fightmekentparson

[fightmekentparson]

jack zimmermann in high school was like “i am insane 🤪😡 ” and that made him self destructive and kind of an asshole because he was overwhelmed and didn’t know why his brain was doing the things it was doing to him. And so he drank and he partied and he let kent parson pierce his ears one night after a party neither of them really wanted to be at, and he talked back to coaches because obviously he knew better than everybody. And everyone knew who Jack Zimmermann was in an “oh yeah, that motherfucker’s crazy,” kind of way, in a, “he walked the mile even though he’s a semi-professional athlete because he didn’t want to and he thought it was a waste of time,” way, in a , “did you hear that zimmermann blacked out last night and then scored a hat trick during the game?” kind of way

jack zimmermann in college was like, “i am insane 😔😶” and that made him feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility. He had to be so regimented, so strict with himself to keep anyone from knowing that his brain was doing the things it was doing to him. And so he studied and he didn’t come out of his room all that much and he practiced and went to class and practiced and he went on a couple dates and hung out with a couple friends, but on the whole, he kept it inside. Everyone knew who Jack Zimmermann was because no one else showed up to every single 8am American History lecture for an entire year without even thinking about skipping, no one has such a reliably consistent schedule. When people say he’s insane, it’s with a sense of reverence, he’s insanely disciplined, insanely dedicated, insanely strong. No more impulse, only actions that have been completely and utterly thought through.

jack zimmermann in the NHL is like “i am insane 🤷‍♂️😌” and that makes him play pranks in the locker room and pick bitty up and toss him over his shoulder for no reason, it makes him say, “have you ever thought about how i’d look with frosted tips?” half to see what George would say and half because he’s considering it. It makes him get a dog with more energy than he has. It makes him just say, “I’m getting grumpy, I’m gonna go home now, but this was a fun party,” without feeling bad about it. It makes him a little gentler with himself, it makes him fucking hilarious. It makes him go to therapy pretty regularly. It makes him text Tater at 2 in the morning to tell him that he just bought a “happy birthday” cake even though it’s nobody’s birthday so they can leave it in the player’s lounge to make everybody nervous and think they forgot someone’s birthday. jack zimmermann in the NHL is like, “i am insane, we knew that, let’s move on,” and good for him

[fightmekentparson]

i am once again expressing my interest (as a Certified Comedy Writer) in being on the writing staff of any @omgcheckplease tv series or movie

[fightmekentparson]

imagine Bitty, Lardo, Shitty, and Holster using this to summon Mandy and Jenny

(Ransom is also there but refuses to touch the board)

[fightmekentparson]

HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY ERIC RICHARD BITTLE

[fightmekentparson]

Something that’s so funny to as a concept is that Jack, Chowder, Dex, and Whiskey all going to the NHL and reaching NHL stardom but and so they do a joint little interview segment, and Chowder is going on and on about how much Jack was a great captain, and so the moderator asks “I guess Jack was your best cattain in college, huh?”

And Chowder just immediately goes “Oh no Bitty was much better” and the moderator does a spit take

Dex is like “Bitty had a certain air about him when he was captain. He was commanding, but understanding and really lived up to the whole ‘Got your back.’ …also, not gonna lie, it was kinda hot”

Whiskey just stares for a minute and goes “Jack was a great captain and did really good by the team.” [A pause] “But Bitty didn’t make us wake up for practice at 5am even for optional skate”

Jack is just looking at them all with a giant smile on his face and trying not to laugh as the other three chirp him

[fightmekentparson]

10 years into his NHL career, PR finally convinces Jack to make a Twitter and absolutely no one was prepared for how good he’d be at it (Bitty takes all the credit)

__

Based off of these tweets by Tony Hawk which gave me BIG Jack Zimmermann vibes…so this was born-

[fightmekentparson]

My contribution to the Check, Please! fandom.

[fightmekentparson]

if check please ever gets a tv/film adaptation and bitty doesn't have a strong-ass accent i will be completely devastated

[fightmekentparson]

*whispers* Goodbye My Danish Sweetheart is Jack in year 2 right until Bob tells him to shoot his shot

[fightmekentparson]

like basically the author is trying to write a a happy bittyjohnson fic, but Jack still exists in this universe, so Johnson is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. the author tries everything she can think of to get Johnson to be happy, even killing Jack off. nothing works– Johnson knows Jack and Bits are endgame, knows he's only ever there to be the plot device.

end chapter 1.

the next few chapters are all new au's. they're all the author trying any way she can to get Johnson some semblance of happiness with Bitty. she's never satisfied. it's still too sad, or Johnson is still waiting for Jack to show up.

i know the ending, but idk if i want to give it away...

i had the most fucked up idea for a bittyjohnson fanfic...

[fightmekentparson]

i had the most fucked up idea for a bittyjohnson fanfic...

[fightmekentparson]

foreshadowing....

can we talk about bitty’s other hand just pointing at his face?? and his neutral expression?? god i love this comic

[fightmekentparson]

So, I know we’re all in mourning but do you imagine how WILD it must be for the new group of Frogs to have JUST missed all that. Like some kid from the Midwest shows up and finds out that last year’s captain made national history, is engaged to the lead scorer and assistant captain of the Falcs THE Jack Zimmermann, and apparently has a book deal that sometimes may involve him showing up with half the Falcs staff to make JAM. 

[fightmekentparson]

Jack and Bitty decide to get married in Faber.

It's unconventional, for sure, but it was so them, it just made sense. The light would filter in perfectly from the windows, and the rink would be big enough for their many guests– their families, the Samwell team, the Falcs, Bitty's new coworkers at the Food Network...

Some of Bitty's relatives weren't too fond of the cold. They shivered in their seats despite the complimentary blankets.

There was only one problem.

"Jack, dear, who was in charge of getting the carpet for the aisle?"

"Um, I think it was..."

"Shits, did you measure this right?"

"Chyeah, bro, but there wasn't enough at the store. I got all they had."

"Did you not have a backup plan?"

"Dude, you're a dumbass."

"Woah, hey–"

Bitty shot them his captain look before they could break out into a full-fledged chirp fight.

"Guys, it's okay. We're hockey players. We'll just–"

Bitty stepped onto the ice. His dress shoes immediately gave way underneath him, sending him into a splits.

The music, so far conspicuously absent, began to play.

"Get on your feet/Get up and make it happen..."

[fightmekentparson]

please tell me someone’s done a check, please Cheer!au (like, based on the Netflix show)

[fightmekentparson]

THEY’RE ALL GAY. ONE IN FOUR MAYBE MORE MY ASS SAMWELL.

[fightmekentparson]

Yeah the comics done or whatever who cares I'm still posting look at this baby jack on computer paper