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FOLLOW UP DAY

Getting money day part 2 featuring the platinum band and this time we're gonna get funky.

Up bright an early as always, have a hearty breakfast of strawberry granola (one of the fine things i've become accustomed to since leaving quarantine) and out the door.

Follow up day is where they make sure you haven't died in the 2 weeks since you left quarantine. I, quite luckily, haven't; pretty chuffed.

On the train to Ely kinda forgot to stop the ticket guy to get myself a ticket, oops. Had to ask guy opposite whether they have turnstiles at Ely, thankfully they do not. Boom. If there is one thing that is sweeter in one day than receiving the other half of your FluCamp money then it's taking a train to get it for free.

Arrived and off to good ol RVL, the curly haired jolly bloke was there as were all the old faces. Helped myself to a few biscuits and some water in the waiting room, i practically own the place after all. After playing with the smart TV on the wall and finding out it wasn't connected to the internet and resorting to "This Morning" *shudders* I was told it was time to begin. The lady doing my follow up seemed to expect me to be able to conjure urine at will when she handed me the sample pot. Enjoyed taking that urine sample, felt like victory, my ticket to the money.

Can you imagine if someone had walked in on me taking that.

Had some bloods taken dah dah dah dah you know the drill, took a couple hours. Whenever I have my stomach checked in the physical exam i always have to subdue the giggles it causes which is all the worse when you have a particularly serious indian doctor examining you. Anway after all this was I WAS DONE. FINISHED. DONE. Money still not in my account though.

Now realising would not be able to get home til 4 if i went back to bury, being 11 at this point, I went on a little YOLO up to Norwich. I mean why not i just earnt 3K. 

Accidentally ripped the owner of vintage cloth shop off while there by misquoting the price on the jacket i bought. Worst part was I tried to haggle on the price I thought it was.

Met up with some peeps in Norwich. Sat in a church cafe for who knows how long, highly recommend that place if anyone ever stumbles by it. After dossing around that city for too many hours I headed home.

On the way back it hit me like a bullett, I may never have another nasal wash again. What a wonderful thought!

This concludes my FluCamp adventure

Jack Golding signing off.

(Sequel?)

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Last night consisted of pacing up and down our bays getting really really excited to drink beer and each of us making it worse for each other by voicing these feelings. It was awful, up so late.

Up super early with the excitement as well. Again just chatting crap about what beers we are going to have. Excruciating. Had one last nasal wash and blood test just make sure we weren't carrying super new immune super virus in our bodys thanks to the drugs and then we are getting let out at 6.

This is the longest day of my life. Can't sit down and watch a film, can't eat, can't sleep. eueuuuugh.

Rachel told us about her day off. She said "Oh it was lovely, I stayed in bed til 12 then watched films in bed." I was like "I've been payed to do that for the last 2 weeks."

Finally got her to bring my Poem to John, from what I can gather he had an emotional break down and wept over my absence but nothing confirmed yet. It read as follows:

Dear John Where have you gone? Once we were close I miss you the most

Now you are far my shining star I'm all alone You've left me alone

Every moment that passes separated from grasses I wish for you opposite Every time that i drop a shit

I eat every flapjack Wishing for you back I open every milk carton It reminds me of our parting

We have our own phone arguer His phone always blaring As funny as it is It's beginning to get wearing

Our parting draws near I feel freedoms warm kiss loving this dollar but you I shall miss

Cry now or have no soul. Anyway he loved it as evidenced here

Realised I have to enter the real world today, and interact and be normal. One thing stands in my way, well apart from the many doors, protocols and security staff, my beard

Lets do this

Several hundred strokes later

Can you believe that was 2 weeks worth.

Things are getting rowdy in the room, people moving into eachothers areas, walking about, it's anarchy. This was the most insane thing to happen for 2 weeks:

We're all fantasizing hard about what we are going to do with our freedom. We all keep going to the window to smell what that civilian air we once knew tasted like, and the answer was gorgeous. That's right, It tasted like gorgeous.

Now the planning stage, tactics, how are we going to get out quickly as possible to the pints. We had to shower before we leave on the way out, some of us decided to speed it all up by showering before hand and then pretending to downstairs. Others packing their stuff 4 hours early just incase we get the all clear sooner than we thought, those are the people who went crazy with not laptop to play on. I opted for sit on my bed.

