filament-max
filament-max
I Don’t Know What To Do With My Hands
68 posts
She/they. 26. Gayer every day, bless. AO3 If I don’t turn it into a joke, it will destroy me.
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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At the Catch Ch. 9 Preview #2
I have good news and bad news.  The good news is I have a preview for you!  It does, however, develop major plot points, so avoid if you don’t like spoilers.  It’s also angst, though I cannot emphasize enough that 80% of this chapter is not angst.  The bad news is I haven’t had as much time to write lately (thanks to work + vacation + training), and am only about 20k into this chapter.  Which I think is about half-done?  Hoping my pace will pick up these next few weeks, but I don’t want to promise anything.  Thanks for your patience!
“Kara!”
And she didn’t even have time to look towards the source of the shout before Kara was dragging her along behind, threading through the clumps of supporters waiting on rowers.  When Lena finally managed to look, it was difficult not to see Clark, standing at least a head taller than just about every other person in the crowd and swamped with clamoring fans.
He did appear distinctly, almost irritatingly heroic, standing tall, shoulders square, a muscular arm cocked with sharpie in hand as he dashed off a series of autographs on every shirt and scrap of paper offered to him.  When he glanced over, he flashed them a smile, though it wasn’t exactly megawatt, and it faded quickly as they approached.  He reached up to the side of his face, in that same way that Kara always did, frowned as he fidgeted with the black frame of his glasses.
Frowned at her.  Frowned about her.
It hit her then—had Kara not told him?
And sure, she could see why she wouldn’t be anyone’s first pick, but it still stung to see the disappointment in real time.
“Clark!”  Lena tore her eyes away, let them rest on Kara instead.  It was stupid, how the sting in her chest grew that greater bit more, seeing Kara’s excitement.  Kara should be allowed to be excited to see her cousin, even if he didn’t like her.
Even if he tells her you’re not good enough.
Luckily, a brash voice broke into her thoughts, stopped her from sinking into them.  “Okay, folks, I’m afraid he’s closed for business!  Allow me to direct you to other roadside attractions, including—but not limited—to:  the giant ball of twine, Carhedge, the Grand Canyon, etc., etc.  Drive safe now!”
A woman with dark hair came into view as the crowd started to clear, standing next to Clark, but certainly not on his arm.
And that had to be-.
“Lois Lane.”  
She offered her hand, and Kara stepped forward to take it in her free one.  “I’m Kara.”
There was something so interested, so focused in how Lois looked at Kara then, and Lena could feel how Kara was holding her breath, how Kara’s fingers tightened around her own.
And then Lois smirked at Clark, said, “I see why Smallville hid you away.  You’re gonna steal all his adoring fans.”
Kara let out a guffaw, choked it back.  Shrugged herself through her obvious discomfort, shifted closer to Lena’s side.
Smoothing her thumb over Kara’s knuckles, Lena stole a glance at Clark.  Found him looking right back at her, almost through her.  Her stomach dropped, and she turned her gaze away coolly, was nonetheless grateful when Lois spoke again.
“Not too many adoring fans from Valcourt though, I suppose.”
Kara hummed low at that, a thoughtful sound. Thankfully didn’t seem bothered by the question.  Lena would intervene the moment that seemed the case.  
“No, I guess not.”  She felt Kara take a deep breath, let it out.  “Valcourt wasn’t good for me.  I wasn’t…happy there.”
“Mm.  I’m glad you moved on, then.  Courageous of you,” Lois said.
Kara rubbed the back of her neck, gave a stilted chuckle that just screamed that a bout of adorable rambling was nigh.
“Oh, I…uh…I don’t know about that.  But, um, it’s so nice to meet you!  I really admire your work, your investigations I mean—the articles!  That one about the governor…huh, wow. But the one I think I like most is that series of…um, profiles, I think?  Profiles of houseless folks!  Back in 2015? That housing program started right after, and I think that’s just…so freaking cool.”  
Lois’s eyes gleamed, and she reached over with her free hand, squeezed Kara’s arm.  “You do your homework, Midvale.  Looking forward to working with you this summer.”
It was sudden then, how Lois’s eyes fell on her.  “And I know who you are.”
Lena tensed for what would follow, what always followed.  Wondered if it were healthy that she had about a dozen tried-and-true responses for hostile reactions to her last name.
The corner of Lois’s lips quirked up, barely restrained amusement fighting its way into her tone. “But I didn’t know you were Kara’s girlfriend.”
Amusement.  Lois didn’t seem to mind she was Kara’s girlfriend, was even amused about it.
It felt a little like missing a stair, precarious and unbalanced and caught totally off-guard.
“Yes!  Right.  Sorry,” Kara whispered the apology, suddenly ducking close, bringing warmth with her.  Just as quickly gone (though the warmth remained), facing Lois and Clark.  “This is Lena.  We’re together.”
And that steadied her, warmed her still further, from the inside out, stirred at the perfect way Kara had put it—they were together, and stronger for it.  The look she caught Kara shooting at Clark then rippled with muted defiance, with firm assurance.
“Let me just-.”  Lois stepped between Clark and Kara, offered her hand.  Shot her a canted smile.  “Nice to meet you, Lena.”
She had to let go of Kara’s hand to take Lois’s.  Did so, if a tad reluctantly, the sting still aching there in her chest.  “Nice to meet you too.”  Prepared to reach for Kara’s hand again when Clark’s was suddenly there, palm-up.
It felt, bizarrely, like an apology, even before she’d looked up and met Clark’s eyes, found them as deeply blue and deadly earnest as Kara’s, puppy-like in their contriteness.
