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its 1:42 am and i just heard the unmistakeable sound of someone sprinting down the road wearing flip flops. good luck buddy
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THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN
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Conversation
friend: how was your date?
me: don't even ask *digs through purse* want a breadstick?
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You are angry about something. “Clam down,” I text you. You assume I have made a typo, but in fact I am holding a small soldier clam in my hands. He died so young. War is hell
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if getting fucked against a wall is the craziest thing ya’ll can think of…. your sex life is boring…
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why does facebook chat only work when my message contains the words Mark Zuckerburg right now
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my friend told me that i need to stop singing i’m a believer because it was getting annoying and i laughed because i thought she was kidding
but then i saw her face
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