We were then told to start packing just incase, this process happened in an excited frenzy of 5 mins, you'd never seen a room full of grown men so eager to get their washing in bags.

Then the news came. ALL FUCKING CLEAR. FREE TOOO GOOOO. We now allowed to go where we want take the opportunity to go everywhere we haven't been able to. Into each others living spaces, even out into the staff area! I KNOW! I WENT TO THE TOILET BLOCK UNACCOMPANIED MAN. We chatted to the staff with no facemasks on, it was a beautiful moment. And took these beautys with Bay 4

I requested gang signs

We still had like 2 hours til we got told we could go down for our shower. This was excruciating as we were all trying to guess from little snippets of conversation heard from out of windows and staff what time we would be let go. And then we left, just like that, grabbed our stuff and sprinted down the stairs to the entrance area where we so long ago had all our bags washed and our facemasks given to us that first time. Magical. Showered and into the taxi to the station.

Now beers

Started with aspalls, then pints and finishing with some JD. Much missed was the drink. Some great chats. And once the beers hit the plans came, all of us wanted to do a proper night somewhere, and that night was tonight. Josh, George and Jason on the phones to hotels in colchester for last minute rooms and then it was set. Then Jason realised his obligations and had to cancel but George and Josh were still on it. I so so so painfully had to opt out, can't miss first shift in 2 weeks. We also planned for a night in London in a couple weeks, do it all properly and planned. Going to be exceptional, almost considering reviving the blog for that night. After some awful and exceptional pool performances and some local music, was time for the train.

And so we get there. Me, Josh and George getting the same train back, Jason off to London, we part. Reblog if you cried. We are just getting comfy and then from nowhere this beardy irish fucker in leather here jumps on the train saying the words "Fuck it" and it's all back on. Break out the cider gents

We talk about how Jason is a mad fucker for being on the train and congratulate his choice, they head to colchester. I give them the last of my caffeine pills for the night and we chat more shit. 

We arrive at Bury St Edmunds and my FluCamp 2K13 journey is over, say my goodbyes, pick up my luggage and head on out and salute them as they go on their adventure, yet to find out what they got up to.

Tune in tomorrow to find out how dependent you've become on this blogs content.

FluCamp 2K14?

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Day 14: MONEY

NO FAIR SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY BEEN PAYED AND ME AND THE OTHER GUY ON HSBC ARE STILL WAITING THIS IS INFURIATING

Looks like FluCamp night out is happening. Time to get the word out to the other wings, lets make this happen bruddas. Sketching as to why it hasn't arrived though.

Oh yes here it's in there, lets get those hotels booked. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8I27wEEXBw

Okay now decided we have to be sensible and we all have commitments. BUT, we shall reconvene in London to have a proper night out. Excellent. Tomorrow just a couple drinks in town center.

Apart from that the other big news for the day was we actually got given some food. Real food. Not from a freezer. Real. And Dominoes not less, oh yes. Boy did they make us wait for it though. They told us it arrived at 6:45, so there we were buzzing our tits off for this glorious meal, for the next i dunno hour and half while they just kept it out there for no reason. We went crazy, all sorts of conspiracy theories were devised, the staff had eaten it or we were gonna get the crusts, But finally... it arrived

And it was glorious

Rachel wasn't in so I still couldn't pass on my Poem :( John you shall get it.

So Jason kinda got half a syringe of air injected in his blood. Rightfully he freaked the fuck out seeing as it can kill you instantly. These people aren't amazingly trained, the lady had apparently done it before. Luckily takes 20 ml to kill you but he was freaking the fuck out and getting light headed. Scary times.

Only half a day to go 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLCEUpIg8rE

Tune in tomorrow to see if i get cold feet about the whole leaving idea.

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Day 13 is a boring day

Next to no tests, next to no samples, next to know fun. Missing the doctors fussing and getting all stressed because they had to get the blood samples by a certain time, no longer.

Didn't even eat lunch today as in about 4 hours time after i at my breakfast it was gonna be dinner. Why the fuck do they give us dinner at 5? no one eats at 5.