The sting faded a bit more.
Tentatively, she took his hand, turned it so they could shake properly.
He cleared his throat. “I’m…uh…I forget to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes.  Not quite as good at that as Kara here.”
And she couldn’t quite keep herself from saying, “Maybe if you’d spent more time with her.”
Didn’t look away even as a thick silence swallowed them, Clark’s eyes moving over her face with wide-eyed appraisal.
It might have been a few minutes or an eternity, but he finally tilted his head to the side, looked between her and Lois for some reason.  And smiled. Smiled like he couldn’t be more pleased at being told off.  
“You’re not wrong there.  It’s good to meet you, Lena.”  He let their hands slide apart, and all Lena saw then was a blonde blur, Kara beside her one moment and hugging Clark with desperate strength next.
It felt private, suddenly, and she turned back to the crowd.  Couldn’t keep herself from overhearing the whispered exchange that followed:
“I missed you.”
“Missed you too. I’m sorry, Kara.  It’ll never be like that again.”
And the joy she felt for Kara then chased the sting away, briefly, incandescent in her chest.  Even if Clark didn’t like her, at least he’d be there for Kara, at last.
Lena felt, more than saw, Lois sidle up next to her, whisper, “They’re such softies.”
She snorted at that, at how true it rang.  Shook her head a little.  “That’s why they’re the best.”
Lois bumped their shoulders together.  “Agreed.”
The crowd was starting to clear, now, the Metropolis rowers trudging off with their families and a few of their NCU teammates making their way to the bus.  She took a step forward, scanned the crowd for a familiar bald head.  He had to be around here-.
“I see you’ve all started without me.”
She whipped around to face the voice.  “Lex.”
And she didn’t quite launch herself like Kara had at Clark, but she did take a few brisk steps and pull him into a tight hug.  Closed her eyes and inhaled his familiar smell, high and sharp and minty.
“You act like we haven’t seen each other in years which is,” Lex chuckled nervously, patted her back lightly, “…factual.”  
She hugged him tighter, remembered how wrenching it’d been to say bye to him that brief visit during her junior year. Thought, with astonishing clarity, that she didn’t know if she could go so long without seeing him again.
“Were you always a hugger?  I don’t remember you being a hugger.  Perhaps it’s your exposure to…well, to your girlfriend, if you’ll stop hugging me for long enough to introduce us.”
She scoffed, but still felt impossibly light about the whole thing, drew back to look him up and down.  He looked the same, lean and distinguished in a tailored black suit.  Glanced over at Kara and nodded for her to approach.  “Lex, Kara.  Kara, Lex.”
“There’s that Luthor efficiency.”  He reached past her to take Kara’s proffered hand, shook it energetically.  “You know, you’re the first girl Lena has properly introduced to me, so I’ve got years, years of embarrassing stories all stored up-.”
“Lex!”
He continued to pump Kara’s hand up and down, his attention fixed squarely on her.  “You just say the word, and I can tell you all about Lena’s-.”
“LEX!”
Lex rolled his eyes, faux put out.  “Fine.”  Turned suddenly sly, grinning at her.  “You’re safe. For now.”  He released Kara’s hand.
For her part, Kara seemed a little shell-shocked, took a moment to speak.  “It’s so good to meet you!  I owe you a drink sometime.”
Lex squinted at her, tapped his chin.  “Did we make a bet I’m forgetting?”
“No, but you told Lena she should trust me.”
“Oh, well,” Lex gestured, his hand fluttering aimlessly, “you seem quite harmless.”  He lowered his voice, mumbled under his breath, “Cleared the background check too.”
“Lex.”
He coughed.  “In any case, if you’d like to redistribute some of your limited student wealth upwards to me, I’d be a knave to accept the gesture.  Good thing I fit the bill.”
“You don’t say.”  Clark stepped up, chuckling.  “It’s been a long time, Lex.”
Lex stilled, which Lena knew to most people made it look like he was less nervous, less jittery.  But it really just meant he was holding it all inside.  “Clark.”
“It’s good to see you again,” Clark said, care put into each word, as if he’d never met anything more.
She brushed Kara’s hand with her own, twined their fingers together.  Looked between Lex and Clark to see what would come next, her stomach tight and anxious.
After a few heavy moments, Clark gestured and said, “This is Lois, my fiancée.”
“Who doesn’t know Lois?” Lex said, feigned carelessness in the way he spoke, the way he rested his hand on his neck.  “You made things…difficult…for me when you pushed the governor out.”
Lois grinned.  “Well, if I don’t make your life a little challenging, who will?”
“That’s true,” Lex said, reflective rather than careless now.  “It’s a relief to start fresh, sometimes.”  
Blinking, he seemed to remember himself, his eyebrows furrowing.  He edged away slightly.  “Well, it’s been…pleasant.”  He met her eyes, softened.  Opened his mouth like he was going to say more.
Clark beat him to it. “Wait!  Before you go, I did want to ask you about something,” He rested his hands on his hips.  “I heard you withdrew your donation for the new dock and training center.”  There was something easy even in the confrontation, as if it were all just a misunderstanding.
A chill ran down her spine as it dawned at her—where else but at Valcourt would Lex think of making such a donation?
She watched Lex’s eyes flick over to Kara briefly, watched them return to Clark.  Had the same thought that Lex probably did—he doesn’t know.
The chills only spread, flooded her, and she desperately tried to catch Lex’s eye, but surely, surely he would understand not to tell.
