fmdxyoungjoo

[fmdxyoungjoo]

So here we are, at the end of my journey. It's been both good and bad, and in the end, I guess that the bad managed to overshadow the good memories that i've had. i don't know how famed manages to survive with so many issues, issues that have taken a deep root within the roleplay that i've told myself would improve but still doesn't even after 2 years and counting of being within this community. 

From the people who ignore and ghost you to those who won't tell you that you've offended them or voice their discomfort to you so that you can explain yourself if there's a misunderstanding, or attempt to change if there's really an issue, and finally those that would do everything in their power to just kick you out or change the narrative to completely bully you. 

This one is a special shoutout I guess to the recent happenings and those few that know who know who they are and are involved in it (whoever you are, i don't know, and i don't care anymore). 

Well today, I'm putting an end to this. I'd like to kindly remind everyone that we do not all come from the same country, and don't belong to the same culture, and even whilst I may seem fluent in english, English is my second language and I still am not so fluent in putting my point across.  

While I'm happy to have learned it as a second language, that doesn't mean that I still understand every little nuance and know to read between the lines in everything that you might do. I've tried my very best to be understanding, to compromise all the time, and be open to discussion, and I never meant to cause anyone harm, or at least I kept to myself and my few close individuals friends that I've made over these few years and tried not to cause anyone harm 

But in the end, I can't stop others from twisting the narrative and misunderstanding my actions and neither giving me the chance to explain. I live by my own expectations and my own moral, values and rules, and I say that I did and gave famed both my entire heart and my very best. 

However these last few months haven't been easy, and so with the last straw especially of these recent happenings, I've decided to finally step down and leave the community, and I've never felt better in my life. 

Famed is no longer what it used to be for me. From a safe haven and a home, it's become a shipwreck, and something that I'm not sure can be saved. 

Bullies, control freaks, cliques, and of course those who just can't leave me alone that they have to add a final kick knowing that I'm suffering and thinking of the best ways to resolve issues with everyone by running to the admin and never coming to openly talk to me. It's liberating to know that I won't have to deal with you anymore, and that trumps even my worry and my apologetic heart to those that I'm leaving behind. 

To those that I'm leaving behind, I'm sorry that I had to do this, and this apology is only for you.  it was the last thing I've wanted to do, and I came to this conclusion after a deep week of reflecting, exiting all of my famed things and thinking through it constantly until i finally arrived at this particular conclusion by myself, without anyone requesting for me to leave. a worst conclusion, in my particular opinion.

However, I still wish you all the best, and for those brief moments and long lasting friendships, thank you, for making my world a little longer and brighter, even if some of the others were the worst.

[fmdxyoungjoo]

durifmd​:

       he chuckled softly. “pilates is a lot of work too! i’d say just as much as running, yeah?” he said, a soft giggle seemingly leaving his lips. however, it turns into a small, soft laugh before he’s nodding his head. “not being running’s biggest fan could possibly be why you can do other things and not get tired, but get tired from running,” he said, giggling once more. duri found it easy to run for a while, but that’s probably just because he’s grown incredibly used to it after years of working out. not to mention, he also tends to travel on foot around the city when he’s not working and really only taking the train as transportation - he preferred not having to get into a vehicle moving on a road, to say the least. “ah, are you saying we’re visuals, youngjoo?” he asked, before he’s giggling once more. 

he nodded his head, “ah, it’s always nice to be inspired. i think i find inspiration in the smallest things, which is always nice to be able to get songwriting down,” he said, smiling a bit more. maybe he was just used to it and writing came easy to him most of the time, if he isn’t facing a block. but, he never believed that inspiration had to be incredibly deep - you can find inspiration in just about anything… at least, it worked like that for himself. he chuckled, “i think i’ve gotten lucky that knight doesn’t have a sexy concept, i wouldn’t know what to do for those vcrs. how did you get through it?” 

“but it doesn’t really build up my stamina.” she whined delicately. “its almost terrible the way my stamina is terrible whenever running is brought up.” she sniffed lightly at duri’s giggles, purposely pouting delicately to lighten the mood. “and no! well, even if we’re gonna say something about us being visuals, i’d say you’re more of a visual compared to me.” she squints a little as she plops herself back comfortably onto the sofa, glancing up at the taller male with a light smile. 

“i guess people that see the silver linings in life actually find themselves getting inspired more often than not, don’t they?” she leaned on her arm, grinning widely at duri as she raised her eyebrows slightly. “you’re definitely brighter than i ever am and more positive too, so i’m guessing that there’s a part to play too, apart from us finding different things that inspire us respectively.” a light shrug tosses off her shoulders as she straightens herself slightly, a giggle passing through her lips as duri mentioned being lucky since knight had no sexy concept. 