Today our wing made a brilliant decision. FluCamp night out. Soon as the money arrives when we leave, hit the streets of Cambridge for a messy one with our new found wealth, still in our trackies, dressing gowns and slippers. Okay maybe not, we do what to get let in places, but so excited. In out FluCamp contract it states they are legally obligated to let us stay another night, we are in a mind to get a taxi back here after our night out for a free kip to say we did. What are the good clubs and bars in Cambridge people? And who wants to meet us? Pictures of this night out, if it happens, will follow. All depends on us getting our money on the day, the tension.

Finished my poem for John but Rachel isn't in til Tuesday, I can't wait that long to give it to him. Can I? surely.

After our night out discussion none of can sit down or sleep for the excitement of planning it and finally having cold beer touch our lips. Thinking of inviting Boss Brian out for it, probably get us some rectal Diazepams for the road.

Tune in tomorrow to see if it all falls through.

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Day 12: Day of Blood 2 (bleed harder) and last day of dosing

I dedicate this post to Rachel, everyone's favorite nurse, even when you have a tube full of saline solution up your nose she still bring a smile to your face, which is a really bad idea because it usually makes you swallow it.

Had the cannula put back in, and in a much more painful place, right on my joint, brillo. And yeah they took lots of blood from it what more you want me to say. Shit sequel I know.

Today we were tantalized with the idea of being allowed to walk around the facility, properly get to stretch our legs. Only to have it fall through when brian went home. Damn you other nurses with your protocols and health and safety, none of us are even ill anymore.

I'm off the stuff now guys

 I used it all, no more where that's coming from, cold turkey. Goodbye MDT-631, you were beautiful. Actually I hate you, you interrupted me when I was watching Doctor Who which is unacceptable. Who watched it by the way? It was awesome.

Bread and butter everywhere but not a drop of soup to drink.

John made my entire stay at FluCamp tonight with this love letter he wrote me. He got Rachel to bring it to me and read it aloud, much to the jealousy of everyone else in our wing. Must have been on of the most moving experiences of my life and i've seen Forest Gump. They'll all be writing each other these by the end of quarantine.

Tune in tomorrow to see my heartfelt reply to John.

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11

So well rested it's unreal, another 1pm start for me.

Tomorrow is not looking bright, redoing that awful day of torment that was blood day. The cannula is going back in, the blood is coming back out and copious spirometry tests, my film watching productivity is gonna be shot to pieces. Beasts Of The Southern wild is beautiful by the way.

Nurse told me a little tale to put on my blog. When she was taking a sprirometry reading, she had never taken the spiro for this particular bloke, he had a pretty almighty blow on him, I should say for these you have to keep the curtains closed for privacy. She spouted out "ooooh that's a big one" much to everyone in the wards amusement.

Anyway to all who are wondering this is how a nasal wash works, first you take this tube and stuff it up ya nose hole,

then they inflate it like so,

then douse it with saline solution 3 times for 10 seconds, highly recommend it. If you look closely when they take it out you can actually see bits of your brain. The guys with the heavy symptoms been looking forward to it because it clears them right out. Of late this must have been fruitless for the labs, i'm not producing anything for them to test, poor guys, waited months for this.

I wish Bruno would stop looking so sour when I ask to go to the toilet, mate i don't know what kinda short straw you picked to get put on toilet duty every day but don't take it out on me, i just want a piss. 

Had nice chat with the roomies about what films are exceptional and now I have to watch The Wrestler, god dammit more on the list. 

And to those who wondered i threw that other prawn salad away.

Apparently the next test group are going to be attached to a drip constantly to dose them and there is going to be an ambulance on call 24/7 in case it goes wrong. Suckas

Tune in tomorrow to see if my body can with stand another blood day.

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10

Don't wake up a reasonable time anymore. 1PM or not at all. Woke up to lunch and josh next to me as ulcers so didn't want his prawn salad, I was intrigued by his menu and asked to have it. I got it from him, opened my own lunch bag....and what do i find....prawn salad.... it's not even nice. 

Big Boss Brian was worried about our poor bowels over the course of our stay here and brought us all a nutritious and not so delicious glass of prune juice each to get things moving. Thoughtful but disgusting.

So yeah turns out these drugs they are giving us are not £250 a gram, more like £20,000 a gram. My course will cost £85,000 #unrealpurity #dontbejel

Watched Network yesterday, that is a film I recommend, seeing a lot of parallels between the protagonist of the film and Russell Brands political persona. 

