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[fay-zay]

Opening Sequence || k.mg

Genre: Angst; nothing but pure angst

Synopsis: He lied, and you believed him. He lied again, you believed him again. That was what he and you did; run around the same excruciatingly painful circles just to be around each other. But this has to end and suddenly, Mingyu is left to choose between two options; one more painful than the other.

Contains⚠️: Mentions of cursing, guns, death of a character; in short this is a mafia Seventeen fic with every bit of angst I could muster, viewer discretion is requested.

Starring: Kim Mingyu, Choi Y/N (you), Jeon Wonwoo, Choi Seungcheol

Word count: 3120

Is this what it was? What it felt like? Like a thousand acidic needles piercing through an unreachable place of the heart and making this slow and painful? 

It takes an average of 6-8 minutes to fully die from a gunshot. 2-3 if you’re lucky. Sounds like a better option and more importantly, Y/N was ready to take on that pain. At the very least, it would put a stop to the unbearable, unspeakable pain that she had been bearing for months now. 

Her eyes screwed shut, her head resting on the back of the couch with an unswallowable lump on her throat; one that hopefully was to go away soon enough.

Wonwoo’s heart hurt at the sight of her. So broken, so helpless and stuck in a cage of her own making. Y/N might have been able to keep up that stoic and emotionless facade of hers but Wonwoo saw through it. He can't exactly help it. After all these years of being by her side, having her back and knowing her, he had unknowingly learnt her. Jeon Wonwoo knew how much of a dark and twisted painting Y/N really was; despite her expression mostly mirroring that of a blank canvas. Of course, the only exception was...him

Wonwoo had claimed himself to be immune to others' moods. He was usually able to maintain his composure despite what everyone else around him felt. But her feelings? They affected him. 

Every single time he watched her as she had pieces of her heart chip away. He saw through her naive smile and soft expression that she had saved for one man only. He saw the effect that he had on her.

The impact of his lies, the cruel blow of his betrayal; it getting all too much to bear. She wanted to believe him, so badly. And her disappointment and pain were enough for even Wonwoo to secretly wish that he wasn't lying.

Even though they both knew that Kim Mingyu walked into their lives with an intention; an intention of which they were fully aware of. Wonwoo regretted the day they decided to humour him. Let him live in the lie that he had the upper hand, that he was winning. At least he wouldn’t have to be the key witness to the agonizingly slow destruction of such a strong and beautiful woman. It’s pathetic how trivial such feelings were and then suddenly they weren't;

Suddenly they were shattering everything without revealing it to the naked eye, destroying everything Y/N had made. It was taking the girl tumbling down like it wasn’t stacked at the expense her entire life. 

“I thought you left,” She spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper. If the room hadn’t been eerily silent, he wouldn’t have heard her. And Wonwoo wished he hadn’t;

“Like hell, I would!” He spat, anger and frustration coursing through his being. How was she being so casual about this? “You need to go,” Y/N urged, lighting a cigarette. Not once did she look up to meet his eyes. It was hard for Wonwoo to accept that this is what she was now. Reduced from her strong exterior to someone soo shattered and distraught.

“Y/N, can we not do this? Can you not?” Over the past few days, Wonwoo had resorted to threatening, yelling, arguing and reasoning with her. And now, he was finally begging. Making a last-ditch effort. One last attempt at saving her. “We’ll let him go, we’ll relocate, we’ll find something else to do. Just can you not take it this far?!” 

She sighed, inhaling the nicotine before sitting up straight to look him in the eye. How long had it been, since she looked him right in the eye? Like she usually does in a way to tell him her decision is final?

Too long it seems; given that Wonwoo could not recognize the look in her eyes. The beautiful honey swirls in her soft brown eyes seemed to be gone. Instead, they were dark and hollow. Like it was the tattered remains of her soul that were begging to be set free. As though she was trying to convey the message to him without having to make the effort of opening her mouth.

But she did it anyway because that’s what he deserved. Wonwoo was precious to her, sacred even. He was the only one who knew the whole truth and would know the entire series of events that went down.

He deserved the entire truth. “I’m tired Wonwoo, I’m tired and I think I would like to end it here. I would like to stop here. Can you let me do that, please?” 

For the first time in years, Y/N saw his beautiful eyes brim with tears. He was going to break under the pressure of letting his dearest friend submit herself to someone else’s will. His hands were tied; as much as he wanted to grab her and drive away into the night, far enough from the fire that she was willing to engulf in, he couldn’t. Just like she couldn't run despite all the doors being open.

Y/N had treasured her freedom more than anything else in this world. Robbing her of that would kill her whilst breathing. He could not do that to her, as much as he wanted to.

