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Adult Wednesday Addams (SE 2) Starters

It’s a series that was done by Melissa Hunter until she ran into so legal issues with it. I think it’s a really fun little short series so here are some good lines from it(: use at your own desecration. TW: Murder, organ trafficking, suicide, self harm, nsfw, death, assault (I’m sorry if any go untagged)

(Season 1)

“I’m not a normal”

“Your scream is impressively shrill”

“Only a deeply deranged pony would implant rhinestones on it’s hooves!”

“You are completely and utterly inconsequential”

“Contrary to depicts in movies and books, monsters don’t prey on boring children”

“Real monsters prey on real monsters so as long as you never become a monster, you never have to fear monsters”

“Just remember, you completely and utterly do not matter”

“Father let me do figure 666s in our graveyard in the family hearse. I never missed one gravestone”

“The most effective hunter stalks slowly”

“Don’t be insulting, I don’t almost kill anything!”

“What better way to connect to the fragility of life than a reminder that your body is merely a sack of bones and blood?”

“Being reminder that it can all be stripped away from you in just one instant, that’s a gift”

“Do you remember every woman you assault or am I special?”

“Tracking the scent of Axe Body Spray is amateur” 

“Could you please be more sensitive? Bob is the only one who’s been institutionalized!”

“I’ve hired these men to lurk on your sidewalk and pay you compliments... All. Day. Long”

“I think this chair is broken. I’m feeling not electricity whatsoever”

“You were probably the best he ever had and he wanted to end his life on a high note so he hanged himself”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everyone is destined to die alone”

“Unless you and your husband perish holding hands in a fiery plane crash, the odds of which are 27 million to one, every single person on this big blue Earth will die alone and it’s that single commonality that brings us all together”

“Well, perhaps you should consider the inevitability of death before speaking to me in that tone again, Harvey!”

“Your apology is heard but not accepted”

“Now you post duck face selfies with your green juice every morning... just to feel something”

“I am not afraid to cut a goth bitch!”

“Don’t forget to return the key! They always forget to return the key..”

“You’re crazy, but you’re nice”

“I don’t photograph well”

“You don’t photograph at all”

“She’s got a secret knife! She’s got a secret knife!”

“I will burn this place to the ground one day”

“I said, I will burn this place to the ground one day”

“I thought you were going to call me”

“I thought I put you in sturdier chains”

“We knew each other in a past life”

“Did we really meet in a past life?”

“Do you think I’m a liar?”

“I’m trying to sharpen my skills for an upcoming perjury” 

“She referred to you as her canine property. That’s rather dominant, I know you like that”

“I still have the chains”

“Do you know what it’s like to be shot 37 times in the chest?”

“Then you’re not the man in the past life I thought you were”

“Why don’t you call me when you know what love feels like”

“Does that mean you want me to get shot in the chest or.. Is it a metaphor?”

“Your owner is calling”

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Adult Wednesday Addams (SE 1) Starters

It’s a series that was done by Melissa Hunter until she ran into so legal issues with it. I think it’s a really fun little short series so here are some good lines from it(: use at your own desecration. TW: Murder, organ trafficking, suicide, self harm, nsfw, death (I'm sorry if any go untagged)

“My parents gave me space, but you know how it is: ‘As long as you’re living under my mausoleum, you’ll die by my rules”

“My parents are despicable monsters and I’m grateful for that, but I can’t sleep in my childhood coffin forever, you know what I mean?”

“That’s wonderful! I didn’t know there was an anthropomorphic community in Los Angeles”

“She’ll be 18 years in the grave on Friday”

“She seance-ed it. She’s always looking out for me”

“Are you going to murder us in your sleep?”

“Will you please stop being so paranoid all the time?”

“You are so high all the time!”

“Purple hat! Purple hat!”

