fictionalboys4me

[fictionalboys4me]

TLDR: I'm playing DnD with the lead singer of my favorite teenage band and it's as amazing and horrifying as you might think.

Ok...I've made a grave mistake. I've become obsessed with a real man.

Fictional boys are much better because they can't actually hurt you and you can't actually hurt them.

I have to pretend to not be obsessed all the time. It's exhausting; but I love it. I love pining.

And he's so hot and nice and talented. It's stupid.

This guy was in a band. I grew up across the street from the drummers house where they had band practice. I remember hearing them from across the street and then eventually the drummer, my neighbor, gave me a CD.

21 minutes and 31 seconds. I don't remember the first time I listened to it but I know I've subsequently played it thousands of times. Through all the heartbreaks and loneliness of highschool and college; this guy's voice was there. I never knew him; I probably only saw him once or twice. At the one show I saw of theirs; or maybe at the drummers sister wedding.

I pray to glob he doesn't remember me from then. I was an awkward, buck toothed, annoying little gremlin (as most tweens are).

The band played some big shows, I was always a fan. I wore my yellow t shirt to countless gym classes and fan girled over my neighbor, the drummer.

The boys got jobs, wives, and lives. They broke up and come back together under other names and with different vibes but I didn't follow along as much on their later projects.

I stopped using my iPod. I got depressed along the way. College and then work. I got lazy about music and let a computer tell me what to listen to.

I'd occasionally bust out my iPod and hear them again; there were a few hooks and stanza that have lived in my brain rent free for over a decade.

Fast forward to about 2 years ago. I'm married to a wonderful guy I met in college. My husband and I had gotten into playing DND with some friends of a friend. We play with a group of 7 routinely. They all knew each other, with my husband and I being new to the group.

A one shot is coordinated and this guy is invited by the dm. He's great. He's got excellent table manners as a PC, he's clever and willing to rp and do a voice. He's a delight. I find myself surprised I haven't seen this dude before and I remember being bummed he wasn't in our regular campaign.

Time goes on. Another one shot maybe 6 months to a year later, and he's invited again. We have another wonderful time. Eventually we find out this guy can also dm.

He invites us for a one-shot. It's excellent; it's the most balanced one shot I had ever played and very well paced. This guy is funny and talented and knows the game and we had a lovely time.

By this point I'd formed a small crush. It's hard not to when someone is this handsome, kind, and talented. Conveniently my husband had also developed a hetero-crush and didn't mind my admiration.

My husband, who's bolder than me, asks if we can play at his table when seats open up. Months go by, and eventually he reaches out and invites us. We're both stoked.

Unfortunately this was during a depressive episode for me and I didn't put as much forethought into my character as I could have. I reskinned an old PC (bard) and ran with it. My husband was a little disappointed but I worked it out and picked a species that the DM had included as part of his homebrew.

It's session 0 and we all arrive and the dm, this guy, gives us packets to help flush out our characters back-stories. While hanging out and working through the packets I mentioned I'd tried to friend this guy on Facebook and I noticed he's friends with my neighbor... The drummer.

He proceeds to inform me that they're homies and used to be in a band together.

*insert dialup noises*

This guy...is the guy who's been living in my head rent free for over a decade. I'd slept in his band merch for YEARS. I was unintentionally probably his biggest fan besides this mans fucking mother.

I died a little in that moment; when I realized I was playing a bard and I'd have to look this man in the eyes and do math in front of him and try to be cool. Try not to be a fucking fan girl freak AND rp with him.

Top it all off, he's playing a PC that was basically me irl. Squishy little map nerd.

I'm absolutely obsessed with him and it's killing me but I love it.

Shout-out to my amazing husband because I told him about my crush and he was like, "Yeah, I know. What do you want? Do you want me to kiss [redacted]?!" He didn't care at all.

I feel like such a loser because me and this guy have a lot of the same interests and it feels like I'm copying him but I swear to glob I'm not. I've independently developed to be me but at multiple turns it feels like I keep uncovering more ways we're alike or interests we share.

Oh how a part of me wishes, dares to fantasize, that I might actually be able to tell him how much he's meant to me. How many ways he's inspired me or comforted me or brought me joy. But I can't say that to him. I could never reciprocate and that kills me a little.

For now I've settled on playing my PC as well as possible (though I'm constantly cringing at how I miss plot hooks).

Every time I make this guy laugh or smile it feels like the sun is shining on my face.

It's so intense and I'm really dumb but it's incredible the situation I've put myself into; I had to shout about it into the void.

[fictionalboys4me]

My personal kink taxonomy hell is that "torture porn" has become a media criticism term, which can make things confusing when you're looking for actual porn that involves torture. My second gripe is that a lot of the time people just put a pretty lady in bondage and call it a day. NO! That's not what I want! I want bright lights and an actual interrogation and sweaty people in uniforms and possibly a 5 minute debrief on the cold war. I want some james bond shit to happen to his penis. "Interrogation" can get you closer but not always. Also I much prefer a dude to be in the hot seat, i have nothing conceptually against it being a lady but a lot of times the vibes are just off. :|

"I want some james bond shit to happen to his penis" is an all-timer

[fictionalboys4me]

Laios, devourer of all things horrible.

[fictionalboys4me]

Hmm, interesting, what will this letter be about?

[fictionalboys4me]

Hello! I'm opening up a few slots for commissions! If you are interested in getting some art from me please fill out the google form: https://forms.gle/g1EW2CHWFfMQdmPS6 If you have questions don't hesitate to reach out, thanks!

[fictionalboys4me]

me reading straight up pornography: hmm… this one just doesn’t have enough accurate character psychoanalysis to get me off

[fictionalboys4me]

let's start with some kkshi sketches ig

[fictionalboys4me]

it is 2024, there is no sequel, naruto and sasuke travel together and change the system using their bond as a concept and they're happy 😌 (obviously Kurama is alive too)

[fictionalboys4me]

🐍💜✨️

[fictionalboys4me]

FUEL photographed by ALBINOHECTOR with jlojosh and albinohector

[fictionalboys4me]

Proud member of the "emotionally-repressed light-haired bisexual in love with my socially awkward dark-haired and possibly gay sarcastic best friend" club

[fictionalboys4me]

~click for super gross overrendered NSFW spirk~

this was just a doodle that i decided to experiment on and ended up painting way too much detail into the cocks and copious amounts of vulcan precum/lube because that’s a thing that i like

i am working on other stuff besides porn btw i just can’t post any of it lately uubububuu

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[fictionalboys4me]

click for tw dubcon pon farr almost nsfw again >:PPPP

sequel to this

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[fictionalboys4me]

OK I guess that’s all. And OK I really love the boots, so you know.

[fictionalboys4me]

(x)(x)

[fictionalboys4me]

[fictionalboys4me]

Started a series of spirk adventures mainly to practice perspective 🤧