florafall-syscourse

[florafall-syscourse]

i guess the point is - its not even really a focus on the host we're usually seeing (not that it doesnt happen), but moreso a focus on normality. the host gets focused on because the idea of there being a "real one" is more paletable. but the truth is, if that host is still "weird" they dont get better treatment just for being the host, because then they arent useful for that. at least thats out perspective.

[florafall-syscourse]

theres such an expectation of the host as a "real" and "normal" one and i think its because or related to the general idea of DID, plurality, and neurodivergency in general as like, a curable infection. like, the flu, you know? i think a lot of people really think therapy is supposef to give you medicine that makes you Normal™ and thats why people complain when it takes too long or whatever.. anyway i think its related because, people see alters as just, symptoms of the curable infection they think plurality is, and think the host is "the one whos ACTUALLY real/the body/person i know" instead of seeing plurality as the way we are.

[florafall-syscourse]

Recovery, As A Word

Recovery is a very charged word.

Recovery is a word that brings up a lot of different feelings for me.

For a lot of people, recovery can be a word that is comforting, soothing. Recovery can also be a word that is clinical, made up of other people's expectations and divorced from what is personal. Sometimes the word recovery even brings other words to mind; Abandonment, assimilation, abstinence.

I think particularly of my time in the psych ward; A place where recovery has nothing to do with what I want and is not my choice, but rather exists as some pre-determined standard to meet before they may consider releasing me again. In that space, recovery is a contract you sign, swearing to a team of doctors that you are not-mad and not-suicidal and not-yourself - at least for a little while, at least until they lock you up again, and then you must do the entire dance of "Recovery" all over again. Recovery there is a performance, entertainment for people with power over you.

Even outside of the psych ward, recovery often brings these concepts to mind for me. Recovery is easily digestible, understandable (who would want to be mad, anyway, right??), and above all, inspirational.

Recovery, in a capitalist ableist society, becomes a product - Subscribe to this treatment, this pill, this therapy, this program. You want to recover, don't you? Who wouldn't want to recover? Recovery is great! Start your self-discovery self-care self-love wholesome journey today and become Just Like Us!*

*Terms and conditions may apply. Of course, we don't believe you'll actually recover (you'll always be mad!), but if you manage to fake it, we can chop up your story, your most intimate experiences, your whole life into convenient bite-sized pieces and sell that, too. Everyone loves a good "the disabled freak gets cured and becomes Normal and Healthy, Just Like Everyone Else" story!

Over the years, I have tried consistently to just focus on my own idea of recovery for myself, my own definitions and goals and journey. Something specific and personal to me, even if it didn't always conform to the popular narrative and ideas of what recovery is. And that's still important to me and something I consider important to talk about; I want other people to know that recovery doesn't have to mean not being yourself. I want people to know that recovery can be really messy. I want people to know that recovery can look exactly like disorder, and I want people to know that recovery is not incompatible with being mad, regardless of whatever gets shoved onto us. I want people to know that recovery is not some final destination that you reach, and that recovery doesn't have to mean abstinence from symptoms or addiction (and maybe it even means more symptoms for some of us, not less) and that recovery doesn't have to mean losing your community.

I want to turn recovery into a nonsense word, free to be defined however we choose, rather than chosen for us by others.

At the same time, I struggle a lot with how people see me ever since I started talking more about recovery. I struggle a lot with feeling used and feeling like I'm not being seen or treated as just another person. I struggle with feeling like others often put me on a pedestal and objectify me. I often worry that my words will not be taken with consideration and care, but rather will be consumed as though I am a product.

Let me be clear: I do not consent to being used this way. I don't exist to be other people's goals or inspiration or example.

Recovery, to me, doesn't mean being "healthy" or "normal" or even "not disordered". Recovery, at it's simplest, is just about learning who I am and how to be myself, and I am messy, disordered, mad - even while "recovered". The difference is not necessarily in my symptoms or my behavior (though I have touched on that topic before); I would consider myself recovered without any of that.

