fly-spy

[fly-spy]

[fly-spy]

imagine being at a funeral and you see one of the personnel pull out their phone with a mild air of urgency and they open tumblr and you just watch them type "it's a beautiful evening to microwave silverware" hit post and put their phone away like everything is normal

[fly-spy]

I saw what you said, and while my heart admittedly skipped a bit, it really frustrated me. I want to be there for you, but I can't. Not like I used to. I refuse to move on like nothing happened, too. We did that for years and it only deepened the resentment you had for me, resentment I didn't know had grown so deep but I could feel it. I don't want to be a part of your life that you equally love and loathe anymore. I can't do that to myself. I don't want to have a conversation that feels like a dance around the topics that sorely need to be discussed.

Thanks for reaching out, I love you always, but I won't accept anything less than complete honesty, and respect anymore. When you want to talk to me for me, and not because know that I used to always drop everything at a moments notice for you, then we'll have a talk. A real talk. If not, then, well.. Hang in there. I still want the best for you, always.

[fly-spy]

Whats the point of eating gold leaves? Go chew on mountain dirt, you animals

[fly-spy]

A customer contacted our team with questions, and then finished their email with: "I am daunted by the complexities and unknowns." I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

[fly-spy]

december and january were created to test how much I can handle back to back before I'm sent into an absolute spiral

[fly-spy]

Bothering the beast

[fly-spy]

I've finally got my own apartment, all to myself. I've been ordering things, decorating the way I want, and soon I'll have V and her man over to help me get the rest of my stuff. Its crazy how much things are changing, some days I still kind of want to die but, seeing myself make so much progress despite the pain... I can actually say I'm proud of myself and my effort. I'm still not who I want to be, or where I want to be, but I feel a little bit more like me lately. I'm getting back into my creative state, and actively seeking out opportunities for myself to continue to grow. Life is going to be.. Really weird without him, but this has been a long time coming. Its been so fucking hard to face my attachment issues, and determine whats important to me and the acceptable vs unacceptable in my relationships but, some progress is better than none. I wish it wasn't so excruciating and painstakingly hard, but I hope I make some new friends this next year. I hope I don't give up on myself. I want to keep going.

[fly-spy]

oh I see. it was the crime of wanting. that's why I deserve it.

[fly-spy]

Men who can’t get laid become so evil about it but if they just found out about prostate stimulation we could move towards communal healing in a meaningful way.

[fly-spy]

[fly-spy]

Remenber: shrinkp is bugs

[fly-spy]

What's the point?

[fly-spy]

self destruction really is such a fascinating human response to various factors both external and internal. what if sisyphus could leave at any time but kept rolling the boulder up the hill just to watch it roll back down anyway. what if he kept pushing it even as the rock cut into his palms and his legs began to ache with the desire to rest for even a moment and his body became a canvas of bruises and cuts that never have time to heal. what if he did it because it's the only thing he knows how to do. the only thing that gives him a sense of certainty and control in a world that takes both and offers neither.

[fly-spy]

the most depressing part is that it's not even kamala's stance on genocide that is costing her the elections. i wish it were. it's people genuinely shifting for trump. but it's the pro-palestine movement that's going to get the blame for it.

[fly-spy]

I hardly speak to anyone anymore. The people I thought I'd always have around have slowly dwindled and while I understand and accept why, it gets so lonely. I know after I transition into this next stage of life and I will spend the majority of time alone, it'll get even more rough, and I think that's why I've put this off for so long. I got comfortable in the company of pain because that seemed more bearable than facing the very real possibility that by the time I achieve all of my goals, I'll be alone. Part of it is my fault, part of it is just life. But... Life goes on, I suppose. With or without me, I guess I'll have to wait and see.

[fly-spy]

i need everyone to know that community is what will save us all in every single way imaginable. you forming a bond with your neighbour or coworker might help them move house or feel less alone or have the courage to leave an unhealthy living environment. you helping a stranger might provide them with hope. in turn, being able to lean on your community in times of need will save you. your broader bonds with your community are the revolution we need. our society seeks to divide and separate us in so many ways but we are all so much more united in our struggles and joys than you are made to believe. we need to hold onto each other very tightly.