“I know you want to take me away, and I don’t blame you,” Her lips curved up in a small smile, almost non-existent but he could see it. “But I don’t see a way out of this Wonu, I’m sorry.” 

‘I’m sorry for pushing all of this on you, I’m sorry for leaving you alone, I’m sorry for everything’ is what she wanted to say but again, she couldn’t. She didn’t need to. Wonwoo didn’t need words to know what exactly she meant. 

He finally nodded, tight-lipped and tears cascaded down his face. He was going to walk out now. Get himself and the other boys to safety for what remained of the night. But before stepping out of the dark room, he bent down and placed a soft kiss on her temple. And then he walked out, without a backward glance.

Because if he stayed, he was going to lose all sense of composure. If he looked back, he would sink down into his knees and beg for her to let go. And that wouldn’t be something he or Y/N agreed with,

Harshly rubbing his jacket sleeve over his face, Wonwoo prayed for some divine intervention. One that saved her;

-------------------------------------♡---------------------------------------

“Oh my fucking God, can you stop breathing on my neck for fuck’s sake!” Kim Mingyu wasn’t the one to lose his temper or even go as far as cursing out his superior.

But his mind and his heart were at war with each other and S.Coups wouldn’t so much bat an eyelash at the emotional turmoil he was putting the man through. 

Then again; it didn’t bother Mingyu and it shouldn’t now, well according to S.Coups that is. “Watch your mouth!” He barked, “I’m not the one who’s stalling a mission for weeks!” Mingyu cursed under his breath at how callous and calm the older was being. Was he always like this? Then again, when did Mingyu ever stop to notice? 

“This is your last shot! Either you kill her or we kill you! The choice is yours!” With a deafening, sickening thud the call was over. And Mingyu knew for a fact that S.Coups would act on his words. It wouldn’t bother him the slightest; simply add a new notch in his belt. A new jewel to the crown he wore of being the most ruthless. 

To kill or to be killed; those were some generous options S.Coups had given him. And in normal circumstances, Mingyu would’ve barged into the room down the hallway and pulled the trigger without a minute’s hesitation but now? The mere thought of it disgusted him. 

Choosing to live over choosing to let the love of your life die; He was being selfish; yet again. He walked into her life when he wanted to, he fell for her because he wanted to, let her fall for him because he wanted to, and now he was going to kill her because he wanted to. He wanted to live,

He knew what he was to do. But there are questions, the ones that he felt were wavering his will. She had to have known. Y/N wasn’t an idiot then why did she choose to act like one?

His lies weren’t even convincing, so why did she choose to believe them? He knew that she knew. He could tell by the way her usually bright eyes dimmed a little each time he lied to her face. Then why…?

Shaking his head as though it helped him shed the thoughts, Mingyu lit a cigarette. He wasn’t particularly fond of the cancer stick but at times when he couldn’t think straight, he appreciated the buzz of pleasure and energy.

The white stick loosely dangling off his lips, he started walking down the hallway, steps slow and soft. ‘Please run away, just please don’t be there!’ He internally begged. He did not want to find Y/N in that room because if he did, he knew what he was going to do; regardless he wanted to or not.

But she was there, sprawled across the black couch, eyes fixated on the ceiling and a similar white stick in between her fingers. A few of her black tresses fell over her face, slightly curtaining the peaceful expression on her face.

“Took you long enough,” He could hear the smile in her voice. “Were you waiting for me?” He asked with a soft smile of his own. Their smiles at each other were the stark contrast of what was impending.

“Why ask something you already know?” She finally sat up straighter and looked him in the eye. They both knew how much they loved each other’s eyes. “I do, don’t I?” He didn’t allow himself to take a seat knowing if he did, he would stray from his original intention; once again.

“Why didn’t you go away?” He gritted out, losing his patience. “Why should I?” “GOD DAMN IT Y/N CUT IT OUT ALREADY!” He yelled, racking a hand down his hair. “Easy there,” She smiled at him. “You knew didn’t you?!” He glared at the petite girl. “Yes, I did.” She nodded. 

“Then why didn’t you fucking do anything?” “Did you want me to?” Rage seethed through his veins at her soft tone. How was she so relaxed right now? “Do you not value your life?!” His pupils were blown up in anger as their faces remained inches away from each other. Y/N lips curved upwards just the slightest as she exhaled a laugh. “Do you?” 

That seemed to have been the straw that broke the camel’s back as Mingyu huffed out an angry breath before retrieving the dark handgun which was hanging from his belt. “What does it look like darling?” He glared, aiming at her forehead. “Do I?” “There you go again with asking questions that you know the answer to, my love” She laughed humorlessly. 

