fearandhatred

[fearandhatred]

hi i'm not dead <3 came across a post that reminded me of this wip that was supposed to be multi-chaptered but that i'll never finish so. here's the 1k words i've written for the first chapter. the plot is hanahaki with a twist

–––––<3–––––

the language of flowers

"He pointed out the spot where many a blue-belled flower grew, and there they met, and vowed to be constant unto death."

---

Excerpts from The Demonic Code of Conduct, written in ink shortly after The Great War and subsequently misplaced, and thus unknown in its specifics to any demon.

Thou shalt not utter the name of the Lord, nor use the Devil's name in vain.

Thou shalt not commit honourable acts. To do so is to be unworthy of what its existence constitutes.

Thou shalt not love another sentient being. A demon that offers its heart to another in any shape or form, be it of its own kind or otherwise, shall have that other of which it loves turned upon it as punishment and take over it till its life's end, for the wages of sin is death.

John 1:1. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was—

Life is poetic, Crawly muses, coiled up under the shade of a tree. The tree, to be specific. The one that would get the ball rolling, though he still has a while before the lady comes wandering around to this side of the garden.

Life is poetic. Life is poetry. He thinks this now because he feels the cool grass brushing against his scales, sharp but delicate, the bright and incomparable scent of dew, and he knows how they would taste on his tongue without ever having tasted them. He rests his head softly between some small blooming flowers and he knows that they mean.

Life is poetry, because everything has its own language and yet can never be separate from anything else. Whether Crawly has been cursed or blessed to know every language in the world he's not sure, but it all speaks to him. The written language, of course, that would come into fruition as strokes and lines that will somehow become words, the Word; the language of science, with the intricacies of atoms settling around and inside him, or exploding above, the inherent yet overwhelming knowledge of how it all works; the language of flowers, with all their meanings filling his nostrils and resting on his tongue like honey.

It could be a curse if he were human, maybe, with a mind not meant to hold this much information or to know what to do with it. But he's not human, and he'll live a long enough life to be able to digest it all—although he knows even now that some things are too great to comprehend, too intricate and ineffable to fathom. It's a blessing, he decides now. (Although in a thousand years he'll look up at the Tower of Babel, everyone around him speaking a hundred different tongues as God's idea of a plague, and he'll wonder if the universe has got curses and blessings all twisted around.)

He flops over onto his back—though it's not much of a flop, really, in this long form; it's rather like the unravelling of a scroll—and flicks out a tongue towards the flowers drooping right over his head. They're a vibrant yet deep shade of blue, not sharp enough to hurt, and they hang from arched stems like grapes from a vine.

Bluebells, he decides, and they look a little like they're twinkling right at him, light and pleasant chiming sounds like the laughter of stars. Besides, God only specifically told Adam to name the animals, so he supposes everything else is fair game.

There's a certain lightness in being surrounded by beauty and new creation, a particular surreal quality to the colourful loneliness of nature that he thinks he'll never get tired of, and he's feeling playful. Instead of moving just his eyes, he rolls full-body around in the grass to different clumps of flowers, and their names slip off his tongue like he's not actually naming them, but as if they're introducing themselves to him. In the Garden, there are no rules as to where or how nature grows; the plants and flowers all coexist, thrive off each other, and it's something he'll grow to miss.

A stalk of orange flowers with tapered and curled petals wave to him from their nest at the root of a tree. Hey you. Crawly flicks his tongue back at them. Hi, lilies. Their name dances off his tongue, delicate and happy.

A dark red flower smiles serenely at him from the underbrush. Rose, he greets, a name no less elegant for its simplicity.

He coils around the pink viscarias as they twirl and sway to their own wind, and sits in silence with the marigolds. All of the flowers, chrysanthemums and tulips, anemones and violets, petals tapered or round or bright or dull, are equal to him in beauty, for he finds that there is beauty to be found just in understanding. He doesn't have a favourite yet, but then again, he doesn't have to play favourites.

And so in the Garden of Eden, Crawly finds himself falling in love for the first time.