And he did seem to realize, his voice flat, toneless, almost bored—“And?  I’m not hearing a question.”
Clark frowned.  “Was there a reason you did that?”
Her breath hitched in her chest, and she held it.
Don’t tell, Lex, don’t tell, please don’t-.
“Not that comes to mind.”
Slowly, like gathering storm clouds, Clark scowled, eyebrows descending.  “Don’t be like that, Lex.  Those boys are devastated.  When you make a promise, the least you can do is keep it.”
“Well,” Lex raised a hand, his lips twisting into a thin smile, clearly nearing the end of his patience, “it’s obviously not the least I can do. I think I did the least I can do.”
Clark huffed, took a step towards him. “You’re…why would you do that?”  He shook his head like a disappointed parent.  “But I guess you don’t have that sort of money to spare.”
“Maybe you could help them hold a bake sale.  I read somewhere that builds character.”
It seemed effortless, how Lex was winding Clark up now, Clark’s mouth opening and closing like a fish’s.  And perhaps this was how to treat Clark when he patronized you. It certainly didn’t seem unfamiliar to Lex, this routine.
“It’s unbelievable how selfish you can be when you put your mind to it,” Clark said, his voice seething with quiet anger.
There had always been something subtle, something secret about Lex’s hurt.
She hadn’t learned to hear it, to see it until a few years ago.
It didn’t flash across his face, or creep into his tone, or settle in the low slope of his shoulders.
Lex didn’t lash out in anger or sink into sadness when he was hurt; no, when Lex was hurt, he doubled down on his smugness, on his own untouchability.
And Clark’s last words must have hurt, for the absolute shit-eating grin Lex directed at him, how it screamed, I know something you don’t.  Then, Lex said, “That may be, but it’s not a program I can support any longer.  At least not under the current leadership and the…culture…it allows.”
Time slowed, and she turned to Kara.  Saw the first wave of emotion, the surprised lift of her eyebrows, the way her lips parted.  Shifting, her lips curling up in a smile, something like wonder, like relief lighting up her eyes.  The realization that Lex had cancelled his donation for her.
And then.  And then.  
Kara’s thoughts catching up.  
Working out that Lex knew, her expression stiffening. Working out that Clark and Lois were watching, turning to them.  
And Lena followed Kara’s eyes, turned to Clark and Lois too.  
Saw that Clark looked confused, still.  
Saw that Lois didn’t.  
And then, under her breath, almost too quiet to make out, Lois muttered, “Fuckers.”  
Lena glanced back at Kara, all the heaviness of this slowed series of moments catching up, dragging her down with their combined weight.  
And Kara.  
Kara leaning forward, sinking into herself, shoulders rising as if to protect herself.  
But that didn’t stop it from happening.  Didn’t stop Lois or Lex from knowing.
A brief moment, wheels clearly spinning in Kara’s head, working overtime, fighting for purchase.  
Working out how Lex must know.  
They felt even slower then, even heavier, those few seconds Kara spent to face her, to look at her.  
To stare at her like she’d just pulled a knife out of her back, bewildered and hurt and spiraling—you?  
Or perhaps, if Kara were feeling literary—et tu, Brute?  
And the last thing Lena felt before time sped back up, started to go far too quickly, was Kara letting her hand go.
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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Krypto wishes everyone a Happy Supercorp Sunday!
(based off this cat rolling in rainbow chalk)
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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This is an incredible idea, Lillian Luthor reviews fanfics haha
At The Catch by filament_max ( @filament-max​ )
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The tags alone for this fanfiction brought me joy, I don’t know about you. I don’t know about you but the way this author has created Kara Danvers’ alter ego Supergirl (oh, sorry, was that meant to be a secret?) is downright incredible stupid. Does it then mean that Kara Danvers is not Supergirl in this fic? If so, how trivial.
[“It’s a Danvers sandwich,” Kelly said to Sam, loud enough for Lena to hear.]
How disgusting. It’s bad enough Lena’s having to deal with one of them, but two? My poor daughter.
Fight or fuck energy? I’m disgustingly intrigued by the phrasing, if only it wasn’t used to describe my daughter and the enemy.
I’m sure if it were more — finished, so to speak. That this story would be quite popular. Perhaps it already is, I don’t care enough to check. Regardless, it wasn’t a total boring read —- even if I only had time for two chapters before world domination.
In all seriousness, go read this fic right now!
Feel free to recommend fics to me here!
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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At the Catch Ch. 9 Preview #1
Well…I tried to write y’all some smut and it turned into 4k of mostly fluff (but isn’t emotional intimacy the ultimate smut?). Chapter 9 is coming along, but a bit slowly.  Second (angst?) preview next week or the week after, and I’m going to change my posting day to Friday/Saturday rather than Tuesday/Wednesday.  Excerpt below and writing playlist at the end!
 “You can’t always go first.”
“Oh, I can’t?”
“No, it’s not allowed.”
“Allowed?” Kara laughed, her eyebrows shooting up, and Lena found herself thoroughly endeared at how Kara’s nose scrunched up, at the whole perfect picture, really.  
She stepped close to Kara, kept a sliver of space between them.  “That’s right.  Or don’t you like listening to me?”
Immediately, Kara teetered towards her, into her, slack in that way Lena loved.  Slack as if all of the tension in Kara’s body, all the stress and soreness that Lena had seen weigh on her after long practices, had sensed preyed on her mind in rare moments of brimming quiet…all gone; gone as if it could be eased with a brush of Lena’s hand, with a well-judged whisper.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”  She tangled her fingers with Kara’s, planted a kiss on her neck.  Smiled at how Kara settled against her.  At the silent question in the catch of Kara’s breath—what next?
