughly picks you up, growing increasingly infuriated with you when one izakaya employee offers him a damp cloth to dry out your urine with. It was funny how quickly other people came to your aid — people whose names you don’t even know — while your own husband seems very reluctant to even touch you right now. He doesn’t speak to you on the way home even as you apologize while he’s loading you into the car, grimacing when the leather seat gets wet. “Toji, I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened—“

“—Save it.”

What he should have said was: “Are you okay?”, “It’s alright.” or better yet, “I still love you.”.

At present, Toji decides on a whim to take you to Yokohama’s famed bayside today. It’s only a two hour drive from your place in Tokyo and Toji figures you must miss going on road trips by now with you cooped up at home all the time. “Toji, are you sure this is a good idea?” you murmured nervously as the car pulls to a stop by the bayside promenade. What happens if you can’t control yourself again? There doesn’t look to be a lot of public restrooms nearby.

Toji plants a reassuring kiss to your nose. “Babe, you remember what the doctor said, spending some time outdoors can do wonders for your health. Besides, didn’t you always love the coast?” He brings your hand to his scarred lips, rubbing his thumb against the soft skin before stepping out of the car to retrieve your wheelchair from the trunk.

“I know but what if I have another accident?” you said worriedly, rolling down the car windows so he could hear you. “What if I embarrass you again?”

“There’s nothing embarrassing about you.”

You’ve lost all control of your lower extremities three months ago, rendering you unable to walk and feel when you need to relieve yourself. Toji struggles with the wheelchair for a bit and a flash of sadness fills your heart when you see him take a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He wasn’t angry, he was devastated. He looks wistfully at the boardwalk, a distant gaze trained on the sea. He remembers when you used to walk down this very lane, his hand protectively around your waist as you happily take selfies. He could still hear your fond giggles the last time the two of you went here.

“Why don’t you ever smile when I take pictures of you?”

Toji shoos away a pigeon from stealing a bite of his ice cream sandwich. He feigns an unamused look when you try to take another picture of him on your phone.

“Come on, I’ve been trying to get a shot of you all day! You still have to take pictures of me so I can post it on my Instagram feed!”

Your ever moody husband pinches off a small piece of bread and feeds it to the nosy pigeon. “You and your precious feed,” he bemoans jokingly.

“Please? Just one picture!“ you playfully nudged him. Truthfully, you just wanted to see him smile for once, a genuine one and not one of those lopsided smirks he usually gives you when he’s teasing you. “Please?” you pout knowing he can never say no to that adorable face you make when you really want him to do something or worse, buy something for you.

Sighing, he turns to look at your phone’s camera lens and you blush when a smile slowly illuminates his usually stoic face. Your thumb hovers over the stop recording function, not realizing you’re taking a video, but you can’t seem to press it. “What’s taking so long?” he holds the smile like he’s some cartoon character and you snap out of it.

“Oh shoot, it’s a video!” you laughed, and you begin to run down the boardwalk, eagerly getting away from Toji who demands that you delete it immediately. Of course, you’re no match for his borderline inhuman speed attributed to his athletic physique and he catches you by the waist, playfully swinging you over his shoulder like you’re a sack of potatoes.

Now, your giggles have gone silent.

Toji realizes now he should have indulged you more over the course of your relationship and subsequent marriage. Had he known that you won’t even make it to your third wedding anniversary, he would have allowed you to take as many pictures and videos of him as you’d like, he’d swallow his pride and he’d give you the brightest of smiles so you could happily post him on your social media accounts with a heartwarming caption about him being your “smiley hubby”.

More than that though, he should have taken more photos of you, mostly stolen candid shots, of course. You can’t catch him being all soft on you now. He still has a reputation to live up to after all. But more than that, had he known that your illness was intent on stealing every scrap of you from him, he should have made more effort in preserving all these memories. He should have kept everything from those toll tickets on your late night drives together when the two of you just needed a quick escape from the world, to receipts from your trip to Tokyo Disney Sea on your first wedding anniversary, and even simple convenience store receipts.

Toji should have kept everything down to the smallest of memories knowing one day, that’s all he’ll have to remember you by.

He opens the passenger seat’s door and he effortlessly gathers you into his arms, being extra careful with your fragile form as he sits you down on the wheelchair. He opens the backseat and he pulls out two different colored blankets, one sea-foam green and the other, rose pink. “Take your pick,” he smiles at you and you chuckled softly, pointing to the rose pink one. He happily covers your legs with it to keep you warm, stroking your cheek when you whisper a bashful ‘thank you’.

