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Hello! Pardon the hideous mobile post! I’ve been made aware I may have some new visitors after having been name dropped by khepri. My anon is on and my ask and messaging are open to anyone who wants to talk or ask me any questions! Any kind of questions! Just be aware that I’ll be forced to post any anons publicly and may v we’ll make you look really silly!! But that’s ok, it’s a learning experience! I look forward to hearing from you 💕

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Laying The Groundwork For How Privilege Works

Okay, so before I get into any other topics on this blog I want to talk about privilege.  I feel like it’s something we’re all simultaneously very aware of but a lot of us fall into this trap of very quickly forgetting about how it works.  Or, alternatively, it’s something we know exists because we frequently use the term for it but we forget the nuances of multiple layers of privilege when it comes to talking to people in marginalized groups that aren’t our own.  So, that’s kind of what I want to discuss with this post before anything else: multiple layers of privilege, how they stack, and how we should stay conscious of them while being allies to other marginalized groups.  

A lot of what I want to talk about today is pulled directly from and reflection upon the book: Me & White Supremacy by Layla Saad.  If you haven’t read the book before, it’s similar to a guided journal that’s meant to be completed over the course of a month and if you’re serious about your allyship and supporting BIPOC & BLM, I highly suggest you read it.  But be sure you’re in a decent state of mind - some of the things you may uncover while doing the work can be pretty heavy, especially in my experience. 

Now I know a fair number of people are probably thinking: "but Fides, I’m (multiracial, biracial, a good ally, def not a racist, have experienced discrimination, am a person of color, ect).  Why do I need to read this book?”  to which my response would be to point you towards one of the very first sections of the book, titled “Who is this work for?”  which actually inspired the entire post that I’d like to write today.  Layla begins that section by clarifying:  

This work is for any person who holds white privilege. By any person, I mean persons of any gender identity, including gender-nonconforming persons, and by who holds white privilege, I mean persons who are visually identifiable as white or who pass for white. Therefore, this includes persons who are biracial, multiracial, or white passing People of Color who benefit under systems of white supremacy from having lighter skin color than visibly Brown, Black, or Indigenous people. 

And that seems pretty simile, right?  Not all people experience privilege or discrimination to the same degree and sometimes the ways that we do experience discrimination are vastly different from one another.  I’m completely aware that this seems like... honestly really obvious stuff, but I remember first reading this and the first week of work titled “Me and White Privilege” in which Layla discusses that lacking one kind of privilege does not mean you don’t still have white privilege and thinking... wow.  I’ve definitely tired to pull this “oppression olympics” shit before.  Sometimes I didn’t even do it on purpose.  Sometimes I was just trying to explain that I understand and I can relate.  But that brought the conversation back to me, and that’s exactly the problem. 

In the chapter “Me and White Privilege”, Layla specifically goes out of her way to point out that white privilege specifically is separate from, but can sometimes intersect with, other kinds of privilege (class, gender, sexuality, age, able-bodied, and so on).  She then goes on to make a slew of examples, stating that just because a person lacks a certain kind of privilege, doesn’t mean they don’t still (in the case of her topic) have white privilege.  She also clarifies that it works in reverse and finishes her thought with off with: 

“...and having white privilege with other privileged identities adds to the amount of overall privilege that you hold.”

it’s this thought that brings me to my idea of the day: in my own personal experience, people on tumblr tend to forget that just because you are in possession of one form of privilege it does not mean you suddenly don’t still benefit from holding another. Layla uses white privilege as an example, but it goes in any direction.  If you’re straight and BIPOC, you still have straight privilege.  If you’re white, gay, and neurodivergent, you still have white privilege.  And I’d like to even take it a step farther, to incorporate a concept I’ll be discussing later: your experience does not define the experience of a person who is lacking a type of privilege. 