Primarily, the difference between the me that exists now and the me that existed pre-recovery is that I have come to know myself very well, and even love myself very much, something I'd never had before. I even love my madness, most days. I have more tools to care for myself and to advocate for myself and others. I have more ability to help others in my community and I have a far stronger grasp on what has happened to me, and I can put these skills towards creating change. I now have the language - the words - to talk about it.

Recovery is a very charged word; so I will use it with care.

[florafall-syscourse]

Reasons why I try to avoid saying “Endos”

Imagine

Please

Someone in this discourse calling traumagenic systems “traumas”

[florafall-syscourse]

ok listen i get im anti endo (kinda) and all of that but one argument ive never understood is "endos steal resources from cdd systems!!!!"

.... bitch what resources. what resources are you talkig about. pluralkit and simply plural???? the two things made by pro-endo people????? like buddy those are CDD resources, they're just resources for anyone who wants to use them. even singlets use them for things like organizing oc's and stuff. hell, even cdd systems use things like pk and sp to organize ocs 😭😭

the only resources i can think of that ppl could be "stealing" would be things like therapy. which... hey man, if someone who's non-traumagenic wants to spend hundreds of dollars and potentially travel hours just to see a CDD specialist, then go for it. that's some impressive dedication and also damn, this hypothetical person must be making BANK if they can afford to see a CDD specialist regularly, especially with gas prices going up more.

[florafall-syscourse]

in terms of system spaces and assumptions,

we all really gotta work on the assumption that every system you meet is white.

are there racist systems out there? absolutely

however.

ive seen so many systems of color get jumped because others assumed that they were white and decided to interrogate them.

and frankly, i don't really think a system of color should have to pull out a badge of sorts to prove that they're not white.

like, there's always a way to work against racism than to assume that every system you meet is white. you should absolutely work against that assumption, it's inherently harmful.

in short: quit assuming racist shit in your attempt to be anti racist, there's other ways to go about it.

[florafall-syscourse]

happy juneteenth, one and all! especially to black plurals and systems!

i hope your day is as lovely as it can be :D

[florafall-syscourse]

It's sad seeing Obama making a tweet appealing to our "shared humanity" only for MAGAts to prove once again that they don't possess any.

You can either be a human or a MAGAt. You can't be both.

[florafall-syscourse]

i wish people could focus more on the racism that is very present in the system community. i feel very unsafe in the community sometimes because of it

people talking about the ableism is great too! but i feel like we can also uplift poc voices about how racism is weirdly normalized and not called out as much as ableism is

[florafall-syscourse]

if you are bodily white, you do not have poc alters/headmates.

[florafall-syscourse]

since the fucker is back.

remember: their argument is inherently based on the idea that plurality is a disability.

plurality is not a disability. complex dissociative disorders are disabilities. two seperate things with some overlap.

this is what people on the side of endogenic plurality have been arguing for before it was even called such.

the anti willo anon is a group of anti endos who can't even pretend to be pro endo right.

[florafall-syscourse]

With that, I'm not touching BAH shit anymore. Sorry if anyone is that interested, but:

I hate BAH blogs

I hate the discourse surrounding harm in this space

I hate the discourse surrounding censorship

I literally have so many better things to do than get told I support antisemitism and true crime communities (how the fuck did the discourse go that far sideways?)

At the end of the day:

BAH blogs need moderation and probably should not be run by literal children

BAH blogs cover an incredibly wide range of users, from traumatized individuals to nontraumatized individuals

You, as an individual online, need to accept that there are risks to your presence online. If you cannot accept that you are at risk and insist on making it everyone else's problem, then don't be surprised by a lack of engagement, socially, from those around you.

There is absolutely no way to "vet" a request on a blog to ensure that someone knows the potential harm of what they are requesting without someone needing to reveal intensely personal and likely triggering information about themselves

"Vetting" would only occur in cases where it was deemed "More Potentially Traumatic," playing up Big Trauma BS

Nobody should be demanding trauma from anyone else to justify a take or request, and you don't need to give them your backstory to justify what you believe

BAH blogs should and always have been able to just not take a request

BAH blogs are frequently overcriticized

BAH blogs deserve some criticism for stereotyping and posting content that is genuinely disgusting (i.e. racism, intersexism, antisemitism, etc), which they have been, repeatedly, by numerous users in this discourse

A BAH Blog is not your medical team. Please do not expect them to help you work through your issues.