“Bed.” She turned, hardly had to pull Kara after her, started around the corner to the bedroom.  Glanced back and treated herself to the view of Kara floating along like a cartoon character who had just smelled a particularly tasty pie.
And it was dumb and adorable and it should have made her laugh, but instead Lena felt her chest constrict. Felt her eyes burn.  Felt the telltale doubt creep out from the corners of her mind.
Kara certainly made it difficult for her to doubt, difficult to question that the vast sum of Kara’s earnest sweetness, kindness, adoration could actually be directed at her.
But part of her kept asking if she really deserved all of that.
She didn’t realize she’d stopped until Kara bumped into her, set them both off-balance.
That snapped her out of it, fortunately. Brought her back to Kara, to the task at hand.
And even if part of her wasn’t so sure she deserved Kara, she’d never doubted that Kara deserved every patience, every iota of care and affection she could muster.
Newly determined, she marched Kara to the edge of the bed, wasted no time in pressing up against her and kissing her.  Slow at first, lips parting as they shared a breath, but with gentle, sure acceleration, pulling their joined hands up and resting them against her own chest.  Letting Kara feel how Lena’s heart beat for her.  Wondering if this would be the moment when Kara would guess the depth of her feelings.  Thinking for the first time that it wouldn’t be the worst thing, if Kara knew she loved her.
The thought startled her, her lips stuttering against Kara’s, the rhythm of the kiss lost.
But Kara was quiet, her hand flexing in Lena’s, no confrontation forthcoming.
Lena pulled back.  “Lay down.”
There was a moment thick with hesitation before Kara did so, and it felt a little odd, how Kara’s hand tightened around hers, how she tentatively drew Lena down onto the bed beside her. How she fidgeted when Lena moved closer. How her eyebrows drew together and she swallowed.
Easy.
She settled on her side next to Kara.  Didn’t touch her apart from their twined fingers.  Only smiled a little, tried to radiate calm and stillness.
It was satisfying, how Kara stilled too, fidgeting fading.  How Kara smiled back after a minute.
Lena took it as an invitation to speak.  “It’s okay if you aren’t ready, or if you don’t want this.  We don’t have to do anything.”  She studied Kara’s expression intently.  Looked for the things Kara wouldn’t say.
And Kara’s eyes did drop, unfocus, her brow furrowing.  Reflecting, checking in with herself.  Lena’s chest ached with pride, with hope.  She turned her eyes loose, let the warm ache in her chest expand as her gaze roved over the lovely lines and curves of Kara’s profile.
Got a little lost in that, in the faint impression of a scar above Kara’s left eyebrow, in her laugh lines, in the way her ponytail pulled her hair taut, opened up her face.
Thought, it’s so weird, loving someone like this.
Not only noticing laugh lines, but staring at them.  Committing them to memory.  Imagining how they’d feel under her hands, against her lips, between her thighs. Reveling in how it’d be after, lingering with Kara in the afterglow.
At that moment, Kara came back to her, met her eyes.  Smiled at her, laugh lines stretching, deepening, and why, oh why did that alone give her butterflies, chase the thoughts out of her head?
She watched Kara take a deep breath, couldn’t have looked away if she tried.
“I know I want this.  And I…I think I am ready.”  Kara’s smile faded.  “I’m just…worried.”
Lena tried not to pounce on that, but nonetheless felt a surge of relief.  They’d gotten close to this conversation a few times, usually when they were already in the thick of things.  Kara hadn’t been ready to talk about it then, but maybe now would be different.
“Why are you worried?” she asked, level and easy.
Kara didn’t say anything for a long time, only looked down and played with Lena’s hand, moving their fingers apart only to bring them back together again, stopping to stroke tingly circles in Lena’s palm with her thumb.
And, as always, it never felt like waiting with Kara, not when this was right where she needed to be.
Kara opened her mouth, and then—all at once—they were having the conversation.  
“It…sometimes…it takes me…awhile.”
The whisper fluttered between them like a living thing, uneven and precarious, shuddering with secretive shame.
It took a considerable effort not to reach out and take it between her palms, to soothe it still and quiet and bury it under a mountain of assurances.  To lay there and observe it instead.  To actually have the conversation first and let the assurances follow.
But that didn’t mean the conversation couldn’t be fun.
She reached out and squeezed Kara’s bicep. Raised an eyebrow.  “Are you questioning my attention span?”
And that made Kara laugh, thankfully.  Made her snuggle closer.  “No.”  Kara’s face fell, and she looked away again.  But the words still came.  “But I don’t want you to be…”
“Me to be…?” she prompted, running her finger up Kara’s arm.
She watched Kara fish for the words, watched her wince as they came to mind.  “Bored,” Kara said, a rough edge to her voice.  “Or disheartened.”  And then, still quieter, her voice cracking, “Frustrated.”
Fuck.
Even though Lena had suspected it would be something like this, it was different…worse, to hear Kara say it.  To hear her voice break over the words.  To wonder if these insecurities were really so abstract, or if they’d been cultivated with experience, with partners bored or disheartened or with the nerve to be fucking frustrated.
It was a lucky thing that she managed not to say the first impulsive assurance that came to mind (I can’t stop thinking about fucking you), instead took a moment to gather herself and help Kara to the logic behind the assurance.
“Do you get bored when you’re touching me?” she asked, drawing circles on Kara’s shoulder with her finger.
