flowerswilting - Tumblr blog

[flowerswilting]

Heh, I think I made myself have a fever by bottling up my emotions

[flowerswilting]

I think I’m hallucinating again, whenever I look at my hands it’s like I can see through them

[flowerswilting]

I’m scared they’re going to find this account, please no, it’s the only place I can get out everything, I can’t lose this, I have nothing else, I can’t even tell you these things, if I did, you’d leave, I feel bad keeping secrets from you but I have no choice, with a heavy heart I zip my mouth shut so I don’t go berserk

[flowerswilting]

I’m sorry

[flowerswilting]

What’s wrong with me

[flowerswilting]

So I use he/her pronouns and I’ve told all my friends this but they exclusively use my she/her pronouns like, yeah you’re not wrong but can you use he/him once and a while it’s be nice

[flowerswilting]

I broke many promises I made to myself what’s the harm in breaking one more

[flowerswilting]

I was fine I was great even I was independent, outgoing, hell I wasn’t scared to go outside by myself but how did I become the opposite, I don’t know what happened to me, I’d like to think this is my rock bottom but I know the floor is going to open out from under me, it’s making me consider things I might regret in the future if I have one there is, I don’t deserve to have a future honestly, I’d much rather be put to sleep maybe then it’ll be peace for once

I miss my dad

[flowerswilting]

How did this happen

[flowerswilting]

I’ve become the worst version of myself

[flowerswilting]

I vowed I wouldn’t use this account again but I’m literally bubbling with jealousy and I want to vomit so bad because of it, I’d I don’t get it out here then I will eventually scream at you, I don’t want to be upset at you because you deserve everything but I can’t handle when you do that I know you hate my jealousy and I’m really trying hard not to be but I’m laying here grinding my teeth trying not to cry because I feel like this is so fucking stupid and I shouldn’t be upset so why am I so upset I want to be apart of what was happening but I think your friend doesn’t like me I think she hates me and I felt weirdly unwelcomed I know she doesn’t actually but it weird like super weird and I just want you to be mine all mine but you don’t even like being alone with me anymore it’s always you and someone and I feel like you don’t wanna be around me anymore that you don’t like me and now I’m just blurting out all my thoughts in this post I don’t know what to do I can’t say this to you you’ll hate me I don’t want you to hate me I really don’t talk to a lot of people you’re the only person I have, I hate my family so much sometimes except my sister and brother and I feel like all I have is you but then you’re kinda just leaving me in the dust it’s upsetting to think about I can’t think of a future without you with me but I also can’t help and think about if you leave me, i can’t stop thinking about how I’ve ruined everything, I can’t stop thinking

[flowerswilting]

Do you not like me anymore, I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you lately I can’t handle this feeling of heartbreak, it always goes back to the main reason, the main reason I get so upset about little things, I can’t handle heartbreak it hurts so much, I know you said we’d be friends but you don’t even talk to me, you talk to your friends but not to me anymore, I can’t just bond with your friends right away, it just makes me feel so much more alone and you’re the only person I talk to, I have no one else

[flowerswilting]

I want the version of you that pretended to love me, just for a little longer, I don’t care if it’s just for a few minutes I just want to live in that lie for just a little longer, at least you had me convinced

[flowerswilting]

I don’t understand why say you love me if you’re literally gonna forget I exist, you don’t actually love me then, I feel like when you love someone that means they’re unforgettable, like how you don’t forget your mother if you love her, it’s not fucking “I love you, I’m gonna forget about you” that’s not love that just words that mean nothing, to you I am forgettable

[flowerswilting]

I had a good night with him! We talked for hours while playing games, I love him so much and I’m glad we still have good moments together

[flowerswilting]

You don’t even see most of my messages you say you love me as a friend but half the time you’re avoiding me, I don’t understand what I did wrong

[flowerswilting]

I have figured out how to add songs, I am learning slowly but surely