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fragilerivr · 4 months ago

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As someone who's a new fan of him, thank you for putting this out there. It really openened my eyes a whole lot more and it just fueled my love for this genuinely kind soul. More people need to do their research and not spread misinfornation as it'll only make his life more miserable.

A little (long) deep dive into Seunghyun's weed scandal

I don't like talking about this but I'm doing an effort here cuz I've been seeing so much wrong information around this topic, so since I've been a fan of this man since I was a wee 13 year old (shit that was so long ago), I don't like people spreading fake stuff about him and smearing his name, Seunghyun has enough problems to deal with as it is, he doesn't need more to his plate.

This is the only time I'm talking about this too cuz I hate to remember that shitshow so much its insane.

[Before starting, just a fair warning that this post will skim over subjects like severe depression, suicide and other mental health issues. You've been warned.]

I know that in the past 7 years, a whole wave of new fans entered this wretched kpop scene and I realised that a lot of them know don't really know who Seunghyun is and why he is so hated by the general public in Korea. So allow me to paint the whole picture of his scandal and how it uncovered the heinous underbelly of the korean entertainment industry since I've watched it all.

In 2017, right after TOP's very emotional farewell to the fans as he was the first to be enlisted within the group, he finished the first two weeks of training and a photo spread around of him wearing his name tag in the other side of his uniform, unlike his colleagues. It was really the first legitimate controversy he's ever been and hate comments started to slowly pour in.

Of course, I'm not korean and I have never been in the army, and to a degree I agree it was a mistake on Seunghyun's part, but at the same time I find hate comments a rather immature and aggressive way of correcting a simple mistake like that. Anyways, he then chose the route of being a public servant and a police officer, a choice many koreans found as almost cowardly, as if he was weak for choosing 'an easy job' for his mandatory elistement. They even accused the army of giving Seunghyun special treatment (the same accusations were later thrown at GD when he enlisted) because he was a member of Bigbang.

After a couple of weeks of being a police officer is when a nightmare would ensue for the following decade. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was a nightmare and this is from a fan's perspective, so I can't even imagine how it was for Seunghyun and his family.

During his service, news broke out that he had tested positive for weed and that he had smoked it at least four times in the past 5 years. Of course the number of times was his own admission during the investigation so there's no denying that he did smoke weed and that he did break the law. Aside from the criminal charges, another important detail should be mentioned which is also the reason as to why Seunghyun was suspected of doing drugs in the first place.

In 2015, a female trainee was contacted by Seunghyun, presumably romantically at first, but after some time, she started supplying him weed. Whether he had asked for it or she had offered it to him, it's really a matter of he said, she said and no one really knows the truth but themselves. Even the nature of their relationship is guesswork at best. Whether he really contacted her looking for a lover or whether he knew of her drug dealing and contacted her for that and that developed into something more is unknown.

Seunghyun did say that she was an ex girlfriend and she did say some unsavoury sexual comments about him shortly after his scandal that hinted at them being more than just acquaintances, though both accounts are highly unreliable. Seunghyun said she was an ex girlfriend to the press before his sentencing since it probably would’ve been even worse for him if she wasn’t.

And she… well, she is Han Seo Hee.

A little bit on Han Seo Hee for the people who only got into kpop just now, to explain my distaste at her antics and to avoid any accusations that I'm just blindly defending a grown ass man who was misled into crime because of an evil woman as if he isn’t responsible for his own actions and decisions.

She has been proven time and time again that she lies, blackmails and is ought to destroy specifically male kpop idols. She spreads rumours and threatens to release dirt on them but backs down once asked for evidence. She is a malignant force that enjoys wreaking havoc and is rarely punished for it because of her father’s high position and bags of money. She was even found to abuse actual meth but only got a slap on the wrist for it because of her father. She is not some innocent lady, she knows exactly what she’s doing. There’s a lot of controversies regarding her that this long post would turn infinite and I bet I don’t even know all of them, but if you want to check for yourself, it’s out there on the internet.

