fcarsdark

[fcarsdark]

HOLD THE GIRL

starters taken from lyrics from rina sawayama’s album, hold the girl.

“yeah, you better fear me.”

“flowers still look pretty when they’re dying.”

“they’ll tell you to sit up, and shut up, and grow up, what the hell do they know?”

“sometimes i blame you, sometimes i don’t.”

“i’m not the person i tried to be yesterday.”

“how am i supposed to feel, when you’re telling me that nothing in my life is real?”

“i love to see you happy and right where you belong.”

“all i want is to feel beautiful inside and out.”

“you crossed the line by multiplying the lies.”

“i was innocent when you said i was evil.”

“i’ll be your favorite for now.”

“i don’t wanna get too close, shit gets complicated.”

“all my life, i’ve felt out of place.”

“trying to protect you, but i guess i was wrong.”

“don’t you wanna see the world?”

“i tried everything to fill up the void that you left me with.”

“i’m not a secret, and i’m not a problem.”

“all of the beauty and love i could not see, i see it now.”

“i was doing fine, ‘till i hit rock bottom.

“i’m out of luck but i still got hope.”

“didn’t mean to lose my precious mind today.”

“i won’t leave you on your own.”

“don’t know what i did, but they seem pretty mad about it.”

“always wanted to be best at everything, even when it brings out the worst in myself.”

“i ain’t a number you can ever divide.”

“i used to make my world so small, prisoner to my bedroom walls.”

“i guess i’m not over it.”

“all these years i wished i was different.”

“all my life, you took me for a fool.”

“sometimes i just wanna run away, leave behind that old me, start again.”

“i’m sorry for the things i’ve done.”

“you’re the one that can save me from myself.”

“when did we get so estranged?”

“i know i do this to myself, it’s damaging.”

“decisions were not mine.”

“came to shelter from the blame, but i left taking all of the shame.”

“just when i thought i’d weathered the storm, rain starts to pour those same old tears back on my face.”

“we had both had to leave our mothers/fathers to get the things we want.”

“this hell is better with you.”

“suddenly i find it hard to concentrate.”

“now that I’m your age, i just can’t imagine.”

“i’m trying to be normal, but trauma is immortal.”

“i paid for your life.”

“all my life, you told me what to do.”

“we all have a monster inside of us, but we have a choice, we get to decide.”

“am i okay? nah.”

“i swear that sometimes i get to be my worst enemy.”

“the conclusion that came to me was not that it happened in the first place, but that there was no one looking after you.”

“none of this is your fault.”

“they’re there for you in all the ways i never was.”

“forgiveness is a winding road.”

“right now my sanity is gone, it’s vanishing.”

“i hope that you’re proud.”

“that will never be me.”

“put me together, make me better.”

“sometimes i get down with guilt, for the promises i’ve broken to my younger self.”

“this life gave us nothing to lose.”

“won’t you give me a sign if you’re really there?”

“found my peace when i lost my religion.”

“why did you do it? what the hell were you thinking?”

“i never thought i’d get this right.”

“i don’t wanna do this without you.”

“could we be imagining?”

“i did away with heroes and villains and old scores from cold wars, but the pain isn’t done.”

“turns out I’m going to hell if i keep on being myself.”

“i see that they take care of you from the food they make.”

“all i ever wanted was for you to have a better chance.”

“i don’t wanna be a monster anymore.”

“you closed me off, a jail personified.”

“i finally know what it feels like to be alive.”

[fcarsdark]

Oh no. Not the bro-speak.  ❛Yeah?❜

“Ashley. Broseph. Brotato.” / sc. ; @fcarsdark​

[fcarsdark]

heyy, I’ll be back and active for a couple weeks! come spam some memes

[fcarsdark]

JUSTICE.

It was only natural that Ashley would have more questions than she ever would answers, a notion consistently proven as their dialogue transpired; yet where other’s might grow impatient and potentially annoyed, the High Prosecutor would show sympathy and compassion despite her parent’s ego within her, “To put it into simple terms, a year down here is about twenty up on Earth; it will seem longer than it actually is, but your sentence should be finished before you know it.”