What I mean to say is: someone who is eastern asian is going to face an entirely different, albeit similar, kind of discrimination vs someone who is latinx or black.  If you’re of color, or if you’re gay, or if you’re transmasculine, you don’t get to speak for or over other people who have similar but different circumstances to your own.  Every voice matters and each voice ought to be given a chance to speak and add it’s opinion.  The experiences of someone who’s nonbinary are going to be completely different from the experiences of someone who’s binary trans.  Hell, even the experiences between lesbians and gay men are incredibly different:  minorities aren’t a monolith and treating them as such silences other voices.  You cannot decide just because you belong to a group that you get to speak for them. 

But that’s a different topic that I want to tackle in multiple different forms, because it goes in a lot of different ways.  What I mostly mean to do today is to clarify that when someone else who has lacks a privilege you have speaks to you - listen.  And I know it’s really fucking hard not to be like “oh yeah, I've been there dude, I’ve had xyz happen to me before so I get it” because it’s a way of empathizing, especially for neurodivergent people.  But you have to listen and you have to make sure that you’re not overfocusing the conversation back onto you.  A simple “I understand” is enough and if you don’t, as for clarification.  And if they don’t feel up to giving it, try to research yourself or ask if you can ask another time. 

Most importantly to all of this however is this: we have got to stop hiding behind our own lack of privilege as a way of excusing our shitty behavior.  If someone calls you out (or in, which I highly encourage over calling out because... people on tumblr don’t fucking know how to call people out in a productive fashion but I’ll get there trust me) you CANNOT say as a defense: oh, you can’t talk to me like that I’m neurodivergent.  Or if someone calls you out for being transphobic you can’t say “oh you can’t talk to me like that, I’m POC”.  Hell, if someone calls you out for being a fucking asshole, you don’t get to flip it around and be like “naw, you can’t say that, because I’m this that and another thing”.  You can clarify, especially if there’s a cultural difference or you’re neurodivergent, but you don’t get to hide behind shit. 

And you especially do not get to turn around and tell someone who’s calling you out for abusive behavior that they’re (racist, transphobic, homophobic, etc). They aren’t calling you out because of your identity, they’re calling you out because you’re a manipulative brat.  That doesn’t have to DO with those things.  Lack of privilege does not give you an excuse to be abusive.  End of conversation.  But... I suppose to end this conversation today, I’ll say this: CONFLICT IS NOT ABUSE, which is actually another book that I want to read and incorporate into these essays.  So I’m trying not to put the cart before the horse. 

Anyway, hopefully that clarifies at least a little bit the trend I’ve noticed of people forgetting that lacking one kind of privilege doesn’t magically mean they don’t have another.   The fact that you’re trans doesn’t exclude you from being racist,  your race doesn’t exclude you from being homophobic, and none of those things give you a right to be a jerk.  But they all do make it a little bit easier to understand when someone else comes to us with their own story of oppressions. 

Thanks for reading <3

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✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

memey

Oh god, the RPC has changed immeasurably since I started back in 2010. Back when I first started in the RPC we were still using gifs instead of icons and there was no semblance of aesthetic. When I first started on tumblr I wrote primarily in groups. Indie always sort of scared me because I had no idea how to promote myself and then for a while longer it scared me because I had no idea how to make promos. I only very recently started using and learning how to use photoshop which is like a MUST in the indie scene. So yeah, I mostly wrote in group settings and things were just... it was different. God it was so different. This was back when groups still used like... side blogs as a way to communicate with each other and we were still using skype and shit.

And of course then things shifted, but things have even changed a lot in the last couple of years. Aesthetics are such a huge part of roleplaying now, even more so than they had been back then and it's getting a little bit better, you're starting to see people who are more accessible and user friendly and that's super nice to see because inaccessible blogs were like my biggest fucking peeve back in the day (tm).

I think one of the biggest and weirdest changes tho is like... it's not super common to RP proper now. I feel like it's way more common to interact via exchanges of ask memes and I don't really think I like it very much. I mean, it's fine, but I dunno... it feels weird to not be writing threads with each other anymore. I also don't like that things are a lot more oneliner based instead of longer paragraphs, but I get why. It's fun and it's quick and easy and I do quick lil oneliner crack rps all the time myself now. But I do kinda miss more substantial threads.