My excuse for a beard is becoming beyond a joke but i'm determined to let it do it's thing til the end of this two weeks, il post the results here for you're viewing discomfort.

Realised I'm feeling zero symptoms. Look at my tissue bag all empty and shit. Feel kinda guilty with josh dying next to me with a cough, sore throat, buckets of mucus and a mouth full of ulcers so he can't eat normal food. Get well soon josh #inferiorimunesystemjosh

more monotony tomorrow. Stay tuned for whether I eat this spare prawn salad.

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9

Slept in til 1PM despite tests. I'm getting better at this, il soon be in a position where I need not wake up. Due to this I woke up with 2 meals waiting for me, score.

I've been here a week, a whole fucking week, and i've only just learned the beds do this. I've been living a lie and the only victim was my spine.

The ambient temperature of the room is now at a level where I can sleep under the covers and with clothes on, love it. Also means i'm not caked in sweat from these plastic sheets and need to drink a litre of water when i do wake up.

"The usual"

Seems a few of my room mates have been sharing conspiracy theory videos, made for interesting listening. I hate it when these things raise such interesting questions that you can't really put them away in nice little neat "disproved" boxes in your head.

Been here too long. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I can't even imagine how good real meat that hasn't been in ice for a week tastes.

Why on earth did I decide to watch The Holy Mountain? Why? This film is just next level fucked up. I can't process it. I give up.

This drug they are giving us apparently costs about £250 per gram to produce #ThePeng. And i'm getting it all for free, they don't stop treating you here.

Tune in tomorrow to see if i take up permanent residence here

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Day 8: cabin fever is setting in

There is only so many films you can watch consecutively. Seen some great stuff though, favorites being Brazil and Evil Dead 2. Realised i'm 180 hours in to my 336 hour shift, gotta be some laws against that shit.

After being up til 3AM last night this morning was not on the agenda. I sleep walked through morning tests and dosing, spilled loads of nasal wash fluid at one point because I was so zonked. Managed to stay pretty much unconscious til 12, I feel I achieved. This pissed the staff because they wanted my urine sample by 8AM, they should have thought about that before they put their final blood sample at 3AM really.

Goodbye cannula 

Never a frown with golden brown

And it's gone

Look at my arm all dapper and naked. Today is going to be so much more relaxed.

Nurse came in with the snack trolley about 3PM, left it in my cubicle briefly to go refill it, biiiiig mistake.

My homies stayed true and I got away with it. Not sure what to do with my new found monopoly on our prison snack market.

George had to start his bloods today, haaaaa. They turned him into a human pin cushion before they found a vein for the cannula. He was NOT happy i'm told, was blissfully unaware as I was engrossed in Brazil. 

The staff are now aware of the blog due to my former room mate, not sure whether to censor my content or use it to make damning reviews and get leverage to the best food available. I'm undecided as yet but all I know is I have the option, so they best not fuck with J.

George is holding out on me for with that handlebar selfie, il get it tomorrow.

Dinner was rank, more gristle and skin than meat, picked around it and made it through the plate. Gotta have been the worst meal of the week. Filled up the rest of my belly with fruitcake and flapjack.

Now 12 and i feel like i've just woken up, this gonna be fun.

Tomorrow I might try do some reading. Tune in tomorrow to see how many films I watch instead.

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The Virus: Day 4, Day of blood

Sounds scary don't it. Getting my cannula fitted today, they plan to take blood every hour today. should be fun.

The fitting of it was an interesting process, the stab a nice ol size needle in you and then you feel a little tube wiggling up your arm and all of a sudden there is a catheter in you so they can take blood at their leisure/pleasure. They were struggling to find a vein til they popped on my tourniquet and as usual my veins started sprouting everywhere in a disgusting fashion, they soon found their favorite.

Turns out my blood clots like a biatch and blocked up the first catheter so just had another fitted in the other arm in a fetching pink.

so annoying trying to catch up on sleep when you have to be woken every 50 mins so they can satisfy their medical vampirism. Gonna have to be awoken during the night for a little while for them to get some as well.

Everyone is pretty zonked after 2 weeks of early starts and falling asleep infront of their laptops which is quite funny.

