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“Ping pong can get intense sometimes”

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your honour, I did not read the terms and conditions, in fact I closed my eyes and clicked the mouse at random which the software incorrectly assumed constituted a legal and binding agreement on my part.

*I high five my defence attorney as the prosecutor grinds his teeth*

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And not a damn lie was told.

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i was worried my cat is dehydrated because i never see him drink water so i’ve started leaving a cup of water that’s “mine” (aka he sees me drink out of it once before he does) in my room so he thinks he is being a rebellious naughty by drinking out of it but rlly he is just following my plan & being hydrated .

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when i was a kid i thought i was homophobic for wishing i was a lesbian because lesbians are oppressed so it felt disrespectful to want to be one. which means i spent years feeling guilty for being homophobic but turns out i’m just an idiot who was a lesbian the whole time

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we’re really at that point in the year where no one cares about anything huh

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Exciting news out of Madison Wisconsin…

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i pulled up this video on youtube that was like 8 hours of birds for cats to watch and i sat my cat in front of it and i didnt think shed be interested cuz she never watches tv or anything but she is Hypnotized

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there is no validation quite like when people really enjoy something you cooked

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my friends cat loves attacking xmas trees but hates plastic bags

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“that must be the uvula”

“oh, so its a girl house”

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Brooklyn Nine Nine 3x11: Hostage Situation