Justice would shuffle around more papers, organizing them in a fashion that would prove presentable to her boss upon later submission, “You’re gonna need to come back and pay us a visit once a week during your probation, pretty standard like it would be up there on Earth.” there was a slight laxation in how she was phrasing thing at this point, yet not to the point where any sort of professionalism would be sacrificed or tarnished in whatever capacity they could have been.

“Don’t sweat it too much, Miss Brown, you’ll come to find Hell to be awesome and better than Earth in time.” with that statement, the woman would close the other’s file, her attention fully back towards that of Ashley.

There’s the slightest twinge of anger yet wonder at the conceptualization of twenty years. She never even reached that age on earth, just two years shy. Under the river, will she have to fight it, feel the water fill her lungs over and over again? Will she sink to the bottom and look up, harmless as a dove, watching Hell pass by above her as the river she’d just been down takes more souls? Twenty years, two past her time on earth, yet she’ll never age. 

Hell certainly doesn’t seem as fire-and-brimstone as people describe it. As a matter of fact, none of the major world religions seem to have gotten it right. ❛Thank you,❜ is all she can think to say, wiping the tears from her dried face. She feels none of the hunger she felt before, none of the exhaustion. Perhaps that’s an indication that the physical pain, if any, will be minimal. Perhaps it’ll be a time to reflect. 

The concept of eternal life is certainly strange, but perhaps her tragic, short life on earth will be more fulfilling here. ❛Will my mother be okay?❜

[fcarsdark]

JUSTICE.

The High Prosecutor would sit there in respect, letting the woman take as much time as she possibly could need to answer the question and wrestle with the emotions she was no doubt undergoing… Justice may have the arrogance of youth, but she did still have a heart.

Remorse seemed to easily coat every syllable that left Ashley’s mouth, speaking the language of honesty was something very valued in Hell and this woman was doing it fluently, “Ashley…��� Justice dropped some of the formality, hoping it would bring the other woman some semblance of ease, “…You seem genuine, and I find that awesome, which is why I am going to designate you to Circle 5 housing after you spend one year beneath the surface of the River Styx, once you reach your housing you are on probation for the next 100 years and will be reevaluated by the High Prosecutor based on your behavior.”

Reaching over, the demon would take a sip from her water before meeting the gaze of Ashley once more, “This is a fairly light sentence that takes the context and your remorse into consideration and is deemed finalized. Do you have any questions?”

A light sentence. She tries to reassure herself, to stop the incessant shaking. She can’t pretend she’s cold anymore, she’s in Hell. At least it’s somewhat of a relief from subzero Canadian Februaries. The legal system on Earth is complicated, and who’d have known a supernatural place had something so similar? 

The drop in formality doesn’t escape her. It’s the same sympathetic tone the judge had when granting her mother’s protective order against her father. It brings a semblance of the same comfort of her mother squeezing her hand. But she can’t think about her mother for too long - she’s not going to be able to reassure her of anything. She’d find out somehow about the way her daughter perished. Thinking of Jamie Brown’s anguished screams pains her already. 

❛Um...❜ she begins, her voice raspy. ❛What does that mean? I mean, what does spending a year look like? And will my probation conditions be explained to me? Do I have, like, a case manager or something for that? This is all sort of confusing.❜ 

[fcarsdark]

SAM.

              ❝ It’s not like that, Ash. ❞ Sam said, offering a sympathetic smile. ❝ I want to; I want this, I’m just… scared. Feels like we’ve lost too many people to start anything sometimes. Josh, Beth, Hannah, Chris, the list keeps growing and I don’t know if I can handle one more. ❞

              Sam crosses her legs on the chair as she feels one of her calves begin to tingle from her foot falling asleep. She tries to focus on her word choice, knowing what they have was delicate, even if Ashley was being patient with her. Sam knew she’d been hot and cold; it had to be obnoxious, even if she did understand why.