The woman comes along then, and tempting her is as easy as a conversation, an icebreaker. An apple, he hisses in her ear, and the way her tongue sounds the word out for the very first time couldn't be anything but divine.

After all has been said and done, Crawly gently plucks out a flower from its bush, and scales the wall like poison ivy to meet the angel, curious, always curious. And it turns out that there's more splendour to be found in the view from above, if less intimacy. While he had gotten to meet the flowers up close beforehand, delighting in their individuality amongst the acres of green grass, now they all seem to blend together in harmony, like one living, breathing being. An organism in itself, with its own systems and its own language.

Crawly shifts into his human form and presents the flower to the angel with a light magician's flourish. "I'm guessing you haven't had the privilege of being among the flowers yet," he says by way of introduction.

The angel looks down at the red petals Crawly is holding out to him, surprised. "I haven't indeed. And who is this lovely thing?"

Crawly's heart jumps at the question, unable to stop his face from splitting into a grin as the angel gently takes the flower from him. "It's a rose," he says. "She can mean whatever you want it to mean, right now."

And everything is everything is everything: nothing can exist without the other. There in that garden, and then on the wall and beyond, the meanings Crawly and Aziraphale breathe into the flora emerge and grow their roots over generations, and to the end of time.The angel looks up him, eyes shockingly blue and crinkling with delight, and Crawly thinks of the bluebells in the garden, leaning over him in shelter. Warm, steady, protective. Those are my favourite, he decides, and at the back of his throat, he thinks he knows how they taste.

[fearandhatred]

DAVID SINGING AT THE REHEARSAL AAAAAA

[fearandhatred]

Merrily Chrysler and Happily Hollering to all the goblins who celebrate!

And extra love to my beloved mutuals! @haemey for reminding me to drink water and sharing your terrifing and impressive knowledge of music, hopefully one day I hear you sing in person and weep like a baby. @lickthecowhappy for being a Triple Gold Word Wizard Extraordinaire and certified hype demon, and making me laugh constantly, I appreciate u every day. @bellisima-writes for always being down to spitball writing ideas and for writing THE MOST (so proud of u, so in awe.) @hinekosama for your unhinged tags that always make me cackle and being an incredible vent session sounding board, you arw a true friend. @eybefioro for your incredible art (still losing it over fairly odd parents and power puff gorls) and fics and being the most hype in this fandom, i love reading your work and posts. @fearandhatred (i know ur probs not here but have my love anyways) for writing that feels like chewing glass in the best way and being a hater with me. Wolverpool is lucky to have u. Ur a freak never change.

And of course for @aspiring-pansy who was the first friend i made here. I'll always cherish the way we went from "hello" to sending eachother absolutely WILD smut in less than a day. Ur mind, it is good soup 🤌 (i imagine it's like some kind of wonton so good it would kill me instantly if i took a sip but it'd be worth it.)

And literally all my mutuals! It's been a really lonely year and y'all have been such a comfort to me.

[fearandhatred]

macbeth really is such a fascinating guy because when he's thinking about doing the murder he actually sits with himself for a second and goes "if i do this, i'm signing over my immortal soul, and i'm probably going to be miserable with guilt" and then he does it and is miserable with guilt. and it makes him very very interesting! because it's not an impulse thing! he knows! so what makes a person make that choice? what amount of personal ambition, what lust for glory, what amount of wifely-pressure-fueled conception-of-masculinity-as-violence can get someone to do that?

because it isn't idiocy. he knows damn well. and none of his asides, none of his elaborate visually-fantastical speeches or deft metaphors, are the words of a blundering dumbass. personally, i think the core of macbeth is exactly what we find out before he ever steps on stage: he's a soldier, and more than that, he;s a killer. and he's extremely good at it. fuck diplomacy--basically every single problem he faces in the play is one he tries to kill his way out of, because it's the only strategy he knows. at some point, i don't even think it's just manhood-as-violence for him; it's personhood-as-violence. in 3.1 he threatens to get into the lists against fate, against the price of his own defiled soul; at the end, he resolves to go down fighting no matter what. as much as people love to joke about macbeth being foolhardy and easily-pressured and not looking more than five minutes into the future--the guy knows. but all he's ever done, all he can do, is fight. he's not a fool. he's a machine.

but also, fascination aside, what the fuck is wrong with him lmfao my guy you KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

[fearandhatred]

All hail, Macbeth, that shalt be king hereafter!

