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fish-n-chips · 2 years

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okay, so apparently there's something that needs to be discussed, because no matter how many times i have said this or variations of this, people don't seem to want to listen.

let's have a conversation, me to you. if you're on my blog checking for updates about my current fics, or if you're reading my fics and this is your first stop here, read this. it's very important, because apparently i have to lay all of this out just to feel like im not a fucking imposition in this fandom for simply existing.

i am not a celebrity.

let me repeat. I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. i am not "famous". i have a stupid fucking job and i go about my silly little life just like the rest of you do. i have good days, and i have bad ones. i get sick. i have regrets. ive hurt people. ive made mistakes. i listen to music and love to laugh. im living. im literally just out here living. and i write fanfiction that some people just so happen to like—but this is not a universal experience. some people don't like it. some people don't like me. that is okay, and frankly, i do not care. im just a guy. im just a person, that is IT. i don't care about how many kudos or hits or what the fuck ever i have on my fics; i don't even look, because that's not what im writing them for. what i care about is comments from people about the story, that's what i love, that's what i look for—and, at the end of the day, if i got no comments at all, i would still continue to write and post because i enjoy writing. that's it. it's that plain and simple.

stop treating me like im a celebrity because im not. it's okay to say you like my fics and even that you like me! it's okay to say that one of my fics are your favorite or even that im your favorite writer, only in the instance that it's not to put anyone else down. it's okay to appreciate and enjoy what ive created and shared, and even reach out to let me know that, because i appreciate and enjoy hearing it.

what's not okay is to use me/my fics to dismiss any other writer. it's not okay to treat me like im on a pedestal higher than anyone else, or that im better than anyone else; you can't even imagine the anxiety and pressure i feel because of this, because there's this pressing demand for things and expectations to fulfill to the point that i am often genuinely anxious about sharing a new chapter because im worried ill disappoint someone and/or get backlash or hate for it before i can even explain the point behind it all, and the worst part about that is, im not even writing for anyone but myself and then sharing it with all of you, so the fact that i—and many other writers—can end up feeling this way is a testament to how writers in this fandom are treated. what's not okay is thinking you are in any way entitled to information about me, be that my personal life, where i live, what i do, what my sexuality and gender is, or anything else that in no way impacts any of you at all.

i am not timotheé chalamet. im not someone to "follow" or someone that "influences". i am not a celebrity. i am just a person. treat me as such.

i am not the only jegulus writer

do you even know how many jegulus fics there are? as of right now, when i just checked, there are 3749. i am the author of 4, so there are 3745 fics with jegulus that i did not create. i am not the sole person making this jegulus portion of the fandom go around. in fact, statistically, ive contributed very little because ive literally only been in the fandom and writing fics for it since april of 2022, this year. literally six months. the fandom existed before me and will exist after me, and to insinuate that other people aren't just as important/involved because im one people talk about a lot is not only harmful to other people who do plenty for this fandom, but also harmful to me. do you have any idea what that feels like?

to not feel welcome in spaces because you're getting attention you never asked for or planned to have, and that attention can turn negative to other people who have been here longer, written more, or just created so many other lovely things? do you have any idea how guilt-inducing it is to know or see that i have in some way been used to hurt someone else, be that through comparing my writing/fics/characterization to anyone else's or simply nitpicking other writer's updating schedules because they either aren't like mine or don't work around mine? do you have any idea how isolating it is to feel the need to tiptoe around my own space out of some sort of fear or worry that im annoying others because of popularity i literally never even asked for? can you even imagine how frustrating it is that i have to cultivate my own space in a way i don't really want to just for the sake of avoiding drama and/or hate, like id love to turn my anons on and allow people that opportunity to share things that they don't feel comfortable doing with their identity attached, or even give those that only ever feel comfortable on anon a chance to speak to me; that's an entire portion of people i can't even interact with because the amount of hate and just plain rude asks that goes around this fandom is fucking horrific, and it would take probably about three anons to tell me to kill myself before i would begin to entertain the idea that maybe i should—like, that's a chilling thing to read, to realize, but this isn't a fucking "sticks and stones break my bones, words can never hurt me" type of situation here; words do fucking hurt, and im not going to pretend they don't just because so many people think being mean is synonymous with being funny.