His grip on the situation and the gun loosened as she used the pet name. He was growing more confused as each second passed. She wasn’t one to back down without a fight but now when she was face to face with death, she didn't make soo much of an effort to save herself. 

She just softly smiled and maintained to hold his gaze. “Y/N, why?” His tone softened like it was weakened by the gravity of the situation. “Why are you being like this? Go away, run away, just, please! Spare both of us from this!”

“Do you remember…?” She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “When I said I broke my rules for you? I knew who you were, what you wanted and why you were here. But I broke them anyway. Don’t ask me why, I don’t have an answer to that. All these months, I was waiting for you to come clean to me. I just wanted you to speak your truth but you didn’t. And I’m tired of running in the same circles.” 

It felt weird, laying out your feelings to the man you love while you’re being held at gunpoint. “I’m so tired Mingyu, and I don’t want to run anymore. I knew you and I made my choice. I chose this. So make your choice, and decide. If you want to spare me from the pain you have been causing or do you want me to die every day,” 

The air had been knocked out of his lungs as the aftereffects of her confession. She had been silently enduring the pain he was causing whilst hoping he would stop. And once she realized he wasn’t going to, she decided to end it once in for all. 

What was with today? What’s with the choices laid in front of him? Why was it soo excruciating to choose? Screwing his eyes shut with such force that they began to throb behind his eyelids. Why was everyone so cruel to him? 

“Mingyu,” She softly called making him instantly open his eyes. “Tell me two truths and a lie,” That earned a sad chuckle from him. She’d asked for those every once in a while. It was a twisted little game that they played. And she wanted to once again. “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “I wish I didn’t love you,” He spoke through between breaths, his hands trembling.

Was he going to be able to do this? What he actually came to do? Serve his purpose? Was he going to sentence himself to lifelong suffering all while ending her own?

Y/N finally stood up and made her way to him, her steps steady and deliberate. She stood, much shorter than him but still, craning her head to look him in the eye. Neither were they angry nor accusing. Simply pleading and assuring. 

The gun barrel rested right above her heart; eyes staring into his. His beautiful thin almond eyes were red; he made no effort to stop the salty residue of his pain as they marked their way down his angular cheekbones and full lips onto his chin and neck. Y/N knew it was for the best.

That this was the best way she could go. She was going to die whilst watching the man she loved with all she had in her; this was perfect.

His sniffles had grown louder with each second they spent, was he perhaps trying to prolong their time? Even if it was a few seconds?

“You need to let me go,” She spoke through her own tears. Their eyes were starting to burn and hurt but neither wanted to break eye contact. “I love you, it’s okay,” Y/N assured, smiling into her tears and Mingyu finally pulled the trigger, his heart shattering into pieces once in for all as an echoing bang shattered the suffocating and heartbreaking silence in the room.

He knew he was going to carry this pain around for the rest of his life; like shackles around his hands and ankles. Every breath he took, every step he placed on the ground, every beat of his heart he felt; Mingyu knew he was going to be reminded of this haunting truth. That he was alive because she wasn’t. 

Throwing the gun aside, he rushed to cradle her crumbling body in his arms. The black shirt she had on quickly got drenched with blood, and the stench of iron and gunpowder quickly overpowered the scent of cigarettes and the vestiges of her favourite Aqua Kiss mist that usually resided in her room.

Her warmth was leaving too soon, eyes dimming rapidly and body relaxing in his hold, the hue of skin rapidly paling; she was going too quickly. 6 to 8 minutes on average. 2 to 3 if you’re lucky; was the world going to take her away this quickly? Was everything going to continue being cruel to him?

She was still looking at him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Forgive me for this! I love you,” He dotted her clammy skin with pecks, making a futile attempt at easing her pain as she counts her last moments. Just seconds ago, he was begging for even a second more and now he wanted it to end quickly so that she won’t be in pain anymore.

Y/N gathered the last shred of energy that was left in her to clutch onto his collar and urge him downwards. “You’re not a bad guy….” She murmured, her voice a decibel or two lower to classify as a whisper,

And then happened all at once. The light left her eyes, her skin went cold, her body relaxed completely and the blood-soaked fingers that held onto his collar now fell limply to her side. Just like that, she was gone, eyes still open, blankly staring at him. 

Biting down his bottom lip with bruising force, Mingyu shut her eyes, forcing himself to accept the fact he had used up his time with her. 

In the early hours of the morning, Wonwoo re-entered the room and was met with the cruel reality that stabbed him straight to the heart. Kim Mingyu; the big, beautiful man was now reduced to dust as he sat on the floor, holding onto the body that held the tortured yet beautiful soul of his best friend. They were both drenched with blood but who cared at this point?