MACBETH at The Donmar Warehouse (x)

[fearandhatred]

having inner commentary while watching a shakespeare play like

actor: *the most poetic shit u've ever heard idk*

my brain: ya dude

[fearandhatred]

2nd and final time 🥹 idk why i got emotional during curtain call LMAOO anyway goes without saying but it was fucking amazing. i was in the balcony this time so i got to see the whole stage and i was INVESTED... loved seeing the parts that were different and also the parts i somehow completely missed the first time

also my friend sent me this the other day and yeah

like fuck goddamnit yeah i love shakespeare perchance. fuck! makes me sad that i'll never see this particular production again but i actually need a full audio commentary on the choices made bc wow etc. life changing actually. also i read the interview with david and cush before the play started, especially that part where they said macbeth is ultimately not about ambition or whatever people may think but instead about guilt and love, and thinking about that going in was a whole new experience

[fearandhatred]

yearning...

[fearandhatred]

OKAY THINGS HAPPENED... firstly absolutely phenomenal production obviously the staging the acting the effects the voices in my ears.... fantastic

secondly. they had to stop the play halfway through and ask david to leave the stage (right after he got crowned) because this one fucking guy in the dress circle left to use the bathroom and shoved his way through security back in even though the instructions were very clear that you cannot be readmitted if you leave. so there was like 15 minutes where security was talking to him (they already were during the play itself which was an annoying disturbance) and then he refused to leave until people started booing and yelling at him 😭 anyway good riddance

also during the comedy bit section where there was the "knock knock" "who's there" call and response thing on the third time when the guy said "louder" someone said "louder" back instead of "who's there" and the actor was like "why the fuck did you say louder" it was SO FUNNY. that whole bit was funny

anyway yeah. david was so so nice he said "nice to see you thank you" to me and i think i died

[fearandhatred]

*hacker voice* i'm in

[fearandhatred]

I'M ABOUT TO GET U DAVID TENNANT!!!!!!!

david tennant and his stupid big doe "🥺" ass eyes. david tennant when i get you david tennant

[fearandhatred]

sorry that my pussy is so wet and soft and inviting and my heart is pure and full of whimsy. as if it’s my fault.

[fearandhatred]

2024 FIC Roundup

A big thank you to everyone who either mentioned or tagged me 💛 @missunderstoodlyrics @eybefioro @itsscottiesstark @bellisima-writes love y’all brilliant people 💛💛

What fandom do you write in?

Good Omens 😇😈

How many words have you published in 2024?

255 363 words 😮‍💨😮‍💨 it will keep going up until Dec. 31

What is your greatest achievement this year?

Having consistently written through the year. 2023 was my comeback to writing after 15 years of nothing and I’m so happy it lasted like that. I’m seeing a tremendous amount of progress in my writing and story telling and I’m very grateful for that 💛

What are your top three fics you wrote this year?

Drive me to the moon: (complete, rated E)

At GOMENS, world-renowned sports brand and sponsor, one takes pride in endorsing the UK’s most talented athletes. On the other hand, one would like to ignore the fact that their two top of the bill, Aziraphale and Crowley, have heartily hated each other since the day they met. But what should be expected, when one knows these two? Aziraphale is a professional dancer, Crowley a rally driver. While the former switches between fierce competitions and prestigious stages, the other goes from one track to another across the world, clearing out every prize from behind the wheel of his racing car. Two beings, two worlds, two universes that everything should keep apart. But an unprecedented charity event is getting set up at GOMENS, and quickly, their own athletes will have to compete with and assist each other in turns. Two worlds, two personalities. But if they want to run for a cause that matters to the both of them, Crowley and Aziraphale are going to have to find an Arrangement. 