The look Kara gave her then wasn’t one she’d soon forget, as if Lena had questioned the culinary value of potstickers or grown a second head.  “No.  Never. Are you kidding?”
She pursed her lips, raised her eyebrows the slightest bit, see?
Kara caught up quickly, and she gave Lena a look then that was far more familiar.  Lips parted, her wide blue eyes moving over Lena’s face in something akin to wonder, blinking.  Lena wasn’t sure what this look meant for Kara, but she knew how it made her feel.  How it’d made her feel the last time she’d seen it, Kara resting on top of her with this same wonderstruck expression, cradling her face—There’s no one like you, Lena.
And Lena had to be the one to look away then, had to catch her breath.
She was still a little breathless when she pushed on through the rest of it, “And have you ever been disheartened?  Or frustrated?”
Kara shifted beside her. Moved closer.  “No,” she whispered.
“And I’m not going to be either.”  She glanced back over at Kara, her heart giving a particularly frantic thump when she was met with that same wonderstruck expression.  “No matter what,” she promised, her voice heavy with it.
Kara didn’t say anything, but that seemed to be a sort of answer.  The sun had set while they’d been laying there, dying orange light falling in long rays.  They lightened Kara’s hair, made Kara fucking glow even more than usual, of course.  Made Lena want to see more of her.
Easing forward, she held her hand up, stopping short of Kara’s ponytail.  “Can I?”
Almost bashful, Kara nodded, her cheeks rosier than usual.
So fucking cute.
She cocked an eyebrow and tugged on Kara’s ponytail lightly.  Excited herself with how Kara’s chin rose, how the muscles in her neck moved.  
“You’re beautiful like this,” she said, moving to slip the hairband off, onto her own wrist.  She dug her hands into Kara’s soft hair, flipped it forward and fluffed it out.  “And like this too.”
Kara appeared to take a bracing breath, reached out to touch Lena’s cheek.  But didn’t deflect.  Sat in the compliment and smiled at Lena instead.
Sliding closer, she rested her hand on Kara’s waist.  Didn’t miss how Kara jumped under her touch, or the quietest of apologetic whispers that followed, “Sorry.”
And that wouldn’t do.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” she said, trying for light, easy, unbothered.  Trying to lower the stakes.  “Do you want a hug?”
Kara’s warm smile returned, and Lena felt a little fuzzy, a little off-balance even before Kara opened her arms.
Scooting up against Kara, into her arms, Lena could have guessed at the rush of sweet sensations that would follow—Kara’s vanilla-citrus scent, her scratchy-soft flannel, her chest expanding against Lena’s.  But what she couldn’t have guessed was that Kara would tighten her hold, would take the opportunity to roll them back and forth across the bed.  That Kara would laugh at her gasp of surprise, and then at her muffled noises of protest.
When they came to a sudden stop, Kara was pressing her into the mattress, was just as swiftly kissing her with smoldering intensity, with a desire that seemed to say, I’m going to have you how I want you.
And while part of her certainly…reacted…to that, it wasn’t the next thing on her agenda.
She tapped Kara’s shoulder.  “I want to be on top.”
Kara hummed, gave her a peck.  “If that’s what you want.”  Rolled them over again with more speed than seemed strictly necessary, Lena putting her hand out and halting their momentum with a huff.
She narrowed her eyes, propped herself up and straddled Kara so she could see her better.  “You don’t want to make this easy for me, do you?”
Avoiding her eyes, Kara shrugged.  “Wanted to give you an out.”
Her heart dropped out of her chest, and she only just managed to bite back a stricken sigh. Wished she could summon as much warmth as Kara could, made a valiant attempt as she leaned down and took Kara’s face in her hands.  “I don’t want an out.  I want you.”
And then she waited there, stroking Kara’s cheeks with her thumbs.  Only felt her heart return to her chest when Kara met her eyes and took a hitching breath, when Kara leaned forward and kissed her.  Kissed her soft, and then with blooming, expanding regard, her lips parting wide to welcome Lena’s tongue.
Kara pulled back first, and her voice came out hoarse, “Can we see how it feels?  And you don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to?”
“As long as you tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”
“Yeah.”  Kara smiled, that slow, growing, honeyed smile that Lena loved.  “Yeah, okay.”
She helped herself to Kara slowly, as much for herself as for Kara.  Exploratory foreplay wasn’t unfamiliar to her, of course, but it’d most often been fast-paced with Andrea and the other women she’d been with. There was a difference between teasing, breathing hotly against a squirming woman’s cunt and nosing the inside of her thighs, and exploring, flaring fingers and searing kisses tempered by soft curiosity.  
And Lena was determined to explore every inch of Kara.
Which first involved much kissing, much tugging of clothes, much flushing delight at how Kara felt pinned under her, at how Kara smiled and whispered yes, moved to help Lena get her clothes off.  At how Kara’s sun-kissed skin gave way to stark tan lines, to lighter, untouched skin and to a lacy blue bra and panties.  At how perfect, how squarely right it felt that this was her second chance to see Kara in them, to do something about how unreasonably hot Kara looked like this, staring up at Lena, her golden hair fanned out around her on the bed.
She ran her finger up Kara’s abs, more than a little affected at the reminder of how solid, how strong Kara was, not that she could have forgotten.  Inhaling deeply, she turned her finger to trace along the bottom band of Kara’s bra.  “I’m so glad you wore this for me,” she said, her voice low and tight.
“You like it?”
Chuckling, she brushed Kara’s hair away from her ear.  “Yes. I like you in boxer briefs and sports bras too, but…”  She lowered herself down against Kara, whispered, “…but I can already tell you’re going to be so good at letting me have you like this.”
