forallthatexistswithinme

[forallthatexistswithinme]

[forallthatexistswithinme]

[forallthatexistswithinme]

Sex stuff you probably won’t learn from fanfiction and/or porn:

Erotic fic and porn can be a lot of fun! But if you aren’t being provided with adequate sex ed through other channels (comprehensive sexual education, frank and open discussions with trusted adults, etc.), turning to fanfic and porn for your understanding of sex is gonna leave some major blindspots and may leave you with some unrealistic expectations. While there’s nothing wrong with these kinds of erotica, they are fictional and tend to leave out a lot of the more realistic, human parts of sex - they serve a great purpose, but that purpose isn’t primarily educational. The following is an incomplete list of some things you should probably know about sex that a lot of fic and porn tends to leave out:

It isn’t always super hot or super sweet. Sometimes it’s super silly. Or sometimes it’s sort of mundane and you’re both simply scratching an itch. That’s fine too. (Hell, sometimes you’re talking about comic books while boning and your partner is laughing that you’re getting REALLY ANGRY about spider-man while they’re going to town on you.)

You will probably not climax at the same moment. It’s a sweet idea, but extremely hard to coordinate, and if all your concentration is going into coming at the exact same moment, you’re probably not enjoying yourselves as much as you might. 

Sometimes bodies make weird, goofy noises. Squelching, slapping, air-escaping, un-sexy noises. It’s okay to laugh at this. 

Hell, it’s okay to laugh during sex in general.

Sometimes you fart. Sometimes you fart while someone is going down on you and it is embarrassing as hell. This isn’t the end of the world. Embarrassing body things happen. Heck, sometimes, with anal, there’s a little poo. You get over it.

Sometimes sex is… kinda bad? This doesn’t mean it’s assault, or something traumatic – sometimes it’s consensual but just kinda bleh and not what you hoped for. The best thing to do (if you’re talking about sex with a partner and not just a hook up who you can not call back) is talk to them about it. Figure out what went wrong, what you enjoy and what you don’t, and communicate what techniques you do and don’t like. Also don’t be afraid to stop someone in the middle of the sex act you’re not enjoying and offer guidance on how to help make it good for you too. (Side tip: masturbation makes great research into what you personally do and don’t enjoy sexually)

You won’t enjoy every sex act. Not every body is wired to find every thing pleasurable. You might find anal does nothing for you. You may find g-spot stimulation just makes you really anxious that you’re about to pee. You may not enjoy giving or receiving oral. You’re not broken if you don’t like something that every pornstar or smutty fanfic protagonist seems to have earth-shattering orgasms from. Everyone’s got nerve endings in a range of places – it’s quite literally, different strokes for different folks.

On that note, not all orgasms are earth-shattering. Sometimes it just feels warm and nice. That’s fine too. 

Sometimes, if you’re neutral on a sex act and your partner loves it, you can suck it up for them, and they’ll suck up something they’re not crazy about for your pleasure in return. But communicate preferences with each other! Know that when a partner does that thing you love that they don’t get much from, that it’s an act of care, and vice versa. 

Falling asleep in each other’s arms right after wild passionate sex seems really romantic, but dried and crusty fluids are gonna be a bitch in the morning. Also, after sex, you should both (regardless of your equipment) go pee to clear out the urethra of any gunk or bacteria to reduce risk of a UTI. 

Putting a towel down on the bed before sex means you don’t have to sleep on wet funky sheets. (it’s also verrrrrry useful for period sex if you or your partner menstruate.)

A lot of people don’t like dirty talk, or rough sex. Always ask first. (Fanfic on the whole does a better job than porn at showing communication, but a lot of it is still highly fictive on this point)

PROTECTION PROTECTION PROTECTION. Use condoms, dental dams, etc. not just to prevent pregnancy, but to reduce risk of STIs. (Yes, even couples with the same genitals who don’t need to worry about pregnancy).

Lube is great and very important, but random goopy things around you are not good lube. Random oils especially, since oil doesn’t flush out well and can trap bacteria inside the body – oil-based lubricant also degrades condoms. Use lube specifically designed for intimate purposes. Water-based and silicone-based lubes help sex feel really good!