“you know, i think i’m inclined to rather disagree that knight doesn’t have sexy concepts--i’m pretty sure a lot of your fans would agree with me, looking at all the concept photoshoots that knight has done for a lot of your music.” her eyes creased almost mischievously. “but for me, i just told myself to get it over and done with, just as i’ve always done for the past few years.” she admitted. “it wasn’t easy in the beginning? but i slowly got used to it.” another shrug tossed into the mix as she shifted like a chameleon upon the seat. “and i think as i grew more matured at the same time i was pretty thankful that we’re still in the sexy concept, though not that sexy until its almost scandalous kind of concept.” she rambled on slightly, waving her hands in the air. “we’re more focused on being empowering and matured i think, and sexy is just one small component of it.”

[fmdxyoungjoo]

I'll be completely out today since its the first day of lunar chinese new year! but if i have internet i might be on discord..thats if i have the time T_T and in general if i don't get too wild from my birthday celebrations.

but HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERYONE! 🤭

[fmdxyoungjoo]

so i’m technically back from a short little hiatus and am in need of threads for all four of muses--but this plot call will come up somewhere...after the 12th, since the lunar new year is coming up, and right smack on the first day of it xD its my birthday (i’m growing older again someone pls save me b4 that midlife crisis hits) SO i am going to go fun, go wilde and just well celebrate my aging with..well :’) things that i can in the restrictions xD lmfao who knows if you have my discord you might see a drunk fool in the dms crying abt harry potter and his horrendous grown up scale from boy to adulthood or just something deeply embarrassing in general lol 

[fmdxyoungjoo]

On February 1, Chamisul announced that Silhouette’s Jo Youngjoo has most recently been selected as the newest face of their prominent brand. Chamisul is best known for its clean image and for their deep emphasis on the “refreshing” image of their product.

A representative of Hite Jinro revealed, “ Youngjoo has long upheld the public’s affection, known to be as an idol with a clean, calming and yet elegant image that is suited towards Chamisul. With the recent rise of Youngjoo’s music amongst the general public with recent album, her appearance in Our Songs, and her captivating appearance with her various roles in dramas, she’s not just managed to capture a wide range of audiences only pertaining to her own group of fans, but also amongst the general population. With a lengthy career with Gold Star set in the making, we are sure that this new representation of Youngjoo would be much loved as her music is.”

Following the announcement, a CF showcasing the product was revealed to the public, featuring Youngjoo in a gentle but elegant form, walking through a snowy forest and gathering the first melted snow off its branches, depicting Chamisul having been made in the freshest way.

Youngjoo will subsequently promote with Chamisul with various fansigns and events, with the specific dates set to be announced at a later time.

Youngjoo debuted as a soloist in August 2020 with her solo mini album, The Sound of the Soul Pt. 1, after ten years with Silhouette. Silhouette recently released a pre-release single off of their upcoming comeback album and held their 37.2°C 19+ concerts being held in Seoul, Tokyo, and Los Angeles.

COMMENTS

1. a sexy youngjoo is amazing, but a clean, fresh and elegant youngjoo is even betterㅠ this image really suits her well

2. she reminds me of an elf in a forest!! youngjoo unnie please do a fantasy drama! i kinda want her to see her in a saeguk drama too!

3. i wish silhouette does more of this clean, fresh and elegant image feel kind of concept, my mind still hasn’t moved on from 37.2°C and a youngjoo being tattooed with a tattoo gun…

4. her visuals…..god, is she even over 30 this year…over 30 is really sexy

5. aha, they should have found a younger girl with a cleaner less sexy imageㅋ is chamisul going for the sexy vibe now?

6. ㅋㅋㅋall shadows know that joo is an alcohol trash and here she is promoting an alcohol drink

[fmdxyoungjoo]

durifmd​:

     there’s a soft giggle that leaves his lips. “i think i like when i have a lot to do? but, i could also use some rest, instead of going all the time…” he admits, a soft shrug leaving his shoulders. “but, i think i’m lucky that i get stuff often and that i can handle it!” he added onto his words. “ah, that could be true! working out isn’t for everyone, it can be really tiring, especially when you aren’t used to it,” he said, nodding softly. he nodded his head, “you should! younger fans seem to think we’re old, especially women, once we hit thirty… but, we’re still young and sexy!” he said, a laugh leaving his lips. 

