faolonfiendrender - Tumblr blog

[faolonfiendrender]

🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇 ANTI DEPRESSION BAT ATTACK 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

[faolonfiendrender]

[faolonfiendrender]

Submitted by @sky-the-snail-fanatic

[faolonfiendrender]

My sleep deprived mind came up with this. I haven’t even had any oarfish related dreams recently.

[faolonfiendrender]

girls r like "but he's my comfort character" and then it's literally the most emotionally traumatized man you have ever seen ever

[faolonfiendrender]

You are holding a brick. In front of you are two cop cars. One is painted rainbow colours to celebrate pride, the other is a regular cop car.

[faolonfiendrender]

Me and my brother are in spotty reception, but I shouted “I command you to live” in my most deranged voice at his phone and it started receiving Internet

[faolonfiendrender]

if Broadway doesn’t want bootlegs floating around then they need to get their act together and make legal recordings.  you can say all you want that theater is meant to be enjoyed live, but the fact of the matter is not everybody can get to NYC to go to a Broadway show.  not everybody can afford to take the time off of work and buy a plane ticket to NYC and buy a night in a hotel AND get the ticket to the show.  people want to see the shows, that’s why there’s a bootleg market in the first place, but it’s unreasonable to expect that everyone has the time, money, and ability to make it out to the one place in the world to see something on Broadway, especially if it’s a limited engagement.  so record that shit, slap some subtitles on it, and sell it so we can buy it legally.

[faolonfiendrender]

The liar is a great song to add your own bits to, just make up a lie about history or Christian-adjacent theology to the meter

You know something like

Now Joseph found some tablets in a hole

And relayed to me the story that it told

Perhaps my lie’s to bold but me you should not scold

There’s fools to who think its truth is gold

[faolonfiendrender]

So I’m on a trip with my robotics team and there’s only two “girls” (me, an enby, and a cis girl), so we get our own beds in our own room, but the guys are rooming four to a room, but there’s only two beds in each room. Which means that two guys are sleeping on the floor every night.

I’m not joking. They were literally arguing over who’s sleeping on the floor tonight (apparently they plan on rotating).

And I asked them “why don’t you just share a bed?” And they all gave me the same answer:

“No, that’s weird! That’d be gay!”

And I just looked at them and I decided to break the bad news to them

“If lying next to another guy makes you wanna suck dick, you already wanted to suck dick.”

I’ve never seen so many Straight Guys™️ enraged by a single sentence before

[faolonfiendrender]

Breaking my celibacy streak because its fuck you and fuck your train friday🔥🔥🔥 can't miss out on that

[faolonfiendrender]

Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

[faolonfiendrender]

Nyt riitti

[faolonfiendrender]

i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

[faolonfiendrender]

am i too late to the pinup trend? yes? too bad! woe, twitties be upon ye

less covered, better version below the cut

(i was gonna try and put text on this like "wanna fuck the entire admiralty" but i couldn't get it to work. devastating.)

bonus even more naked version too because why not, i guess 😌

(eye horror below, just in case)

[faolonfiendrender]

my caffeine tolerance is fucking low, like, a few sips of tea and I am back awake