fatal-fun - Tumblr blog

[fatal-fun]

Ive always searched for answers in the things that dont make sense;

Try to press myself against them till it leaves a imprint I can understand.

A copy is nothing,

compared to raw experience.

Im left unsatisfied.

Questioning.

I long for the reasoning that fits like the last piece of a puzzle,

I think i get it now;

Ill never understand.

I cant rip my heart and alter it,

to fit that which i dont have.

Foreign things i long to know,

Stopped by the shackles of my own identity.

I dont want to not be me,

I couldn’t if i tried.

But it doesn’t change the frustration,

At the answers that i find.

Struggling to fit in someone elses shoe,

But im not Cinderella,

I cant feel what shes been through.

I settle for the stories,

Reading every tale i find,

Even if its just a imprint

It still helps expand my mind.

[fatal-fun]

I imagine the texture is rough, something like little pebbles covered over with paint.

The wall was white once, when it was new.

Now many different specks and smudges sully it.

It feels more real this way, having been weathered by the rain and wind,

Paid little mind by those that see it, hitting their bags carelessly against it.

All the dirt and waste are drawn to alleyways like this one, a sign that like the wall, the whole city is alive, coming together in a clash of harmonies, spitting out its leftover waste onto the streets when it loses its use.

The wall sees city folk walk by, cursing as they stub their toe on it in their hurry.

Another leans heavily against it, having been tossed out too from the comfort of the inside,

left to face the harsher things just like the wall and leaking trashcans.

Stuck sitting on the filth painted ground he mutters, half conscious with a bottle in hand.

He wishes the bottle was less empty, and that he felt less empty too.

“Which are you?”

The wind asks him.

“That squashed tin can? That extinguished cigarette?

Or the wall that stands unphased.”

He sighs back at the wind, this is the place to find out, not the place to know.

The place for travelers with nowhere else to go.

“It’s the uncertainty that hurts most”

He replies, looking to the wall across from him thoughtfully.

“If i knew,.. maybe i could get there faster.

Stuck in the middle of a cliff, left to climb or fall.

Go big or go home they said, how nice that would be, to have a home to go back to”

He stares at a small smudge on the wall.

“You and me, arnt that different. Thats why they put me here, whats one more speck on a dirty wall, they dont want it on their clean ones, no no no. Here where no light shines, if we all stay here they can ignore us”

The wall and its blackened marks ignore him.

They have heard it all before, and what use is there in talking to a wall. The wind whistles past swiftly, scuffing in distain.

“What did you want them to do, clean your mess for you? Look at your own wall, your mind. Instead of dealing with the dirt you let it feaster”

The wind says curling around his drink

“Look at you, barely standing, whose to blame but you.”

“Without the city i wouldn’t have these vices”

The man says angrily, before collapsing defeated.

“Look at you” says the wind.

“Even here, with nothing to judge, but a dirty wall in sight, and still you feel inferior to its ability to stand”

Chugging the rest of the bottle he throws it, watching the glass fall to the ground.

“I thought you blamed the city, for leaving you out in the cold where it’s unsafe. Yet here you are, creating your own danger”

He couldn’t even tell whose voice it was anymore.

The wall mocks him, the last drops of beer slowly dripping down.

He lay passed out against the wall, the voices growing quiet.

It was just a wall, left soaked and sticky.

People continued to pass by, holding together their fragile lives. Who had time left for the broken, the discarded waste.

Not many care to hear those who’ve lost their place.

[fatal-fun]

Perfection is a unattainable goal,

Used to inspire progression.

But when you feel your not enough,

Dont reach for something so high.

We both know your far too short,

To be able to ever grasp it.

So instead i implore you,

To look at the world around.

Wheres the beauty in a high score,

If you’ve never failed before?

In every sweet that you enjoy,

Its lack of perfection is what makes it unique.

I think it would be a bore,

If each one was like the one before.

The rain that nurtures plants to grow,

Also erodes the wood and stone.

Remember that with each flaw,

That you are the person we know.

And i wouldn’t have it any other way,

I will still choose you, any day.

So before you beat yourself up like a goose,

Remember perfection can be quite loose.

Its never objective or everyone would agree,

You are already perfect to me.

Any issues that you have,

We can work on together to keep balance.

Just like you im not without flaw,

And you can do things that leave me in aw.

[fatal-fun]

Time passes in the oddest of ways,

Something might happen fast,

Yet feel so far away.

We use clocks to measure it,

Making it seem so simple,

Yet as i feel it slipping by,

It feels more like a ripple.

Time does not march at the ticking of the clock,

But rather at the beating of the heart.