“ah, really? but you did really well on heaven!” he reassured with a soft nod of the head. “i think jazzy would go really well with a sexy concept, to be quite honest! then again… what do i know?” he says, before giggling softly once more. 

youngjoo couldn’t help the bereaved sob that fell from her lips as she ran a hand through her hair. “ listen, i can do a sick set of pilates, but ask me to run and my stamina runs out within 500 metres of vigorously exercising. its even a surprise to me that i can endure dancing on the stage for so long, alongside singing too. or maybe i just..”  she covered her mouth as she giggled slightly at the thought. “ maybe i just really really hate running.”  she chuckled. “i mean, technically, i’m pretty sure that both of us together still champion over most of the others in the general public when it comes to looks.”  she winks at him cheekily, a hint of mischief in her glittering eyes. 

“ i just got lucky for heaven really.”  she admits, turning her face slightly away, embarrassed at his compliment. “ i was lucky to be inspired, that’s all it is.”  she murmured softly. “and please--did you know how embarrassed i was to do that concert vcr?”  she blushed furiously, covering her cheeks with her hands, flushed at the thought. “ it was so...so..” she hiccupped a little nervously, before rubbing her cheeks, as if that could help cure the heat in her cheeks. “ thankfully for my solo work i don’t have to do all these things unless i want the concept to be so.”  

[fmdxyoungjoo]

daesungfmd​:

as he listens to her speak, he realizes that he hadn’t watched our songs. he didn’t think he’d heard any of the songs, either — but to admit it now would be embarrassing, so he makes a mental note to listen to e.t. later. “from the instrumental alone, it sounds like a kind of… naive song? maybe naive isn’t the word i’m looking for, but it has a sweet, youthful kind of feeling for me. somehow feels a little sad, too, though.” he wonders if he should go on or stop here. he’s sure that she works hard on everything she does, and that damned nervous side worries that she might be upset if what he perceived when listening to the song is completely different from what she intended. in the end, he goes on, anyway. “kind of nostalgic, i guess. like reminiscing on something from a simpler time. but on the other hand, it reminds me of chasing butterflies.”

“don’t be sorry either.” she feels a slight bit apologetic to the younger male, wondering if it was indeed her presence that had made him rather nervous. in her defense, she hadn’t intended it to be in such a way, but one definitely couldn’t fault him--many years ago, faced with almost the same feeling, she had done something similar to her seniors as well, so really--she offered a soft smile towards daesung, almost tentative and slightly sheepish. “maybe its because you’re feeling nervous talking to a senior? i know that many years ago, i pretty much did the same thing too, to one of my seniors.” she flushed embarrassedly, knocking it off with a awkward little laugh, ears flushing and heat rising in her cheeks. “its normal. just be normal around me, or you’ll make me nervous as well.” she chuckled nervously, raising a hand to the back of her neck out of habit for a peculiar source of comfort. 

her eyes only soften further at his rambling speech, slight admiration colouring her delicate features as she nodded, brushing aside her hair to better face him properly, bangs out and away from her eyes, as she blinked a little owlishly at him. 

“ it takes more than just having a composer or a lyricist to make a complete song in my opinion. much like you did say, a lot of things require composers, lyricists and producers to all work together. music is a form of art that can heal, and yet can destroy, depending much on what you want your audiences to hear from you...and the last, final touch to the entire piece on the entire chess board is the vocalist that sings the song. but contrary to you saying that lyricists draw the picture--i feel that composers are the ones that draw the pictures first. its the basic idea of the sound, the production of the music that sometimes inspire the words on the page--for me at the very least. or else the words that i write are merely just...words alone. and words alone seem meaningless until you find a pattern for it all. music and composition though...”  she trailed off thoughtfully, fingers lightly tapping against the desk as she sank into comtemplative thoughts. “ i would say the composers draw the basic picture--sketch lines of how they desire the picture of the music to be seen like..then the producers add the colours in, before the finishing touches are the lyrics, and the vocalist.”  

she lifted her eyes slightly to glance at daesung, smiling almost encouragingly. 

“not that you weren’t wrong in your own interpretation of course. even i still think that i’m rather biased towards composers, since i’m more of that than a good lyricist.”  she grinned, eyes creasing together as she laughed gayly. “but think about it. a song can be a complete song by itself, even without the words. it could even have nonsensical words to it but with an uplifting or encouraging tune, it could do wonders. so to me as an artist--i guess figuring out the idea and the general picture of the entire song comes first before everything else.”  she raised her shoulders lightly in a vague little shrug. “ or maybe, i’m just smitten for composers more than others after all.”  she teased. 