People in syscourse need to stop defaulting to Hitler as their example of a bad introject; it's genuinely antisemetic in my opinion to constantly use Jewish trauma as your strawman argument, particularly when the discussion wasn't about that. That's an entirely different argument.

Everyone needs to go touch grass. No exceptions.

[florafall-syscourse]

being endo safe makes your spaces unsafe for cdd systems :( you seem cool i just cant gauge where you are on the spectrum

i can tell by your next ask that you figured out i wasn't for you, which is fine! but i promise that i, as a cdd system, am perfectly safe around my friends, many of whom are cdd systems themselves as well as being other origins, and some of whom aren't - and i as well as every other cdd system around me are perfectly fine, in fact i think we do pretty well for ourselves!

nobody is made unsafe by the state of things here, least of all you, who isn't forced to be around me in any sense of the word. asks like this, though, do leave me feeling unsafe- i feel singled out, someone has waltzed into my space and accused me of something blatantly untrue and acted as though they were personally hurt by it.

i do think i'm pretty cool. i bet it'd be easier to meet cool people if you didn't exclude so many potential community members based on false prejudices. have a lovely day 🫶

[florafall-syscourse]

for a new syscourse topic, perhaps we shall talk about varying syscourse perspectives within one system?

there are so many reasons as to why this could happen, both maladaptive and otherwise

it's completely fair for a system to not monolithically feel one way about syscourse

what we usually agree on, personally, is that we believe that it's fine for people to use whatever labels they feel fit best. it's really not our problem, it's what they personally use in an informal setting.

[florafall-syscourse]

to be honest one of our largest struggles is that we don't really let everyone have enough time outside, we just don't have enough time in the world and we're always so focused on living life aside from our plurality that properly integrating the two isn't easy or typical for us. it leads to a lot of parts remaining inside unless absolutely necessary, or having limited ideas about what outside is actually like and then not caring for the complexities of living a life.

because our split tolerance has also historically been tragically low (it's not as uncommon as certain people would have you believe) i'm also used to having parts cycle through and be replaced, show up once or twice and disappear, etc. i know it can be confusing and taxing, for sure, and i honestly haven't found a solution- i've come to accept that it's for some reason how my brain chooses to compartmentalize. if it ain't broke don't fix it, yknow? but i'm just now starting, after almost 6 years of being fully aware of my system, to intentionally organize and structure things. i've just now started thinking about what actually works for us at this point, and what to start new with.

so i guess what i'm saying is that it's okay to not have it all straightened out!! i don't think most of us do. x]

Systems with large member counts that somehow, some way, manage letting everyone socialize online and irl; or at least regularly talk with all their members will never cease to amaze me.

My system is pushing 30 people; a lot of which are dormant or only show up occasionally. I struggle to keep up with the few who regularly talk to people. My brain also has a habit of introjecting anyone and anything; especially OCs. Every time I hyperfixate on anything or draw something it's like a 50/50 chance of getting A New Guy. I don't know how y'all do it, every time I get someone new I'm in denial and ignore them half the time hoping it's an over active imagination 💀 Sometimes headmates show up, stay for about a month and then disappear. It's never consistent.

I like being plural but holy shit why are there so many of you. Where did you come from. Why new people; bring someone out of dormancy or something. Develop the current ones we have quit giving me new people in my brain

[florafall-syscourse]

if you are an introject who's REALLY source connected, you should really come up with a plan of what to do when someone is talking about your source and not you.

and like.... expecting everyone to just Know to not do that, is not a plan. even if it's in a system server.

[florafall-syscourse]

hi syscourse. start tagging your posts about actual politics with "politics" pls. not everyone here can handle conversation about this stuff. i do not want to think about the orange and his boyfriend at 6 am thank yew 🙏🏻