People have questioned the existence of gods for longer then i can know,

Since that which we cant perceive,

Will never truly show.

If in this very moment,

an hour feels like the blinking of my eye,

Then if i were to call it such,

Would it really be a lie.

Time always flows differently for every living soul,

What may right now feel fast to me, is to another slow.

Can we truly confine something so beyond us,

To a clock that ticks to a synchronized beat.

In the face of that which we can never control,

We must simply accept defeat.

For inside of every hourglass,

Is a completely different sand heap.

Is it a race against the clock? Or a race against our mind,

For i feel when it comes to time, its us ourselves that bind.

We do not choose the flow in accordance with our woes,

Its our thoughts that control the flow,

And decide how fast our mind will row.

If we lack for stimulation, the ride might feel quite slow,

But in another situation, it’s gone before you know.

[fatal-fun]

Darkness is a calm feeling,

When everything stands still.

The wind cares not for the time of day

And wanders on seeking a thrill.

I sit with eyes closed,

Shielded from it as it blows.

A tendril sneaks from through the cracks, greeting me on its way.

I breath in the fresh air it brings,

And listen to what it has to say.

In its soft caresses against my window i can hear an ancient tune,

And know that wisdom lies within along with tales of doom.

The wind is an old soul,

whos traveled through every street,

And slipped through every crack.

If i could travel with it what wonders would i see,

But my human body stops me from joining and flying free.

From a distance i hear church bells, muted by the winds,

Of all the things its seen, i wonder how much were sins.

In my darkened room, there isnt much to see,

Yet when i turn to my minds eye, a whole new world breaks free.

[fatal-fun]

Life is like a blooming flower expanding as time goes by.

the bees that buzz and fly about give the garden life.

In a world thats so complex, full of ups and downs,

Whats life without the friends ive made, to share even the frowns.

Each person is so unique and just as fleeting as falling snow.

Each snowflake might not last so long and most we’ll never see,

But we still know nevertheless that each ones beautiful.

Life can often be a puzzle, and friends are the pieces that fit,

Without them life wouldn’t be complete,

Since they each add their own color palette.

Like each instrument in a orchestra comes together to make a symphony.

I might not need them to be happy but without them wouldn’t it be dull?

And now i have them i truly know that ill never let them go.

Even if it comes to pass that some partings do take place,

nothing is fully gone as long as theres memory.

So to each friend i have please do keep in mind, no matter where you are in life theres someone by your side.

[fatal-fun]

Into the night,

Where dreams float free.

A feeling of comfort,

And harmony.

I surround myself in a bundle of warmth,

And softly close my eyes.

Letting my mind drift into dreams,

Not knowing what will arise.

I only remember fragments,

So i can seldom share the tales,

But i know ive lived countless lives,

To which my real experience pales.

They never seem to make much sense,

But when in the dreams they do.

it is soon time to bid ado,

And for sleep to whisk me away.

Ill meet you on the other side,

for dreams can never stay.

[fatal-fun]

Inside of a small coffin,

Was a big red cape,

Yet no one knew,

How it made its great escape.

In the pouring rain it sat,

Looking like a soggy mat.

It coughed up a weary cat,

Who ran off to chase a rat.

In the middle of the night,

A enormous turtle, quite the sight,

Ran about in fright,

Before it started to take flight.

Sitting proudly on its back,

The big red cape, with a small rat!

The cat ran after and tried to call out,

The rat waved as they flew about,

But they could not hear it, as the cat was mute;

So alas the cat lost its great persuit.

[fatal-fun]

A caravan of misty eyed fools,

Selling as trinkets what were meant to be tools.

The marketplace lies full of treasure,

Something known by every vender.

Silk so thin the light bleeds through,

Wrapped in baskets on the pack mule.

Only a wise and experienced eye,

Would know exactly what to buy.

Overpriced scams wrapped in a bargain,

You’d never know without the right jargon.

This old man has seen it all,

And sure as ever he made the right call.

For over at the very next stall,

Lies what he seeks, the crystal ball.

“It has no use but its rather pretty”

Says the salesman without a clue.

“Oh is that so? Its quite the pity”

Yet that old man, well he surely knew,

Exactly what that ball can do.

So with a twinkle in his eye,

He tells the seller he’d like to buy.

Well the salesman was not sure why,

he had a feeling the time was nigh.

Through the marketplace rings children’s laughter,

A most beautiful sound to capture.

Folk go merrily on their way,

Without knowing whats at play.

For that very crystal ball,

Had seen the future, the kingdom’s fall.

[fatal-fun]

Living is like breathing, simple as can be.