Suddenly, the wind picks up and your hair-clip that’s holding your locks in a low bun comes loose, and your head turns in the direction of where it flew off to. Toji is quick to take out his phone and he snaps a quick burst shot of you, your hair blowing in the wind, under the coastal spring weather. You turn to look at him and your face falls when you see him burying his phone in his pocket. Since you fell ill, you’ve become insecure of your appearance, banning your husband from taking pictures and videos of you altogether. “Toji, I thought I said no pictures.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The next day, you serendipitously find your photo on your Instagram handle with the caption: “Y/N — Yokohama, Spring, 2024” and when you swipe left, another picture, well to be more accurate, a screenshot of the video clip you accidentally took of him captioned: “Toji — Yokohama, Summer, 2022”.

“You don’t have to stick around for me. Please just go, I’m sure Yuko must be looking for you right now.”

Yuko, his new fiancé, had been blowing up his phone the entire day with texts demanding to know where he is and if he’s going to make it to their date that night. It’s 7 PM now, and Toji still hasn’t shown up to confirm their restaurant reservations. The damn witch will surely cuss him out when they see each other again, but for some reason, even if he tries, he simply cannot bring himself to give a flying fuck. Your immunologist and oncologist stepped out for a bit to allow you two a brief moment of privacy which had now stretched to an expanse of five hours since your results came in.

The air in the room is thick and heavy, not a single sound can be heard. Inside however, underneath this tough exterior he was projecting, Toji is throwing a fit, screaming at the sky like those broken men in those shitty Netflix romance tragedies he used to callously make fun of.

“Why didn’t you call me sooner? You knew, didn’t you?”

Toji’s bites his cheek trying to keep a lid on his emotions. He knows the answer. He just wants to hear you say it out loud. You hated him. You wanted nothing to do with him after he cheated on you with some girl he met at a bar in uptown Shibuya. That’s why you didn’t tell him, he didn’t deserve to know. “Shit,” he whispers harshly, crumpling the medical abstract in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? Was it because you hated me? Is that it? You didn’t think I’d worry about you?”

You screwed your eyes shut, shaking your head. You didn’t hate him, not even when you have every reason to. He abandoned you, left you to waste away and to die and yet, even now, you can’t bring yourself to resent him for the simple reason that he is the literal love of your life, the reason behind your smiles, your happy mornings and passionate midnight hours. “At first, I thought I was fine, maybe just fatigued or something.”

“Don’t lie. You knew something was going on and that something in your body was seriously fucked up.”

“And we weren’t married anymore so, I didn’t think it was right to tell you…I wanted to though, but I didn’t want to intrude on you and Yuko,” you said meekly. Even in your greatest hour of need, you were still thinking of him, putting him first even when he doesn’t deserve it. “I-I…I don’t hate you enough to worry you, to make you feel that you could have done something to prevent this. Because I’m telling you right now, regardless if you were faithful or not, I was bound to get sick anyway. You couldn’t have done anything to change that.”

“But I could have been there. I should have noticed. I shouldn’t have downplayed everything.” He says this as if he wants to shake this noble, self-sacrificing bullshit attitude out of your system. “I’m your husband. I should have been there.”

You flash him a heartbroken smile at his little slip-up, so, even now, he was still referring to himself as your husband, not your ex-husband. “To see me waste away? Babe, I don’t want you to see that.”

You begin to feel tears streaming down your face, the emotions you were experiencing now flowing like a free river after an entire dam is destroyed. Toji watches you unravel before his eyes and his bottom lip begins to tremble. What has he done? Dear god, what has he done to his poor, poor wife?

“I want you to remember me healthy, I want you to remember me as myself not this…sickly pitiful woman you’re unlucky to call your ex-wife…besides, after all this, I’ll only be a dream.” A mere passing second in his life. “And believe me, my life wasn’t so bad.”

He loses it at that.

“Just stop this, Y/N! Stop acting like you’re not scared shitless of dying, like you’re not gonna have regrets once all this is over! Stop pretending that things are gonna be alright one day because it won’t! Not when I’m now being forced to accept that you won’t get better, not when I’ve wasted so much time putting you through hell and back instead of taking care of you like a proper husband should, and certainly not when I’m suddenly supposed to learn to say goodbye and to live without you! Because fuck that, Y/N!”

You are left speechless at that.

Toji was never one to lose his cool, even during your worst arguments, he may slide a few snarky remarks here and there but Toji Fushiguro…never yells, and he doesn’t sob either.

You hesitantly stand up and walk over to him, crouching down in front of him as he covers his tear-stained eyes with his right hand while the other is crumpled around your medical abstract. Taking his left hand, you gently remove the medical abstract from his grip, and for the first time in so many months, you feel one another’s warm skin against each other. You press your forehead to his hand as you wept with him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be a dream. I want you to be real.”