             ❝ Maybe Amy Winehouse had it right when she said love is a losing game. ❞

              Matching traumas didn’t exactly make for a good first step in a flirtationship like theirs. And although Sam knew she’d had the faintest glimpses of a future with Ashley, she couldn’t help wondering if she should even bother thinking about the unknown. Squeezing Ashley’s hand, she takes another slow sip of wine and thinks for a moment.

              ❝ Or maybe I need to stop thinking so much, ❞ she chuckles darkly. ❝ What we have is good. You’re right. You usually are. We don’t need all the answers, just need to take it a day at a time. I just get in my head, you know? I worry now. A lot more than I used to. ❞

She looks into her wine glass, absentmindedly swirling the liquid, before glancing back towards the blonde, gazing upon her tanned face. The only face that provides her solace nowadays. Perhaps they, too, were doomed, but she couldn’t think on that now. ❛Me too,❜ Ashley admits. ❛And I know we’ve lost so many people. We have. But...if I have any power over it, I’m not going anywhere.❜ 

Squeezing back in reassurance, a smile grows on Ashley’s rosy features. ❛One day at a time,❜ the redhead reminds Sam, echoing what her therapist had taught her. ❛All we can really do now is put one foot in front of the other. Even if it is a losing game, I would kick myself if I never tried. I can’t let fear rule my life anymore.❜ She sighs, grazing her thumb over Sam’s palm. Uncertainty makes her stomach churn, but there’s nothing else to do here. 

Perhaps she was in a losing game. ❛Either way, whatever you decide, I...I want to be in each other’s lives. You’re the only one here who gets it. I don’t have to put on the same bullshit around you that I do with everyone else.❜

[fcarsdark]

hi everyone! i promise i’m still alive and i haven’t abandoned ashley. my muse is just very low at the moment because when most of your graduate school involves writing, it kind of makes you want to write less. that’s the msw student life, ig. i’ll be back when the time is right. 

[fcarsdark]

JOSH.

Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea– That’s all he was thinking when she finally started to actually sew him up. He didn’t think she’d actually do it! And, shit, he didn’t think it’d hurt worse than being nearly sawed in half! But, fuck, too late now! And to say he screamed, that would be an understatement. In there howling like some banshee. Surprised that alone wasn’t enough to get Sam, or anyone to come running. Wasn’t Mike and Jess out here somewhere? The cabin wasn’t that far away!

Didn’t matter. Because as fast as she started (well… kind of), she was gone. She left him there on the ground. Bleeding to death. Well– it slowed up. But now he was just slowly bleeding to death. On the cold floor of the shed. What a weird turn of events. He couldn’t even be mad! He deserved it. He always deserved it. He didn’t blame her for leaving.

It didn’t register when she came back to him. He didn’t even hear her speak at first, just staring blankly. He doesn’t know if it’s from the blood loss, the withdrawal, or his own fucking addled head. But eventually the words hit him, and he whimpered a little. “ ‘m tired, Ash–”

She feels like she’s going to choke on the lump on her throat, face dry and raw from the cold and her tears. They need to somehow get inside, actually inside to where there’s heat, but Ashley definitely isn’t strong enough to carry him back on her own. They’re both going to die out here, and would Chris even make it to find the radio tower with the blizzard? 

❛I know you are,❜ she says, moving to hold his head in her lap so he can be somewhat more comfortable. ❛Just- just hold on.❜ It doesn’t even register when Emily and Matt are back, nor when they help to get the pair to the lodge.  Ashley’s legs feel like Jell-O, and the shaky walk back to the cabin seems like it goes on for miles. A deathly pallor casts her face, relieved by the warmth of the cabin.

❛Josh...do you have the key to the cable car?❜ Ashley asks, moving back to his side to hold her hoodie tighter to him. Perhaps they could get out of here and get him to an emergency room that way, but then....no, there was a storm, and that could be dangerous, right? And even then, how far away is the nearest emergency room?

[fcarsdark]

JOSH.

She’s not a doctor! Of course he knows that! He does– he’s not either! He’s just sat here, bleeding out on the shed floor. Ashley asking him a bunch of stupid questions when the only thing he can think about is the fact that it feels like all his organs are going to spill out onto the floor. Which, okay, yeah, the cut isn’t that deep, but it’s so gnarly in there. Fat and even the littlest bit of muscle bulging out under his fingertips. It’s so fucked.