Basically tho the obsession with aesthetics is what's changed the most. And even that has gone thru several different cycles of change in the time that I’ve been on the site.  And now that I’m thinking about it, I think how quick people are to make callouts has changed too but it’s slowly shift back again.  Like... callouts are important and they have their place, but there is definitely an issue with them and how they’re often posted with all this gravitas and pomp and circumstance when so many of them boil down to “this person was mean to me and I refuse to talk things out”.  But you’ll hear MUCH more about that from me later. 

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☯ Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation?

salty af munday meme / accepting

Well, this entire blog is sort of built around bringing a semblance of peace to the RPC at large or at least exploring ways in which peace can be achieved with a spot of introspection and a dash of... not doing that anymore. I don't know how much you know about enneagram but I'm an enneagram type 9w8 and my propensity for peacekeeping sort of borders on unhealthy. So, in short: yes. I try to bring peace to almost every confrontational situation that stumbles my way and I have been mediating dramatic situations for as long as I've been roleplaying. I still frequently mediate between multiple people in attempts to calmly resolve situations, because I think logic and rationality are very important.

Something something it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality or ... whatever.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm actually quite adept at brokering peace between waring parties. I'm really good at sitting and listening to both sides and I enjoy empathizing and sympathizing with people. I can be... something of a social chameleon due to the brand of trauma that I suffer from. Some people have called me two faced because of it, but truth is pretty much always my end goal? Truth and peace, at least. So... I'm really good at listening to people who are really bloody mad at each other and cutting to the root of the issue, then I look for a way to resolve it.

Most recently, I managed to resolve a pretty long standing conflict between two people and I've smoothed over a few other conflicts in my quest to solve that particular issue. A friend of mine was accused of being racist & the callout was rife with guilt by association arguments and ad hominems and... it was just really poorly written and really poorly researched and very clearly made in bad faith.

So, after having someone I deeply trusted abandon me over the situation I decided enough is enough. I marched my ass right to the opposing sides, I openly and honestly confronted the situation with all of the proof and information I'd gathered, and I managed to fix a year long pissing match in about twenty minutes. Which has to be some kind of record time, honestly.

That's just the most recent example. I've managed to foster peace in a lot of other situations and sometimes I'm not always successful. Sometimes people don't want to have discussions, sometimes people are afraid of being wrong, and sometimes people... don't want to fix themselves. And that's really hard to sit through, because what I'm asking for isn't HARD but it's hard enough to turn them away.

So. Yeah !! I def have ! And I'm always happy to help people who need help trying to broker peace in those kinds of situations. That's what this blog is here for!!

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ASK BOX: OPEN.  SUBMISSIONS: OPEN.

My name is Fides!  I really like taking what I’ve learned about psychology, philosophy, and sociology in my many years and applying it to the general culture surrounding tumblr dot com.  This blog is a collection of mini essays and explorations of topics that I’ve found interesting and wanted to see applied to the tumblr community, from subjects of philosophy to psychology to down right explaining why certain things just aren’t right.  

ABOUT ME | MORE ABOUT THE BLOG

FUTURE TOPICS OF DISCUSSION:

good faith arguments vs bad faith arguments & why it matters

common examples of bad faith in callout

how privilege works, how it matters, and how it stacks

implicit bias, internalized racism, and YOU

white guilt, white fragility, and the white savior complex

tumblr’s weird obsession with treating bipoc like a monolith 

tumblr’s weird obsession with “ur speaking over poc voices” when none... none of you are white.  white people really need to stop saying this phrase.  you need to stop it.  just- stop it!  

how callouts & those who write them fall into the trap of using common abuse tactics to get their way and why that’s actually really gross! 

some of my fav logical fallacies, how to spot them, and how to knock it off

how we manipulate language for fear mongering and triggering emotional responses and why it’s actually a very, very, very bad thing!

the importance of intent vs impact in interpersonal relationships: why intent doesn’t matter.

the importance of intent vs impact in interpersonal relationships counter argument: why intent matters sometimes especially if you’re going to drag said person through the gd dirt.

tumblr’s problem with americentricism 

tumblr’s propensity to “look pretty, but do as little as possible”

i really want to talk about group think, but i have no idea how to go about the logistics of it.  more research needed.

hot takes with fides: being poc doesn’t give you freedom to treat other people like shit!

how tumblr has an issue with “crying wolf”

callout out vs calling in

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Send me UNPOPULAR opinions (or popular, it doesn't matter) and I'll rate them like this:

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Jess Sharp

[fidespeaks]

the salty af munday meme

Because, like it or not, we're not all balls of sunshine all the time. We can be pure salt when we want to be.

