flowercell - Tumblr blog

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still trying to figure it out and it’s still not working

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Rape

Divorce

Suicide Attempt

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Change?

My life is soo different than I ever thought it would be-- I had sworn to not have another boyfriend, I thought my parents would be together forever, I expected to live with my best friend Avery until we graduated. I thought I would have the coolest life, and the happiest life. I’m not happy. I try to make myself happy so much but I’m not sure that I can. Am I wasting my time? With this school, this apartment, this boyfriend, these friends? I really don’t know what the fuck I’m doing and it’s freaking me out so much. I am so much in my own head and I can feel myself slipping back to where I used to be-- the very dark place. I don’t know if I will be able to get myself back out this time. Too much has happened to me. 

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luv

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I need to learn how to love myself.

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today x

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i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

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Surely, I can’t be the only one saying “I’m gonna go to bed soon.”

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Special Moment of the Week:

Sitting on my fire escape while the sky gets dark and the city gets bright while listening to Real Estate and smiling. Thinking of Eric and Avery and Livvie and Mom and Dad and Drew and Carlie and Anthony and Mike and all the people that make me feel good and want me to do good and make this earth so beautiful. 

This earth is so beautiful.

xx

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bubbles in my ((bathtub))

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It’s easy to be okay when you don’t ever think about what happened to you. When you avoid conversations about it, when you don’t bring it up, when you pretend that the word itself doesn’t make you cringe. But when you flinch when someone moves towards you, when walking past that street makes your heart race, when your blood freezes every time someone catcalls you, when you still can’t remember every detail of that night but you somehow can’t forget either, when your view of society is totally skewed because of it, when you feel like screaming every time someone makes a joke about it, when you randomly start crying because you still can’t believe it happened to you, and when it happens to someone in America every two fucking minutes, it’s really hard to be okay. 

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I don’t want to come back down from this cloud.

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