Though before continuing, I need to mention the fact that YG (Seunghyun's ex-boss) knew that she smoked weed with Seunghyun and sent her to America until he enlisted, and maybe that’s why she exposed him, though who knows. As much as I detest her, YG is also a cunt in his own right.

Anyways, for some unknown reason, maybe due to a lull in terms of scandals during that time, but the news about Seunghyun exploded. There wasn’t a single person active in kpop during that time who didn’t follow the story.

But it wasn’t really a story, it was a tragedy.

Seunghyun was swarmed with hate comments that reached thousands and thousands of likes in Korean media. They were spitting straight venom and it was so intense that I genuinely started to fear of the repercussions and my fears unfortunately did come true eventualy.

There's this pic of him in a police uniform exiting the police station he was stationed in with a small smile on his face that many of new fans swoon over everywhere on Tiktok and here too. But I remember how hate comments jumped at the opportunity of dragging him through the mud because of that smile. But to us VIPs, it didn’t feel like the smile of someone unapologetic of what he did, it was the smile of someone genuinely struggling and almost giving up.

It was something felt among the fans but not said. Shortly after that, news broke out that Seunghyun was found unconscious in his room and was sent to the hospital, entering the ICU.

Look, corrupt police officers are not really news anywhere in this world, that's all I'm gonna say.

After Seunghyun was sent to the hospital, they released a statement that more or less said that Seunghyun couldn’t sleep and he took more sleeping pills than recommended and was found drowsy. Nothing serious. This single statement not only distorted the truth, it unleashed an even bigger wave of comments receiving 10k+ likes basically telling TOP that if he wants to kill himself, he should do it properly and that no one is falling for his dramatic antics.

Netizens everywhere said that he was just a little sleepy and him going to the hospital is just to garner sympathy. At the same time these comments were made, Seunghyun was in the ICU and in a coma, his oxygen levels much lower what is considered healthy or even functioning.

We got genuinely really close to losing him. Really fucking close.

The lies spread by the police and the comments getting even more disgusting led the hospital staff themselves to release a statement in a press conference where they confirmed that Seunghyun was not conscious at all and that the pills he took weren’t even sleeping pills, they were strong anti anxiety medications. The damage had already been done though and a swarm of reporters could be seen day and night outside the hospital trying to get a glimpse of him. The comments continued being as inhuman as mentioned above.

At one point it got so bad that his mother, his actual mother, stood outside the hospital doors begging the reporters and people to leave her son alone. Tears in her eyes, just begging for them to leave and to not believe the police who lied about his condition and made it look less severe than it actually was.

Truly a horror show to witness.

As a fan during that time before he woke up and after his mother’s appearance, things were rough. It was very difficult to see a manhunt so fierce over something so little even if it was a crime. After all, Seunghyun made a mistake that only harmed himself. It was just surreal and incredibly sobering to see that happen in real time in front of my eyes.

I completely jumped ship from kpop during that time, I just wanted Seunghyun to be okay again but I didn’t want anything more to do with this industry because real life and kpop had never appeared more grotesque than in 2017.

It was truly nasty.

Seunghyun eventually woke up and then was transferred to a mental health facility, he was in a wheelchair and of course, he got hate for that. Not only did he get hate for it, he was also almost mobbed by the reporters camping outside the hospital. There was no bodyguards, there was no police, there was no YG, there was nothing.

(I'm not even gonna talk about the people who use the video of this moment to make sad edits of Seunghyun or I'll turn nasty, but just know that this is no way "support" of him, you're just reminding the traumatized guy of one of the most traumatic moments of his life, that's not good behavior)

He then went on hiatus and after seeing he was at least physically okay, I bailed completely on kpop and ceased all consumption, only checking in on him and the other Bigbang members.

Anyway, he paid his dues to the law (he was sentenced to 10 months in jail but the sentence got suspended after he pleaded guilty and sought leniency), got discharged from military in 2019 and went on with his life.