Like the flowing of the water as it heads out to sea.

In my life i dance on clouds and make conversation with rain drops.

Im at peace with the world and the worlds at peace with me,

And i wonder just how lucky i am to be so free.

In the swaying of the leaves i hear a subtle tune,

And think of all the things that i have that i yet to do.

There are too many stars to count,

So i gotta make what i have count.

In the end of the day,

Ill always have so much to say.

Like the morning sun,

The thoughts within me run.

Is there still room for wilderness,

Or is it something ill have to miss,

But if that’s life i dont want this,

So give it to someone else,

I do fine by myself.

But im not really by myself,

Though I would be ok by myself.

But now that i have them,

Id want no other companions.

Even if its hard to start,

It will work if i use my heart.

A life where i can not be free,

Isnt where i want to be.

In the end im only me,

Like a wild wonderful tree.

No matter how the world tries to trim,

Ill stretch my branches till their thin.

And then i will walk on them,

Till i reach the clouds again.

Ill look at the world in a trance,

And think, isnt this a wonderful place to dance.

[fatal-fun]

The beauty in everything

There is beauty everywhere,

Even if you do not care.

The sun shining through your hair,

Casting shadows here and there.

Every time you move it creates a work of art,

You’ll see it too if you open up your heart.

Some think of beauty as something rare,

But the marvels of the world leave not a single rock spared.

Beauty is best when it is shared,

Try living without it and see how you fare.

Seeing the beauty around me lets me appreciate more,

The things truly dear to me at their core.

Beauty is not a commodity,

Meant for just one eye to see.

It glitters waiting to be seen,

As we ask ourselves what beauty truly means.

Like this poem some things are simple,

I could spend a hour enjoying a single ripple.

Its in the eye of the beholder that beauty soars,

So remember to open your minds eyes doors.

Dreams don’t come to those who wait,

But rather ones who seize their fate.

It doesn’t have to happen at a fast rate,

Start by removing rust from the gate.

If you cant see beauty in anything new,

Nothing will ever come to you.

Happiness is a state of mind,

One easily reached if you remember to be kind.

Be kind to yourself and all that you see,

But dont be afraid to part with what hurt you deeply.

You are the beauty you see in the world,

Its only through your own thoughts it can be unfurled.

So raise the sails and board the boat,

Your mental resolve is what you need to stay afloat.

So if you ever feel that beauties spare,

Remember that is only a farce.

[fatal-fun]

Certainty?

What in this world is certain?

It is but a temporary fickle thing,

Defying its very meaning.

When you believe in possibilities as much as i,

What kind of limit is the sky?

One long surpassed,

Yet we still oblige it,

Feeling within its bounds the possibilities are still endless;

And so they are,

A smaller field of infinity is infinite no less,

For such things can not be measured in the lowly ways we use to calculate our lives.

Limiting ourselves endlessly until we feel there are no choices;

Yet without limits we can do nothing at all,

For a thousand open doors might as well be locked,

if we do not but idle away,

Dreading the day we walk through one,

In fear of leaving the others behind.

All we can be certain of in truth,

Is that there are endless possibilities,

And sometimes if a door is closed and you find no way in,

Its ok the pick the lock.

There is never one answer,

Never one key,

Never one truth,

Never one way to see,

What may look impossible,

Is someone else’s certainty.

[fatal-fun]

Everything lacks,

Even the facts.

Nothing can destroy ambition

Especially no cheap hack.

It can be drowned in stimulation,

Endless experiences await.

Order can be broken,

The unnerving give and take.

The universe will spiral on,

With each molten rock and helpless faun.

Who cares if we’re there to perceive

What it has next up its worn out sleeve.

We find a flame to us ignite,

And turn existence into a fight.

But what many loathe to say,

Is in the end we all decay.

Needless is the pull to power,

Yet who’s to stop those that aspire.

To be born a single seed,

To blossom or end a unsightly weed.

A mere mans will, combined with fate,

Will have to do at any rate.

[fatal-fun]

Golden hour, golden light

The type that lets my dreams take flight.

Laying calmly with eyes closed

I smile for i have no foes.

I drink in the sun like liquid gold

Using my thoughts as its mold.

I guide it to the form i wish,

Patient and calm like catching fish.

The soft sweet wind caresses my mind,

And i revel in the peace i find.

When stuck in the unbearable heat,

No ideas can be complete.

Stop and listen to earths masterpiece,

The melody that will never cease.

Even the slightest consolation,

Can help us through the endless rotation.

Breath in the sun, the birds, the air,

For they at least will always be there.