“Just– just– Please–” He doesn’t even know what he’s asking for now. He’s woozy, which is an odd feeling when you know you’re just lying on the floor. He’s just sobbing, now. Wracking, horrible things that shake and rattle his chest, stomach heaving with it. He can’t remember the last time he cried like this– probably when they called off the search for Hannah and Beth.

He already forgot about the body double. Why they were here. It washes over him in waves, but gone as quick as he came. Hell, he’s having trouble thinking about his own name right now. But– yeah, he should warn her. “Don’t– don’t go near it–” because it stinks. It reeks of death and old meat, whatever it is that pig guts smell like. Which is to say: not good. But he also knows he threw it together so fast that even just the odd touch could send everything falling out. What a sight to behold.

Hopefully the cameras are still rolling.

“Tired. Tired– please, just–” his hands are starting to fall off the wound. It felt like he had just taken laughing gas– or some of his stronger meds. His body was just… tired. Not working. Hmm. “Push. Push.”

❛I- I don’t want to make it worse, Josh!❜ She doesn’t want to look. She really fucking doesn’t want to look at anything, but she has to see what she’s doing. God, it’s dark in here. It’s so dark, even with that dim light overhead, and she shakes. She hates this so much. She should’ve just stayed home. So much for curling up by the fire with a nice book. 

Wincing, she ties the knot at the end, and tries to suture him up, hesitant to poke the thing through his skin and hurt him. ❛A-are you ready?❜ She pushes through, trying to the best of her ability to sew him up. They aren’t exactly the neatest sutures, and oh, it still looks awful. Sam would know what to do. Where is she? Is she still in that goddamn bathtub?

Ashley feels a bile rising in her mouth, the thing she’d been suppressing for the past ten minutes now that Josh is sewn up shoddily. Shoving her hoodie back to his side and placing his hand there, she  runs to open the gate and hurl the last of her dinner up into the snow, coughing. Much better. 

As soon as she can, the redhead is back at his side. ❛I-is it better? Is it bleeding less?❜

[fcarsdark]

JUSTICE.​

Shuffling through more paperwork, the High Prosecutor would eventually come to the documents she had been looking for and began reading their contents, “Yeah, they are both here in Hell and have already been processed and sentenced; I’m not allowed to give you the specifics though, so I hope you understand.” setting the documents down, Justice would meet the gaze of the other woman once more, “As for your punishment, that all depends on you and whether I think you are truly remorseful or not…”

The demon would trail off, leaning forward and shifting her expression into a more serious one, “…are you remorseful, Miss Brown?” If the woman was lying, she would know, it made her job all the easier. Her gloved fingers laced between one another, expective of an answer and a truthful one at that.

It truly was the moment of truth for the accused, whether she would be subjected to eternal punishment or something more lightened was entirely up to her at this stage.

Well, that - that’s a bit more difficult for Ashley to answer. ❛I never wanted Chris to die,❜ she says with finality, wiping tears with her hoodie sleeve. ❛I didn’t want anyone to die. And I am truly sorry for what happened to Hannah and Beth and that stupid fucking prank. I’m sorry that Chris died, and I’m sorry that he died because of me. I just...I didn’t even register what I was doing, and I know if I got the chance to live, I would regret it for the rest of my life. But...I don’t know if I can be sorry for protecting myself. Not that it mattered in the end.❜ Hot tears stream down her face again, this time more tranquil and furious. ❛I-I know that’s not the best answer, Your Honor a-and it’s not very straightforward. I’m sorry.❜

[fcarsdark]

JOSH.

He’s shaking bad. He had shed the overalls for the little event– much too warm while he was inside that little pallet box. This was… It was a lot. It hurt a lot, and he knew he was losing blood fast. It was a bad feeling, a cold feeling. Weak feeling. Not one he was hoping to feel again anytime soon– but that’s a story for another time.

