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who cares about the troops. what about older sisters

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anyone else feel like god is just toying with u however he pleases . he thinks hes so funny . well im about to be hilarious

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But seriously, if alien PLANTS ever show up, citrus and oaks are going to be trying to breed with them IMMEDIATELY. 

We make fun of ourselves for being willing to fuck aliens, but I guarantee you that citrus and oaks are right there with us, aggressively trying to cross-pollinate with any new and interesting conquests. 

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“ive connected the dots” “you didnt connect shit” “ive connected them” is by far the best thing to have come out of buzzfeed unsolved it is so incredibly funny. the poses. the confidence. i can feel the tone. its incredible. 

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Art By IG: @vskafandre

direk izle Instagram: @artwoonz

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i just hate how impulsively extroverted i get when i’m out in public or around people i want to impress, because the second i’m alone all i can think about is how annoying they probably thought i was or how i dumb i sounded

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 If there was a zombie apocalypse the best place to go would be Target.

Lets look at the facts:

Targets have at maximum 3 windows. And those windows are also doors. Otherwise they are giant concrete cinder-blocks of prison like retail. 

Target is filled with things to quickly barricade those window-doors. such as entire gazebos, lawn furniture, exercise equipment, etc. 

From that point forward all you have to do is worry about the zombies that are inside.

Target has an intercom system, which if accessed by the correct people can be used to quickly spread information and mobilize people to get things done. 

Target has a large section of both perishable and non perishable food items. 

Target also has a vast entertainment section. (how many societies have collapsed due to conflict spurred by stress and boredom. HOW MANY)

Target’s roof can be easily accessed for surveillance, gathering of rainwater (with the many buckets and mini pools target has. and all water can be boiled in the Starbucks kitchen) and sniping.

Target’s insulation would make the harsh winter months significantly more bearable.

Before the power goes out, Target has sun lights (which is why its not sad inside like in so many other stores… cough Sears cough) so people who have SAD won’t get depressed. Also, Target is large and designed to feel homey so people wont go stir crazy as fast like they do in jails.

When the power goes out, Target has large industrial generators that can be turned on in emergencies like for cooking. 

Speaking of cooking, Target has several kitchens inside of it. And once the power goes, guess what Target also sells? Grills. 

Target also has a pharmacy. And medical supplies. So, people inside who need meds to function have a hell of a lot longer time to live unencumbered by their illness than they normally would. 

Some targets have tools–including power tools.

Target also has a tiny jail. For miscreants and rabble rousers.

Bedding. Real Bedding

Reliable indoor plumbing.

I think you could reasonably live for at least two years inside a Target before completely running out of anything vital– provided food is well rationed. And even so, the only thing you’d be sending out scouts for is food. Everything else would last for ages.  

Provided that the population not exceed 200, Target would run out of these things in this order:

perishable food.

electricity

Potable water (that doesn’t require work)

Non perishable pre-made food items

Non perishable food ingredients (flour, mixes, etc) How to survive in a Target: Action plan. Undoubtedly, everyone will be rushing and screaming in the Target. First someone has to break into the manager’s office and commandeer the intercom to create some organization by shouting: If you do not want to stay and survive in the Target, leave now.  After that’s cleared up and only interested parties and zombies are left. the barricading can begin. Once the doors and windows are sealed, the new goal is to clear the undead from the usable space.The undead can be deposited neatly outside of the truck loading dock doors. Then, someone needs to do inventory. For the next week or so, food needs to be arranged by date consumed and a rationing chart should be made. Same applies to medicine and medical supplies and toiletries. After food and water has been qualified and quantified,  remaining time should be dedicated to turning target into a large “home”, Bedding should be laid out in one area, there should be an entertainment area. There should be a separate area for children and babies. All of the clothing should be pushed to the side or placed in the storage area, so there is more livable space.  I’m sure people have more ideas but that’s all I’ve got.

This has been brought to you with love by,

Not gonna die. 

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my hand…… needs…. to be…………….. held….

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if you dissociate hard enough you can eavesdrop on conversations you’re a part of

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demon: youre a bitch

me: *starts closing the summoning circle*

demon: wait i gotta tell you some important ancient knowledge

me: *keeps it open*

demon: bitch

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I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

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the real secret to immortality? not dying. you want to be immortal? ok. easy. just don’t die. that’s it. refuse to die. there you go

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Ouija Boards

White People In Movies™: We offer this blood of five as an UNHOLY offering to the spirit of Madeleine Rose! We beseech thee, MANIFEST! *pours some nasty liquid in a bowl*

Me at 10 PM with a bowl of melting ice cream: Come thru Granny I got snacks

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Best way to banish a spirit: Throwing salt while yelling “does this look like a goddamn hotel to you?!”

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s/o to the me in the alternate universe where i have halloween plans i hope she looks hot

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