featthekiller

[featthekiller]

I have such stupid high rejection sensitivity that just asking me a question at the wrong time and cutting off the conversation I'm havkng to ask it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up and cry.

What is wrong with me. And it's like all I can do to just not burst into tears but then I'm coming off as such an icy asshole. But really my throat is just tight and I'm trying not to sob.

All I seem to do is complain and I don't know what to do with myself.

The medication is doing that thing it always does. Where it works for like a 6 month to a year before it starts failing. And this was the best one so far, but I'm slipping again and slipping and I'm fine but I'm not.

I'm working again. I don't hate it. But I feel like if I'm not making money- I need to be fucking shot.

When I can't work because I feel like this. How am I supposed to be an entertainer when I feel souless?

Oh god it's just the stupid clown pagliacci joke but it's my life.

[featthekiller]

I have been working really hard for like the past week. And it's paid off. I think.

But I don't really feel like I have a soul again. I don't want to draw or write. I see my friends messaging me and feel horrible not answering but when I do I feel like a fraud.

I don't want to kms but I do wish I could be put away for like a year in a quiet enclosure with no news or bills or responsibilities.

I haven't even been on here much and I didn't fuss getting my shot. I just....empty inside.

[featthekiller]

providing non-sexual dominance can be so fulfilling. making choices for someone who trusts you? gently guiding them with a hand on their back? drawing them closer when it's crowded? noticing and fixing their messy hair? leading them through busy areas by holding their hand? caring for their well-being by suggesting when to eat or sleep? god tier

[featthekiller]

I realized going thru my pics that I have a lot more but these were the ones that got collected today

[featthekiller]

Just finished linking all my borzoi fursona art together. A very weird diary going back in time

[featthekiller]

[1]

Something about embracing who you are even if people find you undesirable once you stop catering to them.

[featthekiller]

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It was SUPPOSED to be a funny meme redraw

[featthekiller]

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No more ribbons, no more chains. Dogs that bite won't be restrained.

[featthekiller]

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Fake

Empty...

[featthekiller]

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Isn't this what you wanted?

[featthekiller]

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Yes...

Follow up to this post

[featthekiller]

I don't think praying is going to help anymore.

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

[featthekiller]

Da Reminder ~

[featthekiller]

character A is fully unhinged. character B is emotionally repressed. the chemistry? electric.

[featthekiller]

Sometimes. You write a really long message to your friend about how you're genuinely feeling. Take a look at that trauma dump. And delete it. This isn't a burden shared is a burden halved sort of thing. This is a, I'm so incredibly and fundamentally fucked up someone needs to put me down, sort of thing and short of kms what's the point of targetting someone specific to complain to? They can't help and they'll just worry.

I'm tired of making everyone around me's life worse.

[featthekiller]

Another thing fandom needs to start doing more of is projecting on tops.

There are delicious amounts of psychological distress you can inflict on that guy once you get into his head. The brainworms of forcing agency and initiative on someone who genuinely is Not Fucking Ready For It are exquisite.

[featthekiller]

Relationships are quite simple: You run for your life, I hunt you down. I fuck you at knifepoint. You beg me to stop.