He groans a little, tears streaming his face. Hurts hurts hurts hurts– he’s grabbing at his side– pressure, right? Pressure helped. That’s what all the shows said– that’s what they said over the phone to his mom when she–

He’s going to pass out. If not from the blood loss, from the pain. But he’s trying. He’s trying. Hopefully he doesn’t remember this. “Sew– sew it. Sew it.” He’s begging, pleading. Sew it up! Get some needle and some thread! Is there some in the shed? Maybe. Maybe, they stored so much extra shit out here. But there was no way he could tell her where it might be.

“Please, please– please, it hurts. Holy shit,” he sobs, eyes closed tight. Fuck! Fuck, this was a mistake. All a mistake. They don’t even have fucking cell service up here, he’s going to fucking die up here–

Maybe he deserves it.

As he holds it to his side, she’s frozen for a moment, her doe eyes befitting her current deer-in-the-headlights look. ❛What?❜ she squeaks, eyes narrowed in confusion. Aren’t you not supposed to remove padding from injuries until the hospital? So as not to disrupt the clotting or something? She panics.. ❛I- I don’t know how, I’m not a doctor!❜

Oh, God, this could make things so much worse, but his yelling is enough to convince her to scramble until she finds a sewing kit. her hands are so shaky right now, and she’s relieved when Chris brings back the first aid kit. Before he’s off again, he says something about finding the others, about a radio tower somewhere, but Ashley doesn’t quite catch it. 

To the best of her ability, she sanitizes the needle with an alcohol wipe, trying not to gag at the sight of the injury and blood. Josh had forced her to watch enough horror movies in her time to see gratuitous gore, but somehting makes it different when it’s real life.  

Ashley shakes, trying with the best of her ability to thread the needle, but her eye hadn’t missed something odd in the room. Without the saw buzzing, havving stopped it’s track, strangely, the shed feels eerily quiet. ❛Josh...why is that body thingy wearing your clothes? What’s going on?❜ she demands.  

Ashley, focus! Just as quickly, she shakes her head. There’s no time for righteous fury. ❛Never mind. H-how do you do this? W-we need to wait until the bleeding slows down or I won’t be able to see what I’m doing.❜

[fcarsdark]

Ashley has never been one to go gentle into that good night. Her screams tear her throat dry, makeup running down her face as she begs for her life, pleads with everything she has. It’s a strange, dreamlike state - perhaps from the adrenaline, perhaps from the shock that right here, right now, is where death rears its ugly head. She doesn’t get to die old and surrounded by her loved ones, she gets to have a saw tear right through her. But - the voice says Chris has chosen to save her.

The mix of relief and guilt are short-lived, though, as the saw comes towards her, and she doesn’t have time to think about how her last memory will be Chris’s betrayal, until she feels someone saving her. She doesn’t have time to notice the fear in Josh’s eyes nor wonder how he got out of there. ❛Josh, hurry, before the maniac gets us!❜ the redhead pleads, mascara running down paled cheeks. 

A glance towards the other side to see how he got out causes her eyes to widen, lips parted in confusion, but it doesn’t register. There’s no time for it to register or for her to think about it, because the next thing she knows, she’s on the cold, hard ground.

❛JOSH!!❜ she shrieks, terror rasping her voice, as the saw cuts him, and oh god, there’s so much blood. So, so much blood. Later, she can admonish him,  demand that he explain himself. Chris has run off to call for help and find a first aid kit, but in the meantime, she crawls to him and takes off her hoodie. It’s so cold. It’s so fucking cold, but all she can think to do is press it to his side, holding pressure. 

