forkdragon

[forkdragon]

If you’re being questioned about a murder by one of those hobbyist detectives. it is an absolute rule that you have to be washing the dishes or pruning some plants while talking, so that when they finally get around to asking a pointed question about where you were at the time of the murder you can freeze for a second with a knife in your hand. It’s enrichment for them you gotta understand. They thrive off of red herrings, it’s their favorite treat, so even if you have a rock solid alibi and weren’t involved with the murder at all you have to give them some reason to be suspicious of you. It’s what friends are for.

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tears

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extremely underrated subgenre of tumblr post: when someone makes a general statement about something, and another person offers a counter-statement that's just completely nonsensical, and the OP just agrees instantly even if it makes no sense at all

examples:

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oh shit, it's 3/21/23, 32123, palindrome day

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hey, what's going on? i heard laughter coming from your house. what's so funny? can i come in

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oh no blowjob for me please! i just wanted to be in this truck stop bathroom stall with you

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considering how many times a villain has kidnapped mj and publicly announced 'spiderman I have the woman you love' you'd think.....someone would look into her personal life a little?

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it's not that ignorance is inexcusable so much as the fact that i've never once stumbled on a post that i didn't fully understand but that had plenty of keywords to let me know that it was at least about transmisogyny/transphobia/racism/something serious and then nevertheless felt compelled to go "incomprehensible OP xD NONE of these words are in the bible. OP are you okay?? what the frick does this mean???" like it very straightforwardly betrays the fact that in addition to not knowing/listening to enough marginalized people to have any familiarity with the subject matter, you also have an impulse to snidely and loudly dismiss anything that doesn't immediately cater to your birthday boy politics

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Redditors are struggling in ways that we cannot even imagine here on tumblr Island

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hitting return early on libby when there's people waiting and feeling like a benevolent queen distributing alms to the poor

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Ancestry.com says I come from a long line of drunken village oafs

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there’s a lot going on here