Everyone has been failing their spyro tests so we all got the pleasure of Elaine. She is this wonderful lady who, to sum up what she said, told us "You know how you've always been doing spiros, yeah do that but better." You'd do her technique and she'd be like "you can blow harder than that" I'M SORRY I DIDN'T REALISE YOU COULD MEASURE AIRFLOW WITH YOUR EYEBALL.

All this blood being taken is soooooo boring, had like 8 samples taken today, they finish at 3:00AM oh dear lord. The weirdest thing happens when they inject saline into you to stop your body clotting the cannula, you get this instant metallic tasting sensation in your mouth, we all agree we get it but none of us can work out why. Science has quit us on this one. By far most hectic day we've had, though it ofcourse has just involved me sitting in bed.

As for health wise I still only have very mild symptoms, one of my nostrils has blocked and i'm now producing very small levels of mucus, apart from that i'm good to go mate..

Another atrocious dinner, we have now realised the tactic is to go for the veg option, turns out defrosted meat just doesn't have quite the same consistency. Boss man Brian is promising us pizza one of the days against all protocol, saweeet. 

Progress update on my scraggly ass beard. Il get a pic of my room mates brand new handle bar mustache for you lot tomorrow.

I should feel dirty about having this beard and wearing the same jogging bottoms for a week and wearing nothing but slippers to walk about, but I just don't.

Anyway it's currently 1:30 and i'm trying to decide whether or not to stay up for my next blood sample at 2:50. Tune in next time to find out how i managed to come out of a study, where you are bed ridden, sleep deprived.

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The Virus: Day 3, Dosing Day

Even later start today, feeling proper chilled out, like 6:30. 

The trauma started when my order of marmalade for breakfast was not for-filled. It was the only day Marmalade was on the menu, so I asked for them to bring me some because I was not giving up on Marmalade Sundays. And you know what, THEY NEVER HAD IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. WHY TEASE ME WITH THE IDEA THEN TAKE IT AWAY YOU CRUEL CLINICAL FUCKS. Put me in a fowl mood, been looking forward to marmalade all week. Later realised it was due to it containing vitamin C which might get me better to quick.

After that time for my first dose of the drug. Came in a little inhaler mask thing than you breath in and out of for about 2 mins 3 times a day.

Among the residents of out wing, after our first dose comments across it could be heard such as "This stuff is something else" "That's my shit" 

Later found out the drug is actually in a very fine powder in the device and you basically snort the drug. Should probably get myself one. 

It's gotten to the point i'm waiting til the point I can't hold a piss another second just incase it coincides with me needing to take a dump just to minimise movement. This is getting ridiculous, the real world is gonna be a shock.

Developing a right scraggly beard right now, might cultivate it for the full 2 weeks and see how it turns out.

Feel like i'm in a 50 cent video when I do an ECG

The POW camp spirit is in full force. Today we discussed all the foods we remember from the outside world; Pizza, bacon, lobster, ice cream. just torturing ourselves with it. And then of-course the obligatory next conversation about things we couldn't have in here, hottest actresses. We've been watching a lot of films okay.

The temperature in this room somehow never drops below 23 degrees, It's always sweltering but we have to ask the nurses to open the window to try and alleviate it but then one end of the room gets cold AND NOTHING EVER CHANGES.

This is becoming my regular order. I'm gonna put on so much weight.

Can't believe Lottie (doing medicine at uni) asked me to send her all the info on the trial. Nerd.

Wish the nurses gave a fuck to ask before they come in, too often they are catching me in boxers. 

Anyway tomorrow we are getting blood taken every hour and a cannula fitted. Siiiiiiick. Tune in tomorrow to find out how much blood i lose before the ambulance arrives.

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The Virus: Day 2

"Woke up this morning, said i'm gonna get it" But still no symptoms, this is just plain annoying now. Woken up at 6:15AM, almost lunchtime at FluCamp.

Had some vitals taken and then some blood. I always feel bad giving them a urine sample first thing because it's the colour of honey, no one wants to see that.

We had a chat with the doctors about where they keep their fun drugs, she bragged about how much rectal diazepam she had, everyone's got their poison I guess. And what a way to take it.

100% with every meal they forget to give you something important, usually like a bowl fr cereal or a fork for food. Today i got no croissant, was not on.

It seems every day at some point my laptop will reach bacon frying temperature, my tactic:

The doctors are still bewildered and elated by my middle name being Daniel, I can't blame them but getting a little wearing now they are calling me JD.

