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Since I have not been able to do a gender reveal due to my high risk pregnancy and being back and forth to UCSF here it is. 

Mia Theresa is expected 12.7.16

The doctors at UCSF have already told me due to going into preterm labor twice in the last month that Mia will more than likely be here before 37 weeks. I am 33 weeks today(10.19.16) so within the next 4 weeks I will get to meet my daughter if UCSF is correct. 

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If you are WTTC, TTC, PREGNANT or already a MOMMY or a DAD please reblog this

So i can follow you all and so i can see how many of us are here

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I need to follow more blogs so; reblog this if you are:

a mumblr

a pregblr

TTC

WTTC

post a lot about babies/pregnancy

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Are you having a boy or girl? So excited for you!

I’m not telling yet. I’ll post the pics of the gender reveal I’m doing at the baby shower October 15th

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27 weeks along. 

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UPDATE:

I’ve noticed I haven’t been here in a while. It’s been so great and honestly I will probably keep it the way it has been. I have so many other things I am focusing my energy on right now and this place is toxic anyways. However, I know there are a few people who follow me here and only here and I’ve already been asked a few times what’s been going on with my mental stability/emotional state, my pregnancy, and my relationship with Alex. 

I feel like I should start at the end of the list honestly because he has so much to do with both other topics.  Alex: The two of us are not currently together. I have come to the realization that our relationship was extremely toxic and unhealthy. We were not in a good spot with each other for quit some time and honestly I don’t feel this baby is going to make anything better. Alex wasn’t very supportive in the beginning but has since changed his mind and come around completely. He is very excited for the birth of our child later this year and has tried to help as much as he can while being out of town working. Alex has already set aside a chunk of money for after the baby is born and he has bought a few things to keep for the baby at his house when s/he stays with him. He has taken me to pick up some diapers and a few outfits for the baby and I do really think he is going to be an amazing father. He has also started singing a new tune when it comes to the two of us. Apparently he has seen the light and has realized he does love me and he does want to be with me. He has told me on numerous occasions within the last month that he wants to make things right between us. He told me to start looking at engagement rings and to pick a few I liked so he could pick one for me. He wants us to be a family and in a few years would like to have another baby. While I am relieved that we are no longer constantly arguing and screaming at each other both over the phone and in person, Alex and I will not be getting back together in the foreseeable future. Since Alex and I have split I have done a lot of thinking and with the meditation I’ve been doing I have found some clarity. I have also began a new relationship. The guy that I started seeing has been a friend of mine for a while now and while I didn’t notice before hand, recently I had started to notice he was rather attractive. Not only that but I began to realize how much I smiled when I was around him and how much he made me laugh. We have many things in common and since I started seeing him I have been so much more happy. He is very understanding and has been so helpful with anything and everything I have needed help with. He is very caring and I can honestly say I am not only very happy I found something with him, but I know i am very blessed. After Alex I didn’t think I would be able to open myself up to someone else. I didn’t think I would be able to give myself so openly and with such a carefree ease. Things between Joe and I are very easy. and I have not been under any stress while I’ve been with him, I haven’t cried, we haven’t argued (I’m sure that will probably come with time as conflicts arise but it hasn’t happened yet.) Things with him are very good. He makes it very easy to be happy and he makes it very easy for me to be happy.  Alex isn’t very pleased that I have moved on, I’m fairly certain that is because he is jealous that I could find happiness with someone else, or that he is upset I am no longer chasing after him and making myself unhappy. We have talked already though and he agrees no matter what happens between the two of us, this baby  should not have to suffer in anyway. We will not use our child as a pawn to be vindictive towards one another and we will always put the needs of him/her before our own. Alex knows I am not trying to shove him out of our child's life by being with someone else and Joe knows that I do not want him to try to replace Alex in anyway. So far, things are going great with all of this; however, I know the dynamic of things between the three of us will mostly change after the baby is born I am prepared for whatever happens, and no matter what my child comes first. 