“I don’t shit where I eat”

“A healthy set of vocal chords can sell for upwards of $30,000. In this economy, that is nothing to joke about”

“I’m an early riser. My coffin only allows for six hours of oxygen”

“The early maggot gets the corpse”

“I love being tested”

“Wielding power over your husband won’t save your marriage. It will only make him feel smothered, which will inevitably lead him to smother you with a pillow in your sleep”

“Being smothered in your sleep isn’t the worst way to die. It’s certainly in the top ten behind painkiller overdose and accidental death from auto-erotic asphyxiation but it is one that will leave you with unfinished business”

“We both know with his new vegan regime, Mr. Warren easily has twenty years left in him”

“Do you really want to be stuck in limbo for twenty years, Mrs. Warren?”

“You don’t look anything like your picture”

“You look exactly like your picture”

“Attention to detail is a primary quality I look for in an accomplice”

“I also feel you misrepresented yourself. Your photo led me to believe you’d have darker hair and be more bladed”

“I don’t take my life on the first date”

“I do, however, keep razor blades in my purse for emergencies”

“You left a steaming pile of shit in my path”

“Thank you. They’re not mine, I only walk them so I can’t take credit for their mange”

“You should only own an animal that would have otherwise been slaughtered if it weren’t for you. They’ll respect you more knowing that the only thing between them and a gas chamber”

“This hands don’t pick up poop! They select Ray Bans from a case of Ray Bans. They give light handjobs to ACDC members. They get held delicately by Vietnamese women in sanitized bowls!”

“Wolves can smell petulance... And body glitter”

“Alright, Genevieve you can come with us. Just take off that bow, you look ridiculous!”

“I didn’t wanna rouse you. You were resting in peace”

“I’ve had my eyes gouged by worse”

“Your phone number starts with a 0?”

“That’s my inmate ID. Why do you want my phone number?”

“I don’t like to make it that easy for the FBI”

“I have an email address: inmemoryofwednesday@gmail.com. I like to plan ahead”

“I’ll find you when I’m ready to see you”

“I appreciate the chivalry, but your chains don’t reach that far”

“I hope you’re wearing sunscreen because it’s hot as hell in hell!”

“You need at least six more ounces of kerosene for that to function properly”

“Don’t’ be ignorant. Romania shut down it’s last baby incinerator back in ‘87”

“If Satan is providing me a dose of Plan B, then he’s really lost his edge”

“They don’t have seats in hell, Satan makes you stand the whole time because it’s more uncomfortable”

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TMG Lyric Starters

For all your Tiny Meat Gang starter needs! I love this group and I love their music. Plus, they’re funny dudes so here we go.

Broke Bitch

Now hold up, bro, what the fuck you say?

Just 'cause I'm the funny guy does not mean that I'm callin' back

Man, I tell that broke bitch if you wanna get in tune, better change your whole pitch

She can't fuck with me, so she just fuck my friends

I can't get pulled over on the road 'cause I got contraband 

They say, "Cody, grow up, " I say, "Bitch, I'm goin' Peter Pan!"

Ain't nothin' ‘bout it predisposed but the shit we make got legs and take off like a runny nose 

Y'all don't even know my race

We know you're micro-soft, boy, we call you Billy Gates

I'm gainin' weight, we cookin' as of late

Got no taste for bein' broke so we ain't takin' any breaks

Call me Thor 'cause she want my fuckin' hammer, Loki

Walk Man

We eating good, I'm a fat man

You ain't fuckin' with it you can take a walk man 

You don't wanna push my buttons, take a walk 

I put her face on my wood like a totem pole

Boy, you only bussing down with a fucking bus pass

Fingers all over my quarter pounder and she lovin' that 

Uh, hi, babe, we just made a song and I'm rapping about other girls and I was just wondering if...

Stole your bitch, was a breeze, she a super-fan

She a ho, 'cause she's fucking with my farmers tan

Run your mouth, boy, you can take a hike

Gloves off bitch, I'm feeling impolite

I got this chick and she like to cook me dinner, might bust down her ring finger

Hey, babe, so, uh, I'm making a song right now and I am rapping about other girls, but I ended it by saying I was gonna propose to you. Is that cool?

Club Poor

Nah, I'm not paying ten to go in there

I'ma wait 'til the bouncer take his five and I'mma go through the back

And I'm not taking my hat off

Fuck this club

Uh, hol' up, hol' up, what's that? 