“ in the concept of e.t, i worked on the idea of relaxation, on travel. even with the lyrics stripped away--in the basics of the tune itself, the idea of a languid adventure is there. which was why i chose the acoustic way of composition for the song itself, the mellowed beats that accompanied it as well. the aim was to draw people into a contemplative and dreamy state rather than nostalgic.”  she corrected him lightly, but a slight shine of admiration in her irises as she nodded slightly. “ but this is just my interpretation of it. to me, music doesn’t have one particular interpretation. i could interpret it one way, and you could do the same for the same song, and it could be an entirely different interpretation itself, but its still correct, because music, no matter what it is and where it comes from, at its very essence, is a personal adventure and a personalized song and ode to yourself. so really, since you interpreted it as nostalgic, that idea itself--is unique to you. something about you, or your past experiences must have led you to interpret the song this way.”  

[fmdxyoungjoo]

fmdtaeyong​:

between what bc wants and the melodies they’d thrown back and forth between each other over the last few days, it doesn’t seem that they’re going for the most profound song ever written. that’s fine. ash doesn’t need every song to be ludicrously soul-baring, not when he’s working with youngjoo, who he has a bad history of spiraling downward in relation to the moment soul-baring comes into the picture. he’d told her he wants to work on their friendship, and he does. he wishes they could do it on their own time instead of bc’s, though.

“that’s good. we can work with that for sure.” his face brightens as he praises her, but his eyes go back to scanning the room after that, lost in thought as he tries his hardest to avoid all of the obvious road signs in his mind telling him to draw from experience that’s too up close and personal for him in the moment to want to dwell on when he’s not afforded the mercy of being left alone to his own thoughts.

“that’s catchy. or ‘it feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine, but not’? ‘it feels like i’m yours, it seems like i’m yours, but not’? it could alternate, but that could fit the chorus melody we were playing around with, too. if we want to go pop, that’s a good bet.” ideas aren’t coming to him with the ease they could thanks to the bright yellow caution tape across the most emotional centers of his mind. “we can narrow it in then to that kind of relationship. a some? most people have had that experience. ‘what are we? i’m confused… don’t be aloof.’ it’s the words you want to say to them,” he locks eyes with youngjoo for a brief second, and then glances back away, “but don’t.”  

all it takes is a simple look from his eyes to send her heart dropping right back into the pit of her stomach. be professional, her throat bobs, and she swallows tightly, before twisting away from him ever so slightly, exhaling a soft breath as the mood in the room shifted back into something a little less lively and a little more somber. 

“definitely.” she surprised at how little her voice actually shakes at the reminder of the lyrics being so eerily similar to their own personal relationship between each other. “a something ambiguous? perhaps one that’s of a much lighter tone compared to others. like a friendly, between friends little crush that sort of feeling, as if there’s something that can be perceived and yet you’re just never that sure.” the pen twists between her fingers thoughtfully as she glanced down at the writing pad, taking in the words she had noted down in the piece of paper whilst ash had been speaking.

“what about adding a few lyrics describing the feelings of the other person? ultimately as much of a crush and as in love as we are with each other, it still hurts, being led around by another person.” she murmured softly, eyes finally turning to graze his face with a soft little smile. “a confession and an admission. something along the lines of saying don’t lead me on and draw out the line for me, be clear with what you want to say.” her head tilts slightly as she lifted a hand and huffed a small laugh. “to be real  or ultimately honest in a different way with each other?” 

[fmdxyoungjoo]

Welcome back, Red Velvet! 💗💛💙💚💜

[fmdxyoungjoo]

jo youngjoo aesthetic + headcanon : winter season

winter season is a sad season really, youngjoo thinks. grey, drab and occasionally streaked with the sentimentality of a beautiful blue, its saddening to look at, just like many. saddening and yet beautiful. perhaps its because she’s a june baby that she doesn’t like the cold either, even if she finds it pretty beautiful to witness and see.

word count: 494 words

youngjoo doesn’t necessarily hate winter, she just doesn’t really like the cold that it usually gives off, the feeling of the bitter but dry wind whipping against her skin isn’t that nice of a feeling really, especially when being in the middle of schedules as well. 

despite being a homebody, youngjoo doesn’t take well to staying in one place for a long or an entire time--even while in the space of her home, she likes walking around in her apartment--or even by the han river, which she treats as a safe haven of some sorts for her own self during the nights. in winter, she’s unable to do so, and it both saddens and irks her as well. its one of the many reasons that she doesn’t really think that the winter season is for her. 

another reason why she doesn’t like winter is because of its association with having to be locked up or confined in one particular space, something which she had done multiple times in the period where she stayed with her parents. winter is also not a very good memory for her in particular, because this winter, she attempted returning home for once. it was on this very wintery day that she realised that she would never be able to reconcile anything with her parents, who viewed her deeply as a failure in life for being a popular idol, rather than seating herself with a husband or be a surgeon as how they wanted her to be.