And as surprising as it sounds, Wonwoo was not mad at the man in front of her. It did have something to do with the fact that he knew that he couldn’t achieve anything by being angry at him. For all he cared, he could blow his brains out right now and Mingyu wouldn’t even move a muscle. For now, he had reached a place far enough to not even care anymore. Y/N didn’t blame him for how the whole thing turned out so it would not feel for him to do that, either. 

So he let him hold her all he wanted, he let him cry all he wanted and never once did he deny him his right to her. He had after all paid a heavy price for it. To this day, he is the only one who knows that Mingyu was the one who pulled the trigger. He kept this secret, just like he had done with the twisted game of fate he had watched unfold.

The cruel conclusion that had started to build up since day 1. She was gone. Leaving Mingyu to be tormented by the memories, forced to rewind them over and over again, until he can’t anymore.

the end....

[fay-zay]

Back to You

Pairing: Teenage Kim Doyoung x Female Reader

Genre: Angst, past lovers, toxic relationship, the reader is reminiscing the past

⚠️: cursing, suggestive, mentions of blood, cigarettes, alcohol, law-breaking, underage smoking, drinking

Synopsis: Her heart has been broken by him. Not once, not twice but too many times to count. And she left everything she knew so that she wouldn't have to be plagued by what remained of their train wreck of a relationship; if you can even call it that. What if life brings her to a turn a choice must be made? To face him or to not; that was the question.

Memories. Weird stuff aren't they? How they ruin the happiest days and make the worst moments better. She trapped her bottom lip under the clasp of her pearly teeth, her fingers tracing the raised silver patterns on the black invitation card; obviously deep in thought.

"So, will you come?" Narae cautiously looked at the girl who seemed like she hadn't changed the slightest in the past few years and yet at the same time, was also a totally different person.

She was still there, the same Y/N but she looked freer, happier. Freer, without the ever so familiar neutral colour high-neck, plain skirt and plaid blazer with plain tights. Happier without the constant pressure of standards and expectations weighing down on her shoulders. Sometimes, it's best to leave the past where it belongs and live in the present. This was applicable in the case of both memories and people.

But she was somehow still the same. With her proper posture, the neatness in her house, the degrees framed in a blank piece of wall, the vestiges of vintage perfume. The scent of which was oh-so-familiar to Narae thanks to her numerous meetings with the person who birthed her closest friend to date. 

It astonished the girl how unlike Y/N's facial structure was from her mother and yet, her eyes were the exact same. Those round almond eyes were the exact copy of Mrs Han. The same balance of cold and warmth, co-existing, just like they were in Narae's memory of their first meeting. As cruel as it might seem, she was carrying traces of the person she hated the most from and would do so for the rest of her life. One can never truly leave the past in the past, after all. It is a part of what makes our future and present. 

"I don't know Rae," Y/N softly answered, placing the invitation on the glass centre table between them. "As much I care for you and Taeyong and am happy for you, going will mean facing him and I don't know if I'm ready for that," 

Narae acted quickly, clasping the girl's hand. "You don't have to worry about that Y/N," She assured, her eyes sparkling with repressed anticipation. "He's most likely not to come," "Eh?! Why's that?" The look of curiosity and worry in her eyes assured Narae of one thing. Neither of them was over the other as they had claimed. 

When she was young, Y/n watched Tangled religiously. The long-haired girl was stuck in a tower just like she was. As she grew older, she realized that she might not have a rogue prince as Rapunzel did. Until of course, she did. 

She was never the one to dig old graves. What was done, was done. She preferred focusing on the upcoming than worrying about the previous. So why? Why was it that this one piece of her previous hunting her so much? She'd left everything. Those people, that environment, those streets, those lanes, that city and the memories. She'd given up everything so that she didn't constantly get reminded of him. 

Him. The first him in her life. And thanks to him, no other he ever made it long enough to leave as big of an impression as he did.

Matters of the heart; very complicated indeed. But the complications arise by 10x when the heart is that of a suppressed 17-year-old. And what else could make things even more twisted than they already are, except for a charming 19-year-old boy with a perfect exterior, just like her? The difference? The glint of rebellion in his siren eyes that occasionally turned into sparkling doe eyes, the indistinct lines of ink on his neck, that he made moderate efforts in hiding; only to appease his family. 