I'm not shelling out, I gotta pay rent

You looking at me like your boy ain't got wealth but I'm a baller, baby, everywhere else

Sorry baby, but that shit kinda pricey

I'm not paying 20 for a shot

Now, I know that sound cheap but that's how I stay icy

Fuck you mean I can't wear shorts?

Now you going through my pockets like the airport

I got a ten spot, I ain't paying more 

I can see it's all dudes on the dance floor

Where you get off with that cover price?

Let me get inside and find my fucking wife

Hey, why you push me that hard?

Man, I shoulda gone to the dive bar 

No Flex

Man I got tens of dollars in my pocket right now

I don't mean to flex but I've been having sex like once a week at least or two, if my girl ain't stressed

I don't mean to brag but my bandwidth is flat

I got the Hulu plus bitch, streaming with no ads

I get my haircut twice a month that's my routine

I'm speaking Spanish to the valet

My nine to five keep me tied down like I'm possessed

I could buy out h and m

No interest on the lease I'm controlling what I spend

Body count up in the double digits

I'm back 50 weeks, liking pics you wish you could

You can call me two faced with the way I'm tossing coin

If the waitress treat me right I'm tipping 21 percent

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How Flirt With Someone You’re Attracted... Starters

These are lines taken from Ebony Stewart’s poem “How Flirt With Someone You’re Attracted to or Want to be Your Boo” Feel free to change things accordingly but I don’t claim anything to do with this other than compiling the list so have at you!

���Ahhh!! Get back over here with my heart!”

“You smell good. What is that? Forever?”

“You make me want to eat my words and spit out my spine”

“I’d abandon all my awful for you”

“Baby, can I call you baby? No? Okay...”

“You got me blushing in rainbows”

“You got me wanting to share the other half of my sandwich”

“If I was a spider, I’d web for you and have a million of your babies and then eat... you...”

“If I were a caterpillar, I’d chew through everything just to become a butterfly in your stomach”

“I was an actress, once. A lion tamer. A magician”

“I stopped planning my escape for you, stopped bad mouthing love, start believing that love is in me and found more of it in you”

“You make me want to figure out.. how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood”

“When I’m with you, I know that the things that hurt don’t have to”

“Won’t you rise with me?”

“Won’t you hip hop and jazz with me?”

“Won’t you be totally punk rock and scream ‘I love you’ with me?”

“When I’m with you, my pulse is a hummingbird”

“Can we go through seasons together?”

“So what if November comes? I still won’t leave or change”

“So what if my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?”

“You make my heart an adobe home”

“Even when they try to earthquake us loose, I’ll be mud brick and hold strong”

“You’re in a dream I’m having a hundred years from now”

“You keep saying, ‘You be you and allow me to call you mine’”

“Yo, I’d squeeze your pimples or shave your back for you”

“You remind me there are easier ways to do things, I just never took them”

“I forget to be afraid when I’m with you”

“So.. So I’m saying like... Can we be an item? Or a pair? Or, like, share space together and stuff? No? Okay...”

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Blood and Chocolate (2007)

Here’s some lines from Blood & Chocolate movie cause I felt like it.

“Never know when you’re going to need it”

“When he comes he’ll expect you to be here”

“It’s an honor to be chosen, if it is you”

“And when he leaves you, is that an honor, too?”

“These are the ways of our people”

“I don’t need your advice today”

“Oh, baby, you need something”

“I remember being [age], y’know?”

“You’re still [age]” 

“It was my choice” 

“I found it’s best to stay where you belong” 

“We have a home here. A safe one” 

“Your parents would have wanted you safe and you are” 

“It’s only you you’re running from” 

“Don’t give up, (cousin)! I think (she) likes you!” 

“I see a real future there” 

“A ring, a church wedding, all her family would show and for the reception, you’d kill them all” 

“I know. It’d be magical” 

“You know what we are?” 

“We’re romantics” 

“/We/ are nothing” 

“The thing about romantics is they never give up” 

“Yes, on top is how I imagine you” 

“My (cousin) ordains to honor us with her presence” 

“Caution with my (cousin), meat” 

“Many men have courted her, none have survived to tell the tale” 

“Some girls will steal your heart, this bitch’ll eat it” 

“Didn’t she tell you? She’s promised to someone” 

“She’s taken, friend. She’s not for you” 

“I won’t let you be my fault” 

“Please, don’t kill me” 

“Men kill us, we kill men because anything we’re not is the thing we’re taught to fear” 

“I’ll make him see!” 