I have come to solemn conclusion that life is me in this room. I am content. I want for nothing. I need nothing that cannot be provided. 

Found out that once they give you the virus they have to keep you for the full time and give you all the money not matter what, even if you don't show symptoms, is there anything bad about FluCamp?! Love this.

I asked for all the Jacks:

Turns out tomorrow is the day super blood loss, that only if i test positive tomorrow. A matter of time now.

Tune in tomorrow to see if they actually did give me a virus or it's some kind of fucked up new age placebo illness quarantine.

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Day 1 of the virus

Another early awakening and they haven't learnt, still requiring me to answer questions. Could get used to the daily breakfast in bed.

There is currently a known pathogen coursing through my veins, wreaking havok upon my body but yet to show its ugly face in the form of symptoms. Used My first tissue this morning, the virus is beginning to take hold, only down hill from here. They weigh the tissues to see how much mucus we produce, gross. Means they can't be used for anything else either, damn.

Still feel pretty chipper though I must say. Really hoping i'm one of the 1/3rd who don't get it.

Staff say today could be a slow one, no real tests, just waiting for the virus to take hold. Fine by me, ima get some sleep. Seems like today is the day of sleep, the two 'lads' next to me have dosed off, probably gazing into eachothers eyes. Guy across from me hasn't even opened his curtain today.

Foolishly plundered my prison food stash last night, such regret, feeling peckish as hell.

I feel like the quantity of content i'm going to possess to write may hit a wall today, Tomorrow is going be hectic though.

Today the food was unforgivable. I opted for the meaty option, not much more meaty than the veg option, ended up some indecipherable fish slop with potatoes, our room swiftly opted to have ours replaced with the veg option, a slightly more bearable dumpling based meal. Then desert, OH DEAR LORD. You know how when you have custard its usually thick and lovely or just a little to thick and jelly like almost. The custard was runny, watery, HOW DO YOU FUCK UP CUSTARD ITS GOT INSTRUCTIONS ON THE SIDE?! I forgot to video it and ate it because tbh it didn't taste too bad. Sorry guys. After two meals and desert with crackers and cheese on the side I was pretty full.

Guy across from me just woke up. He seems to have brought his living room with him.

Found out a couple people got sent home yesterday for the levels of opium in their blood, damn. Would have been payed rehab, clever fucks.

Check in tomorrow to see how the doctors have mutilated me now.

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Happy virus day!

Today we get given a tasty little dose of RSV.

5:30 start today to do the vitals, outrageous, they even had the cheek to try and ask me questions at this hour. What twisted world do they live in that it's okay to ask a man questions at 5:30AM?!

After this we had out spriometres taken. Johns came in 20% under his previous value and mine were under as well, naturally we start shitting ourselves. Turns out it was just because John was leaning over as he exhaled and mine was because they were looking at Johns fucking chart, SORRY I DON'T HAVE THE LUNG CAPACITY OF A SEMI-PRO SWIMMER GUYS.

Unbelievable tekkers this morning as well, saved my bread from breakfast for my pre-lunch soup, peeeeerfect.

Then they delivered the news, we were getting split up #cutforgolding. John didn't take it too well:

Due to some people already having colds and such they had to leave and to minimize work we were getting moved from out cushty little room set up to some awful foreign realm of despair. And on Inoculation day no less. We said our goodbyes, packed our bags. Before we left it came to our attention neither of us had bothered to open our blinds once over the past 2.5 days we had been in that room, just couldn't be bothered enough, opening them was a source of brief wonder because it was actually a nice view.

Anyway it was time to leave, We Picked up out stuff and made our way there, screamed goodbye to eachother, made a couple nurses giggle, then went into our respective new rooms. where we instantly started bitching about our new room mates over facebook.

In retrospect there was no need my room mates are nice, just not as chill as the 2 mans set up we previously had. AND we have worse toilets.

After a chat decided my roomies aren't that awful. They like House Of Cards so we can get along. We are currently in the process of setting up a prison market where we barter for left over lunch snacks. Not liking the addition of these outdoorsy pictures on the wall, just plain cruel.

Just got given the virus which was surreal,a cold sugary solution dripped down your nose, well tickly.

