frostryn - Tumblr blog

[frostryn]

*NOTE: in this case, phobia refers to a very strong irrational fear, not being a little scared of something. if you can handle snakes but they make you nervous, that's not a phobia.

[frostryn]

Last week I accidentally took an edible at 10x my usual dose. I say “accidentally” but it was really more of a “my friend held it out to my face and I impulsively swallowed it like a python”, which was technically on purpose but still an accident in that my squamate instincts acted faster than my ability to assess the situation and ask myself if I really wanted to get Atreides high or not.

Anyway. I was painting the wall when it hit. My friend heard me make a noise and asked what was wrong—I explained that I had just fallen through several portals. I realized that painting the wall fulfilled my entire hierarchy of needs, and was absolutely sure that I was on track to escaping the cycle of samsara if I just kept at it a little longer. I was thwarted on my journey towards nirvana only by the fact that I ran out of paint.

Seeking a surrogate act of humble service through which I might be redeemed and made human, I turned to unwashed dishes in the sink and took up the holy weapon of the sponge. I was partway through cleaning the blender when it REALLY hit.

You ever clean a blender? It’s a shockingly intimate act. They are complex tools. One of the most complicated denizens of the kitchen. Glass and steel and rubber and plastic. Fuck! They’ve got gaskets. You can’t just scrub ‘em and rinse them down like any other piece of shit dish. You’ve got to dissemble them piece by piece, groove by sensitive groove, taking care to lavish the spinning blades with cautious attention. There’s something sensual about it. Something strangely vulnerable.

As I stood there, turning the pieces over in my hands, I thought about all the things we ask of blenders. They don’t have an easy job. They are hard laborers taking on a thankless task. I have used them so roughly in my haste for high-density smoothies, pushing them to their limits and occasionally breaking them. I remembered the smell of acrid smoke and decaying rubber that filled the kitchen in the break room the last time I tried to make a smoothie at work—the motor overtaxed and melted, the gasket cracked and brittle. Strawberry slurry leaked out of it like the blood of a slain animal.

Was this blender built to last? Or was it doomed to an early grave in some distant landfill by the genetic disorder of planned obsolescence? I didn’t know, and was far too high to make an educated guess. But I knew that whatever care and tenderness and empathy I put into it, the more respect for the partnership of man and machine, the better it would perform for me.

This thought filled me with a surge of affection. However long its lifespan, I wanted it to be filled with dignity and love and understanding. I thought: I bet no one has hugged this blender before. And so I lifted it from its base.

A blender is roughly the size and shape of a human baby. Cradling one in your arms satisfies a primal need. A month ago I was permitted to hold an infant for the first time in my life, an experience which was physically and psychologically healing. I felt an echo of that satisfaction holding my friend the blender, and the thought of parting with it felt even more ridiculous than bringing it with me to hang out on my friend’s bed.

[frostryn]

[frostryn]

disabled people who are lifelong, permanent dependents, i love you. you are my friends and my lovers and my siblings and you are me and i am you and i love you.

i'm really despondent sometimes over the ways society sees us. how conservatives see us as burdens and drains on society, yes, and also how liberals mock our lives, how the idea of being an adult dependent is seen solely as the result of poor life choices, how everyone all across the political spectrum sees things like "getting an allowance from your spouse" and "relying on one person for housing" as cause for mockery, jokes to make, nothing but a conceptual stick with which to beat people into performing well in work and school. still others see us as childish, as pitiable, perhaps not as worthy of mockery but definitely not as worthy of being treated as a social equal, never someone you could invite into your social spheres and make an effort to include--they're just not independent, no offense to them, it just makes them so childish, i can't have an adult friendship with them.

but we persist anyway. we're here. i'm lucky to love the people i'm dependent on, i'm lucky that they respect me as a person and would never leverage their power over me, i'm lucky that they're willing to constantly self-check to make sure they're not accidentally using that power. i hope to g-d you're lucky in the same ways, because i love you. and if you're not, i love you. i'm holding your hand and i'm standing with you and i'm going to try to make a better world for both of us.

[frostryn]

in the month of May by Robert Bly

[frostryn]

i'm kinda like who that death cab was for

[frostryn]

yes, there are that many really disabled people on the internet actually

When I was less sick I used to think, "It seems like such a large portion of people on the internet are disabled, it can't possibly be that large of a percentage of the population" and then let my ableism demons tell me it was because they were faking (the same ones that told me I was faking, until I made myself really ill.)

But now that I'm sicker and wiser I realize I was logically just wrong because

The internet is disabled people's lifeline. There are more disabled people on the internet because OF COURSE. People who aren't disabled can be less chronically online because they don't have to be. This is textbook selection bias!

But actually also I was almost right, because there are way more disabled people in society than you would think! They're just systematically hidden and excluded from public spaces for abled peoples' convenience! 🙃

Anyway maybe this will help you understand and/or explain to abled friends and family.