❛Please be okay. Please, please, please don’t die, holy shit.❜ 

@fcarsdark​ sent: ✘ for one muse to get hurt protecting the other

from: some meme that i’ve lost 

            it was going wrong. wrong! he swore he rigged it right, the track shouldn’t even be connected to ashley’s track! it’s a fake! for his eyes only– of course they’d never actually look ! but, no. nononono, that track is definitely connected. and he had no fucking idea which way chris pulled that lever, but it was TOTALLY heading streat for ashley. shit. shit shit shit shit shit.

      he had seconds. that it, seconds. he’d already tested the saw on the fake body, counted how long they’d have to stare agonizing as no matter what, they waited for josh to die. approximately twenty two seconds. long enough to feel like a lifetime as you were watching, but he had no idea if it was enough to stop it.

            but without another thought, completely abandoning the rest of his plans for the night, he bolts. he jumps down from behind the fake board, whirling out and around the fake pallets he had set up so they couldn’t see his real body behind everything. but it took too much time, he had fucking seconds. ten maybe. he could hear chris screaming, assumed ashley was as well. and he was breathing hard, shaking as he tried to untie her from the chains. it as hard! he knew it was a simple pull, but his addled mind couldn’t figure out where. where– not until he felt the heat coming from the saw blade as it came ever closer to his back. if he was smart, he’d stand to the side. but, fuck, if ashley was going to go, so would he. he’d deserve it.

      but he did it! he found the pull, and just as he pulled it and pulled her to the side as quickly as possible, he felt it. he felt the saw nip at his side. okay– more than a nip. it tore. it hurt so badly, but he didn’t have time for that! but because of this, he all but threw ashley on the ground, before diving down after her. the saw ended up stopping inches from the wood pallets. and josh rolled himself away from her, clutching his side. it hurt. it hurt so bad, and he was bleeding so much– but. okay, yeah, he kind of deserved this. he’d taken this all so so far. too far.

            you know, he’s not sure the door will unlock for chris since the saw went the wrong way–

[fcarsdark]

JUSTICE.

The High Prosecutor would release a sigh as the woman began sobbing through her explanation, despite the prestigious nature surrounding her position… it was this part that she had both grown numb to, at least on a conscious level; her subconscious would feel immense levels of sympathy that was not allowed to show up whenever she took the stand, if she went easy on any one sinner then she would have to let every other sinner off easy… and that would simply bring massive imbalance to the hierarchy of Hell; it sucked, but that was just the way things were.

“Miss Brown, there’s no need to cry; you’re simply starting new, that’s all.” The white haired woman would set the papers down, lacing her fingers together, “I know that you were in a life or death scenario and that you acted out of paranoia that happened because you were betrayed by someone you trusted.” She would reach for a pen, beginning to write things down on an unseen stack of paperwork.

“This would place you in violation of Purity Code 256A-3, and you would be charged with Wrath in the second degree…” It was all so formal, a dictation that the awesome demon was not a fan of in the slightest, “Given the context of the situation, you would receive a somewhat lighter punishment.”. Setting the pen down, red eyes would lock with green once more.

“If you would like to ask any questions before we move on, don’t hesitate to ask.”

She’s calming down a bit, but not by much. Her heart still feels like it’s going to fall out of her mouth and onto the floor, if it were still beating. The woman’s voice is so monotonic, no hint of emotion in her face or voice, and Ashley is unsure whether that’s reassuring or terrifying. She nods, taking deep, shaky breaths. Starting new. Perhaps that could be good for her - as far as she was concerned, her two closest friends meant nothing anymore .

❛Is anyone I know here? Besides....him?❜ she inquires, digging her fingernails into her wrist and creating little half-moon shapes in her skin. ❛And how will I be punished? Are you going to torture me?❜

Fear is evident in her voice, as would be expected for someone in her situation. Perhaps, though, she thinks the feeling of betrayal from Chris and Josh and having to live with herself is torture enough. ❛W-what about my loved ones on Earth? Is it like in religions where you can, like, watch over them or at least see how they’re doing?❜

[fcarsdark]

@chrmatiica said: “  You make me talk and you make me feel.  ” / mike

It's a warmth she hasn't felt in a while, and for once, she's not going to pretend it's not there nor fail to act on it. That decision caused her far too much anguish last time after she lost her light. Ashley is never letting that light slip away from her out of fear. Never again. She knows the guilt in her feeling that she's betraying Chris, betraying Jessica with her feelings is stupid. But she can't bear to let that stop her from anything.