Kara’s gulp might have been audible from the other room, let alone from right up against her, and Lena sat back on her heels, worry pulling at her gut.  It’d been a push, she knew, but a push she hoped would help Kara sink into this.
“Did you like that?” she asked, trying to interpret Kara’s struck, suspended expression.  “I don’t have to talk-.”
“I liked it.”  Kara nodded rapidly, eager.  “Liked that.” She seemed to recover, smiled brightly up at Lena and rested her hand on Lena’s hip.  “I like you.”
She couldn’t resist smiling back, leaned down to capture Kara’s lips and rekindle their momentum.
It went well for a while then, slow and steady between them, growing heavier with each passing minute. Groping for the lamp and flicking it on to bathe Kara in soft light.  Yielding to Kara’s searching hands, trying to get her own clothes off without breaking apart from Kara for more than a second.  Kissing and stroking her way over Kara’s body, rewarding Kara with possessive grabs and renewed effort when she felt Kara’s hand tighten in her hair, when Kara sighed or moaned.
Slowly, slowly, she worked Kara’s bra off, spent several minutes listening and feeling how Kara responded to her touch.  It had swiftly become her favorite puzzle, figuring out what made Kara tick.  
She’d learned a lot about how Kara liked her boobs played with in the last few weeks, but that didn’t make it any less satisfying to build her up, to feel how quickly Kara’s chest started to rise and fall under her attentions, harsh breaths and hands fisting in and around Lena. To graze Kara’s nipple with her teeth and to hear how Kara gasped, to feel how Kara’s hips jumped under her.
Grinning against Kara, grinning wide and pressing it to Kara’s skin so she’d feel it, Lena ran her hand down Kara’s side, let it rest on her thigh.
Things started to change a little, then.
It started with a tremble in Kara’s thigh, right there where she’d left her hand.  Which she read as good, initially, the sensation of what she assumed to be Kara’s nervous excitement sending a bolt of heat between her own legs.  With a whine, she grinded down on one of Kara’s thighs.  It was difficult to swallow suddenly, caught up in what it’d felt like to have the solid length of muscle pressed to her last week, flexing against her twitching clit and driving her up towards the headboard relentlessly.
Perhaps that was why it took her a minute to feel not just the trembling, but the tensing.  How Kara had coiled herself up like a spring.
With dawning apprehension, she looked up to meet Kara’s eyes.
Found them clouded, Kara’s brow furrowed in that way it did when Kara was hard at work on an article or on figuring out the walking schedules for the neighborhood dogs.
She moved off of Kara, shifted to her kneel beside her.  “Hey.”
Kara exhaled, slightly shaky.  “Hi.” But the set of her shoulders remained tense, rigid.
Okay.  She needed time.
Unhurried, Lena telegraphed her movements, laid down beside Kara and brushed her hand against Kara’s.  Kara took it at once, threaded their fingers together.  And then all she had to do was sit in this moment with Kara, to listen to her breathing gradually even out, to take in how still and quiet and full it felt between them.
To wait until it felt right to say, “It’s possible you’re thinking too much, darling.”
Kara vibrated beside her, chuckled.  Turned and pressed a kiss to her cheek.  “I’m thinking too much?  Me?”
Smirking, she gave Kara a playful bump.  “There’s a first time for everything, I suppose.”
Kara laughed again, the best sound, squeezed her hand.
They laid in the quiet, in the low light of the lamp.
“Can we try again?”
Lena doubted she would have heard the whisper if their heads weren’t resting against each other.
“Yes.  Always,” she said, as affirmative as she could make it.  She turned onto her side, faced Kara.  “I’m not expecting anything, you know.  You don’t have to worry.”  She reached out, ran her hand down Kara’s chest, stomach, stopped just above her underwear.  “If you do want this, all you have to do is relax.”  
Swiftly, she turned her eyes up, read Kara’s expression—a little stupefied, but liquid loose, slack for her.  She let go of Kara’s hand, rested it on the side of Kara’s warm neck instead.  Leaned in and kissed her.  Whispered to her, “I don’t need to make you come to make you feel good.”
Kara shuddered, and she smiled, kissed her again. Thrilled at how quickly Kara recovered, how voraciously Kara kissed her back.
Broke away breathless, raised an eyebrow.  “Do you���want that?”
The goofy, dazed grin plastered on Kara’s face made Lena clench her hands with want, for some unfathomable reason, and Kara’s rambling answer didn’t help matters, “Uh, yes…if you…yeah.  I mean, I really, really do…want…sign me up?  But…but is this something you sign up for?  If it’s just us?  I bet you’d probably have a lot of people-.”
“Kara.”
“Oh, right.  Yeah.  Thank you. Ye-.”
She kissed Kara before she could start up again, before she inadvertently made it impossible for Lena to focus on anything else but the impossible heat gathering in her gut.
Soon enough, she settled into the slower pace from earlier, found a groove with Kara that had her body singing, had Kara moving to close any and all distance between them.  She spent a long time making sure Kara liked the feeling of Lena’s hand on her waist, over her legs, between her thighs.
And then, with a murmured exchange of yes? and yes, her fingers grazed Kara over her soft, lacy underwear.  Slightly damp underwear, she found with a jolt, Kara slicker for her than she’d dare hope.
“Kara, you feel so good,” she sighed, and Kara whimpered, held her closer.  
“So do you,” Kara replied, her voice strained.
