femmeraege

[femmeraege]

i know i said I’m not coming back but imagine if i did….

[femmeraege]

miss u all…. cannot be bothered to come back tho xoxo ask if you’d like to rp on discord

[femmeraege]

everyone say happy birthday vi

[femmeraege]

disability … sentence starters 

be respectful with these. 

“How bad is the pain today?”

“This doesn’t seem very accessible.”

“Do you need to sit down for a minute?”

“Do you need me to grab your (mobility aid)?”

“Did you remember to take you meds today?”

“Are you getting tired? Do you need to sit down?”

“You can lean against me if you need to, its okay.”

“Are you having a rough brain day? Need to talk?”

“I just need help standing up, I can walk by myself.”

“You don’t owe them an explanation, they’re just rude.”

“Just lay down, take a break. Your body needs to rest.”

“Can you bring me my meds and a glass of water. please?”

“I’m here to give you a hand if you need it, just let me know.”

“You’re real. I’m real… you’re okay, you’re safe here with me.”

“It’s okay to be upset. You’re going through something really hard.”

“I’m sorry, I wanted to go out tonight. My body had different ideas.”

“That seemed like it triggered you pretty bad. Do you need a second?”

“Don’t feel bad about cancelling, I know how bad your flare-ups can get.”

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re just having a panic attack. You’re going to be okay.”

“I’m here for you if you ever need to talk. I might not be able to understand completely, but I can listen.”

action memes

silent: one of our muses has gone non-verbal

sign: one muses teaches the other sign language

explain: one muse explains their disability to the other

hand : one muse offers the other a hand to help them stand up

bedside: one muse takes care of bedridden other during a flare-up

aid: one muse brings the other their mobility aid when they need it 

wheelchair: one muse pushes the other in their wheelchair (with consent)

chair: one muse brings the other a chair when they’re having trouble standing

panic: one of our muses is having a panic attack and the other tries to calm them down

ground: one of our muses is disassociating and the other hugs them to help ground them

hallucination: one of our muses is experiencing a hallucination and the other helps bring them back

[femmeraege]

“I said: I could be a wolf for you. I could put my teeth on your throat. I could growl. I could eat you whole. I could wait for you in the dark. I could howl against your hair.”

— Catherynne M. Valente, The Bread We Eat in Dreams; “The Red Girl”

[femmeraege]

do you wish I was different - myah

" my god, what happened? "

" your mom's worried that you're a danger, but to be honest, do you blame her? "

" do you think what you did can or can't be forgiven? "

" do you think that if I asked you, you could tell me why you did that? "

" do you still think that they blame you for the incident? "

" do you wish that you were different? "

" do you wish that your parents got to say goodbye to the kid they adored that you killed to survive? "

" do you feel a sadness when they look at you sometimes? "

" god, you have her eyes "

" you grew older, you had to change. people do, and I just want you to know that's okay. you're okay "

" but I know it's not your fault that you changed, you know. "

" it might be time for you to let you go "

" well maybe they'll never understand that you're doing all you can. "

" well sure, you may not be a good person, but just make sure that you don't worsen. "

" you're just a kid, you still have time to change. "

" man, you're too young to feel a lifetime worth of shame. "

" I know that kid you were is proud of you today "

" It's not your fault that you changed, you know, you just didn't know how much it hurts to grow "

[femmeraege]

who are you when you aren’t performing? can you sit still, comfortably, in your skin? or does the beating of your own heart make your head ache?

[femmeraege]

Although Vi is incredibly glad to end up back at home at the Last Drop, it is a struggle given her addiction to alcohol. However, this is partially eased by the fact that she's surrounded by familiarity and the memories she used alcohol to cling to, and the fact that being in charge of a business, having something to do almost constantly, makes it easier to not drink out of boredom. Due to who she is, she doesn't like to avoid things she's afraid of, thus she refuses to avoid the bar or bartending, which leads to occasional relapses in sobriety.

[femmeraege]

Vi's addiction to alcohol started in prison, when she figured out how to make it herself, and used it as a device to numb the grief and trauma she was experiencing, and simply, drinking was something to do to pass time or knock her out to, again, pass the time. It was also a way to still feel connected to Vander, as she so heavily associated him with the Last Drop, and her siblings, as they often stole alcohol from the bar when they were young teenagers. This becomes a paradox in that she drinks to numb herself, but also as a subconscious crutch to allow herself to feel things she normally bottles up. When she starts drinking again after Caitlyn's mother's death, it's to numb the guilt she feels for having, in her mind, caused Cassandra's death by way of creating Jinx in the first place and being powerless to stop the pain Caitlyn is feeling or the violence Jinx is enacting, as well as, again, giving her something to do while she's in this limbo. She takes up drinking again during her pitfighter career to numb both the physical pain of the fights and the emotional pain surrounding Jinx and Caitlyn, and, once again, it's something to fill her time and knock her out at the end of the day.

[femmeraege]

Over the course of the series, Caitlyn develops PTSD. This includes

Nightmares (the abduction itself, the torture after, the bombing of the council, the bombing of the memorial, losing her eye, her attempted execution), and insomnia

Avoiding the shower for as long as she could afford to, or requiring Vi (or someone else after Vi leaves) to be in the room with her, within view.

Flashbacks, anxiety, or panic attacks when someone comes up behind her unexpectedly or touches her back.

Flashbacks, anxiety, or panic attacks at loud sounds

Anxiety/phobia of mirrors, due to a fear that she'll see Jinx in the reflection.

Anxiety/phobia that someone/something is in her blind spot.

[femmeraege]

how is your soul perceived?

the wonderlust heart

your soul longs for your adventure. sometimes you're filled with so many ambitions and dreams you think you might burst. you rush about in a frenzy, afraid to miss out on all the opportunities life has to offer. you see the world with all it's light and all its darkness and can't help but see something beautiful in every part. every star and every shadow. you say you're running towards your goals, but sometimes i think you're trying to escape the ugly things you couldn't paint over.

[femmeraege]

if i have to read the words “sesbian lex” one more time— can yall just say the words

[femmeraege]

[femmeraege]

me and my massive throbbing enormous dripping guilt complex

[femmeraege]

how is your soul perceived?

the strong-willed

your soul has touched darkness and so you learned to wrap yourself within it. you felt fear and decided you would never let it control you again. you're not always all sharp edges and cool stares, but you refuse to be prey again. you turned your teeth into fangs so you would be the one to bite. you learned to growl louder than all the predators who stole your innocence. it may seem like you don't care, sometimes you try to pretend you don't, but i see the way you sharpen your knives when the ones you care about are hurting.

[femmeraege]

In the alternate timeline, Caitlyn loses her eye as a preteen/teenager when she falls into the river and her eye is infected. Her being physically affected by the water is seen as a flaw in her by the untouchable citizens of Piltover, leading to her being even more of an outcast. Grayson takes her under her wing still, though as a detective, not a sharpshooter.

[femmeraege]

In the alternate timeline, Vi has always known--or hoped--that she would be Vander's protege. He teaches her what he can, and around 16/17 years old, she starts being allowed to sit in on his meetings, and slowly becoming more comfortable with giving her own insight. This is, incidentally, how she meets Grayson's protege, Caitlyn Kiramman, who over time becomes an unlikely friend.