The swirl of adoration behind the nonchalance in his eyes, the devious prologue of a smirk on his lips and the teasing voice were imprinted in her mind. This was like Rapunzel and Flynn Rider all over again. But this time, her Flynn Rider didn't have a heart and this tangled mess didn't have a happy ending. Han Y/N being, the Rapunzel, didn't get her teenage fantasy with her Flynn Rider. Kim Doyoung. 

'I hope you consider coming, Y/N. I really would...' 

That was what was all that was visible from the notification bar. As much as Y/n wanted to know what else Narae had written, if she opened that text, it'd be marked as seen and then she'd have to come up with a response. A response she didn't have right now.

She hates doing that, leaving people on seen. Actually, it was about leaving people hanging. She hated feeling like she was abandoned, overlooked and forgotten. The powerful feeling of dejection that was capable of spreading itself in one's whole being within a few seconds. This sinking feeling; Y/N didn't want Narae to feel that way. Her living with this feeling for a larger part of her life was more than enough.

This is why she clicked the device shut before shoving it into the deepest part of her purse and making her way out of the door. Trying her damnest to not glance at the aristocratic-looking black and silver envelope. Damn you Taeyong for having a such top-notch taste!

She liked bright days; ones where you could just feel the warmth of the sun despite whatever layers of clothing you had on. It felt like a hug from someone nurturing, someone protecting. And given that she lacked in that quotient of life; Y/N looked forward to the days that were bright, sunny and warm. And yet! Yet, despite the day being just the way she likes it, she couldn't make herself stand and enjoy the warm hug of Mother Nature. 

There was a raging storm of confusion, hesitation and jealousy inside her and until it was subsided, she wasn't gonna be able to focus on anything else. 

"He just got out of a pretty nasty break-up with one of Taeyong's ex-boss's daughters," Narae's voice echoed at the back of her head as she pressed the gas and drove past the ever-so-familiar neighbourhood. "It's unlikely that he'll attend since they ended on pretty bad terms after being all over each other for 2 years," 

"2 years?!" She scoffed, "That selfish son of a bitch!" Y/N hissed, gripping the steering wheel hard enough for her slender fingers to start hurting. She was angry, knowing that Doyoung moved on while she was stuck for God knows what reason!

But the problem was, it was only fair they moved on. They were supposed to move on. It had been 6 years since they last saw each other. It was natural that he moved on. Then why was she so angry? Because she couldn't move on? God, the mere thought of it sounded petty and selfish.

But then again, Y/n had never claimed to be the most understanding. In fact, it was because of him that she thought the way she thought.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" She slammed the brakes, realizing too late that she just broke a red light. With a maniacal cry of frustration, she rested her head on the wheel, the cold metal somehow comforting to her disturbed state. "Fuck this guy!" She mumbled, as three rapid knocks sounded on top of her. And just as she expected, the blue uniform-clad law enforcer was glaring at her through the tempered glass. 

"Miss, you're gonna get a ticket for the stunt you just pulled," The officer sternly stated, challenging with his eyes."Yeah, whatever officer," She waved her hands, staring straight. Now why the fuck did the officer look dejected when she simply accepted her ticket? Would he rather she sped away and he got the chance to be a part of an epic street chase?!

17-year-old Y/n had entertained that wish for a long, long time.  Not anymore. But as she collected the thin piece of paper, her mind suddenly went down the wrong lane of memory. One that she didn't allow herself to visit for a very long time.

Flashback

"How random can you be!" She laughed, the air filling with the unsettling yet addicting scent of spray paint. "Hey! Don't insult my artwork!" He jibed back, his tongue sticking out in mock annoyance while his eyes shot lasers at her. "I mean, the flowers are pretty but Doyoung, at least try and be creative!" 

"Hey!" He complained yet again, noiselessly making his way to the convertible where Y/N lay on top of the windshield, her skirt bunched up enough to see her upper thighs and the edge of her lace tights. 

Roughly grabbing her thighs, he yanked her down so that she was now sitting on the hood, almost sliding off thanks to the shiny exterior of the car and the material of her skirt. But that was the least of her concerns as she found herself sharing breaths with him. "I've been plenty creative, dove. You just need to open your eyes wider and see it better," 

And while she busied herself in analyzing the now damaged storefront, Doyoung pulled her closer, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, nipping here and there. Her urge to clutch onto his dark locks and hug him tighter was overwhelming but she knew better than to act on her desires! Doyoung's mood was unpredictable and she knew it was smart to keep her hands to herself unless he vocalized his disagreement. Instead, she tried her level best to focus on the storefront he'd just spoiled. 

It was beautiful, painted the soothing shades of sea and sage green, looking rather empty without the gigantic display bouquets and flower pots that she was accustomed to seeing in the daytime. What stood out the most was the inky black graffiti Doyoung had made mere minutes ago. The dripping alphabets looked gaudy and misplaced against the otherwise aesthetic flower shop. 