“Relax,” she whispered back, moving her hand still more slowly against Kara.  “Try to relax, dearest.”
She waited until she felt Kara stretch loose-limbed beneath her.  Kissed her and rubbed slow circles over Kara’s underwear.  Let them both get used to it before she asked, “Can I take these off? Or do you want them on?”
“Off,” Kara said, apparently not up for further elaboration.
Her heart thumped particularly hard again, fuck, and she drew back enough to grab either side of the panties, to slide them down Kara’s legs.  Kara shifted to help, kicked them away when Lena got them down to her ankles, so transparently eager that Lena rocked subtly against her.
Easy, she reminded herself, and she slowed them back down.  Rested her hand on Kara’s thigh lightly.  “Hi.”
Kara bit her lip.  “Hey.”
“How are you?” she asked, her eyes flicking down to Kara’s cunt, to her trim, fair hair and the slick, swollen clit peeking out.
Fuck, wow.
She closed her eyes, steadied herself.  Tried not to dwell on how it’d feel to tease Kara’s stiff bud with her fingers, how it’d be to take Kara’s clit in her mouth and suck on her, taste her-.
Something tucked her hair behind her ear, and when she opened her eyes, Kara flashed her a self-satisfied grin.  Settled her hand on the nape of Lena’s neck and husked, “Who’s thinking too much now?”
She narrowed her eyes, saw it for the flirtatious challenge for control that it was, pushed Kara back against the bed firmly. “Can you blame me?  You’re…,” she gestured up and down the length of Kara’s body, eyes catching on muscle group after muscle group, flushing at how inarticulate she’d become.  “You’re a fucking statue,” she settled on, undercurrent of irritation fading.  Tentatively, she moved her hand over Kara’s chest, skated featherlight over her collarbones.  “You’re beautiful, and I’m so happy I get to be here with you.”
And Kara seemed content to continue whatever world record for eye contact they seemed to be going for lately, looking up at her in that way she had sometimes, like Lena had never disappointed her and never could.
She tried not to let that unnerve her, tried not to block out the slowly shrinking part of her that said, you don’t deserve it.  Focused on Kara instead.  “Now: how are you?”
Kara chuckled, shook her head.  Waved her hand as if it the answer were obvious.  
But Lena waited, wanted to hear.
“I don’t need that much more,” Kara finally said, blue eyes wide, guileless, wondering.  Apparently still trying for the world record for eye contact.  “You’ve already given me so much.  Want to give it back to you.”
And as much as her body leapt at that prospect, as much as she’d give for Kara to find out exactly how wet she was…they’d barely even started.
She reached down and stroked up through Kara’s folds.  Took gleeful note of how Kara gasped, how she chased the contact with her hips and grabbed for Lena.
“Are you asking me to stop because you’re done or because you think I am?”  She kissed along Kara’s neck, started slow, light circles around her clit.  “Because I’m not even close to done with you, Danvers. But I’ll stop if you want.”
“Oh my god.”
 Writing playlist for this chapter:
           Deceptacon by Le Tigre
           I’m Going Down Like the Titanic by Javi That’s Me
           My Girl by The Temptations
           Kiss by Adiescar Chase
           California Dreamin’ by Chris Lorenzo + High Jinx (for the Metropolis race)
           Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes
           Encounters by bl00dwave
           Wet Dream by Wet Leg
           Little Death by The Beths
           Go Down On You by The Memories
           Chapter theme:  Amour plastique by Videoclub
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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Yooooo I'm the person who commented on your rowing au that I had signed up for a learn-to-row class after reading! that started this week and today was our first day on the water. so they're focusing on sculling which is giving me a run for my money but it's only the 3rd day and I feel like I'm going to LOVE this sport once I get the hang of it!
I love this, it's mindblowing to me that the fic has inspired people to go out and row! I mostly scull, so I absolutely know the feeling haha. Neither sweeping nor sculling is very intutive, but definitely stick with it, it becomes muscle memory eventually! I really hope you do end up loving it! There's nothing better than seeing a sunrise (or sunset) out on the water. Thanks for this great comment!
Fic update for the curious: I had some very intense work stuff that is now resolved (huzzah), so I am writing again. I have an outline + 9k so far. Expect a preview next Wednesday or the Wednesday after.
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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Happy Pride!
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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having read the 1942 run of Wonder Woman, I can confirm that she was always gay/a queer icon
Lynda Carter going off for Pride 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ Month and I'm here for it!
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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YOU hates terfs
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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This Kara with CEO Lena???  Woof woof
watching scenes of cw supergirl where kara just takes getting yelled at/belittled by cat is so funny bc there’s at least 3 instances in pre crisis where kara tears into her boss for being an asshole before quitting and fucking off to her next college/job.
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adventure comics #424
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superman family #208
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superman family #222
truly one of the worst things about cw supergirl is how much they toned down her anger and declawed her. let kara stand up for herself and be a bitch. bring back the kara who tells her boss to drop dead bc hes being a misogynist.
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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All papurrcat hits, but this one hits different...off to go write
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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“Public libraries are such important, lovely places!” Yes but do you GO there. Do you STUDY there. Do you meet friends and get coffee there. Do you borrow the FREE, ZERO SUBSCRIPTION, ZERO TRACKING books, audiobooks, ebooks, and films. Have you checked out their events and schemes. Do you sign up for the low cost courses in ASL or knitting or programming or writing your CV that they probably run. Do you know they probably have myriad of schemes to help low income families. Do you hire their low cost rooms if you need them. Have you joined their social groups. Do you use the FREE COMPUTERS. Do you even know what your library is trying to offer you. Listen, the library shouldn’t just exist for you as a nice idea. That’s why more libraries shut every year
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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- based on a quote from norwegian wood by haruki murakami
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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supercorp + tumblr text posts
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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a mini supercorp comic!