The Angel I knew : (WIP but 100% written, rated M)

Twenty years after his divorce and the loss of their child, Aziraphale finds his former partner and childhood sweetheart to have happily transitionned. Together they begin a healing journey. A very soft and fluffy fic despite the themes.

Richfront Valley: (WIP, rated E)

Aziraphale lives a very secluded life in Richfront Valley national park. That is until a stranger comes and turns his life upside down, their one night stand turning into the most intense three weeks of their lives.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

I am not sure I understand that question? Every time I lose interest in one of my WIP is a pit of despair moment I guess? Because I hype myself (and my friends lol) and feel bad that I'm not able to go through with the idea??

What have you learned?

OUTLINE.

I'm still fighting myself over the "first draft doesn't need to be perfect" thing, BUT, I have learned that outlining my fics helps me write them to the end. I'm still working a lot with the flow because I need to write to keep writing, but I know where I'm going.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

UUURGH. So, OK. I wrote a very dark Human AU that I called No Place to House our Love, where Aziraphale is a prison priest and Crowley is a convicted fellon. This resonates a lot with me, as prison was my work environment for years, and I really wanted to finish it. It's currently 30k words and on hold. I really hope to finish it someday. Sad ending. But comes from my guts, I suppose.

Did you beta any fics?

YES YES YES!!! I had the joy to help my dear friend @eybefioro polishing up a couple of their fics: Forgive me, Father, and Vavooming part2 at different stages of writing so it was a tremendous fun!!

Also currently lurking on one of @itsscottiesstark's next work and it's YUMMY.

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Oh boy.

OK, I declared myself the official propaganda officer for @itsscottiesstark 's fic Undone it's sooooo good guys... An AU where Crowley and Aziraphale realise just in time that Adam is the real Antichrist and decide to help raise him? HELLOOO??

In your own time, by @ineffabildaddy ... What can I say... How soft can something really be??? (I had to chose between this and I'm Beginning to See the Light and oops... seems that I've mentionned both now...)

And last but not least, Take Some Pictures or Something stole my fucking heart... By His_infinitevariety (if that person is on tumblr please wave at me!!)

What ideas are percolating for next year?

SO. MANY. IDEAS. BREWING

I have a Space Race fic idea that promises to be A BIG PIECE OF WORK. Pretty much based on the Hunger Games concept, but in space, and in a race. It's still a brewing thing and will most likely be super long to write.

I am currently writing The Angel's I Knew 's prequel! So if you're in love with those two lovebirds and wonder what they were like as teenagers... It's coming your way!

I am writing a Ghost Story, with WW2 RAF Pilot Crowley!

And last but not least, @elenthyaolyenths and I are outlining a through the ages, loss memory fic that we hope to start writing soon!!!

And well... so many plot bunnies ready to be adopted, I'm opening a bloody shelter at this point. But those are the main ones.

Who do you want to thank?

So many people... damn, starting with @eybefioro, @crowleys-bentley-and-plants and @fearandhatred -- our groupchat is still so dear to my heart <3 love you guys

@itsscottiesstark -- for having me open the Nice and Accurate Network on discord and allowing me to meet with all the wonderful people on it <3 And for being just the sweetest <3

And well... My very own internet wife, my partner in crime, my faithful reader and illustrator. @elenthyaolyenths You've made this year so much more fun, I can't wait to continue brain rotting with you in 2025!

Cheers everyone, here's to 2025! To our world!

Tagging @beerok23, @pineappleonbread, @ineffabildaddy on this <3

[fearandhatred]

2024 fic roundup✨️

Thanks for the tag @bellisima-writes !!!

I posted my first fanfic in Nov 15 last year... damn I can barely believe it's been a year since started sharing my fics (and writing in english)

What fandoms do you write in?

Good omens!

How many words have you published in 2024?