[frostryn]

ⓘ A sewing machine is a device that provides a several-fold increase of the speed at which you can make mistakes

[frostryn]

Hey. Hey you. The person aimlessly scrolling, stuck in an immobilized standoff with your brain

It's not your fault. You won't be stuck forever. I know you're trying. I know you hate it. It's ok.

And tell the Mean Voice in your head that it's not helping. It knows as well as you do that you would get up and Just Start the task if you could. You're not doing this on purpose.

Take a deep breath. Relax your jaw. I see you trying so hard to break out of it, but you can't force it. You'll get Unstuck eventually. All you can do in the interim is be kind to yourself.

[frostryn]

The thing neurotypicals tend not to understand about the ADHD brain is that it really only has two gears

I turn to the chalkboard and carefully write out

WORKIN' HARD

HARDLY WORKIN'

[frostryn]

You know how the word "feline" refers to cats, and "canine" refers to dogs? There are a whole bunch more animal adjectives, and here are some of them:

equine -> horses

bovine -> cows

murine -> mice/rats

porcupine -> porcupines

wolverine -> wolves

marine -> marmosets

saline -> salmonella

cosine -> cosmonauts

citrine -> citrus

combine -> combs

famine -> your fam

bromine -> your bros

palpatine -> your pals

alpine -> alps

christine -> christ

asinine -> asses

machine -> the speed of sound

landmine -> explosions

migraine -> migrants

trampoline -> tramps

dopamine -> dopes

medicine -> the Medici family

praline -> prey

masculine -> mascara

feminine -> femurs

latrine -> latissimus dorsi

fettuccine -> fetuses

poutine -> sadness

turbine -> turbans

engine -> england

supine -> soup

valentine -> valence electrons

Follow for more nature facts!

[frostryn]

Javier Pérez: Carroña (2011)

Ten stuffed crows carefully placed on a shattered red chandelier to look as if they were feasting on a dead animal. 

[frostryn]

I was punched and pepper sprayed by cops that my university administration set on student protesters yesterday. Including once where a cop ripped my mask off my face, grabbed my jaw, and sprayed pepper sprayed straight into my mouth. The university sent out an alert in the middle of our protest canceling classes for the rest of the day, only citing “adverse conditions”. After protesters dispersed under threat of even more violence and three buses of riot police from all over the state with rubber bullets and bully sticks parked in front of one our school’s famous landmarks. I staggered over to a couple of friends who were watching on the sidelines. They gave me water and an apple and held a bag of ice on my very pepper spray irritated face. As they were walking me back to my dorm we ran into one of their roommates. She had taken cancelled classes as an opportunity to get crumbl cookie with her friends. Standing in front of her, happy in a floral blouse with her box of cookies, in my pepper spray and water soaked tshirt, keffiyeh sadly hanging off my shoulder, holding an ice pack to my mouth, felt like a slap in the face.

After putting my pepper spray soaked clothes, shoes, and keffiyeh in a plastic bag and taking an extraordinarily painful shower, a friend and I went for dinner just off campus. There we had a pot of green tea and ramen to soothe pepper sprayed throats. We got ice cream after (shared a cup with chocolate and raspberry pomegranate with strawberry pieces on top, it was very good). From our spot outside the ice cream place we watched a steady stream of groups of sorority girls in matching jeans shorts and blue bikini tops walking back to their apartments after some apparently raucous parties. The cognitive dissonance was insane. I really felt a little like I was going crazy.

Even this morning, waking up to the smeared sharpie of the National Lawyer’s Guild’s phone number on my arm, a black and blue chest from where a grown man straight up clocked me while I was held up by two other protesters in a wall, and a still sore throat and eyes from the pepper spray, life goes on like normal. I still have final papers to write and a math exam to review for.

I’m not sure I really have a point. But, this feeling only makes me want to fight harder for a free Palestine. So, fuck Israel for being an apartheid state and all of their crimes over the last 76 years. Fuck university administration for not disclosing their level of investment in Israel. Fuck university administration for not divesting from this genocide. Fuck Joe Biden for actively supporting this genocide. And fuck the police.

[frostryn]

i love the sims subreddit

[frostryn]

“Just” friends

the term

”Just friends”

implies that

a relationship

that is platonic

but not romantic

is a lesser relationship

being

”Just friends”

erases the deep

meaningfulness

that comes with

friendship

makes it a dull thing

love is not

strictly romantic

love can be

“Just friends”

romance is not

so important

as friendship

saying

“just friends”

limits how much

friendship means

we are not in love

but we are not limited

in how much

we love each other

by being friends

and not lovers

there is a place

in my heart

that belongs

to my friends

an empty space nearby

is reserved

for eventual romance

[frostryn]

a raven father (i call him "pants") I've been feeding sometimes likes to sit outside my window and either wait for more food or just listen to the stuff I'm watching while I draw. Today's a colder day so he likes to fluff up a bit, and I kid you not :

this is an accurate representation of my view