“Can’t you be bothered to clean up in here?!”

You wake up from your nap, you’ve been battling muscle and joint pain the entire day, the slightest of movement causing you to double over in agony and because of that, you weren’t able to clean the apartment today. You slowly get up from the couch, being extra cautious not to make any sudden movements. “Well?” Toji presses, his lips curled into a scowl.

“I’m sorry, I was feeling a little tired,” you sighed heavily, picking up a broom to sweep the living room floor despite the excruciating pain you were in. Toji rolls his eyes, handing you a Manila envelope. “What’s this?” you asked softly, peering inside.

“Divorce papers,” he shrugs nonchalantly. Everything stops, even the very rise and fall of your chest halts into an uneasy stasis. “I already signed them. I just need your signature then, I’ll move out by tomorrow.”

You must be dreaming. That’s the only logical explanation to all this. You’re asleep, in a deep REM sleep, utterly oblivious to the world. This wasn’t happening. But you could feel the rough surface of the brown envelope, and you could still feel the agonizing stabs of white hot pain throughout your body. Glancing at Toji, you see him texting someone with an eager look on his face that screams: “I’m free.”.

Instantly, it dawns on you.

“Will she make you happy?” you asked, putting down the broom to look around for a pen but Toji pulls one he stole from the law firm office out of his pocket.

“She will,” he answers simply.

And you are indeed grateful that he is completely upfront about finding another while the two of you are married. It would have hurt much more, you silently remind yourself, if he had just upped and left without another word leaving you to wonder what went wrong between the two of you. This was Toji’s final act of mercy in your marriage, and he’s not opposed to honesty and truthfulness either. Not once did he try to change his phone’s lock-screen passcode, nor did he try to conceal the identity of the woman who was texting him every night while you slept fitfully next to him. It was almost as if he wanted you to find out, like he wanted you to know so you could back off yourself.

But if there’s one thing Toji loves about you, it’s your unending faithfulness to your promises, to your marriage vows, and your willingness to endure anything he threw at you. You never checked his phone, you never brought up his affair, you never got angry with him. You just kept silent, simply content with giving and giving…and giving while he milked you dry by taking, and taking and taking, tearing you to pieces bit by bit without hearing a single complaint fall from your lips.

You were a devoted wife, through and through.

And it bored the hell out of him, on top of your recent mishaps, he was done. Done with everything, and done with you.

“Okay.”

Come morning, he takes everything he owns with him and promptly proposes to the girl he’s been seeing for the past year. Two weeks later, your divorce is received by the Tokyo Family Court and is summarily approved and finalized. From that moment on, you and Toji went on your separate ways never to look back, you were each other’s yesterdays, and the love that existed between the two of you was nullified in favor of acquaintanceship…or so you thought.

“Y/N, I’m home!” Toji calls into the house as he comes back from your neighborhood’s pharmacy. You look up from the book you were reading, smiling ever so slightly at your husband who seemed to have a wonderful sparkle in his eyes. “Hey, kid,” he kisses the top of your head when he reaches your wheelchair.

“You seem happy,” you remarked positively.

“Well, for one, they replenished their stocks today and I managed to get you your steroids and painkillers so you’ll be able to sleep easy tonight,” Toji smiles, taking out the items from the pharmacy’s paper bag. “And I got you this neat memory foam cushion for your wheelchair.” He fluffs it up as a form of demonstration before placing it behind your back.

When he sees you smile, a sense of relief washes over Toji. You reach towards him, and he pulls you into an embrace. “Thank you,” you said, pure sincerity dripping from your voice. “For everything you do.”

“Anything for you.” He suddenly moves back and reaches into the tote bag you lended him. “Oh, and wait, before I forget, I have another surprise.”

You laughed airily. “Another surprise? Now, you’re just spoiling me!”

He pulls out a piece of paper from the tote bag and he places it in your hands as your eyes quickly scan over the document. Your breath hitches in your throat when you realize what it is. Did Toji really—? You couldn’t believe it. “A marriage pre-registration,” you said in awe. You read it again just in case to make sure that this wasn’t a figment of your sick body’s imagination, that this was real, that Toji genuinely wants to make everything right again. Your fingers skim over your typewritten names. “It has our names…we’re really—“ You can’t even finish your sentence without bursting into happy tears. “Are we—?”