Leaning her head on Mike's shoulder, her eyes flicker briefly to his lips, still hesitant to close the space between them. She frowns, her thumb nervously grazing back and forth over his hand. ❛I thought I was protecting you by holding back a-and not telling you how I felt,❜ Ashley admits, swallowing.

She moves back to look at Mike, and really look at him. ❛I didn't think I'd feel that way about anyone ever again. But- a-are you sure? I mean, if you're not ready for anything, that's completely okay. I get it. I can be a lot. B-but if you really want me that way, I...I would like that. I-If not, I get it, just...❜

[fcarsdark]

@chrmatiica said: “  I’m really glad you came.  ” / chris

Everything about this trip screams 'bad idea' - it doesn't take a genius to notice that Josh is clearly not in the best of states right now, and everyone is at each other's throats. It's no wonder, then, that Ashley jumps at the opportunity to walk to the guest cabin with Chris to gather more firewood and materials. The growing darkness of outside spooks her out and she really wishes she'd worn more to protect her legs from the blistering cold, but she'll take that over listening to Emily and Jessica cat fight over Mike any day.

For once, she's grateful that the cloak of darkness hides the flush to her face and that she can use the cold as an excuse to have rosy cheeks. ❛I am, too,❜ Ashley smiles, her stomach somersaulting and radiating a warmth into her chest before her face reddens further. ❛Um- I mean - you, too. I'm glad you came, too. I...I honestly don't think I'd be able to get through this weekend without you.❜

Her hand brushes against his, and she's tempted to take it, yearning for the comfort and warmth, but she decides against it. ❛Is it just me, or does Josh seem....off? Like, even more so than usua-❜ Before she can finish that sentence, she falls into the thing she hadn't even seen in front of her, yelping as she luckily lands on her feat, heart pounding loudly.

Oh, fuck. It's dark. It's so fucking dark. ❛I-I'm okay!❜ she calls up. ❛Chris?❜

[fcarsdark]

** abba lyrical starters.

“  I don’t wanna talk about things we’ve gone through.  ”

“  Though it’s hurting me, now it’s history.  ”

“  I was in your arms thinking I belonged there.  ”

“  I was a fool playing by the rules.  ”

“  But tell me does she kiss like I used to kiss you?  ”

“  I apologize if it makes you feel bad seeing me so tense.  ”

“  Now is all we get nothing promised, no regrets.  ”

“  I’m really glad you came.  ”

“  You know the rules, you know the game.  ”

“  I remember long ago another starry night like this in the firelight.  ”

“  We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die.  ”

“  There was something in the air that night.  ”

“  The stars were bright, they were shining there for you and me.  ”

“  If I had to do the same again I would.  ”

“  I wasn’t jealous before we met.  ”

“  I’m possessive, it isn’t nice.  ”

“  All I’ve learned has overturned.  ”

“  I beg of you don’t go wasting your emotion.  ”

“  I still don’t know what you’ve done with me.  ”

“  I feel a kind of fear when I don’t have you near.  ”

“  Don’t go sharing your devotion.  ”

“  The night is young and the music’s high.  ”

“  Here is where the story ends this is goodbye.  ”

“  There is nothing we can do.  ”

“  We just have to face it this time we’re through.  ”

“  Memories, good days, bad days they’ll be with me always.  ”

“  What happened to those wonderful adventures?  ”

“  It hurts to remember all the good times.  ”

“  All I do is eat and sleep and sing.  ”

“  Still I’m thinking about you only.  ”

“  There are moments when I think I’m going crazy.  ”

“  The sight of you will prove to me I’m still alive.  ”

“  I was defeated, you won the war.  ”

“  Promised to love you for ever more.  ”

“  I made up my mind, it must come to an end.  ”

“  How can I resist you.  ”

“  I’ve been broken-hearted, blue since the day we parted.  ”

“  Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find.  ”

“  I try to reach for you but you have closed your mind.  ”

“  Whatever happened to our love?  ”

“  The love you gave me, nothing else can save me.  ”

“  You made me feel alive but something died, I fear.  ” 

“  I’ve heard about him before.  ”

“  I can still recall our last summer, I still see it all.  ”