'The flowers are fucking pretty' is what he wrote. And she would've been snickering at the irony of the words if the artist himself wasn't busy leaving open-mouthed kisses all over her shoulders and neck! It was impossible to focus on anything really,

And who knows how long he'd have continued this sweet torture if a sickeningly familiar whistle hadn't pierced through the silent stillness of the night. "Fucking hell!" Doyoung hissed, immediately detaching himself from her and running for the driver's seat. And as Y/N herself hurried down the hood and into the passenger seat whilst pulling the hood securely over her face, she couldn't help but feel the sinking feeling of dejection in the pit of her stomach.

 "Hurry the fuck up!" He barked, already teasing the accelerator with his foot. And even as they sped away, she looked out of the window, the surroundings seeming nothing but blurs of colours, the night breeze kissing her all over her face as an annoying voice kept on nagging at the back of her mind. 'He didn't wait for you! He saved himself! That's not what someone you like should do!' 

But as always, she paid no mind to it. It was easier that way. To avoid what was soo painfully correct to take up the time with him. To be around him. "Are they coming?" He asked, sparing her glace all while still burning rubber. Y/N stuck her head out of the window, the chilly night air now slapping against her soft cheeks as she scanned the road they'd left behind. Sure enough, the cop car was just turning the corner, still very much hot on their heels.

"Yes, they're out for our heads!!" She yelled, whipping herself back in. "Why did you get in? Keep a watch!" "You know I can't do that! It's too risky!" She instantly regretted saying what she said rolling since he huffed out, frustrated before his eyes. Whilst mumbling something along the lines, 'What did I even expect?' 

It felt like he'd just stabbed her heart with a sharp dagger. But she simply bit her tongue and pushed herself out of the window again; this time a bit too much to be considered safe. But nonetheless, she kept a watch. Just like he told her to do. Because that's what she always does.

And what hurt her the most was he didn't even notice how many times she almost fell out of the window. How much the edge of the window cut through the material of her shirt and broke the skin of her waist enough to make her wince every time he took a sharp turn. 

She didn't realize he just ran a red light until she saw them leaving the traffic sign behind. 'Look at you, Kim Doyoung. Making me do so many unimaginable things, all in one night,' She sighed, pulling the hood tighter around her face.  One more sharp turn and too many things happened at the same time. The hand that was gripping the interior of the car gave up, the edge of the window rammed against her waist hard enough to make Y/N whimper and they finally lost the police!

She felt herself falling forward due to his hard brake until one of his arms wrapped around the back of her waist and yanked her back in, his nails digging into her wound, making her let out another agonized cry!

"I leave you alone for 20 minutes and you almost get killed! What the fuck is wrong with you!?" He basically slams her against the passenger seat, the wet feeling under his fingers and a brief glance down to her waist, finally letting him on what he was clearly neglecting. That did something to him. How silent she had been the entire darn time, allowing him to make his sweet escape. And to take his sweet time to act responsibly. Why does he do this to her? 

"Look at me Y/N," She refused, tears rolling down her cheeks as she stubbornly avoided eye contact. "Y/N, look at me!" He raised his voice this time, his grip on her arms now strong enough to bruise. More tears, but not a sound went past her lips. Doyoung hated how much it affected him. Her tears, her pain, the look of hurt and disappointment in her beautiful eyes. 

"Love, please..." He leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her cheek, the tiny expanse of her skin tasting salty due to her tears. He didn't let up, continuing to dot her cheeks with tiny pecks. Until she finally sighed in what seemed to be defeat and turned her head to face him. "Does it hurt?" He asked, facing her. She simply nodded.

After all these months around her, Doyoung had learned that Y/N didn't scream or shout when she was angry. She just went silent. And as much as Doyoung tried to not care, he didn't like her silence. 

Nodding, he brought himself back to the driver's seat before reaching over to make her lay flat against the seat. "Let's go home, dove" He gently added, earning nothing but a disinterested nod from her. One of his hands remained intertwined with hers as he drove them away, further away from the eventful night and into the soothing chilly night. 

End of flashback

Sighing, Y/N lay her head flat on the desk. Thinking about Doyoung made her feel weird. A weird mixture of self-pity, pain and maybe even some loneliness. He had messed her up, true. But he had also left an impression lasting enough to find a way to slither into her thoughts every once in a while. And now there was a chance that she could be seeing him again, she didn't know how to handle that information.

