flufflepuffs-kingdom

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

there's something incestuous about seasoning tofu with soy sauce

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

this post is dedicated forevermore to three people i just saw tonight outside the gay club in the most beautiful interaction of beautiful people i’ve ever seen in my life. it was so beautiful i had to come here to talk about it. like actually writing it out is fucking insane. let me set the scene: two of the hottest men i’ve ever seen in my life were making out with each other outside the gay club…and then picture the HOTTEST woman, i mean quite literally the fucking SEXIEST, jaw-dropping, smoothest skin, nicest-smelling woman running up to the both of them from out of nowhere, i don’t even know where she came from — literally she probably descended from heaven itself (or from the inside of the club and i didn’t see her come out lmao)…the two men see her out of the corner of their eyes, their eyes fucking LIGHT UP when they see her. and not in like a bestie way, like an “i’m in love” way. oh bitch they both had it BAD for her. and THEN!!!! they passionately kissed…ALL THREE OF THEM!!! THEY HAD HER PUSHED AGAINST THE WALL TAKING TURNS KISSING HER!!! and then like the ethereal creatures of the night they were, they locked hands with her, and walked away into the foggy night hand-in-hand together…one of the men gently tucked one of her locs behind her ear and called her princess as they walked away…i would like to personally say, i am a better person for having watched that interaction. thank you. your life is a movie and i was so glad i got to be an extra in that moment. this is the future liberals want and all that

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

okay now that we’ve a had couple lesbian blockbusters and milfs are having a romance moment, we need to bring back the manic pixie dream girl. she was never fuckin suited to fixing all the problems of some boring twenty year old everyman, but you know who could actually benefit from a quirky free-spirited blue haired girl with pronouns (she/they)? a newly divorced forty-something mom who’s trying to learn how to be herself for the first time in her life

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

they want you to make fried rice

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

I think polyamory should be used to make romance subplots even more convoluted, actually. Sure, it could theoretically solve a love triangle- but it could also make things infinitely more chaotic and that's way better.

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

love how Sims players call themselves simmers. you mean like a stew

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

Wanna hold hands at the aquarium? We can kiss under the shark tunnel.

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

I want to show you an actual training slide from my customer service job that I had to see yesterday.

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

new trope just dropped

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

It's that time again

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

I’m on that stealing shit game now.

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

It will get cold again eventually. The summer will not last forever. I’m not doomed to live in this unbearable heat for all eternity. <- said while gripping the countertop so hard that the tile is starting to crack

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

i'm like if a lover hated everything they see

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

Police detective trying to solve a murder who accidentally stumbles onto the victim's neighbour's secret - he's a vampire. Drinks blood, avoids the sun, the whole shebang. He didn't kill her though. So while that's life changing information and whatever it does not help his case one bit

Vampire didn't even know her that well. He caught her cat once when the thing got out and brought him back after sundown. She gave him a cobbler, which he said was very bad, but not the sort of thing you'd do a murder over. "That's not funny," says the cop. "A woman is dead."

And the vampire is like, "Well, I implied that killing her was wrong."

The cop gives up with the vampire. Finds out a lady this woman worked with is like, a witch, or does magic or some shit. Real magic. Cool. She didn't kill her either though. Jesus Christ.

This cop finding an entire magical society and being utterly humourless and annoyed about the entire thing because it's not even helping his CASE

[flufflepuffs-kingdom]

babygirl, not gonna lie: with a name like that it'd be a little weird if it specialized in anything else.