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Things I do on a day to day basis that show I have Autism:

Toe walking - So this just started about a month ago and depending on how I am feeling, I will either walk with one foot on my toes or both feet. I don't do it all the time but it just happens randomly.

Eye fixation - I like to stare at objects that move or have a lot of parts that I can play with. Fidget Spinners are the one object I like along with wheels.

Staring into space - From time to time I will stare off into space and stop what I am doing. If there is a lot of things in my mind then when I stare off into space I will play out what is in my head. This was a BIG symptom I was having ever since I was told I had ADHD in 3rd grade. Teachers though I was not paying attention and they would constantly have to get my attention. I was put on medication in 3rd grade because my doctor also though ADHD (with the little symptoms I was showing because I mostly masked a lot of the symptoms). Medication did not work so my parents made me try 4 other ones with no success. Now as an adult I learned that if medication does not work, no ADHD in person.

Moving around - If I have to stand or sit in one place for a while I will be stimming, but otherwise I will just walk around to stim and make myself feel better.

Listen to the same song - If I find a song I like I will have it on repeat for days until I find another song or get bored of it. I constantly have to be listening to music so if I don't hear music, I will have music playing in my head (the song I really like). I remember in 3rd grade a student told me to be quiet because they heard me humming but it was just me stimming and I actually started showing my symptoms of Autism (not ADHD -a teacher diagnosed me - not a Psychologist).

I hope you found this helpful and it gets you to understand when someone would have Autism. I hope this also gets you to understand how someone with Autism deals with their day to day life.

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Sensory Processing Disorder - a BIG part of life for people with Autism

So I never really understood why I didn't like hugging and kissing certain people when I was a kid or why I didn't like wearing long sleeve shirts as a teen, but the more I researched Autism after getting diagnosed in 2018, the more I understood how some people with Autism behave.

As I get older, the more apparent my Sensory Processing Disorder comes to me and I am able to figure out why my senses are out of the norm.

Seeing - I hate bright lights and I hate seeing pictures with dots all over the place.

Smelling - I have a strong sense of smell. At work, if something is burning in the toaster, I will usually be the first to figure it out. I also hate certain smells of perfumes and will really only handle the less pungent ones like Ocean, Vanilla, etc. Side note, there was this teacher in 8th grade that would wear heavy perfume and when you smelled it in the hallways you knew exactly which teacher it was walking the halls.

Tasting - I dislike meat and the texture of when it is dry like it is overcooked. I prefer juicy meat. I will eat meat but I will be coming g in my head if the texture is not right. I also dislike Oranges because of how meaty they are but I can do Clementines. Chunks in my ice cream is a big no no. The only thing I can eat is smooth ice cream with a sauce on top or if there is Cookie Dough pieces in it because it is soft.

Hearing - I keep telling myself that I have Bat Ears because I am always listening and I think it is because of TaeKwonDo and the fact that at work I am being called by the managers to do something. TKD has taught me to always be alert so that is why I feel like a Bat. I also will usually be the first to hear a door open and see who is coming through. A big no no is loud noises. Just recently I hate loud music which I loved growing up. I also started disliking when people shouted really loud in TaeKwonDo.

Touching - I hate wearing long sleeve shirts. I am ok with hoodies and jackets, but normal long sleeve shirts and sweatshirts are a big no. I have so many long sleeve shirts in my closet collecting dust because I just stopped wearing them when they irritated me. Short sleeves all the way. I did get use to wearing my TKD Uniform but I still prefer short sleeves. I also hate Crew Socks because of how high they go up the leg and irritate me. 100% Cotton t-shirts are also a dislike but I learned to tolerate them because a lot of shirts are made from that material. I prefer to wear shirts that have Polyester in it.

Touching (the other side of the coin) - I only like hugging/touching certain people (and vise versa) and I just wish people would just look at me and think of consent first before touching me. I know people don't know this side of me and are still learning (that is why I don't get mad), but just PLEASE ask me first if I want to hug or touch or do anything because I don't want to ensue a meltdown because of it. Kissing is a big no no. I never liked kissing my family on the cheek as a kid and I don't like it to this day. They all stopped when I did which was good so I am grateful for that.

Hope you learned more about me.

PLEASE don't hesitate to send questions and comments my way. I am here to teach all about who I am and what Autism does for me. I love educating others and answering questions.

Even though I have so many things going on because of my Autism, I still love myself and what I am willing to do because of it.

Sending love 😘

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So, I stim.

I have been stimming since I was a kid and never knew it was an issue and part of Autism which could of helped me get diagnosed earlier but I always hid my symptoms (also called masking).

I try to keep my hands busy (always on phones which is bad for vision and health) so I got an Infinity Cube.

I also like to put different objects in my mouth to keep my mind busy so I got some chew necklaces.

I also found out that my humming of the same song over and over again is a stim. It is another thing to keep my mind busy and I have been doing it since 1st grade.