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

♢ Has anyone ever tried to steal your blog? Your headcanons? Icons? All that jazz

♚ How many people don't like you?

⚜ How many people do you not like?

✮ Have you managed to stay away from drama?

☄ Have you ever been in the middle of drama?

☯ Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation?

☼ How long do you stay mad?

☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

☁ Have you ever forgiven a partner when you shouldn't have?

☂ Have you ever been forgiven when you knew you shouldn't have been?

☢ What fads/trends are you so over?

☣ Have you ever rp'd with someone you knew for a fact was abusive but tried to give them a chance/to make up your own opinion on the roleplayer? Did they change or did you understand what people were talking about?

♨ Have you ever made a public call out post?

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

✿ What do you think about public call out posts?

✂ A fandom that you feel isn't open and accepting?

✉ A fandom that you feel is open and accepting?

✦ Thoughts on duplicates following you?

✧ Do you agree with reblog karma or is it forced interaction?

❥ Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you?

❦ Has someone been jealous of you?

❧ Have you ever been jealous of anyone?

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

❣ How salty are you feeling right now?

[fidespeaks]

FIDESPEAKS: Deconstructing the ideology of the Tumblr RPC.

I’m going to keep this pretty short, because obviously I need to elaborate upon why I’ve decided to make this blog but I don’t really want to go on and on and on so.  I will try to keep things short and simple despite not always being the best at it. 

In short, this blog is a place where I (and perhaps other collaborators in the future) will be posting mini-essays and pseudo-articles deconstructing, analyzing, and commenting on the current ideology, atmosphere, and general attitude of the Tumblr RPC (and the internet at large, especially as it has to do with fan culture).  I will also be posting short snippets of ideas and concepts that I would like to perhaps elaborate on in the future, questions to gain perspective from outside sources in the community, and the occasional inspirational pretty thing to keep things nice and cozy.  But in general the primary goal basically applying psychology, philosophy, and sociology to the current state of the tumblr RPC, I guess.

Since my primary focus in these posts will be regarding pro vs anti shippers, the propensity for the tumblr rpc to engage in witch hunts, and the dreaded “callout culture” I will also occasionally deconstruct callouts, post information on what makes a good callout vs what makes a bad call out (yes there are objectively good and objectively bad callouts) and... generally just vomit my opinions about what it has done to our community in general.  But like... educational and researched vomit.  You know... the good shit.  That sweet, sweet educational vom- 

I’ll also have my ask box open for advice regarding the resolution of rp drama?  Like... if you’re having issues with something and want some advice on how to approach it, you can pop into my ask box anonymously and ask things?  And if you want me to talk about a specific topic that’s caught your mind and attention, you’re welcome to do so as well.  My ask box will remain completely open with anon on so long as those privileges are not abused and all asks will be answered to the best of my abilities so long as they aren’t inherently rude or grossly confrontational.  

And that’s pretty much what I’ve made this blog to do.  It’s sort of like a help blog, an advice blog, an educational blog, and a drama blog all rolled into one, I guess.  I haven’t really ever tackled doing something that’s so public facing before, since my personal RP blogs are usually very private & selective, so that’ll be a fun new experience for me.  I look forward to it and I hope to be helpful and educational!! 

[fidespeaks]

About Fides: An Introduction

Hello, my name is Fides!  It’s very nice to meet you and, however you’ve fond your way onto this blog, I’m happy that you have.  In this post, I hope to cover a few important things before getting started with the meat and potatoes of this blog: namely I’d like to introduce myself and, in the name of transparency, give you as many details about myself and my background as possible while still maintaining relative anonymity.  Some things have been left intentionally vague (i mean. kinda LOL), this is to protect myself.  I hope you’ll understand. 