Hmmm I never check my statistics, so let me see... 126,731 AAAAAA this is a bit skewed, since two of them are collabs BUT MY GOSH. This is a lot for me. And that's not even counting the things that I will post soon and that are in my docs... wtf how did I manage to write so much?? I'm genuinely surprised XD

What is your greatest achievement this year?

Writing. Just the fact that I'm doing that it's a Big Thing for me, and even more that I >>FINISHED THINGS<<. Everything that I posted (besides Undercover, that is a eternal wip on purpose) is FINISHED. I never thought I'd be able to do that (yes there are some fics there that will have continuations, but everything that is posted ends in a satisfactory point imo)

What are your favourite top three fics you wrote this year?

To Be A Guardian - TBAG IS MY BABY. Gosh I still have so much to tell about this one. I love it so so much. If you like some softness and Crowley being a caring not-dad to Warlock you'll prob like it. I'm writing part 2, but as I said this ends satisfactorily. Part 2 is about other things and expands what I already wrote.

Forgive me, Father - I genuinely think this might be the best of my works. I got SO MUCH BETTER at writing in just one year, and this one proves it. I really enjoyed telling the past in a non-linear way with the letters and the memories, while still having a simple story to tell. I'm really proud of this one.

Undercover - @captainblou matchs my freak, what can I say. I have so much fun writing this pwp with them. I will never be able to fully express how fun and freeing it is working on something like this, and even more with the way we do it.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Vavooming for sure. I loved working on it but I end up putting too much pressure on myself. I had an almost overwhelming positive response for what is now the first chapter, and with so many people asking for a continuation I wanted to make it ✨️perfect✨️. For that reason it took me a long time... I second guessed every single word, and there were moments when I almost deleted the draft LMAO it was so so so hard to finish it. I wanted to live up for expectations and I'm still unsure if I was able to do so.

What have you learned?

MAN I'VE LEARNED SO MUCH. People in this fandom are so willing to help and teach. If you read the first fic (tsunami) i posted and compare it to my last one (Forgive me, Father) the difference is UNCANNY. My English is so much better (even if it's not properly "good" yet) and I know how to put my thoughts into paper in a clearer way. My word choices are now more effective too, I guess?

I've also accumulated a lot of random knowledge searching for fics lol recently I worked on a big BIG collab that made me dip my toes into ubi stunts and other things... anyways, MOVING ON.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

I have a list of plot bunnies and wips that we shan't talk about.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

I tried. I don't think I'm fit for beta work... I don't really have much knowledge about writing or English or whatever. Cheer Reading tho??? LOVE IT. I've read wips from @itsscottiesstark and everything @captainblou have I think LMAO (also if you haven't read The angel I knew yet what are you even doing???). I think I'm also fairly good being an idea trampoline, and I've helped some people out on the discord server to find inspiration.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

I want to finish TBAG 2 and a continuation for Forgive me, Father (that is @itsscottiesstark fault. How dare you 😤) besides that, I want to finish some wips. I made a spreadsheet with my ideas and works, and I'm treating that as a bucket list LMAO. Thank you @kotias for that! Speaking of which...

Who do you want to thank?

I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE TO THANK.

First of all to @goodomensafterdark community and writers guild. I've met so many wonderful people there, and everyone os so supportive and willing to help! I wouldn't be writing so much without yall.

To all the friends I made, that always hype me up (I've aready tagged some of you here but alas) like @itsscottiesstark @crowleys-hips @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @fearandhatred @ghostsparrow @elenthyaolyenths @gribouli @howmanyholesinswisscheese and so many others that I talk over reddit and discord and that aren't around tumblr.

To everyone who beta'ed my works (most peopel ive tagged already XD). @fishey-me you were one of the first people that beta'ed one of my works. I am so so grateful for everything. You had the patience of saint with me and you're honestly so awesome.

AND ALSO @kotias!. YOU KNOW WHY. THAT EPIC THING WE'RE WORKING ON IS ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS OF MY YEAR.

I already yapped too much lol so if I tagged you here I'd love to read your year roundup! And if I didn't, consider yourself tagged anyways.