its also a season for new beginnings and new starts--even amidst all the negativity that she’s gotten from visiting her family back in their old home, she’s at the very least, done something to somewhat patch up her relationship with ash, even though it feels as though they’ve simply stagnated in the moment, and with her being the only one trying to fight the urge to come back to him, despite knowing that they both require time and space.

there are also a few things that she loves about winter. one of the few things is the winter sports that they can do. despite her own prone to be clumsy state, she loves attempting to ice skate on the rink, even if its means that she returns home, getting bruises on unlikely places on her body and her entire body aching the next day. skiing is also something fun that she wants to try in the future, or even snowboarding.

the few sports so far that she wants and desires to try are sports that actually have a rather exhilarating tinge to them, almost as if its your own learnable roller coaster. its high time for her to loosen up a bit more and to have a bit more fun, that’s what she thinks, and perhaps that’s why those are the sports that she has on her current bucket list to try at least more than once for her own personal self fulfillment. 

[fmdxyoungjoo]

Jo Youngjoo Aesthetics + Self-para : travel the world

the new year begins and suddenly an ache to run from south korea fills her from head right down to her toes, like a pain that can’t get away from her gut whenever she looks in the direction of herself in the mirror or sets her eyes on someone else, a hole in her heart that has something to both do with age and a pang of a heartbroken ache, like dissonant chords trying to hit a tune and play.

word count: 452 words

30 is the year that she’s feeling a little flighty. 

its the year of desiring things that aren’t of her own, a year of learning that she had imperfections that couldn’t be erased. age--is one of them, every line upon her face a reminder of the shortlived time she had left as someone of a prized guarantee in a world and industry full of entertainment individuals that debut younger than the next. 

and ashton.

the ache in her heart only grows when her thoughts shift over to him, their recent meeting in the new year both a balm of sorts to her own heart, and a cementing but overwhelming urge all at the same time to bring her closer, even if they both weren’t ready for it. 

what they needed was space, just as there was a need for time. 

and what better thing to really do than travel if she could to places that she’s never been to before? it was the least that she could do to help take her mind off things. unfortunately--her schedule lacked in such versatility in allowing her room to make travels of her own, a sad piece of reality that she hoped would change, perhaps in the near future (a hope that nonetheless wouldn’t happen for a long while, even if she still held out on some hope here and there).

and so she writes down on a list--a set of places that she desired to go to, etched into place, immortalised with her pen. 

america. perhaps it was a joke that she wanted to go to america, considering the amount of times that silhouette travelled overseas for various performances and schedules. japan. yet another one of the different places that she had managed to go to, but never really explore. 

she wonders if she’s looking for something a little more than usual, perhaps a semblance of peace that would make her feel more in pace and in peace with herself. 

perhaps the idea of travel just wasn’t that far--it was just the ambience and semblance of peace that she truly needed--it could have just been a nearby roof, with the sunset in the horizon, and the wind blowing in her face, peace and serenity finding her limbs and permeating her senses for once, and that would have been it--the equivalent she felt responded to the idea of travel. 

its late into the night by the time she realises this, moments of reflection slanted on the edges of the paper where she had doodled in her thoughtless spare time. 

its the idea of being healed rather than the desperate thoughts of wanting to travel, and she pulls the blanket back up and over her face.

[fmdxyoungjoo]

JOOETHEREALDREAMER JUST POSTED A PHOTO!

jooetherealdreamer:  did everyone enjoy this month of silhouette? ^^ 

• ❤️ 4.09k likes •  💬 547k comments •

@silhouettelover:  ahhh you look so cute in casual wear @smallchibijoo: she’s really so tiny ㅠ ㅠ chibi joo so cute           ➥ @youngjoonation: @smallchibijoo ㅎㅎ her profile says 158 but she feels...smaller?            ➥ @smallchibijoo: @youngjoonation definitely smaller lol maybe 152? 153? i feel like she can fit in a small kid’s clothes @sexitaeyongsugabby: why did u keep mentioning taeyong on our songs? are you trying to use him for clout? get lost u old bat 🤬 taeyong doesn’t like u          ➥ @youngjoonation: @sexitaeyongsugabby go wash ur mouth out with soap          ➥ @30issexi: @sexitaeyongsugabby ur just jealous she can get close to ur boy toy and be his goddess @youngjoostoes: youngjooooo why don’t u show ur toes anymore         ➥ @30issexi: @youngjoostoes report!!! why r u so disgusting?! @s1xsenses: i miss u was such a gift to the shadows from silhouette thk u girls for ur voices ㅠ rest your voices well!! all those sexy concerts and promotions must have taken your energy away! @all4knght: as long as she stays away from our boi go find an equally old person to fuck with             ➥ @sexitaeyongsugabby:  @all4knghtㅋ shouldn’t she be kicked out of silhouette already ㅋ look at all those wrinkles~            ➥ @hyejudomination: @sexitaeyongsugabby stay out of her comments if you don’t like her she looks just fine u probably have more wrinkles than she does      @joosimpeccabletoes: @youngjoostoes LEAVE U IMPOSTER YOUNGJOO’S TOES ARE MINE