SO!  Let’s start with the basics...

My name is Fides.  I am in my late twenties and the only information I’ll give regarding my location is that I am currently in the PST timezone and I live on the American west coast.  I currently work as a retail associate, but I have experience in food service & professional animal care as well.  I am currently pursuing an undergraduate degree in forensic psychology with a minor in philosophy.  I have an avid interest in clinical psychology, criminology / behavioral analysis, social psychology, sociology, anthropology, political sciences, race relations, gender studies, and a lot of other stuff that I spend the majority of my time studying (reading books on the subjects, listening to podcasts, ect).  I have been roleplaying on this hellsite since 2010 and I have seen my share of bullshit, believe me.

As far as gender goes, I an AFAB genderfluid enby.  I prefer they/them pronouns, but I won’t be miffed over she/her or he/him or anything else that you would like to (respectfully) refer to me as.  I don’t mind gendered slang (queen, king, dude, girl, babe, boss bitch, etc) but I ask that you not refer to me as any derogatory sexual terminology typically associated with women (slut, hoe, thot, skank, etc).  I have been out as nonbinary for a little more than a year but have been actively surrounded by enby friends for over a decade.  

Sexuality / orientation wise I am demisexual, biromantic, and polyamorous.  I have been identifying as bi since my early teens and am out to everyone in my life.  I often refer to myself as a lesbian because I am in a lesbian relationship (so if you have issues with enby lesbians, you’re just gonna have to leave or get over it).  I am married & my wife is a trans woman who has been out for a little less than a year and has a masters degree in post civil war reconstruction & the race relations of the time.  We have a child who is around three and told me this morning that their gender is “zombie”.  So... do with that as you will.

I am not neurotypical.  I was professionally diagnosed with ADHD sometime in kindergarten and I have spent long periods of my life both medicated and unmedicated (I am currently medicated).  I also have been diagnosed with C-PTSD and am currently undergoing EMDR treatment with a licensed therapist.  I am a CSA survivor & I display a good number of the symptoms of BPD although I haven’t been officially diagnosed with it.  

As stated above, I am American.  My mother’s side of the family is white as fuck my father’s side of the family is latinx & native american.  I am extremely white passing and was raised by my conservative christian mother & step-father, so while I do consider myself of color, I also am hyper aware of the fact that to the outside world I always have been and always will be white as fuck.  I try to use this to the best of my abilities to fight against racism and implicit bias when I see it and am, as I said, fully aware of my privilege. I will always concede to BIPOC when it comes to matters of race, but I also do not pretend that that voice and group are a monolith and I always do my best to make sure I have collected a multitude of opinions regarding a subject before formulating my own.  Plus, I think that white saviorism is one of the worst behaviors any sort of leftist or progressive white or white passing person can engage in and part of this blog (as you will see) will def touch upon that.  

Uh... what else?  I consider myself pretty far left.  I grew up christian (lutheran) and am now some weird flavor of agnostic existentialist.  I believe that capitalism is cultivating a hellish apocalyptic landscape and needs to be stopped at all costs (I’m a socialist ig lol).  I think that everyone suffers from implicit biases that cause them to act poorly and while they need to be educated the way that we do it currently in the rpc and the community at large are disgusting, counter productive, largely a waste of time, and extremely unhealthy.  I dislike both antishippers and proshippers equally and.... uh. 

That pretty much lays out most of my background and both my privileges and lack thereof.  Next time (ON DRAGON BALL Z) I will think I’m gonna talk about and discuss privilege and ladders of it and how it stacks and the like because I think that’s pretty important to why I made this post beyond just introducing myself.  Or... first I’m going to make a post about what I kind of want to do with this blog and why I’ve made it and THEN I’ll start talking about the interesting stuff to lay the groundwork for what I really want to do and talk about here so...

Thank you to everyone who basically read this really boring summary of myself and my life!  I look forward to talking more with y’all. <3