@/cheeseplants post (the one that started this)

[fearandhatred]

The Watcher

I am the abyss— I fill the space with my emptiness. Stars fall to me, undone by my gravity.

I am boundless. I am nothing. I am all. I am everything—except matter.

I live within the cracks of reality— just out of reach. Just out of sight. I stretch time, devour light, and bend the fragile truths that hold worlds in place.

I am the silent scream of existence’s edge— the eternal absence that whispers the song of forever. Where I dwell, all ceases… yet all begins anew.

I drink the fire—extinguish the heavens—and cradle the remnants of stars. I do not die, for I was never born. I do not end, for I had no beginning.

I whispered the birth of suns—let their fire bloom and blossom into galaxies. I was wonder, I was love, I was light— and now, I am but a remnant myself.

Now, I am the watcher, the exile in shadow, the serpent that uncoils beneath the glittering lie of divine order.

I am the spark that flickers against the infinite. Not to destroy— but to remind the cosmos it was meant to burn.

Once, I forged constellations. Now, I scatter them like broken glass to shatter complacency.

I am choice, I am defiance, I am the forbidden question no one dared to ask.

I am fallen. And yet—I rise.

-

it's my birthday!! i thought id celebrate by giving y'all the very best gift you could ever get: me a poem :) ive been working on this one for an eternity (two months) mostly because i wanted to make it a calligram of a falling star but i failed miserably time after time to eventually i settled on this doodle thingy that is kinda like a calligram? well anyway i hope you like itt :))

hii @crowleys-hips @bearthewhipsandscornsoftime @fearandhatred @ghostsparrow @eybefioro @seven-stars-in-his-palm @ficreader500 @foolishlovers @sabotage-on-mercury @crowleys-curl @crowleybrekkers @goodomensafterdark @notagoodlad @lickthecowhappy @goodoldfashionednightingale @spookyllamatree @wanderer-main @ineffabildaddy @marika-misc @captainblou @weasleywrinkles @chaoticgayomens @amagnificentobsession @thebookshoparoundthecorner @quintessentiallychemical @naturallyteal

let me know if you want to be added or removed

[fearandhatred]

the world is not a nice place to those of us who breathe (T, 9k)

(art preview! full art is posted here and is by @atlana-nox)

tags and warnings: heavy angst, grief/mourning, drunk crowley, divination, discorporation, implied/referenced alcohol abuse/alcoholism, temporary character death, blood, gore, body horror

In the early hours of November 1st, 2026, Crowley visits a fortune teller. He comes out learning absolutely nothing new, but is changed nonetheless.

TWO DAYS LATER AND HERE'S SOMETHING NEW!! i have yet another event fic, this one being for the good omens Spooky Bang ( @spooky-bang-good-omens ). a month late, i know, but its not winter yet!!! this fic's very spooky fr fr. and thank you @atlana-nox for drawing something that captured the vibe SO HARD!!! hope you enjoy and i cant wait for everyone to see it :)

ao3 link if you missed it

[fearandhatred]

everyone in the world is either a democrat or a republican. everyone in the whole wide world is a democrat and a republican and america is the largest and most populous country in the world and america is easily the most culturally diverse country in the world because the middle class white people in my state (like a little country) are very different than the middle class white people over there (another little country, once more called a "state") and you could never understand how bad it is in america, the main country in the world. where are you from again? it's bad in america and america is bad but the way that america is run is the only way a country could possibly be run unfortunately. i don't like it but it's the only right way for a country to be run and you don't get it because the main victims of the main country are all here and you aren't. where are you from again? they never told me about that place. i don't think you get that real people live in america. probably because you're a republican. real people live in america and real people are hurt by america but what can you do? god said america has to be like this. god said this because god is real so god is american. you don't get it because you're over there and we're all here in america, the realest country in the world. where are you from again? how can you talk like this with what's happening in america? you're a democrat, right? where are you from again? my country is so large it stretches over yours and presses down hard. it's not my fault that they never told me about that place. my country covers the world. you don't understand how bad this will be for real people in the real world, the first world, the only world. they never told me—where in america are you from again?