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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For the ask game:
Supercorp fic where Lena runs a popular webseries/blog about plants and plant care and Kara (one of her avid subscribers) is absolutely hapless when it comes to keeping plants alive and is constantly asking Lena for help only to fail spectacularly. Lena is *convinced* Kara is fucking with her on purpose, and kinda sorta hates her virtual guts
Lena isn’t naive.
When she made the decision to set up a discord server for her plant vlog’s followers, she knew there was a possibility things might get messy. After all, even while remaining anonymous — she can practically hear her PR team screaming at the idea of Lena Luthor running her own verified social media account — her comment section has always been 45% earnest compliments and questions from beginner botanists and 55% unabashed thirst over her sexy hands and soothing voice. Lena imagined any possible frustration caused by having to sidestep the occasional untoward overture would be worth the satisfaction she gets from teaching fellow hobbyists to take better care of their plants. It’s nice to feel like she’s being appreciated, for a change, to be allowed to play hero in a small way, different from L-Corp’s high-stakes idealism or Supergirl’s histrionic stunts.
(She still hasn’t managed to set up a meeting with National City’s super-powered alien in residence, but she’s certain it will be any day now.)
Lena couldn’t have predicted that the most aggravating individual on her server wouldn’t turn out to be a persistent suitor, but rather a member of the plant-loving minority.
If the violence this ‘Kvers’ person routinely inflicts on their houseplants can be considered love.
Why are my plant’s leaves yellowing? had been this idiot’s first, innocuous ask. Moments later, they’d followed it up with a picture of the brown, crisp remains of what Lena had only vaguely recognized must at one point have been a vibrant green ZZ plant.
Because it’s fucking dead, Lena had wanted to reply, suggesting instead Is it possible it’s near a window where it gets too much direct light?
My place does get a good amount of sun, Kvers had responded. I kind of prefer it that way. Lena had given her a list of plants that would fare better in those conditions, and hoped that would be that.
But it didn't end there; it’s actually only gotten worse. Kvers is in Lena’s notifications what feels like every other day now with fresh doubts and queries. Why do you even have plants, Lena is tempted to respond half the time, when it’s obvious you’re too much of a moron to even be trusted to take care of yourself?
Are banana plants supposed to tear this easily? comes the next question, combined with a picture of a Dwarf Cavendish that looks to have been ripped to shreds by a wind stronger than the average tornado.
“What the fuck,” Lena mumbles to herself. Some tearing is to be expected, they’re pretty frail, she replies, before snapping and adding I advise placing it a little further away from that jet engine you must have set up in your living room, however in a disgruntled huff.
Kvers sends her only a 😳 in response.
A fresh victim is presented to her a few days later, along with Kvers’s desperate plea of Can this little guy still be saved?
Pictured is the saddest Boston fern Lena has seen in her entire life: it’s bruised grey-brown and beige where it should be a vivid emerald, and when Lena clicks the image to enlarge, she finds herself frowning at what looks like a dusting of frost still clinging to the fronds.
Ferns can recover from freezing conditions but only if their roots weren’t also affected, Lena replies very professionally, her fingers shaking with silent outrage. Though I don’t understand why you’d keep a potted fern outdoors when it’s that cold. She’s beginning to wonder if this Kvers person is a genuine imbecile or an abusive prankster. Where do you live that you’re dealing with these weather conditions in August? she demands.
Oh, um, Kvers replies and then, after a few starts and stops, Southern California.
So Kvers is absolutely fucking with her.
It takes a week before they’re asking for Lena’s input again. This buddy is looking a little rough today, they post, do you think a good soak could help perk it back up?
The miserable money tree pictured is barely clinging to life. Lena peers through the furious red haze descending over her vision and swears it looks like its few remaining leaves are singed.
Lena’s patience has run out. Are you serious? she asks. Did someone burn your building down?
Small kitchen accident Kvers has the audacity to reply.
It’s the final straw in every sense of the word. Lena will not stand for this blatant abuse a moment longer, especially if it’s done exclusively for the purpose of getting her attention. Before she can think too much about it, before her rage recedes, she sends Kvers a direct message announcing she’s coming by for a home consultation.
Where in SoCal are you exactly?
As it turns out, Kvers is right here, in National City.
She’s also a bafflingly attractive — though fidgety — blonde.
Blue eyes widen and pink lips part when she answers the door, her shoulders so broad and her arms so beefy she takes up most of the space in the doorway to her loft. Lena probably wouldn’t be able to see past her, at her endangered plants beyond, if she still wanted to.
But she can tell her loft is well-lit, like she’d mentioned — she’s framed by the sun’s dying rays, her hair and skin golden and shimmering in a way not entirely of this earth.
This explains so much, Lena realizes, relieved. The wind. The frost. The burns.
Her would-be adversary is wearing glasses and her hair is up, and her flustered demeanor seems so awkwardly genuine that Lena wonders if the image this woman projects when she’s dressed in her more familiar reds and blues is the act — if this awestruck, faded-jeans-clad cutie is the real person that’s hiding underneath.
She looks far more human than Lena would have imagined.
“You’re Lena Luthor,” she finally manages to stutter out.
Lena regards her evenly. “Good to finally meet you,” she says, and, dropping her voice a little, “Supergirl.”
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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filament-max · 3 years ago
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