do you know how terrifying and anxiety-inducing it is to be held under a microscope at all times where you can't even make a move or make one mistake without people dogpiling on you for every little thing? like fuck it, il say it, i don't even know soph or interact with them in the least, but by god, she cant do one fucking thing in this fandom without at least one person absolutely ripping her to shreds over it, when they're a human being like everyone else and deserves common courtesy regardless of the fact that she's the author of choices, a popular and well-known fic that brings visibility to them. and then there's yaz, who got shitty treatment because one person had a bad take about their characterization—and yes, it was a bad take, and im not afraid to say that either—and literally so many people just jumped on the bandwagon bc oh, well, everyone else is doing it, so goodness i must join in and be a part of this crowd that's attacking this popular writer now! can you even imagine how stifling it is to know that you're in a space—ONLINE, MIND YOU—where you're not allowed to grow, to learn, to become better and do better? like, we are all here, this is not real life, we are literally just here to try and have fun and enjoy things we love, that's it. none of us are better than the other. none of us are competing. we're here in harmony, coexisting, and that means sometimes we are friends, and that also means that sometimes we are not friends and we are simply sharing the same space, but we are all a part of the same fucking space, and it is immensely limiting and restricting to act like any of us own this space. we don't. no one does.

i am not a machine

look, straight up, the entitlement of some people in this fandom is downright ridiculous. you want this, you want that, you want the story written this way, no not that way, this way, you want it to be faster, you want it to be longer, you want it to be shorter, you want it to be more spaced out, you want it on this day and that day but no, not that day, this one, and you want this side pairing, but you don't like that one, and you want more of this representation, you want less of this trope, you don't like this character, and you don't agree with how this part is written, you want them to get together already, you want that one to be shorter, and that one has to be taller, and you want this dynamic and that funny moment, you want the update now, you want it right now, you want everything right now now now.

okay, pause. a couple of things:

when you open up a WIP, this is your decision to read a fanfiction that is not yet finished and could—*knocks on wood to ward away the evil*—be abandoned. you chose to do that, because you could absolutely just sort by completed fics on ao3. here ill even show you how.

(continued) see, you click on the filter button and it opens up that tab as shown above, and ive highlighted there where you can click "completion status" and choose "complete works only" which will get rid of all fics that are still works in progress/incomplete/still being posted. and that means you won't have to read fics that aren't already done and all right there for you. if you're choosing to read WIPs, then that means you are signing onto a journey! it's a beautiful thing, truly, and it comes with the understanding that you will be along for the ride. you are not steering. you don't get to decide when and where to stop, or take a detour. this is not your journey. you are just joining in on the journey. there was a time way back in the fandom day when people didn't even tell you update days or post on a schedule; they literally just tossed chapters out into the wild like days or weeks or months or years apart, and the response was always just like: thank you, good soup, i will be here to collect more the moment you have made it. i have fics on ff net that have not updated in years that i would run to—and have—the moment an update dropped. it's a journey. i am on it and happy to be here.

another thing! if you're reading something and you do not like it, then a) simply stop reading it, and b) go write what you do like! literally be the creativity you want to see in this world. if you want something to go a certain way in a fic, and it didn't, then go write your own fic. "but i can't write" yes you can. there's an app for that. multiple, actually. like, genuinely, go put your time and energy into creating something that you want to see instead of harshly demanding it from others, or making someone feel like shit for not doing it the way you wanted them to. you go do it, then see how it feels when someone hits you with "why is it taking you so long to update?" and "why didn't you write this pairing?" and "this is out of character because MY headcannon isn't the same as yours" and "i hate that you went this route" because i guarantee you if you're out there making demands for something from writers, then you're not a person who writes at all, because you'd know better, you'd know it's not that simple/easy, you'd know that creative liberty is a lovely tool that we all have the right to use, and you'd know how fucking exhausting it is to be treated like you're simply an output machine meant to appease everyone. and, if you're a writer who does these things, just. what the fuck?

like, we are not workers behind a production line fulfilling orders that you get to make. what we are is someone who is creating something and sitting it in the window of our little shop so you can stop by and look at it if you like, perhaps compliment it, or just keep walking if you don't like it or it holds no interest to you. if you want to send a prompt or ask kindly to see if maybe someone wants to write something, then that's entirely okay, if that's something the writer wants and is open to. but expecting it? demanding it? not okay. maybe give it a try doing it yourself before you think you're entitled to get it.