“Just like you’ll make (him) see who he really belongs with?” 

“Your first love all went wrong. Please don’t take mine from me” 

“Run, my little (girl). Run free” 

“ How does it feel to be in a cage?” 

“You could have been a great inspiration to our people, but now look at you, our greatest disappointment” 

“When you put your trust in man, you condemn us all” 

“We condemn ourselves” “Aren’t we half (human)?” 

“Don’t you see what you denounce is a part of you?”

“It’s not a part of me, it’s a part of you”

“I know what I am”

“You and your traditions can go to hell!”

“What have you ever loved? Power? Hate? Fear?”

“You’re the most (human) of us all”

“What will the new age of hope look like?”

“How much blood will there be?”

“You come for a night, (she) cries for a month”

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I like being alone, I just hate leaving.

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I stand in doorways and I cry all the time. It’s so silly. Why am I standing in a doorway crying?

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Yes, I know, Anger is always a secondary emotion, so what’s the first? Fear. Anxiety. Sadness. Loneliness.

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Sometimes I can feel my heart beat in my own throat And I swear my heart is trying to tell my mouth it can’t find the right words. Maybe that’s why I yell, I say the wrong things, I play chicken with myself. I wanna see who’s going to leave, it’s everybody. Mostly everybody leaves, who doesn’t leave?

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Love is a terrifying beast. I hate when people pretend that something is what it is not, That watching me implode is love.

It’s not love, it’s a spectacle. I don’t want to be a spectacle anymore.

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I swear to God, I will break my own heart  Clean in half before my lover even cracks it I want him to know that, I want him to know he is made of glue

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Being this sad all the time is really hard. Nobody wants to develop my negatives in their dark room.

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                      Why do we keep bringing up my father? He is a chainsaw in forest of my bones He is a barbed wire fence to my lovers’ bear hugs.                       Why won’t he leave?                       Why won’t he come home?

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People never really leave, They just hide inside of me like my father                                             like my mother on the kitchen floor                                             like the man’s knife in my brother’s back in the alleyway                                             like man’s sign outside of the clinic

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Sometimes when my grief feels like a mechanical bull                                                    like today I want to love anybody but me                                      but no one else wants to ride

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Rejected Tinder Bios Starters

These are lines from Neil Hilborn’s poem by the same name. I thought they were funny and cute so here it goes! Enjoy! Of course, change pronouns and such as you see fit! Have fun!

Hey Girl, Sup? I smell terrible and can’t stop eating cheese.

Ain’t no party like an anxiety party because an anxiety party might KILL YOU

Hi, my name is [name]. I have feelings professionally and you should never introduce me to your best friend because I will definitely fall in love with her, too.

You ever spend three straight days crying in bed because you realize that everyone you ever really loved, you hurt horribly and they would probably be better off if they never even met you, bro?

You ever eat an enchilada , think about it all day, and then realize you might be depressed?

Hey! I have athlete’s foot and I just found out what a hedge fund is, wanna party?

What’s up, ladies? I’m 6 foot 1 inch, those are two different measurements... I lied to you, I’m 5′10″

I’m not saying that dating me is like adopting a stray cat; cleaning it, feeding it, giving it somewhere warm to sleep and making it generally safe and happy only to have it leave one day for no apparent reason, but...

I’m not saying that I’ve never been in love, but I am saying that I have a gigantic collection of replica Civil War era swords so you be the judge.

If you’ve ever made a bunch of pasta, way overcooked it, but eaten it anyway because you’re tired and you just want to go to sleep... That’s basically what it’s like to have sex with me.

Hello! My name is [name] and also HAIL SATAN.

I’m essentially the wood paneling of people; I’m hideous on the outside, what’s underneath is almost certainly more fucked up.

If you took all the love letters I’ve ever written and built a house out of them, you would have a shitty house built on lies.

[fractured-junkdrawer-blog]

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