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[fmdxyoungjoo]

Jo Youngjoo Aesthetic + Self para : I Miss You

it’s a ode to the fans that they compose this time as a pre-release, not full, literal composition of course--but a composition of their voices and techniques. its taxing, especially for joo. if sixth sense was challenging with that high note due to the sudden turn of gold star’s idea for both her role in the group and their concept as a while, then “i miss you” was yet another technically challenging step for her to follow through. 

word count: 526 words

it surprises her when gold star gives them the song for the pre-release, titled ‘i miss you’.  despite their more arguably humane treatments of their artists compared to other agencies as a whole, youngjoo never thought the company to be one for sentimentalities. and so when i miss you was guided to them as an ode to a lost love, a remembrance and a mild lamentation, she thought it different from the usually rather strong image that they had been previously showing. 

even their next music video and the song taller than you, was a song that would possibly come off strongly to their audience and their fans. 

so why the sentimentality? 

one thing was no doubtedly clear to youngjoo when she first heard the parameters and the composition of the song. 

it was meant to be for those who had the highest possible kind of technical ability in singing. the natural runs, the fine tunes and scatting that occurred within the guide track itself was more than enough to send youngjoo’s head in a complete whirl--the fact that she usually was one of the ones that adlibbed and scatted to the various tracks that silhouette had not withstanding. 

poor chaeyeon--she had thought to herself back when they all stood in the studio, awaiting turns to record their part of the song. the strain it must have upon their voice. 

her own experience with the high runs and lengthy trills only served to confirm her thought of the difficulty of the song even more, a tired edge, tinged with a slight desperation flooding out from behind her lips when she fails rather repeatedly to successfully reach the right kind of feel and pitch she felt was right for the song. 

“you’re a bit too much of a perfectionist. i think the last recording was just fine, joo.” 

it takes a producer to press a finger against the microphone and half bellow at her to stop attempting to sing repeatedly and improve her singing pattern for the song before she even accepts her own personal thought of a failure in being able to express the song more adequately. 

it’s less of an issue and more of an obsession, she thinks—a make up for the inadequacy that she somehow couldn’t change, as the years grew older and the fear of losing out to the edge of the youth grew ever stronger.

“sorry.” there’s only a smile that she can offer the producer as they sigh and shake their heads wryly, admiring and yet both exasperated at her far too serious approach with the song. “its just, really technical, and i just thought..i might as well do the best that i could.”

“the point is, youngjoo, you’ve done more than enough.”

and that was the exact little irony for her. a flaw that only grew in the making as time passed and she herself failed to correct the what little she had remain of her milder reasons.

there was just never going to be the day that she thought herself adequate enough—the feeling only ever grew stronger as time passed and the urge to remain as she was—stayed stronger.

[fmdxyoungjoo]

durifmd​:

     there’s another giggle that escapes lips, a soft nod of his head occurring moments after. “ah, sometimes it’s really hard to obtain all the information they’re throwing at you at once. but, we can just say they wanted to keep it a big secret! especially since gold star wanted me to come here to record,” he said, giggling once more - something that he couldn’t help. “i think people are just built different, right? some people can handle more schedules at once ad others aren’t fully able to!” he responded. though, to be fair, duri allowed so many to be tacked on, just as a distraction from his own mind at times. there’s a soft laugh at the words, “cause i’m 30 baby” he sings, a reference to the song he released on portal in 2019. before another soft laughter leaving his lips. 

he nodded his head, it was something that he understood. he got to write all of his solo tracks (besides for the fact that he only wrote four on his debut album), but he didn’t really get the chance to write a lot of knight songs, only have a few under his belt. “ah, i wish we got to do more for our groups, but i get why companies don’t want to chance it,” he responded. he thinks upon the question for a moment, before answering. “i really like it! it has a good vibe and it’s a nice love song. i think it’s a bit different from things that i’ve done before. but, i always like something new!” he says. there’s a small giggle, “ah, would we be okay to do that?”