Mental stability/emotional state: My antepartum depression isn’t bothering me quit as much. I have been doing prenatal yoga, meditation, I’m on a super healthy food program that my midwife helped me create and is helping me stick to. All around I’m doing a whole lot better mentally and emotionally.  My Pregnancy: I am currently 27 weeks along, they are testing me for gestational diabetes, I have been told I have preeclampsia, they also want to run tests to see if I have PCOS. They are hopeful in the fact I don’t PCOS; however, there are many things currently that do point to that but I am aware of the fact it could be a number of other things. My preeclampsia isn’t bad at all currently, my midwife is very hopeful that I will be able to overcome this very easily with more relaxation and staying on the proper “diet”. My midwife has also told me that if the test for gestational diabetes comes back positive that it is very “treatable” and has extreme faith that me and the baby will be just fine considering I have cut out a lot of the negative sugars when I switched my eating habits per doctors request. The baby is very healthy though, other than a very small blurry spot they detected on the heart during one of my last ultrasounds. I have had another ultrasound since that one and while the spot is not gone, it has not grown either and I was told that even though it is a soft marker for down syndrome all my other genetic testing has come back negative and that the spot is more than likely a calcium deposit. My midwife has told me they are going to schedule one more ultrasound to look at it again in a few weeks but that I can request to go to SanFran and have a level two ultrasound done if I am worried. Seeing as how the doctor, midwife, and ultrasound technician have not expressed much concern I have decided to wait to schedule the level two ultrasound in SanFran until after my third trimester has started. I know I am nearly there and since I have one more ultrasound I’m going to wait till after that. If they detect that something has changed with the spot I will schedule the level two immediately but I am very hopeful that the doctor is right and that everything will be okay.  So there you go, if anyone is curious about anything else, or about anything pertaining to anything I posted here feel free to inbox me and I’ll get to it when I get the chance. Please don’t be rude when inboxing me, I am doing my best to stay positive through all of this and I would appreciate nothing but support. If you don’t plan on giving support then at least try to be kind when giving your criticism because there is no need to be rude even if you don’t agree with the decisions I’m making. I am more than open to hearing your opinion, even if it doesn’t match mine and I have no problem with that, just.... be courteous to my feelings please, if you can’t do that keep your opinion to yourself. 

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I suffered horrendously with prenatal depression. Take all the help and support you can get -it won't magically go away when baby is here. You've nothing to be ashamed of, it's far more common than you'd think. Xx

Yeah, I'm learning that. I'm doing prenatal yoga and once every 2 weeks I go to a support group thing. Its helping a lot

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So I haven't told anyone yet because I'm honestly afraid of what people will say and I just don't want to deal with it but, I've been diagnosed with antepartum depression and I'm awaiting my referral to a therapist. I never thought that me of all people would need therapy for depression while I was pregnant. I'm not in anyway depressed about having the baby. I'm not depressed about being pregnant either. The Dr said she is nearly positive it has something to do with my relationship with the baby's father(my ex) and with the stress of moving and with all the other "complications" (for lack of a better word) medical wise, that have been thrown at me during this pregnancy. I'm not posting this so I can get attention or sympathy. I'm posting this because I haven't even had the courage to call my mom and tell her yet. I'm posting this because I needed to get it out of my own head and out into the world in some way so that I could learn to better cope with it. I'm posting this because I'm tired of caring this weight by myself and at least if I post it here, others will have the chance to see it even if they don't care. I'm posting this because I'm tired of pretending to be okay and I'm tired of pretending to be strong.

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I haven't been here in a while but I need to get this off my chest and I'm unsure if I want to post this on FB right now.