i care about people more than my fics

ive said this before and i will say it again. there are real life people behind these screens just like im a real life person behind my words. WE MATTER MORE THAN FANFICTION. the person writing the fic matters more than the fic itself. the person reading the fic matters more than the fic itself. you know how writers look out for readers? we tag and warn properly, to the absolute best of our abilities (or most do). how do readers look out for writers? we (and yes, me too, because im as much of a reader as i am a writer) treat them with kindness; we give them kudos and comments and share their creation; we even reach out and interact in a community where we celebrate common interests. this is what fandom is about. there is a huge, HUGE tip in the scales in the marauders fandom in this regard, particularly the jegulus portion.

i used to be in the supernatural fandom. ive written destiel fanfiction. i was not a well-known writer (or a big name author, as they're called over there), but i was a huge supporter of some of those that were. did you know that well-known authors there are treated warmly, with respect, and simple kindness? i am begging some of you to join another fandom—no, i don't mean leave this one, i mean join another one on top of this one and get some exposure to what it's like outside of the marauders fandom, or just like, appease that need for content content content by branching out and having more content to love. i still, to this day, read destiel fanfiction. and buddie, and ronance, and snowqueen, and steddie, and hannigram, and bellarke, and bamon, and arthur/eames, etc etc. and like, okay, i get that other things might not be everyone's cup of tea—you might just like this one thing and that is it, and that's okay—but you've gotta accept that you have to be an active participant in making this space a happy/safe/supportive one, or else everyone's just gonna fucking leave.

the way writers in this fandom—at least in this portion of it—are treated is absolutely appalling. some of you out there send hate and think that's just. okay. you shit on fanfics because they're popular or because someone else shit on it or because you continued to read when literally all you had to do was S T O P. you pit writers against each other like any of us wanna do anything other than just fucking write, as if we're in a competition, when this isn't something anyone can win at or wants to??? it's literally a team effort. you shit on writers for not writing what you want, or for having opinions that you don't agree with, or for just daring to create something that a large amount of people like.

and me, personally? im in a catch-22, because i really fucking love writing, and i really love the fics im working on, but sometimes i feel like i can't even cough in this fandom without the response to me/my fics ending up with someone being hurt—and I. DO. NOT. LIKE. THAT. SHIT. it's so, so easy to respect a boundary when a writer explicitly states it. when i ask everyone not to be rude to other writers using me/my fics, then don't! literally just don't. there is no reason you should be in another writer's ask box about my fic or me unless it's to either a) kindly rec my fic/blog because you think they'll genuinely enjoy it or b) discuss my fic/details about my fic. that's all. no going and discussing my update schedule (they do not care, their world does not revolve around me or my mental illness). no going and discussing my writing (if you think it's good, bad, poetry, or literal shit—keep it in the groupchat, babes, no other writer cares, or they're keeping it in their groupchat already, as is their right). no going and telling someone what you think they should/shouldn't or can/can't write because of something i have written (they can do whatever the hell they want and i will personally bring them water and cheer them on the whole way, and i do not factor in what any other writer in this fandom does or doesn't do).

i have said all of this countless, numerous times in every fucking way i know possible, and if you're wondering why the tone of this is so pissed off, it's because i am pissed off. it's because it's not that fucking hard to respect people, and some people simply think that flipping on the anon button means that the common courtesy of being respectful is no longer required, when it absolutely is, perhaps especially because you're anonymous.

i also said if someone was hurt by me/my fics again, i would stop writing and leave, and i meant that, too. the only reason i am still here right now, in this particular moment, and haven't just slapped a furious post informing everyone that crimson rivers is done and i will be leaving the fandom is because people who have done nothing wrong and are so respectful and kind and are invested in this story don't deserve to be treated like that, particularly the very person who was hurt in the first place. i don't want to hate my own fic, okay? i don't want to feel unwelcome in my own space on my own blog. i don't want my presence to have a negative impact on anyone. shit like this does make me hate my own fic, and it does make me wary to be on my own blog, because it has/can negatively impacted other people, and it's not even my fault, so please, i am begging you all to literally just let people be here and have fun. that's it. that's literally it.

tl;dr: don't be fucking rude.

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