faunoverme

[faunoverme]

Oh really? That'd be amazing! I usually don't beg strangers for help, but this is getting a little ridiculous.

[User is worried about internet safety}

Hey dude, where are you in town? If you're nearby my place I'd be happy to let you shower for free. You should be careful - There's a lot of weird people around - I mean I guess I'm also offering so that might be weird, but I doubt your a demon -

[faunoverme]

I am very new here! In fact I'm so new that I don't have a place to stay, so the nice librarian has been letting me live in the back room! It doesn't have a shower, though... things are getting dire.

Oh I would love to, only I don't have a camera. Or a phone. Or a camera phone. So, use your imagination:

White feathers, fluffy, antlers.

EXACTLY!!!

This....this part of the internet. Like, right here. Like all the time. But don't let that scare you away from here! This community is great! Sometimes. Mostly. Okay, so maybe not that Are you new here?

Aw, you have a chicken? Can I see her? I've got two guinea pigs. I mean technically they're not pets I also talk to them all the time but yeah, not great at conversation.

[faunoverme]

Totally innocent question for all you out there: does anyone have a shower I could use? I have four dollars. Do you think that will cover it?

[faunoverme]

Yeah, I'm starting to learn that about the internet, too. People are needlessly mean for no reason.

Where on the internet are you where people are threatening to stab others? I don't want to be on that part of the internet! It sounds scary! Stabbing anyone for any reason is terrible!

I think stabbing is bad, but friendship is nice. I only have a chicken for a friend. She's good company, but she can't respond very well.

Yeah, the story is that sometimes (all times) I scroll on the internet and I see things that make me sad.

But not today! Today I take the reins of change! I'm tired of people saying they're gonna stab other people! It's not nice! I think maybe people should stab each other with friendship. What do you think?

[faunoverme]

Great! I knew it was important!

it says "signs point to yes"

[faunoverme]

Oh, they're all over the place. Outside, sometimes inside. Sometimes they're edible, sometimes they're poisonous... Also, they only happen at certain times of the year! Flowers are like magic!

Hey, whoa. Did you guys know about flowers? Like, how good they smell? And taste? I need to know where to find more. Where to find the best ones. Please tell me.

[faunoverme]

Oooooh, okay.

String: Yes or no?

... yeah okay, see, this thing is more of like a yes or no questions only kind of situation.

[faunoverme]

are you a cat or a dog person? alternatively, are you more like a cat or a dog?

I like both! Do I have to choose? I don't want to choose. That feels mean to the one I don't choose.

I'm definitely more like a dog, though that's not putting any shame on cats! I just... act more like a dog. Don't tell Henrietta.

[faunoverme]

What’s a piece of advice you wish you could give your younger self?

Don't eat the cheese. You're extremely lactose intolerant.

[faunoverme]

Humans are greedy by nature; it's not their fault. Well, it is... but... Yeah, down with late-stage capitalism and all that.

Yes, I think it was a targeted message used via gum. I am sorry this has happened to you. People are needlessly mean.

Oh, I do understand why. It is because of capitalism and corporate greed. Understanding that does not mean I agree with it though!

Well, it could have been stuck on the wall or on a lamp, so it could be worse. It did feel like kind of a rude message to me/the cleaners specifically.

[faunoverme]

Well I learned I can buy a pack of a thousand on them online. The magic of the internet! Wow!

... So what kind of results did you get?

[faunoverme]

This feels [...] like it has a story behind it.

Hey fellow Resters! Just putting this out 'cause I've seen some people forget! Remember to keep Wicked's Rest free of misinformation!

[faunoverme]

Yeah, I have one. What's the string do?

yes but it was gifted to me. ergo, I have the gift of prophecy. Do you have a question to ask the prophetic magical eight ball?

[faunoverme]

Well today I googled for the first time! Fascinating stuff about [...] bouncy balls.

Really? That's the things you like so far? I mean, the talking to people bit rocks. What also rocks is all the media at your disposal. The memes. The culture. Not ... solitaire.

[faunoverme]

I did not realize what capslock was. I have since learned.

HELLO AIDEN MY NAME IS GUSSIE WHY ARE WE SHOUTING

[faunoverme]

I also do not understand tipping! I do not understand why they are not being paid enough to not need tips! The gum thing is rude, though. I'm sorry that happened. It sounds too specific to not have happened to you.

The internet is for unwarranted opinions, so I would like to ask for space for mine: I do not understand tipping. I understand it is kind, but I also find it confusing and unnecessarily mathematical.

If you do not tip me, I will understand and not be mad. Sometimes maths is hard. Sometimes money is short. It's okay.

But if you leave a wad of chewed up gum where people usually leave tips, you are a very cruel and sad person who should learn to use a bin!

[...]

Thank you for listening.

[faunoverme]

Who are your best friends?

Well, my only friend is Henrietta, my chicken.