“  I was so happy we had met.  ”

“  We took a chance like we were dancing our last dance.  ”

“  There’s a lot you can teach me.  ”

“  Does it mean anything to you?  ” 

“  Can you feel it the way I do?  ”

“  You make me talk and you make me feel.  ”

“  If I trust in you, would you let me down?  ”

“  Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?  ”

“  Could you feel the same way too?  ”

“  I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild.  ”

“  Better slow down, that’s no way to go.  ”

“  I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile.  ”

“  I’ve never felt this strong.  ”

“  I am invincible, how could this go wrong?  ”

“  I see a road ahead I never thought I would dare to tread.  ”

“  You will be my love and my life.  ”

“  Now there’s nothing at all that can keep us apart.  ”

“  When you sleep by my side I feel safe and I know I belong.  ”

“  Losing you is a nightmare fate and to me.  ”

“  You make me think that you will change my life forever.  ”

“  I lay my life before you.  ”

“  I only want you more and more

“  You’ll see how much I care when you meet me.  ”

“  I’m nothing special, in fact I’m a bit of a bore.  ”

“  Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk.  ”

“  If you change your mind I’m the first in line.  ”

“  If you need me, let me know.  ”

“  If you’ve got no place to go when you’re feeling down.  ”

“  Come on, give me a break, will you?  ”

“  My love is strong enough to last when things are rough.  ” 

“  I can’t get you off my mind.  ”

“  Take it easy with me please.  ”

“  Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze.  ”

“  Oh please don’t let me down.  ”

“  There’s a shimmer in your eyes like the feeling of a thousand butterflies.  ”

“  One of us is lying.  ”

“  Now I’m changed and I want you to know.  ”

“  I should not have let you go.  ”

[fcarsdark]

JOSH​.

            Maybe he should get a cat. He’s a cat guy! Loves ‘em. Then again, he’s having a hard enough time trying to keep himself afloat right now. Maybe some other time. For now, he’ll settle for coming to Ashley’s and holding onto this small little thing. Little fluff ball. Who could ever hate cats? Not him! 

      “’Course. I like this little guy,” He says, but he does settle for laying back and opening his arms, both to let Zelda go off and wander, as well as to give Ashley room to lay on him or whatever she wanted to do. He really would appreciate the pressure, but he won’t ask for it. Never does.

            He accepts the kiss gratefully. He loves her, he really does. Loves the attention, the affection. Shit. “Yeah– yeah, I love you, too.” It’s rushed, but he means it. Means it a lot– more than he ever thought he would. The fact that she seems to love him as well is just as surprising– more so, actually. “Yeah, I’m– I just wish it was real,” he mumbles, closing his eyes. It’s always a toss-up to do that– whether or not he sees the back of his eyelids or some shit he really would like to get that ECT that Dr. Hill talked about to forget– but this time, nothing. He’ll blame Ashley for that. “It was just a press thing. So dad can build up some sort of hype. Think he’s going to write a book or make a movie or something. Makes me ungodly sick.”

After a bit, Zelda takes her preferred spot - by Josh’s head on Ashley’s pillow, of course. It’s the reason she sneezes and has to take a Benadryl every night before bed, but Ashley has tried and failed to stop her from sleeping there. She lays on top of Josh, resting her head on his chest and gently resting her eyes, letting out a small groan of exhaustion. She’ll probably have to change out that pillow case from the hair gel, but she’s too exhausted to think about that. 

The more she thinks about this concept of Bob fucking Washington making a movie out of trauma he denies, the angrier she gets. And unfortunately for those around her, Angry Ash is petty. No, she can’t exactly copyright the story. No law allows for that. 

Unless...

❛Josh? I have an idea. A really stupid idea,❜ Ashley says, opening her eyes. ❛We should beat him to it. I mean, we have the skills. I’m a writer, you make movies. I think we’d make a brilliant team. Chris does the special effects. We break the box office. And then that frigging buttface gets nothing.❜ She smiles deviously. Well, as deviously as a teenager with more of a resting sad face than a resting bitch face can smile.