"Y/N, you alright?" She knew the voice well enough to not bother getting up from her sprawled-out state. He'd seen her waay too many times to care. She simply nodded against the wooden surface. "Well you certainly don't like you are," Now this, made her mad. 

"Kun, if you know the answer, why'd you even bother to ask?" She grumbled, still not getting up. "I just hoped you'd be honest about your state for once in your life," The teasing smile was clearly audible in his voice. "Shut up Kun!" "So you finally look up to shoot me a death glare, that brings me great joy as your friend," Kun rolled his eyes. "Suck it up, big baby!" She snapped,

"What's going on?" Kun's voice softened, hand raising to gently massage the top of her head. "It's complicated Kun," "When is it not?" This time, Y/N broke into a chuckle, her eyes still hooded and shoulders weighed down with the weight of despair. "You can tell me," 

She knew she could. Y/N never claimed to be a social butterfly but she needed a friend or two like every normal human being on Earth. Though she wouldn't also claim to be entirely normal. But Narae was one of the very few girls who didn't envy her deep down because of the money she had in her MasterCard. Or hated her because she was conventionally beautiful. 

Just like Narae, Kun was the very few men who didn't care how she was her superior. One of those people who didn't care how educated or how powerful she was. That's why she trusted him. She liked him because he treated her for what she was. A human being who simply had something to prove. He was a friend, who loved to tease her and also was always ready with a listening ear and advice. 

"Kun, at times when you don't know what to do;" She started, her voice still muffled by the wood. "...do you listen to your heart or do you listen to your mind?" 

"Is it a matter of the heart or the matter of the head?" Kun rebutted, his tone balanced. "Matters of the heart," She admitted, her voice small, despite her face now lying sideways. "Then I'd listen to the heart," He said. "I know many people would say that it's a stupid decision to think that way. But just like I won't understand your worries as you would, your mind won't understand the troubles of your heart like your heart would." 

He saw things soo simply, soo accurately that it made things a lot clearer for Y/N. "And while I admit the heart does tend to take some dumb decisions, the head is too safe. And as much as you've let me in your love life," Kun paused to smile down at her. "The matters of your heart cannot be fixed with the safe approach the brain has," 

"Why are you here wasting your talent away when you easily could've made all the psychology and literature professors eat dirt with your lectures alone!" Kun burst out laughing, definitely flattered by her comments. He knew for a fact Y/N didn't bullshit. Whatever she said was the vocalisation of her thoughts.

"Coming from you, Boss," He hopped off the mahogany desk he was sitting on and walked for the door. "I might as well consider that,"  "Hey now don't make me lose my best employee!" Y/N yelled back, spinning in her swivel chair, feeling much lighter than before. 

It's true when they said that talking to someone else about your worries lessens their burden. Y/N, while still conflicted, had a clearer path in front of her. She knew which part of her she ought to listen to. Now which part she would ultimately end up choosing; only time would tell.

"Where are you? Where are you?" Zooming through the aisles of the department store, her eyes scanned the rows of sweet treats and snacks for her favourite brand of sour strings. Not that she minded chewing on her hoodie strings, she needed some taste once in a while. "Found you!" She grabbed two packets and dumped them in her basket. "That will be all," She offered the young girl on the counter as she placed her basket for check out.

As the items were being checked out, she let her eyes wander, scanning the neatly arranged arrays of energy drinks, pills and frozen goods beside the counter. The hard packet came into her sight rather abruptly, since she hadn't noticed it all this time. A sigh escaped her lips as Jaeyun reached forward and picked the pack in her hands. And relished the feeling it brought.

The nostalgia, the familiarity, the unfamiliarity and of course, those memories. Always those darn memories!

Flashback 

"You know you don't have to do this, right?" His voice came out rather muffled since his lips were now occupied with holding the white stick in between them. His eyes scrutinized her in front of him, her fingers hovering over the pack that contained several other sticks.

"I know I don't," She shrugged, "But I'd like to try one. I can always throw it away if I don't like it." "And waste my cigarettes on you? Yeah no thanks, love." His reply made her pout. 

"Oh come on Doie! Just one, please! I swear I won't waste it!" She pleaded, her hands clasped around his. "Okay! Okay, jeez!" Doyoung scoffed, placing a thin cancer stick on her hand. "And how many times do I have to tell you to not call me that?" He snapped, rather sharply whilst lighting the stick between his lips. God, he looked so fucking gorgeous when he did that! Enough to make her ignore the pang of hurt that slammed itself against her already bruised heart.

