bugsinabackpack

[bugsinabackpack]

One day, she joins him in the shower.  He’s slathering his body with soap when the door to the dingy little bathroom opens up- he’s forgotten to lock it, it seems.  He yelps someone’s in here but it’s just her, and she tells him that much.  Then she undresses, and through the cracked off-white of the weathered shower curtain he watches her shed her layers like a snake molting, like a flower unfolding.  When she gets in the shower with him, he can see the personal abuse written on her body, but he doesn’t say anything.  She presses close instead.  She soaps down and he finishes washing himself off, and then they stand there for a little bit, listening to the water groan out of the ancient shower spout, listening to each other breathe.

No one is ever going to love me like I want them to, she whispers eventually, pressed up small against him in the shower.  Neither of them look down, just let the water slap their shoulders and gaze at the walls.  No one is ever going to care about me as long as they don’t have to. No one wants the things I’ve already ruined.  Even I don’t; it feels so bad every day and saying that just makes it worse.  She’s not upset, she’s just talking, showing him herself hanging precious in the film of water that separates their skin. I want to be good. I want to be clean. I want to be holy again, like I used to be.

Then she sniffs in big through her nose and he can’t tell if it’s tears or the steam or something else, but she shakes her head like she’s trying to clear it and unglues herself from him with a sucking noise like pulling fat periwinkles from a rock.  She gets out of the shower and leaves him alone, letting the water slap his skin and trickle down in little runnels, all the way from his head to his toes. He just stands there, not thinking, just feeling alone while she towels off and disappears from the dirty little bathroom, flip flops flip-flopping out the door.  He feels really alone now, purely and essentially.  He feels nothing else.

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manifesting

i'm writing to you like fucking pete wentz poetry because I can't shake the fact that you're out there. you don't know it yet and neither do I but you're gonna fit so tight between my ribs I can barely breathe, I just know it. the sun has gone down and so have I and all that keeps me from going out is what might be, you and me and the silence like a third being, holding us both so close. please say that you're going to love me because I truly believe no one else can, not the way I want, not the way I need, not like my head between my knees and my tears in your ears.

[bugsinabackpack]

guys i need to be in an emocore band like yesterday

that's the statement.

i have an intense passion for it.

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i just devoured another great book

and I makes me wish I could write like I read, which is hungry and realer than what I feel. I feel more from what I read than I do in my life, or maybe I just understand it better. I wish I could write to make things better. I wish I could write so it all made sense.

idk I just love reading.

[bugsinabackpack]

thinking about getting my lip pierced like crazy

i've genuinely convinced myself that getting a lip piercing would solve all my problems.

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boyf riend

guys how does one even get a boyfriend. do you see a boy and you're like yup that one or like

i'd like a little guide and a list of steps if you have one because I need me one of those. a little man to be my companion. companman

[bugsinabackpack]

help

does anyone have a screenshot of the bit that was like:

"this ain't a scene it's an arms race is so good for being made by white boys"

or maybe

"white boys don't make music like this ain't a scene it's an arms race anymore"

and then underneath someone says "they got an assist from pete wentz"

i'm begging you don't know how long i've been looking for this every time i think about it i shed a silent tear of laughter

[bugsinabackpack]

guess what else I'm thinking about

marianas trench lmao what else

josh ramsay tongue piercing... save me

[bugsinabackpack]

booting up the ol' tumblr

bet you thought it would never happen