As I recall things from the past and do my research, I am learning more and more about the symptoms and how I had Autism since I was born.

There is nothing wrong with being different, I had to keep telling myself this over and over since I always hated myself before I got diagnosed in 2018.

I am slowly trying to educate others so that they can be loving and supportive of me and how I function in day to day life since I never got an answer as to why I was having issues growing up (more on my next post).

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I have Autism.

I actually had it since I was a baby but my parents never knew until I was an adult. I finally got diagnosed in 2018 at the age of 23 after seeing three therapist in my life who either didn't know my issue or thought I had Autism but wasn't treating me correctly. I wish I would of came out sooner but was afraid of what people would say.

Ever since I was a toddler, I was so good at masking my symptoms of Autism and pretending to fit in with other people that my parents were never told to take me to a professional for diagnosis.

Fun fact, my 3rd grade teacher actually said I had ADD so I ended up in special needs classes even though the classes were too easy for me (I was smart).

After being diagnosed with Autism, I did some counceling with the same lady who diagnosed me. I found out about her from the third therapist I saw when I was an adult.

I need up opening up more and because more communicative because of her and I can't be more grateful for her.

Here are symptoms I currently have since birth that are traits of Autism so you can understand who I am as a person:

1. Masking - hiding symptoms to fit in with others and not stand out to be different.

2. Communication issues - not doing well in group settings and other ways of communication. I actually am ok with talking on the phone depending on situation and if I need to talk to someone one on one, it is hard to start the conversation and keep it going unless it is about a topic I am passionate about. I would always write letters or send emails to my parents and other people in order to communicate along with text messages because I don't have to see the person's reaction. I also will have a hard time communicating while keeping eye contact so I will talk while staring at something else.

3. Stimming - humming, moving hands around, holding something, chewing on Objects, etc.

4. Sensory Issues - texture of foods and clothing, hearing (can hear anything loud or soft).

5. Small talk - practicing what I am going to say to someone in my head so I feel comfortable saying it when I do walk up to them. There would also be times where I would have the words in my head but I just say silent and stare at the person. Also, trying to talk to someone about my interest. If anyone talks about something I don't care about, I try to engage in the conversation but deep down I want to walk away.

6. Doing the same thing over and over - when I was a baby my parents said that I never crawled but instead rolled. I would start in the living room and end up in the kitchen. I would do this multiple times a day back and forth.

7. Starring at objects - I love fidgit spinners and other objects I can play with and see move over and over. I also love to see how different objects work so I would play and stare at it for a long time. I will end up not paying attention to others because of it.

8. Getting fixated on the same tasks - people with Autism have special interests and will focus on learning the interest in full. I do this with exercising (working out, gaining muscle/loosing weight), computers (tech, electronics), TaeKwonDo, Korean culture and language, adolescents and puberty, etc.

9. Getting overwhelmed with so many tasks - if someone gives me a big list of tasks to do, I will freak out and have to slowly go through the list one by one. Also, cleaning the dishes and my room takes a long time to do because it is a lot and it overwhelms me like crazy.

10. Meltdowns - I only do this when I am at home because I feel like I will get judged in public so when I get overwhelmed I will keep the feelings inside which developed stress. I will have meltdowns when I don't want something or things aren't going my way. When I was in fifth grade, I started having meltdowns and I would run to my room, scream, slam the door and trow objects. My parents would always yell at me and call me a "baby." Once the meltdowns happen, I will just need to be alone to let it happen but I really would love someone to just cuddle with me to make me feel better. When the situation is going on, my communication will just shut down and I won't be able to say why I'm upset until the end.

11. Plans for the day/week - every week I plan for what I am going to do that week and if any of that changes, I have to know at least three days in advance so I can reschedule or find something else. I don't deal well with last minute plans or changes because I will have a meltdown. One day, one of my fitness classes was cancelled an hour before I was to leave and I ended up having to do a class I did not want to do because I coukdn't find anything else that would work for my current schedule.

12. Changes in routine - similar to previous trait, but if I have been doing something the same way for a long time and it changes, I get frustrated. When we switched from one set of forms in TaeKwonDo to another, I was about to have a meltdown because I already learned five forms and then had to stop those forms and learn eight different ones before testing for Black Belt which I was already half way on the path. Also, if I go the same same place for years to do something and then I don't need to go there anymore or the place changes, I get overwhelmed for the first two weeks till I get use to the location.

13. Not expressing emotions or getting very emotional - when Someone is sad or something terrible happens in life, I will be upset but it is more internal. I also don't express my emotions like someone else would but if you yell at me, I will end up crying and will try to hide it until I am alone by myself in a room to process it. Whenever I would fall down outside I would not be upset because I can handle pain better than others. I also can handle vaccines like a pro ever since I was a kid.

I'm sorry this is long, but I just want everyone to understand who I am as a person. I know I have tried to have conversations with others and maybe they either didn't like me because I only said a few words or they just didn't understand why I acted the way I did so I hope this post helped you out.