figfiggyfigure

[figfiggyfigure]

glad the fbi is getting their funding cut so i can go back 2 killing

[figfiggyfigure]

FIG FIG FIGURE, ALIVE ON FEB 15?

This year was the only year that Valentine’s Day and Friday the 13th could happen on the same day. It didn’t though so I’m still alive : D

[figfiggyfigure]

FINALLY - THE LONG AWAITED “FRUIT CULT: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?” POST HAS HIT THE PRESSES!

It’s only been like. 3, 4 months since the saga ended so this is right on time fuck you! - It took a LONG time setting up interviews to record all this information ESPECIALLY since the majority of the ex fruit cult members hate me and I had to go undercover to procure them.

So, at long last - here it is!

The Tree of Growth / Fruit Cult: Where Are They Now?!

Apple is living their best life (for the most part) under the care of Allison in their shared home in Illinois. They have come out as nonbinary and aroace (and cut their hair!!) and spends plenty of time in therapy and at their local community garden, munching on apples and garlic bread. They also enjoy coloring. Oh wait- oh shit :/ the drywall got them. Oops. Nevermind. Rip.

Fig has joined an incredibly shady secret government organization and is working on an extremely top secret mission as we speak (probably has something to do with hunting down Mulberry though.) She and Cherry remain happily married and are making it work long distance.

Shrimp Man / Cherry Tomato has broken out of jail, hopped the border, and bought a beautiful cabin by the seaside where he will spend the rest of her days in (moderate) peace!

Lemon / Sadie is finishing her agriculture degree and renting a lovely house in the New York countryside with Polaris and their foster daughter Charlotte. They are in therapy and using gardening and animal husbandry to cope. She’s planning on proposing to and marrying Polaris for real once they graduate and settle down a bit more.

Lychee / Polaris is finishing up her astrophysics degree at Cornell with Sadie and Charlotte. She’s developed a particular interest in radio astronomy and has scored an especially exclusive summer internship that will almost certainly lend her to a fantastic career after graduation. They regret their time with the cult but can’t help but miss it, maybe - just a bit.

Date / Allison is currently fulfilling their prison sentence in community service as Apple’s caretaker! They reside in a small bungalow in Illinois. They’re desperately homesick and missing their family (and Percy) but is doing their best to take genuine care of Apple (but maybe not top notch. Who can blame them.) They regret everything :)

Cherry / Aura was deported to Canada and has returned to the Children of the Sun (very fun hippie commune). Technically they are jailed there but the hippies aren’t too fond of the prison industrial complex so I’m sure they’re vibing. Fig brings them “cool stuff that THEY CANNOT TELL the government about” from time to time.

Mulberry / Vrispeta is not dead!! After Area 51 they’re just trying to figure out what to do with her life. You can follow her adventures at @muppetjokernum8ereightfan ! I think she’s on the moon right now or some shit?!

Peach is in physical recovery after being turned into a quadparalegic thanks to Apple and is currently staying with his boyfriend while waiting for their prosthetics to come in. He is in a lot of debt.

Custard Apple has just woken up after a very long nap and is extremely confused.

Acai / Percy died of lead poisoning :( they’re out there rotting in the ocean, somewhere… - their ghost is likely haunting the shit out of Allison :) (Affectionate haunting, of course, nothing crazy.)

Starfruit has gone back to their normal life - but is still very dedicated to the Fruit God! He is also still posting at @squireofthegrove

Orange went home with her mom and is currently working on finishing her One Piece binge an hour at a time.

—————————

If YOU are an ex member of the fruit cult and have something you’d like to share about your life after that is not listed here, feel free to reach out and I’ll edit you in <3

But enough of those losers - What about me?! The infamous mysterious tog blog… Who am I?! Was I really just Lemon pulling a fast one on the rest of the group? Or was that only a facade ?? Am I an angel?! A crazy super fan?! The Fruit God Herself?!?

Heh. Wouldn’t you like to know.

I’ll continue posting here on occasion. Its members may have moved on but the Tree is eternal.., And I have many… many unfinished plans….

[figfiggyfigure]

I’m the only real fruit cultist here, everyone else is just role playing but i have warrants out for my arrest in 427 counties.

i am going to break the silence of pretending this is all real to say we fruit cultists are still friends bts and we are having a great time this valentines day

[figfiggyfigure]

Have you considered figs?

Why are cherries so sexualized? I think grapes should be sexualized because my boyfriend said if he was a fruit he would be a grape and he's right.

[figfiggyfigure]

[figfiggyfigure]

That wasn’t a dream

P*neapple was a slur. I don't remember who it was for, but I remember that people were arguing online about who could reclaim it. People were censoring it like "p*neapple" and then there was discourse about whether or not censoring it was the right thing to do.

[figfiggyfigure]

bye

ive had a bad time recently, and now that everything crazy happened im going on hiatus. Aka returning to the normal world and finishing my degree.

This was all really fun.

[figfiggyfigure]

come back here and you'll be eating more than dirt.

Honestly? Fuck you all. Moving to a new blog also so I won't get fucking spammed here btw, and I genuinely do not regret making you all eat human flesh.

[figfiggyfigure]

his name was bart : (

the chicken just spontaneously fucking exploded. on the list of things i thought id do today, a chicken autopsy isn’t there

[figfiggyfigure]

what

Oh no… Bart… Fig’s beloved rooster… It would be such a terrible horrible shame if… something happened to him …

[figfiggyfigure]

The Woods were means to an end to access the bears

Its The Woods time!!

[figfiggyfigure]

i can get the rest later

[figfiggyfigure]

killing bears because no one loves me, don't hmu

[figfiggyfigure]

Its The Woods time!!

[figfiggyfigure]

all of the bears in The Woods,

deal?

its a genocide because they should theoretically be cut off from any woods bears, so if i kill them all, its a genocide

I will commit 1 (one) crime for you

-fig

Hmmm… Tempting … Any crime I want??

[figfiggyfigure]

uh... who, like

against who

or even better what

: )

I will commit 1 (one) crime for you

-fig

Hmmm… Tempting … Any crime I want??