"Are you going to light it or what?" He asked, snapping her out of her reverie. "Can't you just light it for me?" She asked, lightly offering. She hoped he would take it as a joke and just toss the lighter her way. If he snapped again, Y/N didn't know if she would be able to resist the urge to stomp the cigarette down her foot and walk away. Once in for all,

These days, she wanted to do that. She wanted to suffer the pain of being away from him. Instead of suffering from the constant heartbreaks, he gifted her with. 

Surprising her, Doyoung simply puffed out smoke before saying, "Come here," Placing the white stick between her lips, Y/N stood in front of him, their shoes touching. Doyoung gave her one of those famous smirks of his, before leaning down and making the tips of their cigarettes touch. And Y/N's heart almost burst! 

He was so close and even though he was closer than that, she felt like she was seeing the most intimate form of Doyoung right now. His hooded eyes, the strands of parted black hair falling over and covering bits of his forehead, his luscious lips enclosed around the cigarette. He smelled like nicotine, rich leather and musk. Must be his favourite le Labo perfume that he seemed to never get tired of. 

He was a beautiful man, no doubt. And despite that, it hurts soo much to want to be with him. Why did he have to be the way he did? "There, all done, my dove." He smiled, and for a few seconds, she saw the child behind his calculated and alluring eyes. And yet again, it was making her fall deeper than she already was. She looked away, inhaling the nicotine. 

And then broke into fits of coughs soon after. Doyoung simply chuckled, watching Y/N as she dry heaved. "What sort of idiot invented this!" She cast a vicious look at the lit cigarette, her eyes watering. "Jesus Christ, I feel like I swallowed ash! Fuck!" She gagged, spitting on the sidewalk. 

"You wanna stop, love?" Doyoung asked, his smile long gone now. "No, but maybe take a second," Y/N sighed, her eyes watering. 

Soon enough, she'd gotten through her first cigarette. She didn't know if she should be proud of herself. "That's enough for a day! Come on! You're swaying already!" Doyoung flicked his cigarette away and took off his jacket, wrapping it around Y/N's comparatively small body and leading her to the car. Halfway through, her knees gave away, making the girl almost surface. 

"Fuck, Y/N! Don't faint!" Doyoung urgently hissed, haphazardly supporting her body but too late, she was limp. "Oh for fuck's sake!" The older boy sighed, now picking the girl up, bridal style, still wrapped in his jacket. It amazed her, how small she was compared to him. How delicate and innocent she was. 

"Doie..." She sleepily drawled, her hair falling over her face. Doyoung chuckled softly before answering, "What love?" "Thanks for the cigarette," He had to snort, at how freaking adorable she sounded. "Hmm, did you enjoy it?" He asked, holding her tighter against his body. Y/N nodded against his chest before answering, "It reminded me of you," And after that, she was completely gone! 

As he placed her inside his convertible and drove her back home, he couldn't help but think if she meant it. About the cigarette reminding her of him. Because Doyoung knows how those feel like. After the initial buzz of adrenaline and excitement, it drained you down. It made you feel tired and kept you coming back for more. 

End of flashback 

"Should I add it to the total, ma'am?" Y/N snapped out of her thoughts at the girl's question. "Yeah?" She turned to look at her. "Oh no! I was just..." She placed the pack of cigarettes back in its place. "I honestly don't know why I picked them up," She smiled. "I was wondering the same," The girl added, handing her the plastic bag of her shopping. "Excuse me ma'am but you don't look like the type to smoke," She broke out into a small chuckle at the girls' words before winking. "You'd be surprised," 

Y/N was addicted to them. Until of course, Doyoung walked out of her life. Those white sticks reminded her of him. So she forced herself to give it up. Just like everything she gave up everything that reminded her of him. He left with the same callousness as he came in and while she was heartbroken, she was also glad. 

How long was she going to torture herself? How long was she going to run into those same circles? Wasn't it easier that he left as much as it hurt to be the girl who was left behind?

Destiny works in wonderful ways really. Y/N had run from the thought of Doyoung for the past 6 years. Yet, he ruled a part of her. He was still messing her up despite not having shown his face to her since the day he left her for someone else. She chuckled, bringing her phone out; finally ready to text Narae back. 

'I hope you consider coming, Y/N. I really would love for you to be here in my big day.'

'I'll come Rae, see you soon.' 

Wrapping the jacket, his jacket, tighter around her small frame, Y/N took yet another sip of her whiskey. What were the odds? After running for 6 darn years, she was going to take the risk of running into him again. And that too, on the wedding day of the girl he left her for. To his best friend. 

She knew how stupid the decision was. How much it could hurt her, all over again. But then again, if Y/N was going to make a stupid decision for someone, wouldn't it make sense for it to be Doyoung? If she was going to risk going through all of that pain again; who else would it be except for Doyoung?