Bigger isn’t necessarily better. A lot of people with vaginas don’t enjoy the feeling of being repeatedly punched in the cervix by a monster cock. Some people enjoy a larger size when being penetrated by an appendage or toy and some don’t.

Bodies are hairy. Genitals are hairy. You may get a pube stuck in your teeth at some point. If your partner is WAY fuzzier than porn ever led you to believe they’d be, well, that’s normal. 

Not everyone loves the taste of ejaculate. Sometimes it’s nasty (flavor tends to vary from person to person depending on their diet, but sometimes you just really don’t like it no matter what. Some of us hate the taste of peanut butter. People don’t always like things). It’s okay not to swallow, or to request a penis-having partner warn you so they don’t ejaculate in your mouth (in fact, it’s polite for them to do the latter). 

If you’re gonna have shower sex, get one of those rubbery mats for the shower floor that gives you traction, because otherwise it’s super embarrassing to call for an ambulance while dripping wet and naked because you slipped and accidentally broke something and your partner got a concussion while you were trying to bang in the shower. 

Moaning and screaming wildly during sex is fun but it will make the neighbors in the apartments adjacent to you hate you. Make choices accordingly. 

[forallthatexistswithinme]

“I am tired of being told I am loved and cared about but never made to feel that way.”

— your actions and words never match

[forallthatexistswithinme]

[forallthatexistswithinme]

[forallthatexistswithinme]

You know what I fucking hate? I hate that I still feel like I need to check on you. I hate that one of my alters still cares too much about you. I hate that you were able to just move on and there’s a part of me that is stuck in this stupid fucking 16 year old mindset and I just want to fucking scream. I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you. But that would make all of this so much easier. You made me absolutely miserable for so long that it completely negated how happy you made me the very few and far between times you did make me happy. I hate that I’m somehow just still here waiting for you to respond like a stupid fucking puppy that got kicked but still trusts their owner. I want my stuff back that you have, and I want my life back that you stole. I just want to be happy and I’m absolutely terrified that I’ll never be able to and it’s all your fault.

[forallthatexistswithinme]

"The first thing I do when I wake up is miss you,

The last thing I do before I sleep is miss you."

- I can't wait to sleep next to you

[forallthatexistswithinme]

“Being protected by you is the most warm and cozy feeling I’ve always wanted to feel.”

— k.b. // protect me

[forallthatexistswithinme]

“You took my hand and showed me the things that are worth fighting for.”

— k.b. // i could’ve never done it without you

[forallthatexistswithinme]

I want a relationship where we can get drunk at midnight, just the two of us, and sit up talking and making out all night, and go to the beach at four in the morning. I want someone who’s down for adventure. I want someone who will go camping with me, and boating, and fishing, and travel. I want someone who wants me for life. I want passion that doesn’t burn out.

[forallthatexistswithinme]

[forallthatexistswithinme]

[forallthatexistswithinme]

“if the sky has not fastened my gaze by now and the ocean’s blue waters are not new. and voices that beg conversation, do not slip on by to go down in a swelling dark. if i am not dumb and dizzy and reeling and filled with the melodies of your tongue… or riveted by your silence. or the faint crease that rose to the shoal of your skin, then back down to the depths of your soul… if i have not been wounded and bruised on a wave of tireless nights, to preserve your name in the stars… … then who do you think you are? there is no part for me here… if my heart is not nailed to your skin, if my breath is not stolen from your lungs…”

— Helaena C Moon @ http://hapless-hollow.tumblr.com/ 

[forallthatexistswithinme]

I feel myself getting worse. I'm scared because I havent been suicidal in so long. Now I keep visualizing myself ending my life. I even think about how people will respond to it. Life just keeps letting me down and I'm just not good enough for this world. I'm stupid, unlovable. Annoying, and most of all worthless. I'm told and shown all of these things constantly and I 100% believe them.

[forallthatexistswithinme]

[forallthatexistswithinme]