Every once in a while there’d be news about him getting backlash because he posted ice cream on instagram after his scandal, or him seen with friends by some passerby, or him taking photos with GD before and after his enlistment. The comments were the same and time did nothing to lessen their hatred. Fans were asking Taeyang about how TOP was, and him being the sweet man that he is would give us words of comfort every now and then but other than that, Choi Seunghyun was never mentioned and was blurred on TV until recently, after almost a decade.

Seunghyun was over there on instagram though, doing his own thing and doing his best to ignore the hate comments he would receive daily, while fans tried to bury them out with positive stuff. He would post silly stories at his house, photos with his artists friends, going to museums or art studios, travel...Living his life, the best that he could and seemed to be doing well, all things considered.

But sometimes...Just sometimes...He let it slip that things weren't as going well as they seemed for him.

I still remember this one post of him from 2019 (I won't remember the month or the date) that still sort of haunts me. It was a homage to his friend Matthew Wong who had ended his own life, and I'm still pretty sure Seunghyun wrote the caption in the spur of the moment of his emotions because he ended up admiting this:

He quickly edited off that part out of the long text he wrote and eventually deleted the post all together, but you can still find the full post out there on the internet. And if you know him like I do, he suffers from depression since he was very young, so I wasn't...really surprised by his admission but I still think about this to this day and I often worry about him because of it.

A couple of years after his scandal, he went on IG live, swearing that he’ll never perform in Korea again, and he of course got backlash for it, proving exactly his point.

After the Burning Sun scandal, he posted a pic and rotated it to cut Seungri out, with the captions “i love my fans” and “i love my band” which was so funny at that time because of how deliberate his action was but it got him hate, from Seungri fans this time.

His last song with the group was released a couple of years ago and TOP officially left Bigbang. He got backlash because he blocked fans pestering him with Bigbang comments after he left the group — though he recently explained his reasons. A lot of fans and people found it crass and ungrateful but personally, he had already stated he was moving on from Bigbang and perusing his own goals approximately 100 times prior to this and people still didn’t seem to get the point, so can you really blame a man for snapping?

Of course as a result people thought he had a falling out with the members and honestly? Who even knows. I didn’t take offence because in a way, it is kind of funny and seems on par with the sort of things he’d do even before any scandal.

He’s unpredictable and often gets caught in strange things, I've seen it happen so much over the years by having his insta notifications on my old account. He’s also kinda dumb (affectionate) for almost going to the moon in a rocket that had an approximately 90% chance of blowing up midway becoming the space version of those rich people in the submarine. Thankfully, it got cancelled, much to his disappointment since he had a physical connection to the moon or some similar stuff he claimed.

*Sighs* I love you so much, Seunghyun, you fucking weirdo.

Like this is the man who didn't even have an official statement for leaving Bigbang, he just announced it himself on his insta by screaming in capslock about it in his comment section. I didn't even get sad about it cuz it was so funny, like why sir are you screaming? LMFAO

Now on to more serious topics, he revealed in an interview for PRESTIGE MAG in 2022 that what happened in 2017 was indeed an attempt at ending his own life. There was back and forth way back on whether it was intentional or accidental but he confirmed it was intentional. He talked about how mentally damaging the industry is and that he hopes he can create a label where trainess can go to become artists in their own way instead of being trained to fit the kpop trends and boxes.

Of course he got hate for it but this time from international fans since they didn’t like him comparing idols who were trained to the smallest detail to robots, and there I went in the trenches to fight in his honor again.

Seunghyun has been open about his mental health struggles since the very beginning. In their book released in 2009 he talked about how sensitive he can be and how isolated he felt as a child. He turned to rap and hiphop for comfort and it eventually became his life work.

He also revealed that he was fat as a child and that YG had refused to give him an audition due to his weight. He returned 40 days later after losing 20 KG. He revealed that he mainly starved himself and even afterwards, he felt uncomfortable showing his skin and his body — luckily he got a lot better with it as he turned into an adult, he even celebrated on his insta being able to handle wearing a short sleeved shirt for the first time in 10 years, it was cute to see even though he was all shy about it.