“i doubt that i can handle more than a few at a time.” youngjoo groaned teasingly, cracking an eye at duri as she lightly smiled. “i’m sure one way or another, it probably has to do with exercise and age. you exercise regularly, and i don’t like to, so, maybe that’s exactly where the discrepancy lies.” she teased, straining upwards to reach his head just so she could ruffle his hair lightly. “but anyway, i think personally, that thirty is sexy, and i’m planning to campaign that thought throughout this year and forever more, since i’ve already hit that age.” she announced grandly, laughing gayly as she shook her head lightly.

“in my opinion, i don’t think its more of that gold star didn’t want to take the chance--a lot of my compositions have ended up in both my album, as well as other individuals’ albums...” she murmured a little thoughtfully. “its just more or less that i’m less skilled in lyricism as some of my members are, and duly more suited towards the production or composition side of things, which of course, my style of ballads and bluesy songs, or even some jazzy songs don’t suit much of silhouette’s sexy concept.” she blushed, recalling her concert. “if you’ve seen our concert’s concept, you’d know what i mean.” she leaned in, whispering slightly. 

[fmdxyoungjoo]

fmdtaeyong​:

— expecting a miracle.

@fmdxyoungjoo // early january.

ash can’t say he doesn’t feel on edge, but it’s not something he’s proud of. he likes to think the talk he’d had with youngjoo on new year’s eve had smoothed over the most obvious awkwardness, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling weird about the fact that the first time they’re hanging out after that is for work. he wonders absently if she thinks he’d known about this before — that she has any suspicions he’d sought her out on new year’s eve to make his work life easier and not because he’d been genuine. it could certainly seem that way, when he’d gotten the news their companies wanted them to work together so quickly after the turn of the new year. he’d barely had time to even look over the brief given to them by the company before he’d had to get to work with youngjoo in the studio to get ahead of the deadline.

“uh, so spring love, crushing,” he recounts the shortest version of the brief he can as he runs a hand through his recently-bleached hair, leaning back in his chair in thought after he’s set his phone on the desk, set to record a voice memo so that they won’t forget anything they discuss. “if it’s going to be a pop song, it makes sense to be straightforward instead of leaning too poetic. it feels sort of like… two people who like each other but haven’t confessed yet, a back and forth between their thoughts? ‘i like you. why won’t you admit you like me first?’ that kind of thing.”

the last thing she had ever expected--was for gold star to team her together with ash. and it so happened to be a song about spring love, or crushing too. that thought alone was enough to send a good stab towards her heart, the awkwardness most likely flooding out of her features and limbs as she sat down on the opposite side of ash, half curious, half apprehensive. its difficult to comprehend and stay on the fine line of being co-workers, when they’ve had so much between them, but its something that she has to make work anyway. 

at the very least, the best she could give him was a good work experience with her. 

“there’s definitely a playful vibe towards it, like perhaps something really lighthearted, a back and forth banter of some kind?” she tapers off into a bit of a question thoughtfully, picking up a pencil to twirl between her fingers out of habit, mirroring ash as she leaned back slightly in her chair and tried her best to relax. “ah! perhaps, well you know--the idea of close friends but you aren’t really sure if they like you? a typical close friend crush. we could say things like it feels like we’re lovers, it seems like we’re lovers, but we’re not? or something along those lines. and since its both of us singing as a duet, perhaps we could try something of a form of a dialogue, like secret words they wouldn’t say to each other, but think, and its expressed in the form and lyrics of the song.” excitement slowly bleeds into her form as she leaned forward interestedly, all sense of her previous discomfort fading from view as she smiled brightly at ash, before awkwardly deflating back into her seat and letting out a soft but sheepish laugh, almost embarrassed. “i got a bit too excited there, sorry. what  do you think though?”  

[fmdxyoungjoo]

fmdrian​:

she chokes. thinks it might’ve been something like a sob, pressed to the back of her hand. until a voice makes her jolt, turning around so fast vertigo has her staggering, balance regained with the railing against her back. “jesus christ! make some noise when you walk.” she hisses through gritted teeth as her heart leaps into her throat. embarrassment at being caught in a vulnerable state glossed over with a half-assed glare and pointed words. she spies the tissue in youngjoo’s hand and bristles. was that pity? “why are you so nosy?” angry, rian knocks her hand away and a tiny part of her winces at the smack of skin on skin but she doesn’t apologize even as she tucks her hands in her pockets and looks away. unable and unwilling to look youngjoo in the eyes. afraid of what she might see there. “you’re free to stay wherever you want. it’s a big ship. a free country. help yourself.”

the tissue that she holds knocked into the wind, youngjoo stares at her hand for a moment, the back of it stinging slightly from where the smack had landed, before huffing a soft little laugh from her lips. “good. i’m staying then. because you look like you need it.” silence is her best weapon when its something that rian doesn’t want to entertain, she thinks to herself, watching the tremble of the younger girl’s bristling stance, and the redness in her ears, slowly creeping up her neck as youngjoo leaned against the railing and turned her eyes lightly to the horizon. 