Toji nods, gazing into your eyes, and as emerald and (E/C) clash for what seems to be an eternity lost in one another, he plants a kiss to your temple, coming up to embrace you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“We are. The Tokyo Family Court, as far as I know, will approve our remarriage once we file this. So, you have to get stronger, okay?” He’s begging you at this point, despite your rapidly deteriorating condition. “Strong enough to see me fix everything. Strong enough to be there on our second wedding, strong enough to say our vows again.”

Your hand comes up to stroke his cheek from behind, and he nuzzles into your neck at your tender touch.

“I will. I promise.”

But you never really get to say your vows. Not comprehensibly anyway.

“Babe, can you say that again?”

Toji crouches by your bedside as you look at him apologetically. You were causing him trouble and pain again which is the last thing that you want to give him especially when’s fought and worked so hard to care for you, to keep prolonging this borrowed time you’re on. “To-ji. Toji.” You gaze at him apprehensibly, not really believing you can do it without crumbling.

“Come on, babe, you can do it. Say my name, please…Toji. I’m Toji.”

“Toooji-“ you slurred sadly. At this point, your Multiple Sclerosis has reached its end stage and has taken…everything from you: your ability to walk, your ability to control your muscle spasms and other bodily functions…and now, coupled with an unexpected stroke, your ability to speak. And you and Toji know that time is almost up, with you having come to accept it, while your husband still held onto hope. Your fingers gently graze over his face as best as your spasms and tremors allow you, starting from his forehead to his eyes, his nose, his cheek and finally, his lips, as if you’re memorizing it one last time. “Lo-ove you-“

Toji sniffles, and your fingers instinctively catch his warm tears. “I love you,” he whispers brokenly. “I do. I love you.”

You feel yourself tearing up as you’re forced to watch your beloved cry. And the worst part? You can’t do a thing about it. “D-oon’t c-cry—‘m okaay. Promi-miise…e’everyything ‘ill be okaaay.”

“Y-yeah,” he chuckles, trying to crack a joke even as hope dwindles. “You’ve been nothing but a fucking champ this entire time, you know? I’m so proud of you. So…so…proud that you’re still here.” He strokes your hair as you tread between the realms of the conscious and the unconscious. “Do you wanna go out today? The weather’s shit though. You’ll probably catch your death out there.” At the mention of the word ‘death’, Toji stops, falling into an uncomfortable silence.

You smile weakly at him. “Tiiredd—“

“You’re no fun,” Toji gently flicks your nose and you scrunch it up in displeasure. “Sorry,” he chuckles, holding back an entire waterfall of tears. He knows it’s today. It has to be. You woke up today without your usual ‘happy morning’ greeting, and you refused to drink anything, much less eat anything. “You tired? Any pain?”

You shake your head. You’re as comfortable as you can be for the first time in months. Hospice nurses say humans are built to live the same way they are built to die, no person in this world has ever had the uncanny privilege of being able to look up ‘How to die?’ on a quick Google search and actually find a Wikihow on the morbid subject matter, nor is there anyone else who can teach another how it’s done. It’s just something humans know how to do without a manual, deeply ingrained in the very fabric of human existence is the fear of death, the fear of what comes after, the fear of a nothingness that could follow after living such a vibrant life. Your life was short, barely spanning thirty years, but you lived well: you fell in love, you got hurt, but you fell together again. Now it all has to come to an end, Toji will just have to take care of the rest.

And you weren’t scared.

Or at least you can’t look scared, if you were to be more accurate, you have to look strong and ready to accept the cards you’ve been dealt with for Toji’s sake. When he feels your hand start to slacken, Toji intakes a sharp, shaky breath of sheer panic. “Not yet, Y/N. Please. Not yet.”

He climbs into bed with you, bringing you closer to this desperate man you call yours. There was no getting better anymore, there was no miracle he could hang onto, no deity he could beg for death to spare you, no pill bottle he could pray to. He knew that from the start. But what he witnessed these past months, you’ve been the braver one between the two of you, you knew how to make the most of the rhythm this cruel world gave you and you graciously took him along to dance to the last song of the evening with you.

“There’s still hope. Just keep your eyes open. Just keep them open.” He presses his lips to your forehead, his delusion getting the better of him. “We’ll just keep trying…you can’t leave. You have to stay. You have to.”

“Thaank yoou—“ you softly told your Toji, your voice shrinking in decibels as you become a little drowsy, sinking into the warmth of the requiem of a life well spent.

Toji listens to you, his lips pursed, intent on making this final act of love — a love that is strong enough to say goodbye — a memorable one. And should the afterlife exist, he wishes to send you off with a smile, with the reassurance that he’ll be alright even if that was far from happening.

“Toji.”

“I want you to be real. And I don’t care if we’ll live on borrowed time. Another extra second with you…is enough to last me my entire lifetime.”

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