Before his enlistment, he struggled so much with anxiety that he had to take medications just for an interview and had lost so much weight it was noticeable. His group members also commented on how depressed he can be at times. He cried so much during his last tour especially when the members gave him letters of love and encouraged him. Even they were surprised and concerned (all it took was for him to call and say he felt down/sad and Daesung would show up at his house, that's how things were concerning back then, he and Daesung talked about this on Bigbang's last appearance on Weekly Idol). And after the scandal, he kept calling GD who was doing a world tour and struggling himself just to apologise to him. Taeyang visited him once in the hospital and told GD that he just kept apologising. His old interviews and lyrics especially are very honest and open about his struggles and they’re worth a read.

He can be so inspirational at times, a lovely soul truly, even though he is blunt at times and it comes across as rude to a lot of people.

Now he's back with Squid Game despite the backlash he received from the day and year he joined the cast, and I'm making this for the people who just got to know this beautifully complicated man that I love so much. Y'all have no idea how many fights I got into over people calling him a criminal and a drug addict.

But really, I personally don’t care what randos on the internet think of him. We’ve all waited too long to let some loser dudes living in their mom’s basement dictate how someone should live their life over smoking weed when predators and abusers are glorified on korean TV and are forgiven in a heartbeat just because they’re good actors and artists. I will not take a world where punishments are handed out depending on the mood of public and not the actual crime seriously. Getting upset over some loser who hates Seunghyun for smoking weed but loves the abuser who just won an award is absurd and truly, their opinion is worthless.

At this point, I'm just here for whatever Seunghyun decides to do with his life as long as it makes him happy. Want to become a full time actor? Go for it, babe, we'll be watching. Want to be T.O.P again and release music? Ok, go for it, my guy. Want to do neither of these two and just live off your wine company and your art collection investments? Fine by me, if it makes you happy then go for it dude, go enjoy your vineyard in Argentina and sell your wine.

He isn’t perfect, he has his moments, but who is perfect in this world? No one. But he deserves the world anyway, he's been through a lot in his life and I just hope he heals and gets to live a long and happy life in whatever way happiness might look like for him.

That's all I want, to see his name somewhere in the future and see that he's happy.

(I also really hope Korea's weird aversion to weed ends one day. It sounds like they could really use some and chill out anyway. Better than getting drunk nearly daily.)

One of my most beloved memories as a VIP was when Seunghyun was officially discharged from the military. Of course, the press was ready to bombard him with invasive questions but K-VIPs helped plan a switcharoo. Half the fans became sacrifices by pretending that Seunghyun would arrive near the station, the other half waited near the Han River where his true meetup would take place. When he arrived, the smile that was on his face, he was so happy and grateful that people stuck around for him despite everything. Although the true satisfaction came from seeing the reporters scramble about and by the time they arrived, he was already gone.

This is someone who's dealt with severe mental health struggles since very early in his life. He once talked about before that growing up his best friends were literal toys (he used to collect them up until the early 2010s, Be@rbricks especially). He lost two of his best friends to traffic accidents during his teens, and he effectively had to break up with his girlfriend so he could pursue his musical career (whom he wrote one of his first solo songs, Act Like Nothing's Wrong/Pretended, about). This is someone who's made it very clear, for a long time, that he's always struggled and that life has always been throwing things at him.

He did once say that he felt like he was born to be sad and it's really no wonder that he thinks like this. It's why I stand by him, because I know what it's like to have life hitting you in the head since you were way too young to even understand fully why everyone else seem to have it easier than you.

He gets it and I see him.

Choi Seunghyun might be weird and seem rude to kpop fans today who have a very particular image of what an idol is, but he was always genuine, especially with his fans. He's rebellious, and his bluntness sometimes can come out wrong but he's not a bad guy at the core. As I say, he has his moments and he's not perfect so it's fine, if you get him you get it, if you don't...well cest la vie.

That's all.

(Shit this got long. If you read this all the way down here, I'll award you a lollipop. Here 🍭)

#btw my blog is not a kpop or Bigbang blog I just occasionally mention them here #choi seunghyun #bigbang t.o.p #t.o.p bigbang #t.o.p #top bigbang #bigbang top #choi seung hyun

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