“but, i’m always here for you to talk. just think of me like a wooden block with ears.” a wry little smile twists upon her delicate lips, a puff of laughter brushing from parted tiers as she tilted her head slightly and turned the other way for the younger girl’s own comfort. the back of their forearms brush against each other--just a little--just enough physical presence to be reassuring and less imposing, waiting, as she always did for the other to open up the locked gates of her heart to her, if she wanted to. 

a part of youngjoo didn’t understand why she was so concerned about rian--perhaps it was her propensity to just simply put others before herself, that leaning ache to help others with all the ability she had, without in particular caring for herself was almost an automatic reaction, coupled with an intensity of a force that would riddle her with guilt if she left someone that needed help listing out in the open waters. 

perhaps, it was because, she saw a part of herself in rian--a wince internally at the thought told her all that she needed to know, the memory of recalling her parents too painful for one to bear. 

“you know, you don’t have to bear every burden on your shoulders just like this--all alone. i’m guessing someone called you, right?” her chin jerked softly in the direction of the loosely held phone in rian’s hand, turning round finally to glance fully at rian, her eyes boring into the side of her face as she sucked in a breath. 

[fmdxyoungjoo]

daesungfmd​:

@fmdxyoungjoo.

daesung doesn’t need to know anything about music production (composition?… hell, he doesn’t even know which word to use — that’s gotta say something about him), but he has time on his hands and a curious mind. if nothing else, it’ll be fun just to dig into a creator’s mind, even if his short attention span doesn’t allow him to take any solid information from the experience. though learning is the goal, he won’t be too upset if he fails to follow; it won’t be the first time and it certainly won’t be the last. “actually, i’ve been listening to your… work?… lately,” he states, wondering if youngjoo will detect the half-second of an uncertain pause. truthfully, his mind has blanked and he’d doubted that it should be called her work if she isn’t the one singing; now, he silently tells himself that of course it’s her work if she helped bring it into the world.

“i like how some of your work has, uh… you know…” he raises his right hand, waving it around vaguely as if the action will somehow help him articulate himself better. maybe it works — soon, he’s past the fumbling. “kind of a magical, daydream quality. especially songs like grown up and a song from the past. the feeling of being on a magic carpet ride through some really pretty disney sky, you know?” is he making sense? he hopes so, but somehow he doubts that he is. either way, he isn’t here to make similes out of her career — he’s here with a purpose! “blue is a really beautiful song, especially. i’m curious about the creative process for something like that.”

ever since her debut in our songs, joo had thought--that she would get used to in a certain way how others might treat her a little differently as she established her status as a rather proficient composer and producer in the music industry. that didn’t seem to be the case at all, as she flushed at the compliment that the younger male before her had given her within the few seconds that he had opened his mouth and brought up her music works for others. blue had been a tender but delicate song to produce, and she had known that suji had been the person that she was writing for by then, which had helped bring forth the ideas for the entire composition of the entire song itself.

it was really just a blessing that the lyrics had fitted so well with the playful and youthful vibe that she had given the song, and youngjoo blinked, tilting her head slightly in mild contemplation at his words. “you’re making sense to me, if that’s what you’re somewhat worried about.” she reaches over to touch his hand gently, a stroke of reassurance that she felt he seemed to somewhat need, especially from the various little actions that had ebbed in his slight movements. “don’t be..don’t be so nervous. you’ll make me nervous as well.” she laughed a little nervously, a sheepish edge in the corners of her tone as she felt embarrassment creep up in a strange heat to the back of her neck and the nape of her neck. “i’m still not that used to having someone being interested in the things that i produce, usually...people would ask the ones that wrote the lyrics for the song rather than the composer of the song, but--i’m strangely happy that you actually asked.” a soft huff of laughter pealed from the shell of her lips as she lightly shook her head at her own delicate embarrassment. 

“another one of my songs that had that...lazy, dream like quality was E.T, which i wrote for our songs, i believe.” she mused thoughtfully, a finger tapping her lips lightly in thoughtfulness. “but for blue specifically, i happened to know that i was writing for suji, i believe. so the first thing i thought of was, what was the sound that encapsulated the feel of the person singing it, and the idea that came to me first was youth.” she paused for a moment, half curious at what he thought. “but  tell me though, what vibes and ideas did you get, just from listening to blue?”