You want to talk about being a single mom? Fine lets talk about it. Try finding out your pregnant when you're in the middle of a break up. Try explaining to the father of this child that you will not be forced, coercered, or manipulated into an abortion all while trying to find a job. Try dealing with your pregnancy hormones on top of the break up and then add onto it you have to find a new place to live because you lived with your now exboyfriend. Try doing all of this without transportation. Add onto that the fact that your family can literally do nothing because you moved 12.5 hours away from them to be with this guy who you're not with anymore. Don't forget the fact you're only getting more pregnant so your hormones are only getting stronger. Oh, and don't forget the fact that you're still foolishly in love with your ex and it's only harder now because you're pregnant with his child. Then factor in that you're not the only "baby mama" and his other baby mama is a manipulating lunatic who he once bad mouthed but now for some reason would sing her name on high. Don't forget you've never raised a child and nefews aren't really the same thing. Don't forget you're a nervous wreck over half the time because you're afraid. You're afraid of screwing up, you're afraid you won't find someone who wants to be with you now because you're about to be a mom, you're afraid you'll never get over your ex, you're even afraid you don't want to get over ex because for some reason you hold onto some tiny shred of hope he might still love you and want to be a family, you're afraid he won't help, you're afraid you'll do this all on your own and you're afraid because you literally have no idea what you're doing. You're lonely, you're scared, you're tired, you're stressed out, and all you want in this world other than for your baby to be safe is for your tool of an ex to hold you and tell you everything will be okay and you're hurt because you know he doesn't even want to see you. Try feeling all those things and remember your baby is coming and you have 1 pack of diapers, 1 thing of wipes and 1 onsie and his family hasn't reached out to you. His family hasn't offered to help, they haven't asked how you're doing or how the baby is doing. You are literally alone and that isn't going to change after you have the baby so there won't be anyone to watch the baby while you take a shower. There won't be a quick childless walk around the block. It will be you and those diapers. You and those tears. You and those endless hours of worrying even when the baby isn't crying. Don't feed me that "you can't talk until you have kids" bullshit. I'm expecting one right now and I already face all of this. I know this is what my life is going to be. I know my ex, the father of this baby, doesn't give a shit. I know, obviously by the radio silence, that his family doesn't give a shit. I know I have to get a job and figure this shit out because even after the baby comes, guess who isn't going to get child support: that's right, me. You want to say you'll call me out every damn time, well here you go sweetie, perfect opportunity for you. Don't fucking tell me you have it hard, you have no fucking clue what it's like to live in my shoes. You don't feel this pain or panick I feel and I will go as far to say you never have. You took his child on your own accord. It was your choice, you bounced to different guys so you didn't have to support yourself. You sucked him dry of nearly all his money in child support and then continued to play head games to continue to manipulate and use him. I wanted to be vindictive and cruel like you and I wanted to do things that I knew would hurt him, but I couldn't do it because I didn't lie to him while we were together when I told him that I loved him and you just don't do things like that to the people you love. So please, miss me with your bullshit. I see right through your games, manipulation, and cruelty. I am no where near as crazy as you, nor am I as mentally unstable. I have faults and I know that. I'm not perfect and that's okay. At the end of the day I know no matter what I am learning to love myself the way I deserve to be loved because it's become blatantly obvious to me the person I thought loved me that way obviously is too immature to do it because he's still playing into your lies and manipulation and no grown man would be stupid enough to fall for your shit. Your right though, the only thing our children have in common is their daddy. But what that means is, while he's stuck with me for the rest of his life, so are you. Trust me, I'm not thrilled about it either but I would never deny my child the chance to know there sibling even if it meant I had to put up with a manipulating liar like you.

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🌸ways to support pregnant women/new mothers🌸

🌸 stop telling us we will change our minds about things. do you know how undermining and rude that is? telling us our pregnancy plans or parenting ideals will change is SO deeply hurtful. stop. the number one reason we go back on our plans is because of people undermining us. even if we don’t tell you openly that you’ve hurt us, we will remember it and always be wary of you afterward

🌸 if we have certain rules, follow them. don’t think that just because you’re close to us you can get away with things that others can’t. it hurts more when someone close to us ignores our birth plan or house rules. If you’re a close friend or family member then you’re the person who needs to be helping others understand our rules, not helping undermine them

🌸it’s none of your business, remember that. you don’t have the right to question our reasoning for certain decisions because it’s not your birth and not your baby. your job is to make us feel accepted, so don’t ask questions unless you’re truly coming from a place where you want to understand and expand your knowledge

🌸if you visit our house soon after birth please have a reason other than seeing our baby…like helping. bring a frozen meal or breast pads or diapers etc but also keep to reasonable boundaries, some people don’t like others in their space so please don’t start cleaning unless you ask us first. and don’t expect to hold our baby for extended periods of time (or at all) because they are not toys and they need their mother more than anything.

🌸think before you speak. we are so incredibly fragile throughout our postpartum period. we need to feel empowered, loved, understood - not judged. only offer advice if we ask for it or you can truly see we need help, and if we state that we disagree or think something else will work: LISTEN

🌸if our baby cries hand them back immediately unless stated otherwise

🌸chocolate. buy us chocolate

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12 weeks 6 days <3 Can't wait till next month when I get to find out if I'm having a boy or a girl <3

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I've been too lazy to take a pic of my belly from the side this week. Hopefully out next ultrasound will tell Alex and I if we're having a son or a daughter <3

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I really want to learn sign language. Has anyone taught themselves through online resources that you could recommend??

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My pregnancy app journal today

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So I'm earlier than I thought and there is only one baby. 8 weeks 1 day today. EDD:12-7-16th My next ultrasound is May 31 and I'll be 12 weeks and I'll get to hear the baby's heartbeat.

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