formeremogirl - Tumblr blog

[formeremogirl]

Will You Still Love Me?

I see you coming my way yet again to promise me the world. And my teenage heart starts to flutter. I know it's all lies. I know you don't know how to settle down. Will you still love me tomorrow? I know this is a fleeting romance. You will disappear and I will be heartbroken. Every 4 years you pop up again. 22, I was already broken by a heartless man. You come back out of the blue. You promised to take care of me and the baby I was carrying. You just disappeared again. As quickly you came back into my life, you were gone again. 25, I was in a messy limbo world with a guy I met online. It was strange this time. I don't think you were okay. I don't know if you were on drugs or just not mentally okay. You spoke of seeing strange things. I wanted to feel something again. So I went with it. But one day you just changed. You decided to disappear again and I don't know why. At 22 you told me that I was the love of your life. But those were empty words and I am glad cause you are trash. I grew up and realized that I deserve more than you.

[formeremogirl]

I miss you so much. You were my soulmate. I love you so much. I’m so sorry for whatever I did. Just tell me why you left. I’m sorry that I pulled away. I was in a really bad place and I didn’t know how to talk to you about it. Why do you hate me so much? You gutted me. You’ve completely broken my heart. I haven’t felt happy in 3 years. I love you so much that I had a breakdown after you left. 3 years later, my heart is still broken. I love you and I think about you all the time. Do you ever think about me? Do you ever miss me? I just want a proper goodbye. If this is it, I want to see your face one more time. But that will never happen. I miss you and I hope you’re okay.

[formeremogirl]

Lost, Broken, and Confused

I was fine till I met you. I hate that I loved you. I hate you and your stupid face. I’m breaking this off for good. I hate you completely. You killed my insides. I never wished I was dead until I met you. Do you get that? I did all that bad stuff after I met you. You are an evil man that took a powerful confident girl and tore her to shreds until there was nothing left. You sucked out my light. Before and after just shows how awful you treated me. You ruined my body. You made it so that most men wouldn’t want me. I was fit. I was somewhat happy. I had friends. They hated you after everything you did. Your lies. Your betrayal. But why? I did everything for you. I cleaned your room and did your laundry while you were at work. Yet I paid for everything. You sucked my savings account dry. Then you asked me for money after we went our separate ways. You are a sad sack of shit. You were my biggest mistake. I wish I never met you. You opened the door to so many bad things. I became a different person with you. I gave up on my morals. I did so many bad things. You made me kiss the bitch you left me for. Oops I spilled that fucking secret. BTW she’s an awful kisser. But you were never a monogamy time of guy. You asked to watch after we had been together for a month. Like who does that? That should have been a red flag. I ignored so much cause I wanted love. But did you ever really love me? I don’t think you did. You just wanted a  warm body. Jokes on you cause one day all the awful things are going to come to light. And I can’t wait.

[formeremogirl]

Heather

I wish you looked at me the way you look at her. Do you see the longing in my eyes? All I see is you. In a room full people all I see is your bright light. You are the sun in my endless darkness. The way you talk, the way you trip over your own feet. I don’t know what pulls me to you. I know it would never work. I would eat you alive but there is still that pull. All I think about is you. I wish I could see you always. But she shines brighter than me. I get that. Her beauty is overwhelming. I sit and wait for you to see me. Give me that look that melts me. Just looking at you will have to enough. I wish I was Heather.

[formeremogirl]

April 24, 2011: The End of a Saga

Was it all a lie? Did you ever love me? Were you just feeding me fables? It's harder to lie. I see the betrayal on your face. You say you are just friends but friends don't have sleepovers and share a bed. Do you care that you are breaking me? You are ripping my heart out. Is it my fault? If I had been better and less complicated, would still have stepped away? Shock treatment didn't fix this broken feeling in my heart.

You keep feeding me lines. You say you love me but it's no longer just me. I wish I was strong enough to leave. I know that staying is worse than leaving but not loving you is harder than you know. You say you love me more now than you did before. Maybe that's because I didn't leave when you emotionally did. We were broken long before the ending. I will always wonder what my life would have been without you. Without you convincing me to drop out of college. You created the monster that was my drinking problem. Maybe I wouldn't have gained all the weight if I hadn't had you constantly making me eat.

Was the reason I spent New Year's Eve alone because you wanted to spend it with her? I just chugged Everclear and raspberry lemonade. I wish you would have just left. You didn't really love me by the end. But I am a better woman now. I am strong and brave. I will never let another man break me like you did. I will never let someone else break me. No one will have that power and it's all because of your cold heart. I will never let another person tell me that they can't consider my feelings because they have always ever just thought about themselves.

[formeremogirl]

Popular Monster

The anger consumes my heart. The darkness that has been created by this monster in my BRAIN is overtaking me. I’m lost in this void. Can you see the MONSTER? I feel him breathing down my neck. I’m about to break down. 

He knows all my thoughts. He can see into my soul. His breath is so hot on my neck. It burns as he takes DEEP breaths. I start to cry and the tears burn my cheeks. But I can’t stop the constant flow. They turn into BLOOD. The monster BLEEDS me dry. He drinks my tears. 

Can I get free of this demon? He has been with me for so LONG. He has been eating away at me for years. But now I feel like he is going to KILL me. Will this be my ENDING? He has broken ME for the Last time. 

I feel my soul bleeding out of my eyes. I guess this is the ending. I close my eyes as the MONSTER bleeds me dry.

Goodbye.

[formeremogirl]

Broken Heart

I hate this feeling. This heartbroken feeling. This aching loneliness feeling. I know I am not ALONE but it still hurts. I have been broken so many times. Your Love will Never be ENOUGH. I’m sorry for that. I never want to hurt you. It’s not you that Has Broken me But It still hurts. I Want this ache to Leave My Heart.

I don’t Blame you for this feeling. I was Broken Before you but it Still HURTS. I don’t Blame you for this Pain. I know you Can’t Help Me. I wish This feeling Would END. 

This suffocating feeling has Killed My heart. I am so SORRY for that. I never Wanted to let YOU down. 

[formeremogirl]

Miami-Oxford

I wonder if they realize I don’t be long here. Like they can smell it on me. They can sense that I am not one of them. I don’t belong here. I’m from “the wrong side of the tracks”. I don’t own leggings or pearls. I am just average. I wonder if they know I’m just a commuter. Like they can hear it in my voice. They can sense that I’m just a Hamilton transfer. I don’t belong here. I have a southern twang. I don’t know big words and can’t read fast. I am just average. But when I go to the library I forget all that. I forget that I don’t belong here. I forget that I am just a Hamilton transfer. I forget my southern twang and average status. When I’m in the library, I’m smart. When I’m in the library, I belong. When I’m in the library, Nothing else matters. Because, when I’m in the library I’m not afraid.

[formeremogirl]

The power lines guide us

I'm a bright light in the darkness I guide the lonely home With a wish and a hope No words are spoken In fear of being heard The trees are tall The only noise is the pitter patter of rain in the distance. I am the moon that follows you I give glow to the night The cars full of children Wondering how it is that I am always there When they look up at the stars I am the pale chalk on a dusty green chalkboard I teach without saying a word Words are left to be read later Meanings are never sure But further explanation is always there I am the wind blowing through the trees I shake unstable ground The trees shudder as I talk to them Fear of toppling over is their main purpose Windows shatter when I sneeze.

[formeremogirl]

The beginning

Hello everyone, My name is Megan, I’m 26 years old. As many people that went through high school; I suffered from teen angst. However mine was fueled by the flames of bipolar disorder. So this blog will display my poems, short stories, and just unfinished works. Hope you enjoy my darkness.