It being performed:

Me awaiting it:

The doctors crowd around you like vultures round a corpse. Due to my well endowed nose wearing the mandatory nose clip was agony.

Finally got it off and got some chicken soup in myself, top.

Feeling quite weird about the idea i consented to have a known pathogen placed in my body at this point. Doctors came in to tell us that the next couple days are going to be hectic, canula put in, blood taken every hour, spirometre tests 6 times a day, i was gonna get some important TV show watching in over the next couple days god dammit. And the worst part... the early starts are here to stay. Balls

See which nurse I kill first in the next installment.

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Day 2: Rude awakening

Woken up at 6AM for nice little blood pressure test. Woken up an hour later for more blood, so good they had to take it twice, starting to look like a smack junkie with these track marks.

More delicious shitty food followed, Munching down on that whilst i simultaneously devour their bandwidth.

Apart from that a very slow day. Couple of vitals checks, but that's been it. As such i've watched 4 films and 2 episodes of House Of Cards and a few Hunter S. Thompson interviews, the latter of those being the most fun.

After tea me and John righteously complained about the lack of bread being served with soup and got given flapjacks a fruit cake as consolation. Reaction:

Here is john brandishing his heroically.

Tomorrow we are getting treated to a dose of RSV for 20 mins then some tasty new research chemicals, not as fun as it sounds. Means wearing a gas mask for a little bit. should break the monotony, selfies shall follow.

Been drinking ludicrous amounts of squash as its been provided which means i get to pester the nurses to let me to go to the toilet all the time.

These charts on the wall have numbers on and I want to know what they mean,

and I also want to know why John is beating me :(

After some extensive googling we found out it's to do with our spirometry reading, Turns out proportionally he has bigger lungs but I can get my air in and out of em fast as a virgin in bed. What wonderful useless info.

Check back tomorrow for more adventures.

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I arrived

Time to get that moneyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU6VqlnrQhM

6AM start was not welcome. Woke up, stole mums mains to usb adapter and out the door. I ordered her another one its okay.

As soon as you arrive they are there ready, suited up, making sure your dirty civilian air doesn't desecrate their sterile medical faces. i'm not even ill yet. Got given this sick face mask, I asked and i'm allowed to keep it 

Bag search to make sure you're not carrying copious amounts of narcotics and condoms, apparently coitus with fellow inmates promotes cross contamination.

They love their tests at flucamp, blood pressure, vitals, bloods and ECG. The nasal swab may have been one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. Here is them deciding their next method or torture

So far the food has been airplane food but i like airplane food. Choice of many many sandwiches, i feel spoilt. On Sundays we get marmalade... I know. 

Apart from that the staff seem genuinely interested in making sure you're as comfortable and well fed as possible. As soon as we got in they were begging us "PLEASE ANYTHING YOU WANT OR ANY QUESTIONS JUST ASK" which is always nice.

Me and roomie John got here early so we got the nice ward. After deciding on marmalade sundays we soon got chatting about our partying habits, these two weeks may not be so bad. I must try this real life Assassins Creed game he plays on drunken nights out, you have to get home without using any roads or paths, mostly peoples gardens. 

Chicken soup followed and after who knows how many episodes of House of Cards it's time for bed. Anyone got any TV and film recommendations. 

Anyway see you lot tomorrow bright and early for another riveting update and who knows maybe some more tests.

[flucamping]

Set off tomorrow

Traveling to Flucamp tomorrow after a weekend that i really shouldn't have had. Oh well if they want me they can take me how I am, not how they want me to be. Not really nervous, just a bit terrified for how i'm going to amuse myself for 2 weeks solid in a hospital bed. As a remedy I have packed my laptop, iPod classic, phone, books, revision and the will to survive (maybe my mates Netflix account if he will look at his fucking phone and give me the password). Thank god for the free wi-fi.

You may be wondering why a person in their right mind might want to be given a harmful virus for medical testing, and you'd be right to. The answer of-course is the bountiful compensation you get for your time there. Bare P. All the drugs they give you have been tested to make sure they aren't harmful, the just want to know if they work.

My £3,000 will be going straight in the traveling fund, I wanna see how far it gets me. Saw other people paying off credit cards or using the money to get the last of the money for a deposit on a house. Usually younger folks though, seems we care less about our safety and good health.

Anyway see you all tomorrow bright and early.